Chapter Six
Damien
She has a way of making me forget.
Forget the bad things I’ve dealt with and the things I have yet to resolve. Forget about work, anger, and the resentment that’s been building in me for a huge portion of my life.
Sitting across the table from one another, enjoying our pizzas has to be one of the most relaxing times I’ve had for a while. I have always been a huge fan of pineapple on pizza, but that little extra spicy kick the jalapenos add elevates the dish in a way I never expected. And like the perfection of that addition, she adds something to my life that I can’t quite define or understand. A zest that makes everything I've dealt with up to this point worthwhile.
“You seem deep in thought.” As she says the words, she ducks her head, lifting her eyebrows.
I’m not sure there's a way to share exactly what's on my mind without coming across like a psychopath.
“Do I?” I ask instead.
She smiles, arching a single eyebrow at me as she speaks. “I imagine your mind is moving at the speed of light all the time.”
I chuckle at her assessment of me. “That seems excessive, not to mention exhausting.” I want to steer the conversation and my thoughts in a different direction, so I ask a question on the spot. “Do you have any pets?”
She seems taken aback by my question as if it was completely unexpected, but the way her face lights up tells me that she's happy I asked. “I don't, but I've been thinking of getting a chameleon, or some frogs.”
It's such a departure from the usual cute and cuddly animals answer that I get from questions like these that I find myself at a loss for words. I don't know a lot about frogs, and I know even less about chameleons. Honestly, if she had said anything about a normal range of pets, even slightly abnormal ones like goats or chickens or horses, I’d have some conversation that I could make around that.
She waves her hand in front of my face. “Hello? I think I broke you. Sorry about that.”
But the thing is, she didn't. As strange as I feel, being completely out of my element like this, I'm actually glad she gave an answer that I don't have a response for that requires me to break out of the usual and see her as a whole, unique individual who is unlike anyone I’ve dated before. I can't give her the typical, charming, canned responses. I actually have to be candid and honest, and while that's difficult, it feels better.
“I just don't know anything about frogs or chameleons. Other than what the average person knows, I mean.” I take another bite of my pizza and she pops a jalapeno slice into her mouth, eyeing me the entire time. “So, why would you want a frog as a pet?” My limited experience of girls and frogs are the boys that used to chase the girls with the frogs while the girls screamed and ran in the other direction as fast as they could.
She swallows her bite and begins to pick at her pizza, removing a bit of pineapple and placing it on a bit of ham as if building the perfect bite. “I mean, outside the obvious reasons like the fact that they are low maintenance, don't need walks, constant attention, and you don't have to clean up poop or anything like that, the main reason that I like frogs is because they're beautiful, they're colorful, and they make a natural music that makes me happy.”
I've never been interested in frogs before in general, but with this answer, I found myself wanting to learn more about them. Something about her enthusiasm has me excited about a creature I’d never put much thought into before.
Her gaze meets mine. “Is that a satisfactory answer?” There's sass in her voice as she asks the question, and I can't help but grin.
“More than satisfactory. I might actually consider a frog as a pet for myself.” I finish my slice of pizza, watching the way that she lights up at my words and does a little happy dance with her shoulders.
“You're welcome,” she says, as if she's bestowed a gift on me, and in a way she has. I like when my views are challenged. I like having to think from a new perspective. And I like learning more about her. Somehow she manages to surprise me every time she opens her mouth and that’s exciting.
When we finally finish our pizza, I feel full, content, and happy with the direction of the day. I can’t help but remember how she’d lit up when she thought I was going to kiss her. I very nearly planted a kiss on her lips after her very visceral reaction, but decided I didn't want to push things. Not a rush with her. I want her desperately, but I'm not going to try to hurry.
I remember the excitement in her face while we'd been playing table tennis and the look she'd given me when she won a game, as if she thought I let her win. I think that I've made the right decisions all day long and that she's enjoying our time shared together. And that's exactly what I was hoping for.
I want her to have one day where she doesn't think about her ex, wonder what he's up to, or feel guilty that she's not bailing him out. She needs to enjoy herself - and I’m happy to be part of that joy.
