20 - Penelope
“O h, no, Gabriel!” I sighed in exasperation as my sweet pup grinned his gummy smile like nothing had happened.
Luckily, we were almost at Florence’s, and I could already see her eagerly pacing her porch as she waited for us.
“Hello! There is my favorite pup,” she greeted us with her arms outstretched while I loosened the shoulder straps of the pup carrier. “Oh, looks like someone had a little mishap!”
She was being way too cheerful about my vomit-covered blouse.
“Yeah, he vomited a minute ago. I’m not sure whether it’s because I strapped him in too tightly. This is a new carrier now that he’s too big for the elastic wrap. Or maybe he caught a bug,” I started worrying, but she just pressed her lips against his forehead and firmly declared, “No fever. He’s fine. Probably a one-off.”
“I hope so. If...”
“Penelope,” she cut me off. “If I notice he’s getting sick, I’ll just bring him to the office. It’s five minutes away. Don’t worry. I have taken care of a pup before,” she winked.
“Thanks, Florence,” I said, feeling a bit more relaxed.
“Now say bye to Mommy,” she told Gabriel and waved at me with his chubby little hand.
“Bye, my love, bye, Grandma,” I waved and made my way back home to change.
On my way home, I could feel tiny pulses of Dominic’s excitement. I had a good idea of what he was doing. I connected the dots after the tenth night I felt the exact same thing while he was in the shower. This was the only area of his emotional world that he still hid from me, but I got the feeling it was more rooted in trying to respect my desires or the lack thereof. He knew how I felt. I’d never gone back to blocking him after Nana’s funeral.
Ever since my pregnancy, I’d been pretty much arousal-free. Grace and Mira were surprised because their hormones had the exact opposite effect on them. Breastfeeding didn’t help – Gabriel nursed on demand, which was often, and, at the end of the day, the thought of someone touching my breasts one more time was... less than appealing. And then Nana died, and it became even worse.
I sometimes wondered whether the spark that Dominic had ignited inside me was gone for good. He let me feel his lust for me and his appreciation for my body every now and then, but other than the unavoidable pull of the bond that made me want to be close to him, I hadn’t felt much else lately.
Yet now, the idea of catching Dominic in the act sounded very appealing for some reason. My wolf sat up and urged me to hurry home. I opened the front door as quietly as I could and crept up the stairs after taking off my shoes. The bedroom door was ajar, so I peeked inside, utterly unprepared for the shockingly erotic image that awaited me inside.
I knew my mate was an attractive male. I knew it both intellectually and viscerally. My body had responded to him in ways that I couldn’t comprehend during our first year of mating. And yet, I’d never gotten the opportunity to observe him like this before – lounging completely naked in the armchair, his face covered with my nightgown, his long legs spread, and his hand gripping his erection. I wasn’t proud of myself, but I wanted to see all of it.
My breath caught, and my insides clenched at how vulnerable yet sensual he seemed. He was working himself almost methodically, twisting his fist slightly whenever he reached the gleaming, wet tip. A whisper of something slithered down my belly, and the knowledge that I was doing something naughty added more heat to my already flushed face.
I could tell Dominic was biting and licking my nightgown, and the heady fact that it was my scent he was using to fantasize caused a tug somewhere between my thighs. I almost moaned at the sensation. My nipples were straining against my bra like they were trying to pull me to him, be closer to the coarse hair on his chest, which they knew felt amazing against them. When was the last time I was surrounded by the smell of my mate’s arousal like this?
I didn’t know where to focus my gaze: Dominic’s slick fingers as they stroked his veined, thick, long erection, or the muscles in his forearm that flexed with every determined stroke, or how his stomach clenched as he approached his destination, or how his other fist desperately convulsed in the folds of my nightgown.
“Penelope,” he moaned under the nightgown, and I had to press my lips together to keep my sounds inside me. I was in the room now, standing with my back leaning against the wall, pressing my thighs together, desperate for any relief.
“You’re driving me crazy, Penelope,” he continued. “Your smell, and your thoughts, fuck,” he growled, and soon thick white jets of seed spurted all over his fist, stomach, and thighs.
