Chapter Five
–Ellie–
EVERY BITE OF the stew I manifested after we had settled in a forest cave, only became more difficult to swallow until I gave up altogether and set my bowl aside. However hard I might try to distance myself, I only became more and more aware of Tavish.
More aware of how much I still loved him.
And nothing felt worse because no matter what, I had to leave him yet again in this life for the sake of Scotland and my family. For the sake of all we held dear.
As was my way, I mostly remained quiet and listened to Adlin and Grant chat about the goings on in all three clans they cared most about, including the MacLomains, Hamiltons, and MacLeods, and couldn’t help but notice Tavish remained mostly silent too.
Eventually, Grant bid us goodnight and drifted off into the Hereafter, followed by Adlin, who declared there were several smaller caves attached to this one, so he was off to get some sleep, leaving me and Tavish alone.
“Nay,” Tavish said softly when I went to stand because it was best we not be alone in case he asked questions I couldn’t answer, and I was right to think it based on the way his gaze narrowed on me. “If ye dinnae mind, I would like to share a wee dram with you.”
While every bone in my body told me not to, because talking could only lead to more trouble, my inner beast seemed to work against me, and I found myself sinking back into my chair despite my best efforts not to. “Of course.”
I chanted more whisky into just his cup, but it seemed he was no fool, because he gave me a look and then chanted, and seconds later, my cup was full again. Then he led with a question that alarmed me because it meant his inner beast was connecting with mine far too quickly.
“Who are you?” His narrowed eyes remained fixed on my face. “Because I get the sense we’ve met before, but I cannae place when or where.”
“As you know, I’m Ellie,” I answered, doing my best to keep my expression neutral rather than wear my emotions on my face, so I offered a small smile and faked a look of confusion. Then I flat-out lied and hated every minute of it. “This is my first time traveling back to medieval Scotland.”
“Somehow I dinnae believe that.” He sipped his whisky and kept eyeing me as if trying to place how we knew each other.
“And from what I’ve heard about your sisters coming together with my brother and cousins, ‘tis clear you may have traveled back without recalling it just yet.” He kept considering me.
“But somehow that doesnae seem quite right either.”
“I don’t know what to tell you,” I replied, because I truly didn’t. All I knew was I couldn’t tell him the truth. “Maybe I seem familiar because I’m related to your brethren's fated mates? I’ve heard things like that can happen when dragons bond.”
“It can,” he conceded. “Yet it doesnae feel quite like that either.”
Likely realizing he wasn’t going to get anything out of me right now, he redirected the conversation, or perhaps even his tactics, to my way of thinking.
“Sense of familiarity aside, I must say I’m curious about your determination to go straight to the Sutherlands.
” As if he were trying to figure out how genuine I was, his steady gaze rarely left my face.
“’Tis verra brave.” He cocked his head. “Truth told, it makes me curious about your life before coming here. I assume you were close to your sisters? And clearly had a love for Scotland and her people?”
Both logical assumptions, considering my actions.
“Yes to both,” I answered easily enough because it was the truth. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep my sisters safe, and I’ve always been drawn to Scotland. In fact, I’ve visited several times in my era, of course.”
“Of course,” he murmured, clearly probing, however subtly.
“Yet through my growing connection with your kin, I get the sense you have never concerned yourself with making a great deal of currency in your profession. That you prefer a simpler life, free of too much excess, running some sort of shop.” His eyebrow swept up.
“I might not know a great deal about your century, but is it not rather expensive to travel from the Americas to Scotland?”
“Actually,” I said, clarifying things and treading carefully because he was as sharp as ever, “I ran a successful apothecary in Salem, Massachusetts. You might be surprised how much people are willing to pay for certain elixirs and potions, if you will.” I tightened my expression and did my best to keep him at arm’s length.
“And while it’s none of your business how I lived my life, it's true I haven’t lived one of excess but mostly saved my money in case my sisters needed help with one thing or another.
As to Scotland, I was a savvy flyer and had friends I could stay with, so my expenditures were minimal. ”
“Did you have trouble flying?” he wondered, coming in from another angle yet again.
I frowned. “Trouble?”
“I heard you have a fear of heights,” he commented, taking another sip of whisky and watching me closely. “So I wondered if you had trouble flying in planes?”
“Generally speaking, a fear of heights doesn’t work that way.”
“Even so, ‘tis unfortunate for a dragon.” He perked a brow at me again. “Should I assume, then, that you didnae fly when you shifted?”
