10
December 2021/January 2022
D ear Nana,
Isaac brought me your letter and the presents everyone sent us. Thank you all so much. Don’t worry, I’ll be sending thank-you cards to Eden and Father. My favorite present is the one from Evie (unbelievable, I know!). I’ve never seen a more beautiful dagger. I promise I will find a special place in the house for it.
It made me think about our sisterly relationship, and I realized some things. Maybe I haven’t been a very good older sister to her. I could have done better. If Father ever relaxes about his fear that some harm might come to her if she leaves his sight, I’d like to host her in my pack. You and Eden should accompany her, of course. Wouldn’t that be great?
Speaking of presents, Dominic loved the puzzle I got him! And he got me a weekend trip to Gloucester, a coastal city here in Massachusetts – it’s an open reservation, so we can go whenever we decide. I think we’ll go in the spring or early summer. Dominic said he got the idea because I enjoyed my class trips so much, and I must admit he really hit the nail on the head.
What made the holidays even better was that Heather’s PT appointment had been moved to the end of January, so we got to enjoy our time together undisturbed.
For the most part.
She did show up with homemade cookies and gifts for the two of us – an expensive-looking tie for Dominic and a generic spa set for me. Both the cookies and the spa set were promptly introduced to the inside of our trash can. The tie met its end later.
“ I guess I should have checked the laundry symbols before throwing it in with the rest of the clothes,” I said, knowing Dominic would smell no lie. I really hadn't checked the washing instructions on the tie.
Then again, everyone knew silk was mostly meant to be dry clean only. Oh, well. He really didn’t seem to care. And he never wore ties anyway.
Things were... nice between us lately. Ever since my birthday, Dominic seemed warmer somehow, less guarded. He spent the entire holidays glued to my side. Even in front of everyone at the party, he’d kept his hand on me in some capacity the entire time – be it on the small of my back as we walked, around my waist as we stood talking to the pack members, or his fingers brushing mine whenever he’d handed me a glass or a plate.
We held a big pack party to celebrate the holidays, and it was such a warm and loving occasion. We also went from door to door and handed out the gingerbread cookie gift baskets that I had ordered from Marley’s friend, who owns a bakery. Even the basket was edible! Don’t ask me how she did it. All I know is it looked and tasted great.
Louisa (that’s the friend’s name) was really competent and helpful throughout the whole process of planning and making the gift baskets, and I arranged to have lunch with her and Marley after the holidays.
I thought I’d go crazy missing Isaac or my friends, but I didn’t. I forgot to tell you that Charlotte went to stay with Anthony over the holidays, hoping to meet her mate at the New Jersey pack. I hope she comes back with good news. I get the sense that, for her, it’s less about having a mate and more about building a family because she has none left. It must be hard to exist like that.
Anyway, I’m going to see them all soon – they’ll all be back by the second week of January, and then we’ll exchange presents. I’m really proud of some of the presents I made and bought!
Like the embroidered leather camera strap I ordered for Anthony – you know better than anyone how difficult embroidering leather is,and I didn’t want to risk ruining it, so I relied on a professional. I made a beautiful set of newborn clothes for Grace’s pup, and I knit him a blanket and many warm, tiny hats – he’ll need them since he’s due mid-January! She’s absolutely glowing with happiness and new life. Whenever I see her these days, I think of my upcoming heat, and I’m equal parts scared and excited.
I sometimes wondered whether I’d be a good mother, seeing as I wasn’t really familiar with the job. I only had one for seven years, and I couldn’t really remember the first half of that period.
Was it wrong to want to have a pup to love me? Was it wrong to want to right a childhood wrong by becoming the mother I’d wished to have? Was this just my upcoming heat messing with my mind, making me want it so bad that I could almost taste it?
◆◆◆
Nana,
I’m writing this part of the letter from an actual airplane! It’s my first time flying, and I didn’t even get a chance to be scared since it all happened so fast.
