Chapter 16 #2
“Are you saying that changing rules is justified if someone is in power? I should think that everyone would be subject to the same rules, to an objective, absolute authority that goes beyond mere mortals.”
Nathaniel pressed his tongue into his cheek and brought his eyebrows together. He clasped his fingers, forming a steeple with them, and all edge was completely stripped from his voice.
“That, Lady Charlotte, is a most astute observation. Indeed, I would have to say that we are subservient to an absolute authority. Our role is to enforce the rules that are handed down to us, not to make up new ones that suit our own designs.”
He smiled as he spoke. Charlotte was pleased to elicit such a reaction from him. It was the first time they had discussed something without her feeling as though she was on the verge of losing her temper.
Another feeling entirely overwhelmed her. When he smiled, his face was transformed. He looked younger and more carefree. All the hard lines softened, and he almost looked like a different man entirely. It was impossible to deny his handsomeness when his face lit up like this.
Charlotte blushed as her gaze lingered on his smiling lips. It was only natural that she should think about the kiss. She quickly pulled her gaze away.
The candles flickered. Hector and Brutus were fast asleep, snoring softly. The library felt vast around Charlotte, and yet the area they inhabited felt incredibly small. She became aware of every breath, every heartbeat, and she was glad she was sitting because her legs trembled.
“Should we pick a different book to discuss or some other aspect of The Iliad?” he asked.
“Are you sure? I thought you might dismiss me from your company again to avoid any hint of impropriety.”
“Fortunately, everyone is asleep, so no scandal will emerge. You are tolerable when you behave yourself,” he said. Unlike other times when he admonished her, these words were said with a hint of teasing. Her heart fluttered, and it became difficult to swallow.
“And you are tolerable, Your Grace, when you listen to other people rather than focus on lecturing them.”
She was about to make another comment about Lady Honoria, but she bit back her words at the last moment. She found she didn’t want to mention another woman. She was quite happy being alone with him. The thought disturbed her, but she pushed it to the very back of her mind.
“I do realize that I should soften my approach somewhat. I believe I have made amends with Clara. I am still working on Hector and Brutus.” He glanced down at the animals as he said this.
Charlotte was startled by his reply. The self-critique was unexpected and welcome.
“I believe playing the game helped show Clara that you are a person rather than a walking set of rules,” she said. Nathaniel burst out laughing. It was just a short chuckle, but it echoed through the quiet library. The sound was warm and joyful.
“You should do that more,” she added quietly, sensing a growing intimacy between them. There was something about the small hours of the night, the cozy tiredness that drew them together, and the tender atmosphere of the library that generated a shift in their interactions.
“Laughter does not always fall within a duke’s purview.”
“That’s not the case for my brother. He finds joy in everything. Too much joy, some might say.” Charlotte offered a warm smile.
“Your brother is a fine man. Alfred and he have developed a close bond already.”
“You almost sound envious.”
Nathaniel drew back and stroked his chin.
“I have been a duke first, a brother second. There are times when my relationship with him has suffered because of it.”
“Is that because of your parents? You mentioned your father was strict.”
Nathaniel’s eye twitched for a moment. She assumed this was because he did not appreciate being spoken about behind his back.
She gulped, fearing that Mary might suffer repercussions for this.
The challenging thing about this atmosphere was that it became all too easy to let things slip out when they should have remained confidential.
Thankfully, Nathaniel seemed prone to the atmosphere as well.
“He was, but it was necessary. My parents needed to make sure that I met their expectations. I assume it was the same for your parents.”
Charlotte smiled as memories of them flashed through her mind.
“Actually, they allowed us to cultivate our own interests. They wanted us to grow into life naturally, not to be hammered into the shape of their choosing.”
“Hammered,” Nathaniel pondered the word. Charlotte watched him. He lingered over it, as though it were a mouthful of good brandy. “Perhaps that explains the difference between your brother and me.”
“I also think that tragedy has a big part to play. Edmund tends to cover up a lot of his sorrow with outlandish behavior.”
“I see,” Nathaniel nodded sagely. “And what reason do you have for your outlandish behavior?”
Charlotte gave him a questioning look. In the gentle atmosphere, she compared herself to Edmund and couldn’t think what she had done that could be considered outlandish. But then he reminded her.
“The kiss, Lady Charlotte. Why did you kiss me?”
His words were smooth and gentle. They slipped through the air and wrapped around her mind. Her face paled, and she found it more difficult to breathe. Her tongue suddenly felt ten times its size. The question itself wasn’t accusatory. It was more questioning as he sought to understand.
But there was no more avoiding it. He was asking her directly, and on this night of truths, it was the most potent one she had to offer.
And it might cost her everything.