18 - Penelope
October 2022
I was running through a dark forest. I knew something was chasing me, but I could neither see nor hear what it was. Or who. My feet were bare, and at this point in the chase, every step hurt. But I knew I had to get to her. Nana. I knew she needed me. So I ran, and I ran, but I could never get close enough to get a glimpse of her.
“Penelope,” I heard someone in the distance.
It wasn’t a shout. It was just a voice saying my name.
“Penelope,” closer this time.
Accompanied by a touch. I opened my eyes and jerked back.
“It’s me. Dominic. You were having a bad dream. Normally, I let you sleep through them, but I was afraid you’d break a tooth. You were grinding your teeth so loudly.”
It was just a dream. Nana wasn’t in danger. I closed my eyes.
I immediately opened my eyes again, and I saw my gradual realization play out on Dominic’s face. I no longer hid anything from him because I didn’t have the energy to. All the strength I had went to caring for Gabriel.
Dominic looked tired. He needed a haircut and a shave. And sleep. This tiny bed had to be uncomfortable for his huge frame. But I loved having him with me. I fed on his strength.
Later, I woke up to an empty room, but I could hear him downstairs with Gabriel. My heart pulled me toward them. I kept my eyes on the floor, not wanting to look at the new photos Dominic had put on the nursery and hallway walls. He must have brought them back from Utah. When I saw them the first time, I completely broke down. Now I only occasionally let myself look and trace the faces in them with my finger. And yearn.
I gave Gabriel a loud kiss and snuggled his neck, which was rewarded with a giggle. I then stood up, hugged Dominic’s waist, and put my head on his chest. He froze for a moment but then hugged me back fiercely. In another life, I would have giggled like Gabriel just had. I made to pull away, but Dominic said, “No. You’re staying right there. Stand on my feet.”
I wordlessly obeyed. And that’s how he made breakfast. A grown male, walking around the kitchen with me standing on his feet, keeping me plastered to his chest, as our pup watched us from his blanket on the floor. If there was still any happiness left in the world, this was it.
I never lifted my head to look at him, though. I knew what I’d find – that loving, nakedly tender look that was reserved just for me. I’d squeeze my eyes shut whenever he looked at me like that. It felt like emotional overload.
Maybe that was what Dominic had been doing all those months. Squeezing his heart shut to ward off the pain love would inevitably bring. Even the happiest relationships ended in death, and no heart was safe.
◆◆◆
“Happy birthday, Dom!” her annoying voice carried through the ceiling. Something primal propelled me to my feet, tinged with shame for neglecting my mate’s birthday.
I moved silently toward the stairs when I heard her say, “It’s not right, Dom, and the whole pack knows it. You need to feel appreciated, especially today.”
“Heather, how can I make this clear to you? I don’t give a flying fuck what is right in the eyes of anyone who’s not my mate. What you should be focusing on is not making me feel appreciated but getting to your own damn sessions with Vera! She told me you still haven’t been to see her. Maybe we need to talk about you transferring back to your old pack after the holidays because I think you’re not living out your full potential here.”
Heather whimpered like a wounded animal before hastily apologizing and going back to whatever hole she crawled out of.
I slowly came down the stairs, just in time to see Dominic staring at a bunch of cupcakes on the kitchen island. He looked up at me, and I said, “Trash.”
He grinned, “Trash?”
“Trash,” I nodded. “And then let’s go out for breakfast.”
◆◆◆
“Look at what he’s doing,” Dominic urged.
I looked up from my book and saw that Gabriel was trying to grab his banana and shove it into his drooling mouth. I grinned.
“You’d think he’s being starved in this household. That food’s still not for you, Gabriel.”
“Soon, little male,” Dominic told him and then looked up at me, “right?”
I nodded, “In a month or so.”
“You know who used to love bananas, Gabriel? Your grandpa Hugo. Your grandma Florence used to tease him that he was a monkey shifter,” he said with a grin, and I burst out laughing.
“You can’t be serious!”
Dominic looked at me affectionately like he did whenever I showed a happy emotion these days. He also did it whenever I said I was hungry or when I went on walks with friends. He seemed so... proud of my recovery that it filled me with a giddy sense of accomplishment, too.
“I’m one hundred percent serious. Those two were the funniest couple. Best friends.”
“See, that’s not the picture of mating I got growing up. But it is something I hope Gabriel will get to witness,” I smiled at Dominic shyly, and he leaned over to give me a brief kiss.
“He will,” he looked at my mouth with his eyes unfocused but then shook his head slightly and turned back to watch Gabe staring down the banana. “So, what’s on your agenda for today?”
“I’ll take Gabriel to your mom’s, and then I’m going to do part of my holiday shopping with Charlotte, and we’ll get coffee after.”
“Sounds good. Have fun and get me something nice,” he winked, and I screwed up my face and shook my head at him.
◆◆◆
“What do you need to get?” Charlotte asked as we entered Sophie’s boutique.
“Today, I was hoping to get a belated birthday gift for Dominic.”
When she shot me a look, I added, “Don’t ask. And a holiday present for him and his mom. That’s all I have time for today. Gabriel still can’t do more than four hours without me, and that’s pushing it. What about you?”
“Luna!” Sophie interrupted us. “I haven’t seen you in a while. I was sorry to hear about your loss,” she said in a more subdued tone, and I appreciated the condolences. My wolf felt supported and loved by her pack.
“Thank you, Sophie. How are you?”
“I’m well. I heard a lot about your pup’s wonderful clothes that you made yourself,” she said slyly. “If you ever decide to start a clothing line, I want to be the first store to carry it.”