“So what’s next?” she asks, giving me a shy glance as we stand up and make our way from the restaurant out onto the main deck.
I'd planned sometime just by the pool for both of us. Every time I see her, she's wearing her swimsuit underneath her clothing, so I assume she likes to swim. But as we make our way over to the pool, I see a crowd of people.
“What are they doing?” she asks, lifting a hand to shade her eyes as she watches the crowd.
I glance down at my phone where I have the boat's itinerary handy.
I can't hold back a chuckle as I glance at her. “It sounds like they're doing a sexy legs, sexy abs competition.”
I see shock register on her face, followed by excitement, and know what we have to do next. Taking her hand, I pull her toward the crowd. “I am confident your legs can win this.”
She laughs. “How about your abs? Are you up to the challenge?”
I shrug and she giggles as I lead her toward the legs side of the competition. She enters, quickly signing her name on the roster as I make my way to the other side, having a good time as the other guys and gals offer words of encouragement, even though we’ll be competing. There’s an air of humor, fun, and excitement that’s positively electric, and I blame that atmosphere for me doing something I’d never in a million years consider doing - an abs competition.
The rules seem simple as someone with a megaphone shouts them out. In groups of five, we’ll line up, one winner will be picked from each group. Winners will go to the next round. I glance at Zoe and see her bent nearly double laughing at something someone says to her. My heart thumps with excitement and I take off my suit jacket, then my button-down shirt.
I hear whoops and hollering around me and realize people are yelling at me. I grin, then lock eyes with Zoe and see her stunned expression. She gives me a thumb’s up and I nod, guessing she had no idea what I look like under my suit - a fair assessment.
I breeze through the first round and make my way to the winner’s circle where she waves at me from her respective winner’s circle.
“Let’s make this more interesting,” she shouts.
“I’m listening,” I say.
She thinks for a moment, touching a fingertip to her chin as her eyes slide heavenward in a playful expression that has my heart leaping with joy. “If I win, I get to see your cabin,” she says in a way that suggests that looking around my room is the last thing on her mind.
“And if I win?” I ask.
“What do you want?” she asks as we’re both pulled toward the next leg of the competition.
“A kiss!” I’m already getting what I want, so I have nothing to ask for.
“Agreed!” she shouts before turning to go take her place in the competition. I do the same, standing in place and lightly flexing to really accentuate the muscles in my stomach. I make it to the next round and lock eyes with her in the winner’s circle.
“Even if I lose, I win.” She’s still shouting over the noise, and I nod to convey I feel the same way.
“Me too.” And I realize I’m having fun. Even with this activity that’s nothing like I’d do on my own, even with the heavy scent of chlorine in my nose, the heat of the sunshine, and the press of bodies, I’m enjoying myself. I haven’t thought about work since she and I started spending time together, and I’ve never been so relaxed and willing to be spontaneous.
She’s bringing out a side of me that I didn’t know I had.
A fun side of myself I want to keep. A side of myself that’ll die the second I step foot off this boat. I’m pulled into the next round of judging and make it through. Only two more rounds to go.
I see her laughing as she makes her way to the winner’s circle, strikes a pose, and gestures at her leg like she’s displaying a prize on a game show. I let out a loud whoop of approval and her smile widens. I clap and cheer for her as she makes her way back up for judging and I hear her doing the same for me.
I make it to the next round and look for her in the winner’s circle, only to see her pop up next to me. “I lost,” she said. “But I’m a runner up to the winner!”
With that, she takes my arm, her attitude still upbeat and chipper as she leads me to the circle once more. As I’m declared the winner of the sexy abs contest, she jumps up and down and claps, and regardless of the crowd going wild, all I see is her.
Her bright eyes, the excitement in her face, the way she’s smiling at me as if I’m the center of her universe.
Someone pushes a silly gold trophy of a man flexing his abs in my hands, and I lean down to speak into her ear. “I’ll still happily show you my room,” I say softly, and she smiles up at me.
