Chapter Four
After a dinner date with Alec, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I invited him up. It had been forever since I had sex and I knew that if I didn’t get laid soon, I’d do something reckless, like call Jordan.
“This is me,” I said, after letting Alec into my apartment and turning on the lights.
“It’s very clean,” he said, looking around.
“Do you want anything to eat or drink?” I said, leading him into the living area, which included the kitchen and lounge. A door led to my bedroom.
“I’m okay, thanks,” he said, standing awkwardly. He looked a bit nervous, which I supposed was kind of endearing.
“You can sit down if you want,” I said as I made myself a cup of tea.
“Okay,” he said, perching his butt on the edge of the couch, like he was afraid to sit on it properly. I thought of the way Jordan had walked into my home and made himself at home.
Once my cup of tea was brewed, I sat down beside him. We looked at each other. Despite all the dates we’d been on, it was still kind of awkward between us.
Alec scooted closer, taking my free hand. “You’re really beautiful, Ella,” he said.
“Thank you.” For some reason, the compliment didn’t give me butterflies. I wasn’t sure why.
Alec leaned forward and kissed me. “I’ve been wanting this for a long time,” he murmured, hand sliding up and down my thigh.
I touched his body as I kissed him back. “What do you like?” I asked against his lips.
He pulled back. “Pardon?”
“What do you like in bed?” I said, trying to keep the sensual mood going.
“Oh, uh…” he chuckled softly. “Nothing fancy. I’m a boring guy.” He kissed me some more. “Want to take this to the bedroom?”
I nodded, and we headed into my room. I turned the lamp on my nightstand on, filling the room with dim, golden light.
Once on our bed, we made out and slowly peeled our clothes off.
Alec’s breathing grew heavy, but it sounded sort of wheezy.
I tried to not let it bother me, even though pulled me out of the moment.
When Alec took my underwear off, I waited for him to have a reaction. Jordan always stared at my pussy like it was some kind of precious treasure. Alec didn’t react at all. He just shoved his own pants down, and I could see the outline of his erection through his boxers.
“Can I fuck you now?” he asked.
I stared at him. Just like that? What about foreplay? I wasn’t even wet yet.
“Ella?” he said, when I hadn’t replied.
This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go. Suddenly, I felt cold and way too exposed. The more I looked at Alec, the more I wondered: what was I doing? Did I even want to sleep with him? Or was I just desperate for sex?
Was I even attracted to him? I thought I was. But in that moment, the thought of him lying on top of me, with his wheezy breathing, made me shiver with repulsion.
“Um,” I said, standing up, grabbing my clothing to cover myself. “Sorry, I…I just need a moment.” I ran into my bathroom and closed the door behind me.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t look aroused, with flushed cheeks. Instead I looked…anxious. Slowly, I pulled my clothes on.
“Is everything okay?” Alec asked through the door after five minutes passed, and I still hadn’t come out.
I took a deep breath and opened the door. Alec had gotten dressed and was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands in his lap.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’m not feeling well.”
His brow creased. “What’s wrong? Do you need medicine?”
I shook my head. “I’ll just take some painkillers and get some rest.” I gave him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry.”
He gave me a small smile. “That’s okay. I should get going anyway. It’s late.”
“I’ll walk you down,” I said, following him to the front door and pulling a pair of slippers on.
We didn’t talk in the elevator. I couldn’t tell whether Alec believed I was genuinely sick, or whether he knew I was just making an excuse. Was he annoyed? I’d be annoyed if I were him.
But just before the elevator arrived on the ground floor, he took my hand and squeezed it. I smiled at him, and we stepped out into the lobby together.
That’s when I saw Jordan. Once again, he was wearing sweatpants and a black t-shirt that looked too tight on his broad shoulders. He never dressed nicely, ever.
For a second, I wondered what he wore to his job. He probably wore a suit and tie. The image was laughable.
“Ella,” he said. His gaze fell on Alec and his jaw tightened.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded.
Jordan didn’t reply, and in the corner of my eye, I saw Alec giving me a questioning look. I summoned some composure. “This is Jordan, my…friend from college,” I told Alec.
“Right,” Alec said after a pause. He offered a hand to Jordan. “I’m Alec. Nice to meet you.”
Jordan stared at the hand like it was contagious, but after I glared at him, he took it. “Likewise,” he said, shaking Alec’s hand briefly, before dropping it like a hot potato. He turned to me. “I need to talk to you.”
Part of me wanted to cuss him out, but I couldn’t, not in front of Alec. I forced a smile. “Sure. Just let me say goodbye to Alec. Wait here.” With that, I led Alec outside. There was a light summer breeze that tangled my hair.
“Well,” Alec said, “I had a good time tonight.”
“Me too,” I replied. “Sorry it was cut short.” I touched my temple, pretending I had a headache.
“That’s okay,” Alec said. “Get lots of rest, okay?”
“I will,” I promised him.
His gaze flitted through the glass. Jordan was standing by the elevator, both hands in his pockets, scowling at the floor.
“He’s a friend, you say?” Alec said.
I nodded. “Well, more like an acquaintance,” I explained. “I haven’t spoken to him much since college.”
Alec was still staring at Jordan. “Is he working?”
