23. James
— · —
James
Haley Shaw was kissing me.
Haley Shaw had her hands on my chest and her mouth pressed against mine, and my brain had completely short-circuited.
All the doubts I had been carrying for years slammed into me at once.
What if this was a mistake? What if she woke up tomorrow-
Then she bit my lower lip and tugged, and every rational thought in my head disintegrated.
“Fuck.” The word came out against her mouth. “Haley, what are you doing to me?”
“Kissing you.” She pulled back just enough to look at my face, her eyes dark and wanting. “Is that a problem?”
“It’s the opposite of a problem.” My hands were shaking. Actually shaking, like I was some inexperienced kid who had never touched a woman before. “It’s just - I can’t think when you do that.”
“Good.” She kissed me again, slower this time, her tongue tracing the seam of my lips. “I don’t want you to think.”
I opened for her and she slid inside, her tongue stroking against mine in a way that made my knees nearly buckle. She tasted like mint and I wanted to drown in it.
My hands found her waist, then slid lower, gripping her hips hard enough to bruise. She gasped into my mouth and pressed closer, her wet shirt soaking through to my bare chest, and I could feel her nipples hard against me through the thin fabric.
“You’re shaking.” She pulled back, her brow furrowing. “James, are you okay?”
“I’m losing my fucking mind.” I laughed, but it came out unsteady. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted this? How many times I’ve imagined kissing you and told myself it would never happen?”
“How many times?”
“Every day.” I cupped her face in my hands, forcing myself to look at her. “Every single day for years, Haley. And now you’re here and you’re kissing me and I don’t know how to make my body work properly.”
Her expression softened. “Then let me help.”
I gave her everything she wanted.
My hands slid down to her ass and I grabbed, lifting her off the ground in one motion. She gasped, her legs wrapping around my waist instinctively, her arms looping around my neck.
“Oh god.” She was looking down at me now, her wet hair falling around us, her chest heaving. “That was hot.”
“Yeah?” I tightened my grip on her ass, pressing her against me so she could feel exactly what she was doing to me. “You like being manhandled?”
“I like you manhandling me.” She rolled her hips and my vision went white at the edges.
“Fuck, Haley.” I pressed my forehead against her collarbone, trying to breathe through the sensation of her heat pressed against my cock. “You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that? It’s actually offensive how beautiful you are.”
She laughed, and the movement made her grind against me again. I groaned, my fingers digging into her thighs.
“Offensive?”
“Devastatingly offensive.” I lifted my head to look at her, at her flushed cheeks and swollen lips and the way her eyes had gone half-lidded with want.
“I’ve spent years trying to look at you like a normal person and you make it impossible.
Every time you walk into a room I forget how to fucking function. ”
“James.” Her voice was breathy now, affected. “You can’t just say things like that.”
“Why not? It’s true.” I kissed her jaw, her neck, the spot behind her ear that made her shiver.
“You drive me absolutely insane. The way you laugh. The way you smell. The way you look at me like you’re trying to figure out what I’m thinking.
” I bit down gently on her pulse point and she moaned. “That sound. Jesus Christ, that sound.”
“What about it?”
“I’ve imagined it so many times.” I sucked on the spot I had bitten, soothing the sting. “Lying awake at night, thinking about what sounds you would make if I touched you. If I kissed you. If I got my mouth on every inch of your body.”
Her hips rolled against me, desperate and uncoordinated. “James, please.”
“Please what?”
“I don’t know.” She let out a frustrated sound. “I just need more. I need you closer. I need-”
I kissed her to shut her up, and also because I physically couldn’t go another second without tasting her again. She moaned into my mouth, her tongue sliding against mine, and I started walking.
How had I waited so long for this? How had I spent years watching her from a distance, convincing myself I didn’t deserve her, when she was right here? When she wanted me just as badly as I wanted her?
I wasn’t going to waste another second.
Fuck. I loved her. I fucking loved her, and I was done pretending I didn’t.
I made it to the couch and sat down, settling her in my lap with her knees bracketing my thighs. The position put her above me, looking down at my face, and I took a moment to just stare at her.
“What?” She squirmed under my gaze. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because I can.” I ran my hands up her sides, feeling her ribs expand with each breath. “Because you’re in my lap and I’m allowed to look at you now.”
“You were always allowed to look at me.”
“Not like this.” I cupped her breasts through her wet shirt, feeling her nipples hard against my palms.
She gasped as I squeezed gently, her hips shifting forward. The movement pressed her core directly against my cock, and I groaned so loud it echoed off the walls.
“Fuck.” I dropped my head back against the couch cushion. “Haley.”
“You feel so good.” She did it again, rolling her hips in a slow grind that made stars explode behind my eyes. “I can feel how hard you are.”
My hands gripped her hips, torn between pulling her closer and pushing her away before I embarrassed myself. “I’m going to lose my goddamn mind.”
She ground down harder, her breath catching. “Maybe I want to make you as crazy as you make me.”
I was so hard it was painful, my cock straining against my pants like it was trying to break free and find its way inside her on its own. Every roll of her hips sent sparks shooting up my spine, and I could feel the heat of her pussy even through both our clothes.
She was wet. Soaking, probably. The thought made me groan again.
“Baby, I need you to stop.” My voice came out strangled, desperate. “Haley, I’m serious. Stop grinding on my dick or this is going to be over before it starts.”
“Why?” She did it again, because apparently she was trying to kill me. “You don’t like it?”
“I like it too much.” I grabbed her hips and held her still, my chest heaving. “I’m going to come in my pants like a fucking teenager if you don’t stop. Is that what you want? You want me to lose it before I even get to touch you properly?”
Her eyes darkened at my words. “Maybe.”
“Haley.”
