Chapter Three
Zoe
I can't stop thinking about him.
I lift my phone to see the text message from Jake and block the friend’s number he’s messaging me from. I don't understand how he's talking our friends into letting him send me messages from their phones, but they’re not the kind of friends I want or need in my life.
And I am so sick and tired of him telling me that I need to forgive him because we're so good together. He cheated on me, we are not good together, and there's no us . He destroyed any possibility for us to have a relationship when he cheated on me.
I don't want him.
I just wish he'd get the hint.
But he's not the one I can't stop thinking about. I can't stop thinking about Damien. The man at the bar. The man who danced with me. The man who kissed the top of my head and made the world feel like it was standing still for a few moments.
It's strange how we've known each other for such a short period of time, but he's already managed to show me what a good person he is. He makes me feel safe and respected. I want to see him again and I'm pretty sure that makes me crazy.
I mean, what kind of person wants to meet up with a stranger they've only seen a couple of times? Sure, those were good experiences, but that doesn't mean he's actually a good person. For all I know he could be a crazy, ax wielding monster. I mean, I thought I knew Jake, but clearly I had no idea what he was capable of, and I’m still dealing with the aftermath of that mistake.
So I'm definitely crazy for wanting to try again... right?
Still, it doesn't seem fair to judge everyone by Jake's crazy actions. Just because he's a rotten apple doesn't mean they all are. And even though he's somehow managing to talk people into letting him harass me, I can't help but think he’s the exception, not the rule. Not everyone out there is bad.
It's just when they are bad, they're really freaking bad. Stalkers, harassers, guys who seem to think I owe them something even after they’ve done something unforgivable.
“Uh-oh. You have that look on your face again.” Amy plops down next to me and I smile at her.
“That's just my face, darlin’,” I say with a smile.
She rolls her eyes at me. “No, that's your I'm thinking about my new dreamy hunk man look.” We're both sitting in deck chairs side by side as Ben and Cassie swim in an Olympic-sized pool under the warm sun. I’d been thinking about going swimming, but now I’m stuck until Amy is satisfied with whatever answers I give her.
News flash: she’s not going to be happy with anything I have to tell her.
“He’s still just a stranger, not my dreamy hunk man.” I’ve had to defend this point far too much since we’d gone dancing and they watched him and I together. I guess my friends thought things between him and me were far more serious than they actually were.
My phone chimes again and I glance at the screen. You can’t avoid me forever.
I sigh. I guess he figured out my master plan and how to foil it. I glance at the number, recognizing our mutual friend Vance’s number. I liked him - we met through our book club. I guess Jake’s really stretching to figure out who to use to contact me through.
“Jake again?” Amy sounds genuinely concerned, and I'm right there with her as I nod my head.
I don't know why Jake is still contacting me, still harassing me, still trying to get me back. Why can't he just leave me alone? I've made it very clear I want nothing to do with him, so why can't he accept that and start to move on so I can move on?
“He scares me.” I can hear the slight tremble in Amy's voice.
He scares me too. I hate that the messages he sends seem so sure that I'm going to just drop all of this and forget and take him back. Just because he says he loves me doesn't mean I'm going to let him hurt me like that, that I'm going to forgive him. What he did was unforgivable, and I will die on that hill. I just hate that he's systematically destroying the friendships I have with everyone else by getting them to allow him to use their phones to message me. Pretty soon, my circle of mutual friends is going to be down to zero, thanks to him.
But what else can I do? I don't feel like I'm friends with people who keep allowing him to have contact with me after I've made it very clear I want nothing to do with him. Those people aren't my friends, they're his. They're helping him, protecting him without giving a damn how I feel about the situation.
And the worst part is, I imagine none of them would have anything to do with a partner that had cheated on them, but they expect me to forgive him and take him back? What the heck logic is that?
I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Jake has always been good at convincing people that he's the good guy, that he is the victim, that everyone else is the reason why he's unhappy or hurt or sad. I have no doubt that he's telling people some BS story that isn't even true about how I “thought” I caught him cheating, but there's an innocent explanation of what I saw. I know what I saw, and I know it wasn't innocent.
“I'm at the point now where I just block every number he contacts me from.”
I lower my phone and glance at Amy, who's nodding her head as if she agrees with my handling of the situation. “That's smart, but you might not have very many friends left at the end of this.”
I lift my shoulders in an uncomfortable shrug. “Are they really my friends? I mean, they’re letting him contact me after I've made it very clear talking things out with Jake.”
Her eyebrows rise a little bit as she says, “That's a good point. You know you always have us.” She reaches out and curls her fingers around my hand.
“I know and I'm really grateful for you guys.” I have to blink back tears as I think about how invaluable these friendships have proven since I learned what Jake was really up to behind my back. I might have gone crazy if I didn't have them to lean on.
“Maybe you should just report him to the cops.” I know that Amy means well, but I'm still not sure that that's the best solution.
