Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
Z ach stood in the bathroom, staring at the Looney Tunes t-shirt that Danielle had brought out for him. For some reason, he was having a hard time slipping it over his head. Instead, it sat on the countertop, mocking him.
He growled as he pressed his fists down on either side. He dipped his head down as he let out his breath.
What was he doing here? Was he crazy?
Glancing down at the faucet he realized the answer to that question.
Yes. Yes he was crazy. That was the only way to explain why he would get into his car and drive over to his deceased brother’s ex-girlfriend’s house to help her fix her broken faucet. Only a crazy person would do that.
He closed his eyes for a moment as the pain of the past washed over him. He thought of Isaac and how nothing seemed to be right in his life since Isaac passed. Everything changed that night. The person Zach thought he was flew out the window the moment the cops showed up on his doorstep to tell them about the accident.
Isaac had been speeding. The other man was drunk.
Zach squeezed his eyes shut as he focused his mind. There was no way he could break down while he was here. That was the last thing he needed to do.
There was a soft knock on the door, pulling Zach from his thoughts. Tipping his face in the direction of the sound, he asked, “Yeah?”
Silence.
“I’m just wondering if you want some coffee? I was going to make a pot.”
Zach pushed off the counter and slipped on the shirt in one swift movement. Determined to get his head on straight, he decided that it might be best not to glance in the mirror. Instead, he opened the door only to find Danielle’s wide eyes as he stood a few inches away from her.
His heart pounded in his ears as he glanced down at her. His mind told him to back away, but every other part of him told him to stay. There was so much familiarity wrapped up in Danielle and he couldn’t help but be drawn to her. There was this need that burned inside of him. It was the need to hold her once more. To hear her laugh. To see the relaxed way she looked up at him…to feel her lips on his again.
Zach swallowed as he forced those thoughts from his mind. They weren’t going to help him get through this. They weren’t going to help him forget her.
“Coffee would be great,” he said once he was sure that his voice wasn’t going to give him away. He held his stance as he smiled at her, hoping that the protective shield he put up in front of his heart would hold true.
Danielle’s lips were parted and she looked stunned for a moment before she closed her lips and nodded. “I’ll get right on that,” she said, turning and making her way to the kitchen.
Zach watched her retreat, getting lost in the familiar way she moved. It was like hearing a song again that you’d grown up listening to your entire life. It was like he already knew what she was about to do before she did it.
A smile played on his lips as he watched her flick her hair over her shoulder as she reached up to open the cupboard. Or the way she scrunched up her nose as she glanced inside of it. Everything she did was like a dance that he’d forgotten for a moment, but then came rushing back to him once he saw it.
Every memory he had of her felt as real as if it had happened only days before. And there was this dense ache in his chest when the realization dawned on him that he missed this. He missed her.
He didn’t realize he was staring until she peeked over at him and her cheeks reddened.
He cleared his throat and pushed his hand through his hair. That was the last thing he needed. Getting caught ogling his brother’s ex. He should know better. Kissing her had been one of the best and worst things he’d done in his life. And from the stunned look on her face when she’d pulled away that night, she felt the same. They should have never kissed no matter how right it felt.
Feeling like a bumbling idiot, Zach settled down on the chair by the table. Not sure what to do with his hands, he lifted one up and began to drum his fingers on the table.
He was anxious and he needed to stop being anxious.
If Danielle noticed, she didn’t mention it. Instead, she set a mug down next to him and then the coffee pot in the center of the table. Then, she pulled out the chair next to him and settled in.
After each mug was poured, Danielle slipped a packet of sugar and some cream into her own and then held it with two hands as she blew on the steam rising up from the liquid—just as Zach remembered.
He pulled his eyes from her lips and down to his own coffee. He contemplated putting something inside of it, but with the way he was feeling, he needed it as strong as possible.
He took a few sips before he cleared his throat and turned to her. Call him crazy, but he hated sitting in silence. He needed to clear the air.
“I’m sorry,” he said, before he lost his nerve and clammed up forever.
Danielle was mid-sip. She raised her eyebrows as she swallowed the liquid and then lowered the mug. “For what? You fixed my faucet.”
Zach’s gaze made its way over to the bathroom before returning to her. “Not about that. About…” He cleared his throat again, not sure how to bring up the kiss.
Danielle’s cheeks reddened as she pinched her lips together. His meaning had not been lost on her. “You don’t have to apologize. That was a long time ago. We were just kids.” She glanced over at him and gave him a quick and uneasy smile.
There was nothing about what she said or how she said it that made him feel better at all. He could tell she was holding back. This was something he’d feared. He’d hurt her when she was hurting the most. His stomach squeezed from the desire to help her see that he’d been wrong. That given the chance, he would do things differently—even if it broke his heart to think that.
Impulse taking over, Zach leaned forward, closer to her so she could feel the full weight of his meaning. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was wrong.” He dropped his gaze from embarrassment. “I was your friend and Isaac’s brother. I over stepped.” Emotion clung to his throat as he forced the words through it.
