Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
“Bad luck about Lady Honoria; I certainly didn’t see that turn coming,” Edmund observed, sipping some port and placing a hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder.
Nathaniel grunted in reply and cast a sharp gaze toward the lingering hand, but he did not ask Edmund to remove it.
“I’m sure she felt justified in her decision,” Nathaniel replied.
“Plenty of other fish and all that,” Edmund said, moving away from Nathaniel. “I suppose you can’t win at every game. It’s hard to be a champion of love.” He smirked.
“I am happy to wear that crown for the time being,” Alfred beamed. The three of them were spending time in the side room, sharing some port to celebrate the upcoming wedding. Alfred’s cheeks were rosy, and he had barely stopped smiling since Nathaniel’s blessing.
Edmund clapped his hands and approached Alfred.
“Oh yes! You have won a great prize, certainly, but that does not mean that your game is at an end. Are you going to miss the thrill of the hunt? That excitement when you first see a sparkle in the eyes of an admirer?”
“The only sparkle I need to see is from Mary. There’s something satisfying about knowing I am going to rise to greet the same face every day for the rest of my life.
It is the greatest compliment a man can receive to have a woman pledge her time, her heart, and her very future to him.
I am proud that Mary has chosen me for such a thing. ”
“Hear, hear!” Edmund cried out.
“And when are you going to settle down, Your Grace?” Alfred used Edmund’s title with gentle affection. “I’m sure there is a special woman out there waiting to become the Duchess of Stonewood.”
“Perhaps there is, but if so, I have yet to meet her,” Edmund chortled. “I am having too much fun as I am. Why would I want anyone to ruin my fun? It’s all so serious, this marriage lark. I prefer a certain amount of liberty in my life.”
“You’d be surprised at the amount of freedom there is when you trust someone beyond measure. You can share things with them that nobody else knows. They see the true version of you with no secrets at all.”
“I’m not sure I like the sound of that. My secrets are my own,” Edmund said with an exaggerated wink and a loud laugh.
Nathaniel listened to their conversation, but he did not add anything of his own.
He was still thinking about Charlotte. Alfred’s words brought her to his mind.
She knew more about him than most people.
She had seen a different side of him. He still wasn’t quite sure how she had coaxed it out of him, but he could not deny it had happened.
And yet, he still could not shake his duty. There was openness between them, but trust… he was still seeking that.
“And what about you? Are there any other women lined up to become your duchess now that Lady Honoria has departed the scene?” Edmund asked, turning to Nathaniel.
Nathaniel inhaled deeply.
“No, I don’t believe so. It took an extensive search to find Lady Honoria in the first place. I’m not sure I want to put Mother through that again. It was difficult to see her so affected by the results. She was beside herself.”
“One can’t give up at the first hurdle,” Edmund objected.
“I believe I’ll leave marriage to those for whom it’s suited. For the time being at least, there’s only one wedding we should concern ourselves with.” Nathaniel nodded to Alfred.
Alfred smiled widely.
“I must thank you again for the kind words. I know I expressed my disappointment with you too harshly before. I apologize for my impatience. I should have had faith that you would come good. My brother will never let me down.”
Nathaniel wore a thin smile.
“You make a good pair. You deserve to be happy. I shall be delighted to make Mary and Clara permanent residents of the estate.”
“And it gives us a good reason to visit. There are still many more games to be played,” Edmund chortled.
Nathaniel shuddered, but he did see a silver lining in the cloud of Edmund’s company.
“We will be delighted to host you, your grandmother, and your sisters,” Nathaniel said.
Edmund nodded along.
“I’m sure Lydia would love to come. She particularly enjoyed the ride through the countryside. I’m sure she would like to do that more often. As for my other sister, well, she might be busy with other things.”
Nathaniel’s ears pricked up at this.
“Such as Lord Winstanley?” he asked, masking the uncertainty in his voice, although Alfred did shoot him a meaningful look.
Edmund barked a laugh.
“Perhaps, perhaps, although that is a long shot. Still, there’s no harm in trying. If I don’t attempt to marry her off, it’s never going to happen. I’m only trying for her own good, but will she thank me? Not likely,” he grumbled, shaking his head.
“So you don’t think she will agree to marry him?” Nathaniel asked.
“I doubt it. Not until she gets her notes published. But stranger things have happened. I live in hope. I must remember to invite Lord Winstanley to the estate. Perhaps if they see each other again…” he trailed away in thought.
“I’m not sure you can force her to do anything,” Nathaniel said.
Edmund shrugged.
“No, but all I can do is try.”
“You two amuse me, talking about every wedding other than your own. I hope that my wedding gives you a sense of what you are missing. I’ve never felt so complete as when I met Mary.
It was as though a part of me was missing all my life until I found her.
She made me whole. I pray that you two find someone who makes you feel the same way. ”
Nathaniel’s throat suddenly became incredibly dry, even when he took a long sip of his drink. There was a dull ache in his head, and he found it difficult to concentrate.
If Charlotte truly was that person for him, then he would have to remain incomplete for the rest of his life. He finished his drink and set his glass on the table.
“I’m afraid I must retire. There is much to be done before the wedding,” Nathaniel said, although really he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts.
Edmund and Alfred bid him farewell. He left the room to the sound of Edmund challenging Alfred to a game of cards. Nathaniel closed the door behind himself and took a moment to enjoy the quiet.
He then sought out Brutus and took him for a walk outside. The night air was cool; the sky clear and starry. The moon hung like a silver coin. The aroma was sweetly scented because of the flowers. Nathaniel breathed in deeply, feeling immediately calm.
Brutus walked alongside him, sniffing and exploring the plants.
“You see them multiple times a day, Brutus. Do you really expect to find anything new?” Nathaniel asked. Brutus looked up at him as though Nathaniel had just asked a stupid question.
Nathaniel walked slowly and gazed at the estate, thinking to himself that he had the power to walk through the gardens or the house at any time of day without an escort.
He commanded a great fortune, and if he wanted anything, there was always a favor he could call upon.
And yet there were so many things he couldn’t have.
He lingered below a certain window, looking up and seeing the candlelight flickering inside.
Most of the estate was shrouded in darkness because of the late hour, but Charlotte was still awake.
No doubt she was sitting at her desk, leafing through her notes, scribbling something here, sketching something there.
Brutus settled beside him and followed Nathaniel’s gaze.
“You will never know this kind of pain, Brutus. I could have everything in the world but her… How can I get her? She is an enigma I cannot solve. Even if I asked for her hand, I cannot be confident she would give it to me. Imagine being rejected by two women… I would soon be earning a reputation.”
He sighed and tore himself away from the window, returning to the house. He walked into the library and read for a while, although he barely acknowledged the words in front of him. His gaze kept flicking to the door, and he stiffened with every stray noise in the hope that it was Charlotte.
He wanted to see her again, alone, away from everyone else.
But she did not come to the library tonight, and when the tiredness became too much for his eyes, he closed the book and took himself to bed, left with lingering questions of what if…