“I didn’t,” I confirmed, leaving it at that because I didn’t want to delve into why I had a fear of heights to begin with.
“’Tis an odd thing, that.” His eyes narrowed again. “I dinnae think I’ve ever met a dragon who didnae at least try to fly when they shifted. Nor do I suspect your inner beast would share such human fears.”
“Yet it seemed mine did.”
I should leave now, as this wasn’t a casual get-to-know-you conversation, but an interrogation designed to unveil my truths.
Yet I felt ensnared in his steady blue gaze and couldn’t seem to make myself go.
If I didn't know better, it was almost as if my inner beast wanted him to get to the heart of the matter.
Get to the heart of me.
But then, deep down, I’d felt that way since I allowed Grant and Adlin to convince me to stay the night in this cave of all places when I could have pushed back harder. A cave where Tavish had spent the first night after I died, grieving my loss.
And I knew because I had visited him from the Hereafter.
It was impossible to describe how much that memory pained me. Not only because of what I experienced being separated from him so abruptly in death, but from seeing the same agony reflected back at me on his mournful face.
Yet despite our pain, somehow I knew we would reunite someday, and that sustained me as time wore on.
I visited him as much as I could without him ever realizing it until I left the Hereafter at some point, though exactly when was still a mystery.
Then I went through the process of being reborn, and with some time and space between us, I eventually remembered him in this life, no matter how odd all that might sound.
The circle of life was far stranger than anyone realized.
More than that, the various aspects of time travel.
As it were, technically speaking, I was alive in two places at once, but I wasn’t. One life had ended, and another had begun. The pact, conveniently or perhaps intentionally, had ensured we were about the same age when we crossed paths again.
Now here we were reunited, even if I wasn’t the same woman he remembered. Somewhere inside, I still was, though. She was still there, just different. Evolved in some strange way, given the vast differences in our centuries. Not to mention, the biggest difference of all.
I was half dragon this time.
“And have you shifted again?” Tavish wondered, pulling me back to the here and now after confirming I didn’t try to fly the first time I shifted.
“Because your ease and willingness to shift again for me and King Robert implies you have, as typically people dinnae quite know how they did it the first time. Especially those who shifted for the first time later in life rather than as a bairn.”
“I did shift again,” I said before I could stop myself, fully aware now my inner beast was indeed trying to reach out to his and take matters into its own hands.
Worse yet, I realized I had drunk half my whisky without recalling when, making it clear my dragon was trying to disarm my human witchy half.
“But only once to confirm I did in fact have the gem.”
“And where did you shift not just once but twice?” Tavish wondered, his eyes still locked on mine, daring me to keep telling half-truths because years before the gem manifested over my chest in my era, he had seen me shift in dreams right here on Scottish soil.
Dreams weren't cold, hard reality, though, and the troublesome gem had eventually made that clear.
“Where would you shift,” he went on, “because I thought dragons were as discreet about their presence in your era, as they are here?”
“We are,” I confirmed smoothly enough, trying to drag my eyes away from his, but it was impossible.
He mesmerized me in a way that was far too dangerous.
Yet I was still of a sound and logical mind, determined to protect not just my sisters and unborn nephews but the whole of Scotland.
“And I did.” I shook my head. “Where doesn’t matter.
All that matters is I did it where I wouldn’t be seen. ”
While I thought he would persist and want a direct answer, instead, he cleverly switched directions again.
“I recall with vivid clarity where I was the first time I shifted.” Somehow, without me understanding how he did it, he seemed to look deeper into my eyes, firelight flickering in his steady gaze as thunder rumbled overhead, and it began raining.
“’Twas an eve much like this in woodland close to my castle. ”
“That surprises me,” I said, yet again, before I could stop myself, because it just prompted him to keep asking questions.
His pupils flared in justifiable interest because what did I know about where a wee medieval dragon might shift for the first time?
“Why?” he asked, no doubt thinking the same thing.
“Why what?” I returned, feeling more and more disarmed by him and unable to say why, because I was the powerful witch in this situation.
Yet somehow, someway, he was ensorcelling me.
After all, not only was I drinking the whisky I had been determined to avoid, but at some point, he'd moved to the seat Adlin had left, putting him far too close to me.
“Why are you surprised I shifted in the woodland on a night such as this?” he prompted.
Think, Ellie, I preached to myself. Say something that makes sense. But for the life of me, I couldn’t spin a tale like I usually could.
Instead, I said something that skirted far too close to the truth.