Chapter Eleven
Malcolm glanced inside. In the poorly lit room, a flash of pink flew by and then disappeared under a flurry of blankets. He chuckled softly. His dear little wife was acting shy again. That was so unlike her.
She had extinguished the candles, leaving only the moonlight that poured through the sheer curtains. Yes, she certainly had been behaving strangely, but he forced aside his confusion and proceeded as if she weren’t even here.
He closed and locked the door. After he shrugged out of his overcoat and waistcoat, he draped them over the nearby chair, where he sat to remove his boots. Out of the corner of his eye, her face drew his attention. She peeked over the tops of her protective blankets like a woman afraid of her own shadow.
He focused back on his boots. “Is anything amiss, my dear?”
“What do you mean?” Her voice squeaked slightly.
“I mean,” he said, pulling one boot off and starting on the other, “is this the way you are going to behave all night?” He removed the other boot. “Do I have to guard myself from accidentally bumping into you? I would hate for you to scream and have the whole household running to our door.”
She lowered the blankets to just below her chin and gave a forced laugh. “You have an overactive imagination. I wouldn’t do that.”
“Your actions make me wonder, my dear. I can see the signs proving my own wife is repulsed by my body.”
Her wide eyes softened and her tight mouth relaxed. “I may have told you that back then, but now… it is very different.”
“Nothing is different.”
“Malcolm, why won’t you believe me?” She leaned forward, keeping the sheet up around her neck. “What do I have to do to make you believe?”
“Not one thing.” He stood, turned his back to her, and unfastened his shirt. Silence hung in the air while he removed the garment and placed it over the back of a chair. He reached for the latches on his trousers, stopped, and glanced over his shoulder.
Her gaze roamed over him with a look of interest. As she studied him, the lines around the corners of her eyes softened and her lips lifted in a grin. Perhaps she wasn’t repulsed.
“I’m going to remove my trousers, so you might want to hide your innocent eyes,” he teased.
Her face flamed like a bonfire, and her lips curled in a cringe before she squeezed her eyes shut.
His anticipation shattered. Obviously, his judgment had been wrong. He frowned and turned his back to her again, proceeding to undress. The sheets rustled. She must have buried herself further under the covers.
“Malcolm? Do you have your nightshirt?”
“Yes. Why do you ask?” He reached for the garment and shrugged it over his head.
“The other morning when I crawled into your bed to help convince the soldiers, you weren’t wearing a nightshirt.”
He wanted to laugh but didn’t. “You remember well, my dear.”
“I… I had hoped you would wear one tonight. If not, I shall not be able to get a moment’s rest.”
Anger and pain sliced through his heart. Apparently, she still thought of him as a monster. “That is not my problem,” he spat before climbing into bed.
His terrified wife hugged the side of the bed as if she were going to flee at any moment, so he stayed close to his side and made himself comfortable. Lying on his back, he stretched his arm over his head, staring at the ceiling.
What was so wrong with him that made her recoil every time she saw a hint of his skin? What was it about him that made her think he was a lowlife miscreant? He scolded his thoughts. It shouldn’t matter what his wife thought of him, but for some reason, lately it had mattered. For once in his life, he wanted a wife who looked at him as if he were the most perfect man on earth.
“Malcolm?” Her soft voice broke the silence.
“Yes.”
“Are you enjoying your stay at the Burwells’ thus far?”
He rolled his head toward her. She lay on her side with her back to him, her brown hair flowing across the white pillowcase.
“So far, my stay has been quite pleasant.” He paused. “How about you? Are you enjoying yourself?”
Keeping the blankets clutched in her hands, she turned toward him, but stayed as close to her side of the bed as possible. “I really don’t know many women here, but they aren’t allowing me into their circle of friends.”
“If you remember, I warned you.”
“Yes, but I thought I could act as if it didn’t bother me. Truth be told, I do care what they think of me, and I especially care about what they think of you.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, you are fooling most of them. They actually believe you have given up your former life and are concentrating on your own husband. I commend you for accomplishing that feat.”
She smiled, and his anger sapped away. Strange how her smile could do that to him so quickly.
