Chapter 9
Silas’s calloused hands on her bare back felt like paradise as his fingers dug into her sore muscles along her spine. Her hot bath had helped loosen them, but his movement on her body was making it feel even more relaxed.
His hand slid up one side of her spine and down her ribs while he straddled her on the bed, a soft grunt coming from her lips. All the panic from before had disappeared and not one flicker of anxiety rose inside her.
“I don’t deserve you,” she mumbled.
“Shut up,” he replied quickly with a chuckle.
“Rude,” she groaned back, followed by another grunt from his hand digging into her shoulder.
“Well, don’t say such stupid things.”
She shrugged her shoulders playfully but kept her lips shut. She fully knew she didn’t deserve him and all the things he did for her, but he always refused to believe it. He did one more pass down her spine, his hands pushing on the tight muscles before retracting them.
He bent down and placed a small kiss on her shoulder before getting up and walking towards the main room.
“Where are you going?” she questioned, lifting her head from the pillow.
“You need food,” he said over his shoulder. “Get a shirt on and come eat.”
She let out a long sigh and lifted herself up, her muscles screaming at her in protest. She had already put soft cotton pants on after her bath, but grabbed a matching shirt from the drawer and pulled it over her head before joining him at the table.
Raine had come in a while ago with a serving tray full of food for both of them, but she wanted a bath and to get cleaned up before eating. Taking the seat across from him, she grabbed some food and started to fill her plate.
“What was your take on your training today?” Silas asked before stuffing some meat into his mouth.
“Kaden is rough. He seemed to hate being there and was super judgmental.” She grabbed some fruit and savored the sweet flavor before continuing. “But he is a good fighter, I can see why Emris chose him. If I didn’t have my issues then we probably could make quick progress.”
“He is the best fighter out of Emris’s whole army.” Silas replied. “I’m sure you two will get along at some point.”
She just shrugged her shoulders and continued eating. She didn’t realize how hungry training had made her until she started to taste the food. The meat was seasoned with expensive spices, and the veggies were fresh, she guessed from a castle garden.
A knock on the door had them both looking towards it, Raine entering with a document in her hand.
“Sorry to interrupt, but this just came from the King.” She walked over and handed her the folded paper adorned with his royal seal.
She glanced at Silas and she knew he could read the concern on her face. Trying not to rip the paper, she was able to get the seal undone and opened it. As she read it, her heart started to beat faster, color draining from her face.
“What is it?” Silas hesitantly asked.
Raine was still standing near them.
“He’s hosting a Royal Ball in my name.” She could feel her hands starting to shake. “He demands I show and wants me to make a speech in front of everyone pledging my alliance to him. He wants to announce my return to his side publicly to try and sway Mavros into stopping the war.”
She could see Silas staring at her from the corner of her eye. She just came back yesterday and the king already wants to hold a ball in four days. She set her elbows on the table and rested her head on her hands.
“I see his reasoning but he needs to let you settle for a while longer.” Silas’s voice clearly irritated.
“I will make sure to get you a gown made for this, any particular requests?” Raine mumbled quietly next to her.
“Something of Valkyrie customs, lots of skin and make sure it's white with silver coloring as an accent.” If the king wanted her there, she was going to do it her way.
“He won’t like that,” Silas warned.
“I don’t care.”
She got up, nodding to Raine a dismissive gesture and walked back to her bed. She might be living in Emris’s castle, but he was not her king. She would make sure everyone knew she was Valkyrie, and that she would avenge her people.
- - - - - - - -
Spring weather was in full bloom with the sky covered in clouds and threatening rain hung in the air. Kaden was standing in front of her with his hands holding fighting pads, her hand wrapped in bandages to help protect her knuckles.
“Again.” His mundane voice irritated her.
She struck across her body, left hand hitting the right pad twice before switching hands to strike the left once. Sweat soaked her body and her shoulders ached more than the day before.
She had not said a word to him all morning, and only said a few words to Silas before leaving. Her mood was sour, and both males could sense it and stayed quiet.
She did another set of two strikes to the right and one to the left, then switched and did the opposite to help even out her blows. Today she was not going to joke around or try to be friendly. She needed to train hard and she was determined to do so.
“Again.”
“Yes I know,” she snapped at him.
He just stared down at her with a stone expression, not a flinch at her words. He never showed any emotion towards her, but she didn’t really care. The only person left in the world to give a damn was Silas, and it was all her fault.
Left, Left, Right.
“Again.”
Her mind raced with images of her people, her home that was erased off the planet from a betrayal she still needed to figure out. She had already failed in killing Mavros and she was determined to not fail again.
Guilt engulfed her, the sinking feeling in her stomach trying to rise up her throat but she fought it down. She was the reason her people were slaughtered, the reason she no longer had a family to love or friends to spar with.
Right, Right, Left.
“Again.”
“I know!” she screamed, her punch hitting hard enough to make him jolt back slightly.
Her anger mixed with her guilt and it started to boil over, making her nerves feel like they were fried to the point of exhaustion. She felt a spark on the tip of her fingers, her magic flashing as a small crack broke in her wall.
She and Kaden stared at her hand for a second, both unmoving and unsure if they actually saw it happen.
“How did you build your wall around your power?” he asked blatantly.
“I’m not sure. I just wanted to protect it from Mavros.” She closed her eyes and tried to summon any power she could, only a flicker could be felt like usual.
“We should have you see a healer and see if their magic can help release it.”
She curled her hand back into a fist, throwing a hard blow into his hand again. That was the first spark she had felt since she grabbed Ljós back at the old house. She knew her power was there, but it was not going to be easy to break down that wall she had made to protect it.