He slowly removed the nightgown from his face and shot me a sleepy, lazy grin as he fell into an even more relaxed sprawl.
“You must be aching,” he drawled as he took in my tense stance.
My face was burning, but I didn’t look away. He pushed away from the armchair, still wet with his release, and stalked toward me.
“I can smell how slick and swollen you are,” he said and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. “Is all this just from watching me?”
I nodded, not capable of anything more.
“Do you need help taking care of that? Will you let me touch you?” he whispered as he traced the shell of my ear with his nose.
“Yes,” I replied before I could think about it.
His lips were suddenly on mine, licking and devouring me hungrily. He quickly rid me of the vomit-covered blouse, briefly scrunching up his nose before throwing it out into the hallway. I wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the fact that neither of us seemed to notice the smell until now, but I was too far gone under his touch. My mate’s touch. The spark I’d wondered about earlier? Yeah, it was a wildfire now.
I could feel the stickiness of Dominic’s semen fusing the skin of our bellies together, and I loved it. I’d always loved it when he rubbed it all over me. He looked down, and his eyes burned at the sight before he took the same hand he used to stroke himself and started grinding the heel of his palm against my sex as his fingers made their way inside me while I got rid of my bra.
“Dominic,” I begged helplessly, desperate for the high I knew he could give me. I was already chasing it with my hips, but I needed more.
“I know, I got you,” he said as he found the really good spot that made me gasp and arch into him wantonly.
A moment later, I was gripping his fingers with my insides so tightly that he bit out another curse word as I ultimately sobbed my release into his mouth.
We both just stood there for a moment afterward, panting, with our foreheads pressed to each other.
“Dominic,” I said tentatively, and even if I hadn’t felt his apprehension through the bond, I would have sensed it from the way his whole body tensed at my words. “Can we move to the bed now?”
“Hell yeah,” he breathed and then kissed me again.
The quick and frantic male was now gone. His kisses became maddeningly slow, exploratory, and tender. I couldn’t believe I used to think Dominic was unguarded in bed. Now, his eyes shone with obvious love for me, and every touch was almost reverent.
“I can’t believe you’re mine, gorgeous, soft, sweet, peach-tasting Penelope,” he murmured into my ear as he slowly thrust into me while I had my legs wrapped around his waist.
“I love you so much it hurts,” he said into my mouth later as he sat up with his back against the headboard and helped me ride him. “I never want to let you go again.”
“Say my name, mate, say you’re mine,” he said through gritted teeth as I fell apart in his arms again, and I did; God help me, but I told him.
This part was new. After he’d thoroughly exhausted me, Dominic put my head on his chest, one of his arms around me, and pulled my right thigh up over both of his.
“Do you have to be at work any time soon?” he asked as he played with my hair.
“Not really. I had planned to finish some work by noon and then get Gabriel from your mom’s, but it’s already 10:30, so that’s not going to happen,” I said, not annoyed about it at all.
“Good. I don’t want you to go.”
I felt a silly amount of pleasure at his words. I hugged his waist in response.
“I want to run something by you,” he said, and I waited. He didn’t say anything, so I shuffled beside him to put a hand on his chest and rest my chin on it. That way I could look at him, since it seemed important.
He hesitated some more before saying, “I was thinking. For your birthday, I want to have a mating ceremony with you.”
When I frowned, he continued, “One that we plan together. I realized that our first ceremony might not have been what you wanted. And I was too in my head to think about anyone else.”
I squeezed his waist again, and he rewarded me with a small smile.
“Like a new start?” I asked.
“Yeah, something like it. But also to celebrate our love and mating properly. It is a gift, and I want to acknowledge that publicly.”
“You know I don’t care about that.”
“I know you don’t. I know you don’t want to spend tons of money on a ceremony for others just because I’m an Alpha, and I can afford it ,” he said bitterly, and my heart hurt for him.
“Cassie?”
“Her mom.”
“Yikes.”
“Yeah. But what I’m trying to say is that I now, inexplicably, have this need to proclaim my love to the world. Don’t laugh at me,” he chided me playfully.