Imagine if the cops showed up to tell Jake to leave me alone - or however that scenario would go down; I don't know, I've never had to involve law enforcement in my life before - he would be absolutely furious, and I'm not sure that piece of paper would keep me safe from his unpredictable rage.
It almost doesn't seem worth the risk of making him angry. He's not mad at me right now and he won't leave me alone. What would happen if I involved the law?
“Tell me more about the hot guy who got you dancing last night?” I can tell by the look on her face she desperately wants to change the subject, which is fine with me.
“There's really nothing to tell. He’s just another passenger on vacation.” I know they want this to be so much more than it is. Heck, I think I want it to be more than it is. But it all boils down to that simple explanation. He is just another passenger on a vacation trying to get away from his day-to-day life. I have no doubt that I'm just a distraction, and I’m grateful for him to be the distraction I need right now.
“Right. Well, when you're ready to tell me what's really going on, I'm happy to listen. And just for the record, I don't think it's too soon because you moved on from Jake the moment he cheated on you. So if that's what you're worried about, don't be.” With that, Amy pats my hand before standing up and heads for the pool, where Ben and Cassie both gesture her into the water with them.
They also make eye contact with me and gesture me to come in and I stand up, shedding the sundress I’d worn over my suit. I know they want to cheer me up and distract me. But I'm not feeling it. I'm not really in the mood for fun and games. I'm not really in the mood for anything because Jake is absolutely ruining my good time. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to put in the effort to try to enjoy myself.
I walk over to the edge of the pool and dip my toe, feeling the balmy warm water and trying to decide if I want to deal with the chlorine damage to my hair later. Chlorine always makes my hair frizz up and misbehave.
We’d only planned to be at the pool for about an hour before going to dinner, then watching live music afterward. Honestly, I don't care about the swimming, the food, or the music, I just want to enjoy myself and forget my troubles for a while.
I almost wonder if I should just start leaving my phone in the cabin. But the thought of being cut off from my lifeline in case I actually need it is also anxiety inducing.
From the edge of the pool, I watch my friends swim, talk, laugh, and enjoy themselves. I sit in place, dangling my legs into the water as I watch them, the reflection of the sun off the water, and look up into the expanse of blue sky with fluffy white clouds that seems to go on forever.
I feel isolated and alone, even though I'm surrounded by people.
The endless buzz and chatter of people talking, laughing, and screaming in the water fills my mind and I wish for silence.
And for just a moment I wish for some peace and quiet alone.
Or maybe not alone.
I wish Damien was with me.
Two hours later.
We're finally sitting at a table in a restaurant. Ben is telling an incredible story about hiking with his ex when a rainstorm washed away the trail behind them, forcing them forward until they came across a ranger who told them to get back to safety.
I envy him for being able to remember the good moments in a relationship that ultimately went bad. I'm not good at that. All I can think about when I think of Jake are the horrible, awful things. It's like the good memories are locked away in a trunk somewhere, and I can't access them without a key that I lost the day I caught him cheating on me.
“Hey, isn't that...?” Cassie says, interrupting Ben’s story with an apologetic smile as they all turn to look. I follow her gesture and see him .
Damien walks into the restaurant and scans the room.
His gaze locks with mine and I see a charming smile curve the corners of his lips. Cassie gestures him over with a wave of her hand and I stare at her. She glances at me with a smile and lifts both shoulders. “What? He's hot. I think you should go for it.” She pops a bite of bread into her mouth, and Ben nods his head.
“And we all know you won't make a move unless we push.” Ben’s words have me glaring at him with mock outrage next. In all honesty, I'm glad that Cassie waved him over. And I'm thrilled that my friends seem to like this stranger, because I like him too. I don't know why their validation matters, but it does. Maybe I'm just burned and worried that I'm going to end up with another guy like Jake. But if my friends like him, then maybe he's not a bad guy.
“Can I sit here?” Damien asks me the question while making direct eye contact.
My heart begins to flutter in my throat, and I swallow hard before nodding my head. I love that even though he had my friend's permission to come join us, he still made sure that I want him here. There's something so respectful in that gesture it makes me melt inside.
My friends seem surprised and curious by his question, and Cassie and Amy begin to whisper amongst themselves. Ben, however, sits with both elbows planted on the table, his hands clasped together with his chin resting on his knuckles. He stares at us with an absolute adoration that makes me think he’s seeing the kind of relationship he’s longing for.
Which tells me he's reading far too much into this situation.
“Please,” I say, gesturing at the chair beside me.
Damien's smile grows as he pulls the chair out and sits beside me. He's so close, I can feel the warmth of his leg through his slacks as I sit in my little sundress. His gaze locks on mine before scanning the table and coming back to me again, that slight smile making my heart beat double time.
“Please introduce me to your lovely friends,” he says in a low voice as if he’s speaking only to me. I feel seen, validated, heard, like I’m the center of his attention, and I wonder if I can even find my voice as he engages me in conversation like we never stopped talking.