“No, I don’t need anyone rooting around in my mind right now.” She threw another punch, and another, and after a few more Kaden was actually getting pushed back on every blow. She was a warrior of a betrayed race and their last hope to rebuild, she had to be better than what she had become.
“Slow down.” Kaden barked, she didn't listen.
Left, Left, Right.
Right, Left, Left.
“Easy,” Kaden warned.
Her emotions were spiraling. She was worthless in this state she had let herself slump into, pathetic and unworthy of being a queen. She couldn’t even handle someone touching her or she would spiral into a useless shell of a person.
She had been a coward to go into hiding for so long, she had felt it even before Silas showed up, and had been feeling it for a long time.
Every time she had felt it creep up, she would shove it back down and ignore it selfishly.
She could have been trying to rebuild her home or even try to open her heart to someone again.
Angry tears started to fall from her eyes, her punches not wavering from their target. White sparked at her knuckles with each punch, a small flicker of power emerging.
She let out a frustrated scream that echoed through the training grounds, others looking towards her as white flame engulfed her fist and landed on Kaden’s hand so hard he lost balance and fell to the ground.
The flame was gone before she could acknowledge it was there but she still stared at her hand for a moment. She could see Kaden get up from the corner of her eye, a look of surprise flashing across his face.
“I’m done for today.” She didn’t look at him and walked to grab her weapons before walking towards the archway to the castle.
‘1, 2, 3, 4….’ She started counting in her head as she walked in step with the numbers.
Kaden had followed, stepping in stride with her but kept silent the whole way back to the room.
Once in her suite, she went straight to the bathroom before Kaden shut the main entry door. Closing herself in the small room, she slid against the door and tried to keep herself breathing steadily.
She shattered into pieces with a century of guilt spilling from her.
By hiding, she had failed her people, failed Declan, and worst of all failed the world. Mavros was alive and starting another war that would be worse than the last and she could not fail this time.
A soft knock on the door had her stirring in the water a while later, the bath almost overflowing onto the floor with the small wave.
“Not now Silas,” she said with a grumble.
“It's not Silas,” Kaden’s voice sounded through the door.
She stared at the heaving wood entry for a minute perplexed. She did not realize he was still here, or that Silas hadn’t returned. Her heart instantly sank as scenarios ran quickly through her head for the change in schedule.
“Come in.” Her voice shook. The bubbles still covered her, neck and head only visible to him.
Kaden slowly entered, his eyes looking at the floor with his hair hanging down to cover part of his face.
“Sorry to interrupt,” he muttered. “I just got word that Silas will not be returning until late tonight. I'm going to stay until he returns.”
She took a deep breath and shifted in the tub, a small splash of water hitting the floor.
“Thank you,” she replied quietly.
Kaden still didn’t look her way and started to exit, stopping when she spoke again.
“Do you hate me?” she questioned looking toward him.
His eyes met her for the first time all day but his face stayed emotionless “Now why would I hate you Princess? I don’t really know you.”
“But you know who I am or who I’m supposed to be at least.” She tilted her head back with her eyes closed. “I heard what you said to Silas.”
“I don’t judge people by their titles.”
She turned her head quickly towards him, his maroon eyes fixed on hers. “You don’t see me as a princess that failed to protect her people?”
“No.” His eyes softened slightly for the first time since she met him. “I see a female who needs to let go of the past and forgive herself for things that were out of her control.”
She felt a wave of calmness fall on her shoulders and she didn't know where it came from. His presence didn’t bother her as much anymore, but there was still something tugging at her stomach she could not explain..
“I’ll leave you to finish.” He looked away and disappeared out the door.
Her eyes lingered there for a long moment, curiosity getting the best of her and exhaustion making her mind race with thought.
He was rough and cruel to her in training, but she just saw a flicker of softness she hoped to see again. She didn’t know how long she would be able to last with his negativity around her.
She sat for a while longer before getting out of the cold bath water. She again didn’t bring clothes in with her so she just wrapped herself in the towel and walked out to the main room, hair pulled over the front of one shoulder.
Kaden was sitting at the table eating and glanced up at her but quickly looked back to his food seeing she was not dressed. At least he had some respect for her.
She sauntered to the bed area and maneuvered around her armoire to stay out of sight. She put on her night clothes and soon joined him across the table with hair still dripping water down her back.
A bowl of soup was in front of her, some bread off to the side, and a small chocolate brownie next to it. She dipped the bread in the soup and savored the taste of it in her mouth, another heavily spiced dish from the kitchen.
“You did better today,” Kaden mumbled across from her in his typical bland tone.
She looked up at him and he kept his eyes on his soup that was almost gone.
“Wow, did you just give me a compliment?” a hint of teasing in her voice.
He just shrugged but kept silent. She couldn’t read him, at least not easily. He was a mystery to her, but she believed Silas when he said he was a good male.
“So, what’s your story?” she asked casually.
“Not one I want to talk about,” he growled, his body instantly bristling.
She studied him for a minute, his eyes not looking towards her and continued to finish his food.
His black hair was dangling down the side of his face, but almost looked like it had a red hue when the light hit it just right.
Other than their fighting sessions, she really had never spent much time around him to really look at him.
“Ok.” she finally shrugged, not wanting to push the issue and upset him after he did just compliment her.
“Another time.” He glanced at her, his body relaxing slightly and she continued to eat her food, anxious for Silas to return.
They sat in silence, Kaden getting up and walking to the couch to watch the fire again.
She finished eating and made her way to her bed, crawling into it with her back towards him. She ached for Silas, but an unknown peaceful feeling blanketed her that she couldn’t place, but accepted the feeling and fell asleep.