The crowd around us congratulates me and begins to disperse as her gaze darts back and forth between mine. “A deal is a deal,” she whispers, before rising up on tiptoe and touching her lips to mine. And in that moment, we might as well be the only two people that exist on this planet. The noise around us fades away and all I see, smell, feel, and hear is her.
Her lips taste like the cinnamon gum she's chewing and there’s a softness to her kiss, a shy innocence that leaves me desperate for more.
When she finally backs off and smiles at me, I feel as if I've been blindsided. “I’d love to see your cabin whenever.” As she says the words she lifts a shoulder up.
Without a word, I take her hand and begin leading her toward my cabin. Her kiss ignited every nerve ending in my body and I have to talk myself down - she’s only going to see my room, not do anything more.
Still, every step of the way, I have to fight back fantasies that I shouldn't be having about her and what might happen when we cross the threshold of my room.
I think about all the fun that we've had together making pizzas, the memories we've made playing table tennis, and the sheer joy I feel with her near me and wonder how I’m going to deal with disembarking tomorrow and parting ways.
I love the way she laughs at my jokes, grabs my arm while we’re walking, and gives me looks that make my heart race.
I can’t help but wonder how she’s going to feel seeing my cabin. I’d booked one of the top three rooms designed for the wealthiest people. While I’m not the kind of person to show off, I do want to impress her.
We stop in front of my door and I wave my key card in front of the panel. The panel goes green and the door swings open as she looks up at me with a shocked, mouth-open expression. “Fancy, fancy!” she says. “I have to key in a code to get into mine.”
“That's a perfectly acceptable way to enter a room.” I have no desire to be disparaging and make her feel bad about her quarters.
We step into the spacious living room, and I can feel her amusement growing. “Cass clearly booked the wrong room, and I’m going to tell her as much the second I get back.”
I chuckle as I head back toward the bedroom with its king-sized bed and beautiful aesthetic.
“What exactly are you planning?” she asks, gazing up at me.
“I am planning to change into something more comfortable. I would appreciate it if you'd step out of my room,” I say, shooing her out while closing the double doors.
I hear her laughing on the other side as I strip down and grab a pair of sweats and a tee shirt for our next adventure.
When I finally step back out of the room, I catch her sitting in the living room, gazing around herself in wonder. “This is amazing,” she says, meeting my stare for a second before continuing to soak in the beauty of the room. “I'm starting to feel like I'm at a disadvantage.”
I shake my head. “Not as far as I'm aware.”
She stands up with a shaky smile and makes her way toward the balcony. I follow, waiting for her to continue.
“What I'm trying to say is I think I might have had an inaccurate representation of what's going on between us because people like you don’t mingle with people like me.”
“That sounds very classist. Or sexist. Or bigoted. I'm not sure what you’re referring to.” I keep my tone light and playful, wanting to put her at ease and not stress her out more. This is an unintended side effect of bringing her back to my room, although I guess I should have seen it coming.
“You're really sweet, but I know you know what I mean.” We both plant our hands on the balcony railing and stare out over the open ocean. As she leans on the balcony railing, looking out over the ocean, the sun setting behind her creates a glowing orange halo on her head. The brilliant oranges, pinks, blues, and purples of the sunset only magnify the beauty of this moment with her and I inhale, carefully committing every detail to memory.
“I don't think I do.” I'm not sure what she's been taught or learned about people like me, but I absolutely don't choose others to be in my life based on some arbitrary detail, like how much money they make. In my experience, the character of an individual is worth a hell of a lot more than what's in their bank account. And her character is one I’d absolutely like to keep in my life... if she’s willing.
She glances at me out of the corner of her eye and tilts her head. “You look different.”
“Different how?” I ask, unsure what she means.
“Don’t worry, it’s a good different,” she says with a light laugh. “You seem more relaxed.”
I feel more relaxed. “Well, thank you,” I say. “And you look stunning.”
She blushes, lowering her eyes. “Thank you,” she says, her voice barely more than a whisper.
We fall into silence, staring out over the endless ocean. It's peaceful and calm, reflecting the brilliant colors of the sky. We hear the sound of waves lapping the sides of the ship and feel the slight wind bringing the scent of the ocean right to our noses.