“Remind me, were you or were you not complaining about a certain friend of yours...” I laughed.
“Don’t remind me,” he groaned. “I invited him and his mate as well.”
I sat up.
“You already sent out invitations?”
“Yeah,” he admitted, and if he were anyone else, he would’ve blushed. “I originally wanted it to be a surprise. But then I thought maybe you wouldn’t enjoy that, or you’d want to have more input, so I decided to tell you.”
“That’s sweet of you. I do want to be surprised – I want to see what you’ll come up with, so I won’t be making any suggestions.”
“Very well,” he grinned.
I narrowed my eyes at him, “Is that why Theresa is coming to stay with us?”
“Partly that, partly I wanted you to have a family member with you for a while after everything.”
“Oh, Dominic,” I sighed, and I hugged him. “Thank you.”
◆◆◆
“How’s Charlotte?” I asked Margaret as I set her coffee mug in front of her.
“Thanks. Not great, but she’ll get there,” she sighed. “Luckily, she wasn’t primarily motivated by love for him. She was more desperate for love and family and belonging than she was for Noah, and we can help with that somewhat.”
“Yeah. I was thinking of sending an anonymous letter to his Alpha or his mate, but I don’t know whether I’d cause more harm than good with such a move?”
“Believe me, I understand the impulse, but think about it, Pen. He moved away from his mate and she didn’t want to move with him, they didn’t want to mark each other, they go months without seeing each other... I think they’re the perfect match, and I don’t think she’s too lonely while he’s away,” Margaret said.
“You really think so?” I asked anxiously, and she just made a face that told me I was being naive again.
Very well, then.
“Do you,” she said hoarsely but then cleared her throat. “Do you think less of me now? Now that you know?”
“No!” I exclaimed a bit too loudly. “No, Margaret, I really don’t.”
Then I sighed, “Listen, I’m sad that you suffered so much, and I don’t like the fact that when you talk, you still seem to care more about Jackson than about your actual mate. That part, I’ll admit I’m struggling with,” I told her, and she looked away briefly.
“But as for what happened 10 years ago? Or even earlier? You were a pup. A pup who didn’t get the attention and care she should’ve gotten from her parents or her pack. You should’ve been protected from yourself. The adults in your pack knew very well how our species works and what the mate bond represents, and you and Jackson should’ve never been allowed to run around like you have. I blame the adults,” I concluded.
“Thank you, Penelope. I wouldn’t blame you if you considered me a fraud now.”
“Not a fraud. I think it’s kind of funny that you chose the career you did. In the sense of those who cannot do, teach,” I teased her, and she laughed.
I then asked something that had been on my mind ever since she told me about her past, “Did you ever think about trying to make things work with your mate?”
She blew out a breath and put her face in her hands. She then looked up at me, and in her eyes, I could see all the self-loathing she normally kept concealed.
“You think he’d want me? You think he isn’t disgusted by me?”
“I don’t know what he thinks. But since you already think he hates you, there’s nothing to lose, is there?”
“I don’t know, Pen. I don’t let myself think about it all that much.”
“Why not?”
“I feel like I’ve lost the right to even consider a future with my mate. I feel like I’ve had my chance, and I wasted it. And I don’t feel deserving of another one.”
“Hm,” I pondered her words for a second. “I think different wolves would give you different answers to the question of whether you deserve a second chance or not. But there is only one wolf out there whose answer matters, right?”
She nodded, and I could only hope she didn't think that wolf was Jackson.
◆◆◆
“I’ll just drop these in my office and I’m coming, okay?” I told Dom as we entered the pack building together.
We’d just gone to see the progress on our new house, and I was beyond thrilled. The team he’d assembled to work on it had managed to translate all my visions of family time and life in a house into actual space that could host them. I couldn’t wait to move in.
“Hurry, I ordered lunch for us.”
“Must be nice to be able to use an important Alpha feature such as mind-linking to order food for yourself,” I teased, and even though his face remained impassive, now that I could sense his reactions, our communication had significantly improved.
“Just hurry,” he clipped and marched into his office, his amusement evident through the bond.