Before I can answer him, Amy speaks up. “I actually met Zoe when she was going through school to become a vet tech.” Amy runs nervous fingers through her blonde hair as she studies Damien with a look in her eyes that I don’t like. If I didn't know better, I'd think she was trying to flirt with him. “We hit it off right away because we have so much in common. We both love animals, books, music...” She trails off, watching him intently, even as his attention sweeps back to me. “We both planned to become vet techs, but she was the one who actually made it happen.”
“She does seem like the type to get things done.” As Damien says the words to Amy, he's still locked on me and his words leave me feeling warm inside.
“Well, I met Zoe at work.” As Ben says the words, a huge smile spreads across his face. “We work together in the same clinic and became best friends day one. When things went south with my now ex-wife, she was somebody I could count on and call day or night.”
I love how it almost sounds like he's trying to sell Damien on how good of a friend I am. Damien is still watching me, his gaze darting back and forth between my eyes.
“I think I'm the only one that didn't meet her in a work capacity. I know Zoe from book club,” Cassie says, while flipping her red hair over her shoulder. “We both love to read, and Zoe even writes a little bit.”
I can feel my cheeks burning red hot, and I glance at Cassie as if I can glare her into not saying another word about my private writing. But Cassie isn't listening to me. “Get a chance? You should definitely read one of her romance stories. I keep telling her she should get them published, but she doesn't listen to me. Maybe she'll listen to you.”
“Okay, Cass. Thank you.”
My friends all laugh at me as I politely tell Cassie to shut up without actually saying the words.
“I'm just telling you the truth, that you're talented and creative and don't believe it.” Cassie lifts her shoulders with an innocent expression, as if she's trying to get out of the fact that she’s sharing secrets.
“You never let me read anything you've written.” Amy sounds almost offended and Ben talks over her.
“I can’t imagine you writing a romance story. I want to read one!”
I shake my head at my friends while focusing my attention on Damien as they begin to talk over each other, interrupting and correcting one another, while they make jokes and laugh about how they had no idea and have to see my writing now. One thing is for sure, I'm never going to let Cass live down letting the secret out of the bag.
Damien doesn't even seem to be listening to them anymore. Instead, his gaze is deep and penetrating on me, and I feel seen, validated, and wanted.
The server comes back around and takes Damien’s order. That's the only time his attention actually leaves me, and I admire his light, kind communication with the waiter. My dad always told me that the way somebody talks to the staff is a good indication of who they really are on the inside. If that actually works, then Damien is the kind of person that I want in my life - because he’s kind, humorous, and makes the waiter laugh.
His attention quickly comes back to me as if he doesn't want me to feel left out or lonely.
“Tell me more about your life as a hitman,” I say, well aware my friends are listening while pretending to focus on each other.
Damien chuckles.
“I hear it's a killer job.” I internally cringe at my joke, but Damien chuckles.
“Well, I’m not really-”
“He’s the CEO of Black Industries,” Amy says, smiling as if proud of herself for outing his secret.
I’m instantly upset. Obviously, I knew that he wasn't a hitman, but I had a feeling that he wasn't telling me what he actually did for a reason. The fact that she was willing to tell on him and give away his secrets annoys me. I can see his displeasure at her words in his eyes, but he masks it well.
With a stiff smile, he glances at Amy. “I guess you’re onto me.”
With that, his attention comes back to me. “I absolutely love that you work with animals. A lifetime ago I thought about getting into the farrier industry.”
His admission surprises me. “I actually considered that until I saw someone trimming a cow’s hoof that had a pocket of puss build up. I’m not bothered by gross stuff, but the fact that they're in pain really bothers me.” I always felt bad that the cows would continue to stand on their front feet even after an abscess was drained from a hoof. I know they’re hardy animals and that every precaution is taken to make sure that they're comfortable, but it’s just not the line of work for me.
He turns toward me and his leg touches mine. “I still wish I'd gone with that instead of starting up my own company. Now it's just work work work all the time and no good feeling of helping animals that need it. Plus, this business industry is an ugly one.”
My heart goes out to him. I can't even imagine how things must feel. I imagine he has to question everyone in his life and wonder if they're there because they want to be or if they're there because they think they can get something from him.
“I think you're probably helping people too, just in a different way.” I feel a bit silly not knowing his business or what they do, even though at least one of my friends seems to.
“I'm sure you're right,” he says with a twinkle in his eyes as he gently brushes my hand with his fingertips.
And with that touch, I realize there's something electric between us and I feel so very alive.
I like him.
Sure, we're just strangers who met on a cruise, but this man seems to click with me in a way that no one else has. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are red flags I'm missing, maybe I'm being stupid, but I like him a lot.
Still, I don't think now is the time to drag anyone into my life, given how poorly my last relationship ended. Technically, it hasn't ended, I guess, since Jake won't take no for an answer, no matter how many times I tell him it’s over.
And my heart clenches.
How can I possibly start a new relationship with someone when I can’t even end my old relationship?
It's not fair to bring someone in right now to deal with the mess that is my life and the issues left behind by the last guy who broke my heart.
Damien deserves better than that.