So much guilt and pain was wrapped up in that night and he’d never realized how much he’d been holding onto it. Until he spoke the truth. When he put those words out into the world and heard them settle around him.
When Danielle didn’t respond, Zach glanced over at her. Why wasn’t she saying anything?
He could see the internal struggle playing in her expression as she raised her eyes to meet his. “I understand, Zach. You’re beating yourself up for nothing. It was a long time ago. I’m sure Isaac would understand. It’s not like…” Her cheeks reddened as she pressed her lips together and dropped her gaze.
Zach studied her. What had that been about? He leaned closer, wondering if she’d whispered the rest of that sentence and he’d just missed it. But from the firm line her lips made as she sat there, Zach realized that he’d missed nothing. She’d just stopped talking.
Not wanting to harass her more than he felt like he was doing, Zach gave her a smile as he shifted in his seat. “So you have a kid?” he asked, with the hope that talking about something other than Isaac would help clear the air.
Danielle cleared her throat and stood, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Yeah,” she mumbled as she walked over to the sink and dumped out most of her coffee into it.
Confused, Zach watched her. Had he said something wrong? In his small knowledge of the situation, most moms liked talking about their kids. “What’s his name?” he asked, having enough of boiling hot coffee in the middle of the summer, and standing to bring his mug over to her.
His arm brushed her as he handed it to her. She jumped back like she’d been burned, looking up at him with alarm. Then, without saying anything, she took the mug and dumped the liquid into the sink.
“Jesse,” she said.
Zach studied her. Wow. How had things come to this? They’d once been so comfortable around each other. Maybe he was the fool, desperately trying to hang onto something that had died years ago.
“He seems like a sweet kid.”
Danielle stopped rubbing the sponge over the mug as she turned to him. Her expression had softened and she had a sad look in her eye. “Yeah. He’s great. I couldn’t have asked for a better son.”
The downturned expression on her face tugged on his heart. She looked so vulnerable that he both wanted to touch her and yet feared what that might do to her. Needing something to do rather than reach out and wrap his arms around her like he so desperately wanted to do, Zach grabbed a dishtowel that was hanging from the oven and gently took the mug from her, their fingers brushing momentarily.
She didn’t pull away as fast as she had earlier and Zach tried really hard not to be encouraged. “And his dad?” he asked, hoping she would keep opening up to him like it seemed she was. After Isaac’s funeral, Danielle had run away and he’d never heard from her again. Had she been married? Where was the guy?
When she didn’t answer, he worried he’d pulled at the wrong thread for the umpteenth time today. He peeked over at her to see her staring at the water as it flowed into the sink. She was holding something back, he could see that.
But what?
“He’s gone,” she whispered as she reached over and took his now empty mug and began to wipe it down. Once it was clean, she switched him for the dry one, taking it and replacing it in the cupboard above them.
Not wanting to make her more uncomfortable than she so obviously was, Zach finished drying the mug and then handed it over to her. With nothing else to do, he replaced the towel and then turned, folding his arms across his chest. They stood in silence for a few moments.
“Dani,” he said, not really sure how he was going to end that sentence. He wanted to say something but what?
She was chewing her lip when she glanced up at him. There was something in her look. Pain? Loneliness? Whatever it was, Zach had a physical response to it. Like, he’d fight a lion just to make her happy.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice guttural and full of emotion.
Danielle raised her eyebrows. “For what?” she asked as the crease between her eyebrows deepened. It was familiar. Almost like a bet that Zach knew he’d win. He’d studied her reactions so much that they seemed like second nature to him.
Zach cleared his throat and shoved his hands into his pockets. His shoulders rose as he shrugged. “For over stepping, you know…” He leaned forward, hoping she’d catch the weight of his words.
Danielle’s expression grew strained as she tucked her hair behind her ear and nodded. “Don’t worry about it. It was a long time ago. You really don’t need to keep apologizing.” She glanced up at him with a small smile.
Zach wasn’t sure if it was forced or genuine and it ate at him. How could two people who were best friends come to this? Not knowing what else to do, he nodded as he glanced around the kitchen and then pushed off the counter. He ran his hands through his hair and glanced around, the awkwardness around them hanging heavy in the air.
“I, um, should go,” he said as he watched for her reaction.
She hesitated as she stared at the sink and then turned, “Okay,” she whispered.
He nodded and then walked over to the door and paused. “I’ll be over to help with the drywall,” he said, in more of a statement than a question.
Danielle parted her lips and he could see the hesitation in her face but he didn’t wait to hear her response. Instead, he gave her a small salute and then pulled open the door and walked out into the hallway.
He wasn’t sure why, but by the time he got to the street, he felt better. Maybe it was the warm Georgia sun or the soft breeze that rushed over his skin, but he felt lighter and maybe a bit hopeful. Things with Danielle were complicated, there was no denying that, but there was something there and he wasn’t going to let her walk away again.
This time, Danielle Danaher was going to hear what he had to say even if it killed him. He just needed to pick the right moment to say it.