Chapter 7
Séamus ‘Shea’
She’s off work until the day after New Years.
Since we’re basically snowed in until the snow stops, hopefully she’ll be able to unwind and relax now.
We clean the dishes together and go sit before the fire.
Again, she insists on rubbing lotion on my scars.
She doesn’t seem repulsed or disgusted by their appearance or the feel of the disfigured skin.
I have noticed how much her massages and the lotion have helped. The skin isn’t as itchy and seems to give more when I move and doesn’t pull as much. More than that, it’s her touch. Gentle, caring, bonding. The human interaction I crave… from her. Only her.
She asks me to turn on music. We both relax on the couch, my feet propped on the coffee table, fire crackling, snow still falling.
A scene right out of a Christmas movie. Soon she’s half on my lap, cuddled against my chest, fast asleep.
Just like she use to do when she was little, and I was spending time with Chris at their home.
So sweet, so fragile. Yet spunky. I adored everything about her then and do even more now.
Now I couldn’t love her more. She’s my one.
Noelle was manipulative even as a child.
I knew it but being with her kept me close to Chris and Cady.
That made me feel like I had a family. Cady was sweet, caring and always ran to me like I was special.
Then she started growing up. Her letters were smart, fun and made me laugh.
The photographs she sometimes sent proved how beautiful she was growing up to be.
Something in me started to shift in the way I looked at her. My feelings scared me. I worried I was turning into a perve. After all, I’m ten years older. The more the years passed, the more I was attracted to her. I held back because she thought of me as a brother.
When Noelle made a play for me, I knew what she was doing and that she didn’t love me.
I didn’t love her. But I let her use me for the things I bought her, the money she borrowed, the status it got her with her friends by dating a military man.
I didn’t care about any of that. It was an excuse to be with the family. With Cady.
I’d decided to end the farce and started pulling back. Then Noelle hit me with the baby scare. No one would believe me if they knew we only had sex three times. And I sure as hell wasn’t her first. Noelle was always more tease than anything.
Now she and her mother are going after Cady. Not on my watch. That I won’t stand for.
The music ends and I glance at the clock on the mantel. Almost midnight. “Come on, Cady. Let me help you to bed. It’s late.”
Shifting, I stand then scoop her into my arms with most of her weight on my good arm. “Bed or bathroom?”
“Bathroom,” she mumbles.
When she’s done, I walk her back to the bed and tuck her in. “Good night, love.”
“No. Stay with me.” She clasps my wrist. “Please. I don’t want to be alone tonight. There’s too much going on in my head and my heart. I need you to hold me.”
She doesn’t know what she’s asking. She doesn’t realize how much I want her. How difficult being close to her like this is. How much I long to make her mine.
“Please.”
“I’ll be back. I’m just going to double check the fire.”
I expect her to be asleep when I walk back into the room.
“Shea, are you back?”
“I’m here.”
Crawling in behind her, I snuggle her into the curve of my body. “Better?”
“Perfect,” she mumbles and falls back asleep in my arms. Willing myself to stay awake, I memorize her every breath, the way she fits against me, the softness of her hand clutching mine.
The silk of her hair against my cheek and chest. It’s a long time before I give in to sleep and the dreams of what will never be overtake me.
Something soft whispers over my chest. Then again. “Merry Christmas.”
Straddling my hips, Cady leans forward, cups one side of my face, and lowers her lips to mine. Soft, gentle, minty like she’s already been up and about.
This kiss is everything I’ve craved and not enough. I have to stop this before I can’t. Gently clasping her wrist, I turn away. “Cady, stop. We can’t do this.”
“But we are.”
“We can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because. I’m too old. I’m ten years older than you.”
She laughs. “Age is a number.”
“I’m too old, too damaged. You need someone your age.”
Sitting back on her calves and my thighs, she shifts, slightly rubbing her silk covered pussy over my already straining cock in a move I’m sure was intentional.
Sliding her palms from my shoulders down to cover my pecs, presumable to balance herself, she raises an eyebrow. “You’re going to play the age slash maturity card? The man with ten boxes of Tony the Tiger Frosted Flakes in his pantry?”
“They’re cornflakes.” When she raises a brow, I continue. “They were on sale.”
“They were your favorite as a kid,” she laughs.
Then her expression turns serious. “Do you know that men generally mature slower than women, both neurologically and physically? This is due to factors like the female brain reaching maturity faster and girls typically starting puberty earlier. Studies show age disparity is not as big a factor in a relationship as communication, shared values and mutual support which are much more important.”
Slowly sliding her palms back up over my chest, skimming my pebbled nipples with her thumbs as she passes, she cups my face. “I’d much prefer to have a man with experience in the bedroom, not a fumbling teenager who can’t even go the distance. I want stamina not speed.”
“You little vixen. You know exactly what you’re doing.”
“Yes. I’m hacking through all those foolish security walls you’ve built, because you’re afraid to believe in love.
Afraid to acknowledge that you are lovable.
Afraid to accept my love. Because I do love you, Séamus Lonn.
I have loved you since I was four years old.
First as a protector, next as a friend, last as the man, mentor, hero, by which I find all others lacking.
I know first-hand—as do you— what love isn’t and what real love should be.
“You can refuse me. Deny yourself. Deny us. But you know as sure as I do, we will never find someone else to fill that empty space in our hearts. I for one refuse to settle for less than the real thing.”