“And, Malcolm, I want to thank you for helping me. You didn’t have to do it, you know.”
“And do what, pray tell? Leave you to the wolves? What kind of man would that make me?” He chuckled. “You know, I do it for purely selfish reasons. I don’t want them thinking that I’m inconsiderate.”
“No, they would never think that of you. You are a well-respected man in Dorchester. Everywhere I go, people tell me so.”
“Indeed?” He turned to his side, leaning on his elbow. “Who tells you such lies?”
Her gentle laughter softened his heart even more.
“People around town tell me, and they don’t lie. You really are a wonderful man. Who else would have put up with the kind of life my sis—” She suddenly broke off, and her face turned ashen.
“What?” His stomach clenched with uncertainty.
She swallowed hard. A pasty smile touched her mouth but didn’t reach her eyes. “What I meant to say was that people are impressed with the way you publicly handled my past transgressions.”
That wasn’t what she’d intended to say, yet he had no idea what had been on her mind just then. There for a moment, he thought she was going to say sister. If so, why would she say that?
He relaxed on his elbow. “Thank you.”
“Well, we better get some sleep.” She snuggled into the covers and lay on her back. “You have to get up early tomorrow and win the fox hunt.”
“I don’t believe there are winners or losers in this particular sport, my dear. Except for the fox, of course.” He chuckled again. “Have you never been to a fox hunt?”
She met his gaze. “No. I stayed home most of the time taking care of my ill father.”
Confusion washed over him. “I thought you told me your sister took care of him.”
Once again, color drained from her face. “Actually, both of us took care of him.”
“Oh, well… Then I feel sorry for your lack of knowledge on the fox hunt. Just don’t let the other women know tomorrow, and you will be just fine.”
“I appreciate the advice.”
He rolled on his back, making himself comfortable again, hopefully for the last time. But his mind swam with questions. Of course, it had been happening quite a bit lately, but tonight he’d received the impression she were purposely trying to hide something from him.
“Camilla?”
“Yes?”
“I have been meaning to ask since you returned from visiting your sister, but never had the chance.”
“Ask what?”
“How is she faring? Is she well?”
Silence followed, and he turned his head to see why she hesitated. She chewed on her bottom lip, making her appear much younger. Something pressed on her mind, that was certain, and he hoped she would share that with him.
She licked her lips and met his stare. “To be honest, she isn’t doing well at all.”
“What ails her?”
“Do you recall how my father died?”
“I think you mentioned he slowly lost his mind, and then his body ceased to function.”
“That is correct. Now my sister is showing the same signs. I’m extremely worried about her. I fear she may die, but her stay in the hospital is necessary and certainly creating bills.”
He turned to his side to face her again. “Was she like that during her marriage to the earl?”
“I don’t believe so.”
“How bad is she?”
“She is in an institution for those who have gone mad.”
He widened his eyes. “It’s that serious?”
“Yes.”
He reached out and caressed her cheek. “I’m sorry.”
Her breath hitched, and then a small sigh escaped her throat. His heart picked up its rhythm again, and he wanted more.
With a sinking heart, he knew that would never happen.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Are her needs being met?”
It was her turn to widen her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but then quickly bit her lip again.
“Camilla? What is on your mind? What are you avoiding telling me?”
She gave an uneasy laugh. “It is really not my place to ask what I have to ask, and I don’t want my request to upset you.”
He took a lock of her silky hair and rubbed it between his finger and thumb. “You will not upset me, I promise.”
She took a deep breath. “I would like to get better care for my sister, but—” She paused. “But she doesn’t have the funds to pay for a professional physician. I was just wondering, if… if…” She bit her lip again.
He smiled and cupped her face. “You were wondering if I could pay for a physician.”
She nodded. “Mainly the hospital stay.”
“And you couldn’t ask me this before now?”
“I was too frightened.”
“Frightened of what?”
“That you would say no.”
If she had asked him for money the day she came back from Preston, he would have definitely refused. But now… Well, now their situation was different. Was it because they were in the same bed together and he experienced those heated feelings awakening inside him again? And there was a definite change about her since she’d returned. Dare he hope she was reforming?
“How much do you need?”