By the time you get this letter, you’ll have heard what happened – I’m sure Father is driving over into Colorado as I’m writing this.
My heat had just finished, and I was in the bath when someone started pounding on our door – it was Elliot. The first thing I thought was that Grace had gone into labor early, but I heard him tell Dominic that a call from the Royal Court had come in! And you know that no one calls unless something has gone horribly wrong.
Turns out, the Spruce Mountain Luna killed her mate.
I cannot even comprehend this sentence as I’m writing it. I didn’t know such a thing was possible, just physically speaking. I don’t even want to go into the mental and emotional aspects of it.
There’s a lot about it that’s murky and confusing, apparently all kinds of things went wrong there, but I guess we’ll learn all about what happened during the trial.
It’s my first trial ever, and I’ll be voting as Luna, and I’m terrified of basically holding someone’s destiny in the palm of my hand. I know I’m being over-dramatic since there are 49 other packs in the country, and their leadership will be voting alongside me (well, not the Spruce Mountain pack, clearly, but you know what I mean), so the pressure will not be on me alone. Still, it’s nerve-racking.
Elliot wasn’t keen on leaving Grace while she was so close to labor, so he deputized Theo (the Gamma) to come with us and vote in his stead. Our pack has a private plane available for emergencies such as this one, and currently, the three of us are on board, headed toward the Royal Pack. I’ll update you on the trial as it happens, and since this letter will not be mailed until it's over, I’m sure I will not be breaking any rules. I’ll check with Dominic, to be sure.
I wonder what the West Virginian Luna is like.
◆◆◆
Day one of the trial is over. I think it will go on for three days in total. Oh, Nana. The whole thing is such a mess. I’m writing this primarily to gather my thoughts and impressions in order to be better equipped to vote when the time comes.
The courtroom is huge. And there were so many of usin there! Like I said yesterday, the leaders of 48 packs are attending the trial, plus the Alpha King who is conducting it.
I saw Father and Eden briefly yesterday, as well as Beta Aaron. Dominic also introduced me to the new King when we arrived; he’s an imposing male, huge. My wolf immediately made me bare my neck to him. The power just radiates from him, it’s unsettling.
Dominic seemed unaffected, and I was surprised when the King hugged him. They seem to have known each other for a long time.
I briefly remembered the King’s smell – it was both briny and refreshing and reminded me of the Great Salt Lake that I’d visited many times as a child. His blue eyes were a good match for his scent somehow.
He was accompanied by a cheerful male who was his opposite in coloring – blond with dark eyes, almost equally tall, yet not as... swollen with muscle as the King was. One was like a bear, huge and strong, and the other one was more of a panther, seemingly lazing on a tree branch but ready to pounce at any moment. He smelled like juniper and was wearing a doctor’s coat, even though his wolf was an Alpha.
“ You remember my friend, Dominic?” the King asked him.
“ Ah, the Alpha of the Massachusetts pack,” the doctor said, somehow managing to sound disapproving despite the relaxed smile on his face, and shook Dominic’s hand.
“ Good to see you again, Matthews,” Dominic said curtly. “This is my mate, Penelope.”
“ Lovely to meet you, Luna,” Matthews bowed his head respectfully and even bared his neck slightly. What a confusing Alpha.
“ Likewise,” I said and made a mental note to ask Dominic about him later.
There was a male with the King, a doctor, who Dominic later told me was the heir to the North Carolina pack – but he left it all behind for some reason and is now working as a doctor at the Royal Hospital. He’s probably the one treating the Spruce Mountain Luna.
Regina Haines is her name. I saw her in court today. She’s tall and graceful, very regal-looking even though her hair is cut short like a male’s. She seems calm and composed for someone who’s on trial for murder.
I couldn’t smell her since she's being given wolfsbane while she's on trial. Must feel awful to be cut off from your wolf like that. At least she’s not suffering her mate’s death. Small mercies.