“I didn’t save him.”
Her eyes fill with unshed tears. “You tried.” She waves a hand over my scars. “You tried, and it cost you. I read the official report. I know how, having been severely burned yourself, you ran with him in your arms to get him to a medic. That’s love. I know he felt it to the very end.”
“I do love you, my Cady.” I cup her face and she meets me halfway for the kiss I’ve waited a lifetime to experience. Soft, almost reverent at first. Then it’s as if a dam broke. My hands slide down her shoulders, and I roll us until she’s under me.
“Condom. Let me get a condom.”
“No. I’m not on birth control. But the timing is safe. I want my first time to be real.”
“You’re a virgin?”
“I’ve been waiting for you, and you’ve been a little slow taking my hints.”
“The pictures in your letters. God, I love the one with you in your white bikini and the pretty little pink sun dress. They’re in my wallet.”
She smiles. “Now Séamus, make love to me, now.”
Gently, I remove her shirt and underwear before shucking my own clothes. Lying between her legs, I slide my forearms under her back. Looking down on her face my heart fills with so much joy I’m not sure I can keep it in.
“You are so beautiful. Inside and out. Kind, loving, forgiving. I don’t deserve you. I don’t even have a job yet.”
“All of that will come with time. You’ll find something. You need to completely heal first. I love this house. It holds beautiful memories of Chris, Martha, you and I together. You and I are simple people. We’ll be fine.”
I kiss her forehead, then each eyelid. I have to do this right.
I need to worship her like she deserves.
Reining in my own need, I trail kisses down her neck to her pink tipped breast. She’s so soft and warm.
Her skin is like silk to my touch. Her stuttered breaths are music to my ears, feeding my desire as I try to build hers.
Stroking one breast, I gently suckle the other.
Her every moan and gasp, the way her sleek body arches into me, feeds my own need. Her first. Her always first.
“Séamus. More, I need more.”
Slipping one hand between us, I slide two fingers through the juices oozing from her core to teasing her nub. “Do you touch yourself, love? Do you make yourself come?”
“Some…sometimes.”
“Here? Do you rub your hard little nub?” I stroke lightly with my thumb.
“Yeess.”
“Do you have a toy?”
She hesitates and I smile, knowing the answer before she speaks.
“Yes.”
“You use it here, right?” I increase the pressure and speed of my touch on her clit.
“Yeess.”
“Feels good doesn’t it?”
“So good.”
Keeping my thumb on her nub, I swirl my two middle fingers through her juices and tease the entrance to her channel. She’s so wet for me. “How about here? You ever use it here?”
She shakes her head. “No. I waited for you. I want you to be my first.”
God, she humbles me. I wish I could say she’s my first. There haven’t been many. Although I’ve worked the hell out of my own hand to visions of her once she started sending me pictures.
She meets my gaze. “It’s okay. I knew. But I’m your first skin on skin. It’s only us now.”
“Only you, love. Only you.”
Sliding lower I kiss a path to the heart of her need.
“Séamus, I want you.”
“I want you nice and ready for me, love. Just lay back and enjoy.”
Her initial gasp, her moans of need fill my chest and feed my own hunger. I want this to be good for her. I’m big, I need her relaxed, wet and ready.
Running my tongue through her folds, I slide my arms under her thighs, palming her buttocks to keep her in place. God, the sounds she’s making have my cock jumping.
“Yes. Oh, my god yes. Séamus, that feels so good. Oh more, harder.”
I smile inwardly. My girl’s a talker. I wonder if she’s a screamer, too.
Still lapping and sucking her nub, I shift and slowly start to work one finger in her channel. As she gets closer to release, I work in a second, her juices coat my fingers easing the way.
“Séa— Séamus?”
“Come, now,” I say, around her nub. Clutching the sides of my head, she explodes.
Moments later her eyes flutter open. “Now, Séamus, please now. I want to see you. I want to touch you. I need to feel you inside me. I need to know I’m yours.”
Kneeling between her spread legs, she reaches out, wrapping one slender hand around my girth. “You’re warm and your skin is soft. Books always make it sound like a cock is hard like a pipe. That’s a little scary. You’re firm, more like a cucumber. Not so scary after all.”
“Not sure how I feel about the analogy, love. But I’m glad you aren’t scared. We’ll take our time.”
I suckle her nipples again and gently pet her pussy, building the need to go with her curiosity.
“I’m ready, Séamus.”
As slowly as I can bear, I push into her channel, pausing as I go to let her get used to the fullness. Once seated, I lean my forehead against hers. “Fuck, you feel like heaven. The way you squeeze me, fit me. Like you were made for me.”
“We were made for each other. Make me come again.”
Carefully, I shift my hips. Soon she’s urging me on, clasping my buttocks, begging for more, then harder. “There, right there. Don’t stop, oh Séamus, don’t stop. Ohhh..”
Her body squeezes me, and I can’t hold back. Pounding into her, I explode a moment later and she follows.
After I clean her up, she snuggles onto my chest and I hold her, so thankful she didn’t give up on me.
“So, when you said you didn’t want me here?” She raises a knowing eyebrow.
“I lied. I wanted, have wanted, you more than air for years. I’m not good enough or smart enough for you. But you’re mine now and I’m never letting you go. And every day for the rest of your life you will know how loved and cherished you are. Every fucking day.”