“Apparently, he’s working at an investment bank.” I shrugged. “I don’t know much about his life. He could be living in a ditch for all I know.”
Alec nodded slowly. The way he was looking at Jordan was a little disconcerting. “Uh,” he began, rubbing the back of his neck. “You two…don’t have a history, do you?”
I widened my eyes. “No. Why would you think that?”
“He’s very good looking,” Alec began. “And the way he was looking at you before…it was like…”
“Like what?” I asked.
Alec shook his head. “Nothing. I’m being paranoid.” He let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Good night, Ella.”
“Good night,” I replied.
He leaned forward, kissed me on the lips, and walked away. I watched him head towards his car, then took a deep breath, before returning inside.
Jordan was where I had left him. I stood in front of him, arms crossed. “What are you doing here?” I asked. “You promised not to bother me again.”
His scowl deepened. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking, okay? I just…” he sighed.
“Just what?” I asked.
“I know I said I’d leave you alone. I meant it. Tonight I was going to go to a party and pick up a girl. Get you off my mind. But then I kept thinking about you and him.” His strange expression disappeared, replaced with intensity. “Have you slept with him yet?”
My cheeks went hot. “Excuse me?” I said.
“Has he fucked you?” Jordan asked. “Probably, right? You were just in your apartment. God-fucking damn it.” He looked actually pissed.
“He hasn’t.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. “I invited him up, fully intending to have sex with him, but…” I trailed off.
“But?” Jordan asked, his eyes looking more blue than ever.
“I just couldn’t, okay?” I said, exasperated. “You got in my head. Are you fucking happy now? We were on my bed and all I could think about was you. You asshole .”
Jordan didn’t reply. He just blinked at me, and suddenly I was so furious at him. “Just go,” I said, turning away from him.
But he caught my wrist, stopping me from leaving. His grip was gentle. I knew if I tried, I could easily pull away. But I didn’t want to. Something about just his hand on my wrist made something light up inside me. His skin touching mine felt…right.
“Can we talk?” he said quietly. “Alone?”
Suddenly, all the anger sapped from my body. I suddenly felt too tired to argue. “Okay,” I said, pressing the elevator button.
We were both silent in the elevator as it went up to my level, but the tension was heavy, like a real physical thing, pressing down on my shoulders. Wordlessly, we entered my apartment, and Jordan sat down on the couch.
“Why do you like him?” he asked.
I sat down beside him. “His name is Alec.”
He ignored that. “Why do you like him?” he repeated.
“Because he’s sweet and responsible and respectful. Because he wants to be with me. He doesn’t just want to sleep with me — he wants an actual relationship.”
“You want that? An actual relationship?” Jordan asked.
“I do now. Back in college, I was more than happy to mess around with you, but I’m past that now.”
Jordan was staring at me.
“Why are you here?” I asked. There had to be a real reason, not just that he was horny.
“I haven’t had sex for almost two months,” he replied.
“Not since you. Every night, I think of you. Do you know how pathetic it is? I could be out having sex with someone, but instead I lie in my bed, stroking my dick to the memory of fucking you.” He sighed.
“I left you a voicemail. I hope you didn’t listen to it. ”
“I did,” I said.
His brows jumped up. “You did? The whole thing?”
I looked at my hands. “I hate you so much, Jordan. You’re so fucking arrogant and infuriating. But…”
“But?”
Kick him out kick him out kick him out kick him out.
Touch him touch him touch him touch him.
“But I want you so much,” I admitted. Screw it.
“I’ve been trying to convince myself I don’t miss it, but I do.
I want your fingers inside me. I want you to suck my neck and whisper in my ear that I’m your slut.
Sometimes when I’m at work, sitting at my desk, I’ll zone out, and imagine you bending me over and fucking me.
Sometimes I want it so much, I can physically feel my pussy ache for it. ”
I was blurting everything out without thinking twice. Jordan’s eyes darkened, and the next thing I knew he was kissing me.
I immediately sagged against him, relaxing into the familiar pleasurable sensation of his lips and tongue against mine. He kissed me hard and rough, grazing his teeth against my bottom lip, making me gasp.
“Strip,” he said, pulling away. His eyes were almost completely black pupil. “Take your clothes off. I need to see you naked. Fuck, I need to see your body.”
I did as he said. Whenever he spoke to me like that, all my defences fell away, and I always automatically did what he said. It’s like my body was programmed to obey him.
I stood up to take my clothes off, and let it all pool on the floor. Jordan’s gaze raked over me, hungry, and then the next thing I knew, he was pulling me close, so I was standing between his wide legs. He grabbed my waist, his fingers so hard, I was sure he’d leave bruises.
“Absolutely gorgeous,” he murmured, leaning forward, pressing his lips against my stomach.
He kissed a line down past my belly button, stopping just above my sex.
His grip slid down, and he grabbed my thighs.
“I love these,” he said. “Your soft thighs.” His hand slid inwards, between my legs, and I sucked in a breath when I realized where he was going.
He grazed the faintest touch of his fingertip over my entrance.
“Wet for me already?” he said, looking up at me, his lips curling into a smirk. “After all this time, you’re still a whore for me.”
“Jordan,” I said impatiently, “just fucking take me to bed already.”
His smirk widened. “As you wish, baby.”