They’re charging her both for killing her mate and for killing her Alpha, even though they’re the same person. Doesn’t seem fair, but I guess it was difficult to choose which of his roles was more important. Turns out, their pack allowed the Alpha to take a breeder since she hadn’t produced a pup in the four years they’ve been mated.
Can you imagine? How awful and how humiliating! I didn’t even know that was an option for mated Alphas. To desecrate your mating and humiliate your Luna like that! And the Alpha decided everything with his Council behind her back.
Then the breeder got pregnant and said that the Luna pushed her down the stairs, for which the Alpha imprisoned her. For three months! Then the breeder gave birth, and it turned out that the pup wasn’t the Alpha’s!
I swear to you, Nana, I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming up some soap opera in my sleep! So the Alpha killed the breeder and her lover in the most gruesome way. Just thinking about it turns my stomach. I’ll spare you the details on that one.
I remembered how I gasped and how my hand flew to my mouth. Dominic wasn’t unaffected either. I hadn’t seen him so tense since the early months of our mating.
His jaw was clenched so hard that I thought he might break a tooth soon. I briefly wondered whether he’d take a breeder if we ultimately failed to produce a pup. I pushed the thought away. It was still early, maybe the last heat took.
Further testimony revealed that the dead Alpha had cheated on his mate even outside of agreed-upon breeding times (not that the Luna agreed to those either, but you know what I mean). And to punish her for pushing his breeder down the stairs, he killed her old nanny, who’d basically raised her. And he did it in front of her, while commanding the Luna not to look away. Nana, he commanded his own mate! Who does that?!
So that's all we learned today.
We had dinner with Father and Eden afterward, and I actually enjoyed seeing her again. We went for a walk later, just the two of us. It was quiet and peaceful outside, and as the snow was falling, it gave me hope that, in the morning, the world would be clean again. Not for Luna Regina, maybe, but for the rest of us.
I didn’t tell Nana how haunted Eden looked as she gazed at the silent snow. She must have been remembering her first mate, who was killed by a bear who attacked them during the two months they were supposed to spend in the wilderness of Alaska as per their mating customs.
Why had I never noticed how sad she always seemed while I was growing up? A memory from the trial flashed in my mind’s eye: an equally sad, pale, blonde female in a black dress, looking like she was perpetually mourning something or someone as she sat next to one of the Alphas. I hoped I’d see her again tomorrow, maybe strike up a conversation with her.
◆◆◆
I never thought I’d say this to you, Nana, but your mother-in-law... she seems like an angel now. Luna Regina’s mother-in-law testified today, and she was so full of spite and bile and pure hatred towards her son’s mate – it was unsettling. You’d think he was her mate or something. I made myself sick with this thought, ugh. Yuck.
Unfortunately, her son was really out of his mind by the end. The things he said and did were not indicative of a sane wolf. The worst thing is that he kept commanding her. I don’t know why that one bothers me the most. It should be the infidelity, right? But somehow, taking her choices from her by force seems the worst of his sins. Oh, and the murder.
I asked Dominic about him last night, but he said he'd always seemed nice and normal at the Alpha summits they’d attended together. And then, after Dominic's first mate died, his uncle usually went in his stead, so he hadn’t seen Alpha Henry in a while.
Then Dominic went somewhere and was gone until 2 am, at least. I knew that because that’s how long I waited for him before succumbing to the emotional and mental exhaustion of the trial. He was curt and abrupt with me this morning at breakfast, and it was all very different from the new dynamic that we’d enjoyed over the holidays.
The trial was clearly stressful for him, and I didn’t know how to help him. I did remember, in the panic I was experiencing in our room the night before, that this was where Cassie died, so maybe those memories were upsetting him. I just wished he’d talk to me about it. I could be a good listener, I could comfort him.
The Court organized a formal tea for the Lunas this afternoon, and most of them were really nice and friendly. We weren’t allowed to talk about the trial, but I could tell all of us were shaken by what we’d heard.