“It’s so beautiful,” she says with a breathy sigh.
“It is,” I agree.
And as we stand there, just enjoying one another's company, she reaches for my hand and places hers on mine. The weight of her hand, the warmth of her touch, and the way she laces her fingers with mine sends tingling heat through me. She gives my hand a gentle squeeze, and I hear the gratitude in her voice as she speaks again.
“Thank you for today,” she says.
“Thank you for being here with me,” I say. The question is, how do I tell her that our night isn't over? I have one more plan for the evening, and I can only hope she'll love it. She smiles and leans in close to me, resting her head on my shoulder as I wind an arm around her. She clings to me, hugging my waist with one arm as she leans into me.
And we stay like that for what feels like a long time, feeling one another's warmth and heartbeat. For the first time, in as long as I can remember, I don't need words. This moment is perfect as it is in silence.
This is our last night on the cruise. Today we've had an amazing time together, but I want to make it even more special with the one last surprise I have in store for her. And as the moments slip away, I know that the time grows closer.
“I do have one more thing planned for tonight,” I say.
She looks up at me with curiosity in her eyes. I love the knowledge that even though she doesn't know what I have planned, she trusts me.
I already called ahead and had someone set up our spot for us, including pillows, a basket of snacks, and a couple of blankets. All that’s left is for us to show up.
“Okay,” she says breathlessly.
With that, I take her hand and lead her out onto the main deck. She follows, her pulse pounding hard against my palm. I may have asked her friends what her favorite movie is and put in a request to watch that tonight. It's a romantic comedy that makes her laugh and hopefully will bring us closer together.
As we walk along the deck, she looks at the other couples settling in and then smiles at me. “Are we watching a movie?” she asks.
“I’m not about to ruin the surprise,” I tease.
We reach our spot and settle in as the last of the light begins to fade. Overhead the stars prick the deep blue velvet skies, giving us a breathtaking view of the heavens. I glance over at Zoe and realize she looks like an angel.
Her gaze meets mine.
“Hey, you,” she says, kissing me softly on the lips as we relax.
“Hey, yourself,” I say, taking her hand in mine.
“What is all this?” she asks, looking at our cozy setup.
“It’s a surprise,” I say. “I thought we could watch a movie under the stars.”
She gasps and brings her hands to her face to cover her mouth. “Oh my God, that’s so sweet,” she says. “What movie is it?”
“You’ll see,” I say, winking at her as I wrap a blanket around us and hand her the popcorn. She takes the bowl and cuddles up to me, focusing on the wall as the projector illuminates the space and the sound booms around us from hidden speakers.
“I love this movie,” she whispers as the title flashes across the scene.
“I know. It’s a travesty that I’ve never seen it,” I say.
“Who told you?” she asks.
“Cass,” I say.
She laughs. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
As we watch the movie, I enjoy the way she laughs at the funny parts, sighs at the romantic moments, and comments on the characters. There's something so animated and expressive about her. Her reactions are almost more entertaining than the movie itself. But beyond all of that, I love feeling her next to me,her softness, her heartbeat. She feels so good in my arms.
I listen to the music of her laugh as the characters on the screen weave their love story and am glad I took this trip. I’m glad I met her that morning in the bar. I’m glad her cute pick-up line captured my attention.
As time slips away in the cooler, evening air creeps in. I feel her shiver. Pulling her close, I kiss her head as she snuggles into my embrace and sighs contentedly. I inhale her sweet scent, that perfume that's all hers, and I want to breathe her in forever.
With the movie forgotten, I notice the way she looks up at me and smiles. Her shining eyes show off her beauty, the kind that permeates her, inside and out.
And I realize that it doesn't matter that this is our last day together.
I can’t just walk away.
I want her in my life, no matter how difficult that’ll be to pull off.
She seems magnetized toward me as the movie credits roll on the wall. But before our lips can meet, a couple of loud kids run by, laughing as they jump on their parents who are packing up to leave. She smiles at me, and I wonder how I’m going to manage to keep her in my life.
Because she won’t like the man I am back home.
I don’t miss him.
She hasn’t met him.
And he has work to do.