Her lips stretched into a wide grin, and her eyes twinkled like midnight stars. She grasped his hand, unaware she had dropped the blanket, which pulled his attention to her lovely bosom, and especially the thin pink nightdress she wore. Why had she worn such an enticing gown?
“Oh, Malcolm, thank you. You are such a wonderful brother-in-law.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she stopped. Her jaw dropped.
“Brother-in-law?” he asked, momentarily forgetting about her nightgown.
Her laugh was strained. “I mean my sister has such a wonderful brother-in-law. You don’t know how relieved I am at your willingness to help. Indeed, you are a gracious man.”
She would quickly change her mind if she could read his thoughts right now. The longer the fullness of her breasts pressed so seductively against the flimsy nightdress—giving him wonderful images of what possibly lay underneath—the more he wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her. And yes, he wanted to make love to her.
Maneuvering himself, he leaned over her. She withdrew into the bed, and her eyes widened. “You better watch what sweet words you say to me, my dear.” He ran his finger over her lips. “I might get the impression you like me.”
Her pretty features broke out into a genuine smile again. “But I do like you.”
Inwardly he groaned, fighting for control. Those weren’t the words he wanted to hear right now. It was hard enough not to act upon his lonely, manly urges. “You have a strange way of showing it when you are sweeter to other men than your own husband.”
Her other hand slid out from under the covers and touched his cheek, caressing his skin so very tenderly. “That was a different woman, Malcolm. I have changed. You will not see me behaving that way ever again.”
His breathing became ragged. “Just for humor’s sake, let us say I believe you. Tell me, if you plan on living a proper life, will you allow me in your bed?”
Her chest rose and fell quickly. “I um… Well, I don’t think I’m ready,” she answered slowly. “Although in time—”
“That is what I thought.” The stab of rejection dug directly into his heart. He yanked his hand away. Rolling on his side, he turned away from her. “I don’t wish to hear any more tales tonight. Good night, Kat.”
He cursed his wandering thoughts. When was he going to learn not to be so gullible?
*
Morning light peekedthrough half-closed curtains, warming Camilla’s face. She stirred to awareness, and the silky sheets rubbed against her arms. Her mind cleared a little more. Last night had come to a terrible close. When she recalled the defeating way the conversation had ended with Malcolm, her heart withered in agony.
Yet other memories came sneaking through, those which happened to her during her sleepless night. Every time her leg bumped into Malcolm’s, she awakened and scooted to the side of the bed. At one point she found herself curled against his muscular arm, and the memory still made her sigh with pleasure. Once during the night, she’d awakened to his arm wrapped around her waist, but when she shifted, he turned, facing the opposite direction. Why hadn’t she stayed on her side of the bed like she had planned?
Still half-asleep, she rolled onto her side and reached for him, but the space next to her was empty. She came fully awake and glanced around the room. Malcolm stood by the window peering through the slits of the drapes out into the yard, and she sighed with relief.
He looked so handsome in his beige shirt and coffee-colored riding pants. She would give anything to know what was on his mind. The hollow, faraway look in his eyes revealed his inner turmoil.
She lifted herself on her elbow and swiped the long hair from her face. The small movement caught his eye, and his soft gaze jumped to her. At this moment, she wanted the unobtainable. She wanted him as her husband in all senses of the word. She didn’t know whom to blame—her half-insane father for sending the wrong sister to Dorchester to marry Mr. Worthington, or her twin for the role she played in this game of deceit.
Camilla’s love for Malcolm hadn’t developed out of revenge for her sister’s actions. The deep swell in her chest revealed an inner emotion for the incredibly kind man. A permanent love. Her mouth turned dry, and her heart hammered out of control. She had always wanted a man like Malcolm, and now she had one but couldn’t do anything about it.
“Good morning, Malcolm.” Although interest still touched his face, his jaw hardened.
“Good morning, Camilla,” he answered in a tight voice. “Did you have a pleasant rest?”
“When I finally fell asleep, I slept fine.”
He pulled away from the window and slowly came toward her. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”
“I think the different bed kept me awake.” She twisted the sheet between shaking fingers.
He sat on the mattress beside her. “Or was it the company you shared the bed with?”