I was especially intrigued by Agnes, the Minnesotan Luna. She is so delicate and quiet, and there’s something about her that drew me to her. We spent the afternoon chatting about our packs, her two pups, and our Luna duties. I always love learning about other packs and how they do things!
She told me how their unmated females wear gilt circlets on their heads from the time they’re 15, and once they’re mated, their mate takes the circlet off and puts a golden bracelet on their wrist, adorned with a tiny lock that only the mate has the key to. They never take the bracelet off after that.
The female’s family is expected to provide a dowry for her – which seems really unfair to poor families, but I didn’t want to insult their pack, so I didn’t say it. She told me the males dig out swords that their male ancestors were buried with before they can claim their mate and that one was even harder to stay silent about. She said it was a Viking custom – I’ll have to go to the library once I’m back home to read up on them.
Tomorrow is the last day of the trial and I guess we’ll finally hear from Luna Regina herself. I’m really nervous for her, if that makes sense. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.
◆◆◆
You know, Nana, a wolf can sometimes think that his or her problems are the worst in the world. One can obsess over insignificant details and paint oneself as a victim or as the damaged party, but then you come face-to-face with true tragedy, and you’re left speechless. And deeply ashamed of how petty you used to be.
Two doctors testified today, explaining to us the physical and emotional damage done to this female by the aggressive fertility treatments she was subjected to, her time in the dungeon, and the drugs she had to take to manage the pain inflicted upon her by her mate’s cheating.
I now know what happened to aunt Maureen – I had a first-row seat to how that type of thing destroys a person. I can’t believe Mother and Father sent her back to her mate. It’s no wonder she never came to see us again. I sent her a letter, you know, after you sent me her address. She hasn’t written back yet, and I wouldn’t blame her if she never does.
Back to the trial: the dead Alpha (I don’t want to even write his name, I hate him so much) was taking a lot of wolfsbane in order to be able to do all of these heinous things, so he severely damaged his wolf and his mating bond in the process.
Luna Regina finally testified today. It was truly heartbreaking to see how much she blamed herself despite being completely justified in what she did. I think you can guess which way I voted.
Another thing that was heartbreaking was seeing how stricken Agnes looked when she heard about what her disgusting mate had said about Regina.
I will not write all the details of her testimony here because I think I cried enough for one day. I will say that she was faced with an impossible situation, and she found her way out of it. It was remarkable, but she doesn’t see it that way. She felt like a failure and she wanted to die, it is clear as day.
And I understand where she’s coming from, in a way. The mate bond is of paramount importance to our kind. But I think it was her mate who should have thought of that first.
Regina said today that she’d been afraid Henry might force himself on her (I think I might have gasped “Oh my God” when I heard that, but everyone was too stunned to care), and then the North Carolina Alpha said that something like that was impossible, that a male couldn’t rape his mate. Then the King’s brother explained to him that he was wrong – I’d never thought about this before. I always used to think that mates wanted each other all the time. I'd never considered that one might refuse the other in bed.
Regina also said that just because someone was your mate, it didn’t mean he was a good, loving male, and it didn’t mean you should forgive and forget if the wolf didn't exhibit genuine remorse. I wasn't sure what Nana would think of that, so I kept it to myself.
Finally, we voted and Luna Regina was found justified in her actions. I couldn’t hide my smile when the verdict was read, I was so happy for her. Now, she’s free to live the rest of her life as she wants.
The Crown also punished the Elders who sanctioned the breeder, her mother-in-law for assaulting her, the guard who let others assault his Luna in the dungeon, and in the end, they dismantled the entire Spruce Mountain pack. I never heard of something like that being done.
What will happen to those wolves? Can you imagine your pack just being gone one day? It sounds awful, but they kind of deserve it for what they did to their Luna. I hope I’ll manage to be objective and unprejudiced to any of their wolves who might end up in my pack.
I’m finishing this letter right now because I want to give it to Eden before they leave tonight. We are flying back in the morning, after Dominic’s meeting with the King. Now, I'll have all night to be nervous about the flight.
Give my love to Evie,
Love,
P.