28. Isla
CHAPTER 28
ISLA
The ride home had been a quiet one. Julian was furious. I was still reeling from everything I had seen.
I poured two glasses of wine, sat on the couch, and waited for the explosion. I didn’t have to wait for long.
“What the hell were you thinking, Isla?” Julian began to pace. “How many times have I told you to stay away from Zayn? How many times have you told me he’s bad news?” I watched him run his hands through his hair, and I wasn’t sure if he was trying not to pull it out. “You hate him! You should! He’s no good for you!”
He paced some more. I sipped my chardonnay. He sat down. He stood up.
“How long has this been happening?” he demanded.
“A few weeks.” I took another drink.
“Weeks.” He looked so horrified that I fought back a giggle. Julian ignored me. “The texts. The texts at dinner the other night from the guy. It was Zayn ?”
That reminded me. “Oh, you mean the night you went home early but really went to Elixir?” I saw him falter. “Seems we’re both keeping secrets.”
Julian’s surprise morphed into anger again quickly. “Of course, you would know that because he would tell you.”
“Why didn’t you just say you wanted to go clubbing?” I blurted out, then paused as the words settled between us. I realized what I’d actually asked. “Because you weren’t going clubbing. You were in that lower club—where all the shifty guys go.”
He raised an eyebrow, clearing his throat as if to smooth over my bluntness. “You know about that? The lower level?”
I rolled my eyes, the memory of dark shadows and whispered conversations—probably shady deals—already vivid in my mind. “I’ve always known his clubs were more than advertised,” I replied, my tone dismissive. “I just didn’t know you were a frequenter of them.”
“But you didn’t go there?” Julian asked. “Isla!”
I snapped, “No! I only saw it tonight for the first time.” My words tumbled out faster than I intended, and I could almost feel the heat rising in my cheeks as I defended my limited exposure.
For a moment, silence hung between us—a heavy pause filled with unspoken accusations. I could see him trying to read me, his eyes flickering between annoyance and reluctant curiosity. Julian’s disapproval, his protective tone, only made me feel even more guilty.
I took a breath, forcing calm into my tone. “Look, it wasn’t serious.” I looked away so I didn’t have to lie to him directly. “I wasn’t planning on marrying him, for goodness’s sake. I just… It happened. Then it happened again.” I shrugged as if it didn’t bother me. Although my body already missed his touch, my head told me firmly to ignore it. “It was a casual hookup.” I blinked back the moisture in my eyes before turning to look at my best friend. “It was stupid.”
“It meant nothing?” Julian asked dubiously. He looked so relieved when I nodded that I wanted to cry.
He gave a slow nod, his expression softening ever so slightly. “All right, Isla. But…I’m so surprised at you.” He reached for his wine. “I mean, after the way he treated you after the gala? I never thought you’d speak his name again, for you to be in a relationship…”
Every part of me wanted to justify it, yet the truth shimmered in the back of my mind. It was never a relationship no matter how much I had been starting to believe it was.
Julian’s eyes narrowed as he watched me. “It’s not like you,” he muttered, more to himself than to me.
I forced a laugh, trying to brush off the tension. “Trust me, I know that better than anyone.” I needed to change the focus.
When we left the club, Julian had pulled me close, whispering to me to play along. Anyone watching would think we were lovers the way he held me tight. It would have taken me more by surprise had I been more myself, but now that I was desperately avoiding talking about my confrontation with Zayn tonight, I raised it.
“So, what was that when we left Elixir?” My wine was finished, so I set my glass down. Julian tensed for a moment, but he forgot I knew him so well. “I think we need to agree there are no more secrets,” I added softly.
“You say it was a casual thing,” he said, looking at his hands. “But...” He looked up. “It could look like more to anyone who was watching Zayn,” he added gently. “Men like Zayn aren’t always walking on the right side of the law.” Julian shifted nervously. “He has enemies, Isla. Bad ones. They would be happy to know he has a weakness.”
“I’m a weakness?”
“We looked like we were the ones together,” he corrected me quickly. “You don’t need to worry.”
I wasn’t worried. I was… thrilled . He cared for me? He wanted to protect me?
“This isn’t the romantic thing you think it is,” Julian scolded, also knowing me too well. “He has to make someone else pretend to be your boyfriend to take attention off of you. It’s hardly the same as candy and roses,” he snapped.
But…wasn’t it? For Zayn, that was almost…a declaration.
“I know.” I didn’t look at him though, knowing he would see right through me.
Julian sighed. “Ugh, I hate this,” he grumbled. “Okay. Tell me everything.”
That made me look up. “What?”
Julian rolled his eyes. “I’ve heard every breakup story before.” He rubbed his forehead. “I’m really going to resent this one, but I know you need to share to get it out of your system. So, as your best friend, tell me.”
“You missed the opening of The Grand.”
The tension in his body vanished as he looked at me with guilt. “I know, I’m sorry. I really am.”
“I had sex with Zayn in a conference room.”