“No, it wasn’t the company.”
“Are you certain? I know I didn’t sleep very well because of who lay next to me.” He touched her cheek then trailed his fingers down her neck in a tender caress.
Her heart hammered. His touch made it difficult to breathe. Another knot formed in her throat, harder to force down this time. “Did I toss and turn and keep you awake?”
The corner of his mouth lifted in a teasing grin. “Oh, yes, my dear, and it kept me alert for most of the night.”
“Forgive me.”
He chuckled. “I believe you have misunderstood. Every time you turned, you cuddled against me.” His gaze dropped to his hand as it swept over her shoulder. “All night you were lying next to me, and I nearly couldn’t contain my pleasure.”
Her face burned from embarrassment. “Once again, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It is a feeling I haven’t known for quite some time.” His voice grew husky. “You are very beautiful while you are asleep. You are especially beautiful now.”
“Malcolm…”
He pushed her back on the bed. Winding a lock of her hair through his fingers, he continued to stare into her eyes. “I must be insane,” he muttered, looming over her, “because right now I haven’t a care how much you are repulsed by my presence.”
“You are incorrect, Malcolm. I’m not repulsed in the least.”
“Then why do you always pull away?”
“Because… I’m frightened.”
His hands stilled. “Frightened? Of what?”
“Of the way you make me feel… the way my heart dances when you look at me as you’re doing now,” she finally admitted.
A soft groan tore from his throat. “Oh, Camilla, if only you meant it.” He shook his head. “I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I have never wanted you this much before. I don’t understand my own feelings.”
She combed her fingers through his silky hair, holding his face close to her. “I think it’s because you know I have changed. I’m not the woman you thought you married.”
“If only that were true.”
“It is.” Making the first move, she leaned up and kissed him.
He tightened his embrace and kissed her passionately. His lips stroked hers tenderly, almost reverently. His hands splayed across her back as he held her body tight—so tight that she felt the beat of his heart as it knocked in the same rhythm as hers. Happiness burst inside her, but she held back the tears of joy.
Opening her mouth wider, she allowed the kiss to deepen until his hot tongue stroked hers. A small groan tore from his throat, matching hers. His body upon hers was comforting, much more than she realized, and she writhed beneath him, yearning for more. He broke the kiss, moving his mouth down her neck. She ached for his touch, for his mouth upon her, but it was still too soon. Her heart soared with the knowledge that he desired her just as much as she desired him, but nothing could happen between them. Not yet.
“Malcolm.” She sighed his name as she toyed with his wavy hair. His lips traveled lower on her chest, getting very near the point where she wouldn’t be able to stop him. Not ever. Although she wanted this badly, the timing was not right. “I fear if I don’t let you go, you will be late for the fox hunt.”
He lifted his head enough to gaze into her eyes. His mouth stretched into a wide smile, and it warmed her heart even more.
“Why should I care about a fox hunt when I’m enjoying myself with you?” He kissed her lips again before withdrawing once more. “Would you rather I attend the fox hunt instead of holding and kissing you until we are both mindless with passion?”
Just that thought made her sigh again. No, she didn’t want him to leave, but perhaps it was better this way. He couldn’t discover her identity yet. “Although that sounds completely wonderful, I would rather be at home than here. I want to be isolated in the privacy of our own bedchamber instead of having people I don’t even know nearby and able to hear us. So perhaps we can do this when we return home?” She stroked the side of his face lovingly. “Besides, what would Lady Burwell’s guests think if we didn’t come down for most of the day?”
“They would think me a very fortunate man.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Or that I’m a very fortunate woman.”
Bending, he covered her mouth with his again. Heat spread through her quickly, and just as she began to enjoy it, he moved off the bed. “You are right, my dear. I would rather be at home doing this with you. Thanks for making me think clearly.”
She laughed. “Your kisses were clouding my mind quickly.”
“I’m happy to know that. You can rest assured that we will continue this the minute we get back home.” He winked before moving back to the chair as he finished dressing.
A sigh of relief escaped as she relaxed on the mattress. She had to find a way to tell him the truth soon. She couldn’t fulfill the dream of truly being his wife otherwise.