“Has Dominic been talking about me again?”
“Oh, Luna, but it’s so sweet! The male is smitten. Someone mentions a garden, and he goes on about your flowers, or anything he can.”
Charlotte joined in, but I knew for a fact she was teasing since she elongated words in an exaggerated way, “Penelope is sooo good with Gabriel, it’s like she knows what he needs even before he himself does! Penelope is soooo naturally talented in dealing with our pack members,” she stopped abruptly when I pinched her, “Ouch! I’m telling Dominic.”
“He’ll probably say that I pinch better than anyone else in the world,” I said smugly, and we all laughed.
“Oh, my,” Sophie said when she recovered from the laughter. “I’m almost sad I have to go back to work. Please let me know if I can help you two with anything.”
“Thank you, Sophie,” I said and then turned to Charlotte. “So? What are we buying here?”
“Lingerie,” Charlotte said, more quietly than she normally would have.
“I don’t...”
“It’s for me,” she said, not meeting my eyes. “I’ll spend the night at Noah’s tonight. It’s his birthday tomorrow, and... well, I made my decision, and I hope, as my friend, you’ll respect that.”
“I can’t make you do anything, Charlotte, but I will also not celebrate your decision,” I said, and her face fell slightly. “I’m sorry, that’s not what a good friend does.”
“I understand.”
“Can I ask you something?” she nodded, so I continued, “Are you not freaked out by the story Margaret told?”
“I was,” she admitted as she touched a silky nightgown. “But then I realized that it’s not the same. She was a pup, and we're both grown wolves. Noah is older than I am; he should have met his mate by now. For all we know, she’s dead. This could turn into a real thing,” she said.
“What about your mate?”
She turned to meet my eyes, and I could see she was on the verge of crying.
“Where is he, Pen? I’ve traveled, I’ve been a student here for years, and I’ve never met him. Sometimes, I worry that I never will. And I’m so lonely all the time, I have no family, when I leave the University next year I’ll be all alone in the world!” she was crying now in earnest and I hugged her tightly.
“Well, just be careful. My Nana,” I stopped to swallow that annoying lump in my throat that now accompanied her name, “always said lust looks like love until it’s time to sacrifice , so just please keep your eyes open.”
“I will, Pen, don’t you worry about me.”
We left the store with both of our hands filled with bags, not a present for Dominic in sight, when she suddenly jerked and turned toward a couple on the street. The male stopped and widened his eyes at her. The female was too wrapped up in nuzzling his neck to notice us. They both reeked of sex.
“Noah,” Charlotte breathed, and I stiffened next to her.
“Hello, Charlotte,” Noah said, seeming completely unaffected by our presence.
His companion turned to us with a big smile. She was gorgeous – long-legged and tanned and too scantily dressed for the end of October in Massachusetts.
“Hi! I’m Jennifer, Noah’s mate,” she offered and when I saw Charlotte wasn’t going to say anything, I introduced myself.
“Hello. I’m Penelope, I’m Luna of Greylock and Charlotte’s friend. She and your mate work together.”
I looked Noah directly in the eyes and pushed a bit of my wolf into it, forcing him to look away.
“Great to meet you! My brother’s the Alpha of the Yosemite pack where we are both originally from. I flew in to surprise Noah for his birthday, and then we’ll both fly back for the holidays.”
“How nice,” I said and looked at her neck, puzzled.
She noticed and laughed.
“Yeah, we’re unmarked. Noah really wanted to study and do his residency here, and I didn’t want to leave my life in Cali, so we decided to stay unmarked until we could live in the same place. Otherwise, our wolves would go crazy.”
It really was crazy. It was the craziest thing I’d ever heard. But then I remembered what Dominic had told me about their pack, and I was no longer surprised.
“Well, it was great meeting you both. We have to get going now. Enjoy your stay, Jennifer.”
As soon as we were out of earshot, all strength leached from Charlotte’s body, and she collapsed in a sobbing heap. Most of what she was saying was unintelligible, but the two most repeated words were “believe” and “stupid”. Hank drove us to Lynn’s house, where I explained the situation and had a cup of tea before heading back home to Gabriel.
I was more shaken by the meeting than I could let on in front of Charlotte. The bizarre way in which these wolves approached mating, together with my mate’s personal history and that lying dirtbag Noah’s calm face that betrayed nothing, had truly rattled me.
When I got home, I still had about an hour left before I had to go get Gabriel. Before I could talk myself out of it, I went into the nursery and took Dominic’s letters out from their drawer. I initially wanted to read only the first one, but once I started, I couldn’t stop.
His handwriting was exactly like him – the lines were decisive and stern, they stopped abruptly, and had no unnecessary additions or flourishes. In some places, he’d pressed the pen so hard against the paper that he had almost torn through it.
As soon as I was done reading, I knew I’d be re-reading them all before the day was over. There was so much about my mate and our first year together that I had completely misjudged, but I had to go and get my pup.
“He just fell asleep,” Florence informed me when she opened the door, then frowned slightly. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. Could you please make me a cup of tea?”
“Of course.”
“I’ll just go check on something in your spare room, okay?”
“Go ahead, you're the one who brought all of that stuff over anyway.”
I entered the room where I’d moved Cassie’s stuff. It took me a while, but I finally found the box that I remembered was full of papers. With shaky hands, I found the letters Dominic had written as a hopeful young pup to a female who he hadn’t met yet. And as I read them, I cried my heart out for my poor mate.