Julian’s mouth dropped open. He tried to speak, and I started to giggle as I watched him gape at me like a fish out of water. “How?” he eventually spluttered.
“Um…his part fits into my part.” I paused. “Really, really well.”
Julian slapped his hand over his mouth as he pretended to barf. “No, no, no. No !” He was on his feet, grabbing the wine bottle and pouring a healthy glass. “Fuck. I have… images .” He drank as if he was in pain.
It was such a childish reaction. It broke the tension, and I burst out laughing until I cried. Then, I was wiping tears away for a whole different reason. Julian wrapped me in his arms, my head on his chest, his chin resting on top of my head.
“Aww, Isla,” he scolded lightly. “What am I going to do with you?”
“I knew he wasn’t…good,” I confessed miserably. “But what I saw tonight…” I squeezed my eyes tight. “It was all so…filthy.”
Julian snorted. “Rye took you to the VIP booths?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“How many?”
“All of them.”
Julian pushed me away, looking down at me with a “for real” expression. When I nodded, he pulled me close again. “I’m sorry. That’s a lot.”
“It’s a lot of ick I need to erase from my brain.”
I heard his huff of laughter. “In his defense, and I can’t believe I’m defending him, but Zayn doesn’t do that.”
“It’s his club.”
“Yeah? And it’s Gerard’s conference room; you think he’s having sex in them?”
“Ugh, now I need to barf.” But I was smiling. “He doesn’t partake? In the…shenanigans.”
“Jesus, Isla, no one’s said shenanigans since 1943.” Julian tightened his hold on me. “No, he doesn’t. He’s got a lot of faults,” he murmured. “He isn’t a manwhore.”
Tears filled my eyes again, and I swallowed hard. “That’s nice.”
“He treat you okay?” Julian asked gruffly. “I don’t need details!” he added hastily.
I nodded. “Yeah. He was…infuriating.” I gave a watery smile. “Demanding. So…overbearing.”
“He sounds like a catch,” Julian drawled quietly.
“He was also kind, tender, and just…” I blew out a breath. “Exciting.”
He patted my back. “We’ll find you excitement,” he promised. “Safer excitement.”
I didn’t tell him that was boring. I didn’t tell him I liked the excitement I had with Zayn.
I already missed him. It had been a few hours, but my heart was heavy, and I was so sad it was over.
The two of us sat quietly, lost in our own thoughts, until Julian told me he needed to sleep. I got him his blanket and pillow, he made up the sofa, and I said good night and went into my bedroom.
I lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling. Turning onto my side, I caught the scent of Zayn on my pillow, and my eyes welled with tears. Flopping back onto my back, I stared into the darkness. With a glance at the door, I reached for my phone and opened my messages.
Disappointment hit me hard as I saw he hadn’t texted. I read the last conversation. I hadn’t known at that time that this was the last time I would joke with him.
Was it wrong to text him?
Was it weak?
Was it desperate?
Yes. Yes. And yes.
I put the phone down.
I picked it up.
Julian made it look convincing.
I hastily went to my settings, turned off vibrate, and kept my phone on silent. I held the phone clutched in my hand, and a little while later, the sudden light in the dark room stirred me from my light doze.
Good
That was it? After everything tonight? All I got was good. Good ?
There wasn’t much to reply to that. With a sigh, I put my phone down and rolled over to try to sleep. Light flared from the phone again, and I turned hastily.
Rye’s methods were shit, but his intention was well meant
He was defending Rye? No mention of all the crap I saw tonight?
That’s all you have to say?
Club got raided. Glad you weren’t here.
Elixir got raided? He’d said it so casually. Was this something that happened often? I shuddered at the thought. I sat up in bed, drawing my knees up to my chest as I read the last few messages. Did I ask?
That’s a lot of information in one night
Nothing left to hide
Tears welled up again, and I wiped my eyes angrily.
Is that why Rye showed me it all?
I waited for a long time—so long that I was sure he wasn’t going to answer. Then, as dawn peeked through my window, I got a reply.
Yeah.
Not my style, but effective.
You think it was effective?
To know if you’d run
Now we know. Take care of yourself, Isla
Tears slipped over and dripped onto my blanket.
Now we know . I’d run.
I lay back on my pillows. He wasn’t accusing me of anything. He was just acknowledging that I didn’t fit into his world. I didn’t. I never had. I never could. I set the phone face down and turned away from it.
This was what I should have done the first night he kissed me. I should have closed the door. I should have never let myself be curious. Nothing good came from loving Zayn McCabe.
Loving?
I squeezed my eyes shut. No. I didn’t love him. I loved the thrill, and maybe I enjoyed the sneaking about.
He was enigmatic. He had that sheer magnetic pull that was hard to resist. But part of that pull had been the danger he radiated.
The thrill.
You could only be thrilled so many times before it became boring. The thought of Zayn being boring almost made me laugh, but I didn’t want to wake Julian. I reminded myself of my earlier pep talk. This was temporary—it had always been temporary.