“Then do something about it.” She leaned down until her lips were brushing my ear. “Stop holding back and fucking touch me, James.”
The last thread of my self-control snapped.
I grabbed the hem of her wet shirt and yanked it over her head. She raised her arms to help, and then the fabric was gone, thrown somewhere across the room, and she was bare from the waist up.
I stopped breathing.
Her breasts were perfect. Full and round, tipped with dusky pink nipples that were already peaked. I stared at her like I had never seen a woman’s body before, my hands frozen in mid-air, my brain completely offline.
“James?” Her voice was uncertain now, her arms starting to cross over her chest. “You’re staring.”
“Don’t.” I caught her wrists before she could cover herself. “Don’t hide from me. Please. I just need a second to - fuck, Haley. You’re perfect. You’re so fucking perfect it hurts to look at you.”
“I’m not-”
“You are.” I released her wrists and cupped her breasts, feeling their weight settle into my palms. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. Everything I’ve spent years pretending I didn’t think about.”
I brushed my thumbs over her nipples and she shuddered. “I used to lie awake imagining this exact moment. What you would look like. And the reality is so much better than anything I imagined.”
“What did you imagine?” Her voice was breathy, her back arching to press more of herself into my hands.
“This.” I pinched her nipples gently and watched her face contort with pleasure. “You in my lap. Looking at me like I’m the only person in the world.”
“You are.” She gasped as I tugged harder.
“Good.” I leaned forward and took one nipple into my mouth.
She cried out, her hands flying to my hair and gripping hard enough to make my scalp sting. I sucked and licked, swirling my tongue around the peaked flesh while my hand worked her other breast.
“Oh god.” Her head fell back, her spine arching. “James, that feels - I can’t-”
“You can’t what?” I switched to the other nipple, giving it the same attention. “Tell me.”
“I can’t think.” She was panting now, her hips starting to move again despite my earlier warning.
“It’s not enough,” she breathed. I pulled back to look at her, at her flushed chest and glazed eyes. “You know what I think? I think I could make you come just from this. Just from my mouth on your tits while you sit in my lap.”
“You couldn’t.” But her voice wavered, uncertain.
“You sure about that?” I pinched both nipples at once, harder than before, and she moaned so loud I felt it in my cock.
“Because you’re already shaking. Already grinding on me even though I told you to stop.
I bet if I kept doing this for another five minutes, you’d fall apart without me ever touching your pussy. ”
“James.” My name came out like a sob. “Please.”
“Please what?”
“I’m so close.” Her eyes were squeezed shut, her whole body trembling.
I sucked hard on one nipple while pinching the other. “Your body knows how good I’m going to make you feel.”
I could feel the heat radiating off her core, practically smell how wet she was. I needed to touch her. I needed to feel her come apart under my hands.
I reached down and pulled her panties aside, not bothering to take them off. My fingers found her slit and I groaned at what I discovered.
She was drenched.
“Holy fuck, Haley.” I slid two fingers through her folds, coating them in her arousal. “You’re soaked. Absolutely fucking dripping.”
I found her clit and pressed down, rubbing in slow circles. “You got this wet just from looking at me?”
“Yes.” She sobbed as I increased the pressure.
“You can admit it now.” I pushed two fingers inside her pussy, curling them up while my thumb kept working her clit. “Tell me how much you want me.”
She was grinding against my hand now, chasing her release. “I want your fingers inside me. I - your mouth on me. I want your cock so deep I can’t remember my own name.”
“Fuck.” I fucked her harder with my fingers, the wet sound obscene in the quiet room. “The things that come out of your mouth. You’re going to kill me.”
She grabbed my face and kissed me. “Make me come, James. Please. I need it. I need you.”
I pressed harder on her clit, my fingers pumping in and out of her pussy, my mouth swallowing every moan and whimper she made. She was tight around me, her walls gripping my fingers like a vise, and I could feel her getting closer with every stroke.
“That’s it, baby.” I curled my fingers and found that spot inside her, the one that made her whole body jerk. “Come for me. I want to feel you fall apart on my fingers.”
And she did.
Her pussy clamped down so hard I thought she might break my hand. She screamed my name, and I worked her through it until she collapsed against my chest.
For a long moment, neither of us moved. Just breathed together, her heart pounding against mine.
Then her hand slid down my stomach toward my waistband.
“Let me.” She tugged at my pants. “I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel.”
“No.” I caught her wrist gently. “Not tonight.”
She pulled back, confusion and hurt flickering across her face. “What? Why not?”
“Because tonight isn’t about me.” I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her palm. “This is about you. How long I’ve wanted you.”
“But you’re still-” She pressed against me, feeling my cock still rock hard in my pants. “James, that has to hurt.”
“It does.” I couldn’t lie about that. “But I don’t care. I’m just happy to be here with you. Finally.”
“You’re insane.” But she was smiling, sleepy even.
“Probably.” I shifted her off my lap and stood up, then bent down and scooped her into my arms.
“James!” She laughed, wrapping her arms around my neck. “What are you doing?”
“Taking you to bed.” I carried her down the hallway. “You need to sleep.”
“So do you.”
“I’ll sleep better knowing you’re next to me.”
I laid her down on her bed and pulled the covers over her. Before I could move away, she grabbed my wrist.
“Stay. Please.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I climbed in beside her and pulled her against my chest, her back pressing into me, her body fitting against mine like she had been made for exactly this position.
“James?” Her voice was already heavy with sleep.
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad this finally happened.”
I pressed a kiss to the back of her neck and held her tighter.
“Me too, Hales. Me too.”
Her breathing evened out within minutes. I lay there in the dark, still aching, still wanting, and thought about how long I had waited for this exact moment.
Worth every second.