It was just sex. Nice, delicious, toe-curling sex.
It was physical attraction, nothing else. It wasn’t love.
I kept repeating the lie in my head until sleep finally claimed me.
* * *
The raid on Elixir was the talk of the office on Monday morning.
They were still gossiping about it on Tuesday.
By Wednesday, I was growling when anyone mentioned it.
By Thursday, I was no longer attending team meetings and just growling in the general direction of people.
On Friday, my boss suggested I take the day off, citing the time owed for working so hard.
Sitting in my car, I didn’t know what to do. I had no events to plan. My schedule was busy but taken care of. The excitement of a SWAT team descending on a club in Gracemont had turned everyone into batshit crazy lunatics.
I bet Rye was using it as a marketing ploy. Asshole.
I bet Zayn was either indifferent to the attention or amused by it. Probably the latter.
I got out of my car and decided to get a coffee. Going home meant being alone, but at least there would be people in the coffee shop.
My light-blue skirt swung gently as I walked, and I enjoyed the feel of the fabric on my bare legs. I was wearing a light, white knitted top, and with low pumps, I could be the poster girl for summer. My ponytail swayed as I walked, and when I entered the coffee shop, I felt my smile fade as I saw it was empty.
No. I needed the people. Where were the people?
“Hi, what can I get for you?” The barista looked at me with a wide, fake smile.
“Where is everyone?”
They lost some of their smile. “Um…work?”
Was that judgment? Harsh. I worked. “I have the day off.” I did not need to justify myself to anyone. “Americano, please.”
I chose not to stay in the empty café, so I took my Americano and a pastry to go, then walked slowly back to my car.
“Your coffee’s leaking all over your skirt.”
Turning, I looked up at Zayn. He had a white T-shirt on and dark jeans. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw him dressed so casually.
“Is? Your coffee,” he reminded me, pointing to my skirt which now had a brown stain on it.
“Oh shit.” I looked at it and then at him, then back at the cup, noticing the lid wasn’t on properly. “Well, at least you’re the only one who can see it.” When he frowned, I explained. “I have the day off.”
Zayn huffed a laugh. “Me too. Rye has an all-day baby shower event,” Zayn looked me over, and I felt the dull pang of longing. “I’m not staying for that.”
“You dislike babies?”
“I dislike shrieking pregnant women and all their friends who communicate in screams only.”
“I thought you liked it when I screamed.”
What. The. Fuck. Isla.
Zayn’s eyes turned molten. “Careful.”
My cheeks turned scarlet, and I stepped back, forgetting where I was and how close I had been to a trash can. My hip bumped against it, and I shrieked as coffee splattered all over me.
“Damn it, Isla!” Zayn jumped forward, grabbing the cup and throwing it away. He pulled my top off my skin, holding it away from my body as I trembled. “I’m taking you to the ER.”
“It’s coffee, not lava,” I scolded him. Although it really felt like lava, it was nothing compared to the burning of my skin where he touched me. “I’ll be fine. I just need to go home.” My skin was hot and uncomfortable.
“You need to get under cold water.” He pressed the fob in his hand, and I heard a car beep. “Elixir is closer.”
I hesitated.
“I didn’t say orgy in the VIP booth,” he snapped.
“True.” I shook my head as I moved to the car, where he held the door open. “You said baby shower, which is a hundred times worse.” I mock shuddered. “Even I avoid them.”
I loved the way he gave a soft laugh. “Get in, funny girl.”
I fidgeted the whole time. It was a short drive, and my mouth dropped open when he led me from an underground garage to a service elevator. The elevator took us to the top floor and opened up right in his loft. I had never seen it before. It was hidden behind a bookshelf, and I wondered what else I had missed that was right in front of me.
“Why climb all the stairs when you have an elevator?”
“Cardio.”
See, this is why we would never work; he actively chose to climb the stairs.
Zayn’s hands were already tugging at my top. “Let me see how bad it is.” When I resisted, he rolled his eyes. “Seen it all before, Is.”
I wasn’t sure that was the point. However, I let him take my top off. Zayn hissed and led me to the bathroom. I watched as he fiddled with the controls of the shower, and when he turned, he looked at me in surprise.
“You keeping your skirt on?”
I felt strange being here. I didn’t stop to think about it, but as I pushed my skirt down, I saw my chest in the mirror. “Oh.”
“Think your bra got most of it,” Zayn said gruffly. “I’ll wait outside.”
I yelped when I stepped into the water, not expecting it to be stone cold. Zayn was back in a flash, and when he saw me cowering away from the water, he gave a loud sigh.
In one smooth motion, his T-shirt was off. I watched in stunned fascination as he unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his jeans. His boots were kicked off, and then he was beside me in his boxer briefs.
Gently, he guided me to the water. “You stand under the cold,” he said, his mouth at my ear, “to draw the heat out from the burn.”
“You better dunk me in ice then. I’m burning, and it’s nothing to do with the coffee.”