I grinned as I went to drop off my bag and some files in my office. As I made my way back, I noticed Heather staring out of a window in the hallway.
“Hi, Heather,” I greeted her politely.
“Hello, Luna,” she said in a subdued voice.
I took a better look at her. She was pale and had clearly lost some weight. Her face was gaunt, and I could smell something like a fever or cold on her. My wolf urged me to be kind to a fellow pack member.
“Are you not feeling well?”
“Just tired. I’m in the process of packing and shipping my stuff.”
“Where to?” I frowned.
“I’m moving back to California after the holidays,” she said.
“Good luck,” I told her because it was the only honest but nice thing I could think of.
“Hurry,” Dominic said as I came into his office.
“Oh my God, I’m going as fast as I can. You should have started eating if you’re that hungry.”
“Who said I was hungry?” he shot back.
“Why else would you pressure me this much?”
“Maybe I just enjoy your company so much,” he said with a glint in his eye.
“Just give me my food,” I rolled my eyes at him, and he handed me a wax paper-wrapped burrito, a glass water bottle, and a glass container filled with cut-up fruit.
“When do you think we’ll be able to move in?” I asked as I unwrapped my burrito.
He was already eating his sandwich so he finished chewing as he tilted his head left and right, thinking.
“End of January would be my guess.”
“I can’t wait,” I said and bit into my burrito. “Oh, this is so good,” I said with my mouth full and offered him a bite. He was so darn pleased with himself that I almost yanked my hand back before he could take the bite.
“Don’t look so smug.”
“I can’t believe you’re offering to feed me from your hand,” he said with a grin.
There was some parsley between two of his teeth, but it was still the most beautiful smile on Earth.
“You’ve brainwashed me into this.”
He raised his eyebrows in response as he continued chewing.
I took a swig of water before pointing the bottle at him, “You’ve been stealing bites of my food ever since you came back. I’ve come to expect it, and then I started anticipating it, and here we are.”
“I just wanted to be as close to the inside of your mouth as possible,” he winked, and I felt my face warm.
I remembered the inside of his mouth and how his tongue felt against my core last night. Then I remembered how impossibly soft and warm the skin on his hardness had felt in my mouth this morning, and then the explosion of saltiness...
“Eat your fruit, Penelope,” my mate said while taking deep breaths. “Then maybe we can talk about these thoughts of yours.”
“Sorry,” I smiled, not feeling sorry at all and we both knew it.
◆◆◆
“I hear the car!” I jumped from the couch excitedly, and Dominic shook his head with a smile.
“If I'd known you’d be this happy, I would have invited Theresa to visit us ages ago,” he teased, but I could sense how happy my happiness was making him, and it was a beautiful thing to behold.
I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and ran to the front door while he went to grab Gabriel from his floor blanket.
“Theresa!” I screamed as I opened the door, but instead of the shouts of my rambunctious cousin, I was quietly greeted by a demure-looking Theresa holding Theo’s hand.
“Hi, cuz,” she smiled, but it was all wrong.
I looked at their joined hands, and Theo puffed out his chest before informing me, “Theresa is my mate.”
“I’m so happy for you both!” I clapped my hands.
Dominic opened the door further and invited them both to come in. I looked at my cousin questioningly but she just shook her head almost imperceptibly. Huh. I couldn’t wait to discuss the details of her mating with her.
If I was being honest with myself, I’d secretly dreamed about her being Anthony’s mate. I just had the feeling they would make a good match. But on the bright side, with Theo as her mate, we’d always stay in the same pack. My heart felt a size bigger at the thought, although one sniff of the tension in the room deflated it.
The new mates sat on the couch next to each other very awkwardly. It reminded me of Dominic and I in those first days, and brought back the memory of that uncertainty and unease.
“How was the flight?” Dominic asked when he saw no one else was going to speak.
“It was good,” Theresa responded.
That was it. Good. What had happened to my cousin?
“Are you going to stay with us or with Theo?”
“She’ll stay here,” Theo said, and Dominic frowned.
His eyes briefly glazed over, and I realized he was mind-linking him. Theresa’s knuckles were white from how hard she was gripping the skirt of her long dress.
“Could you show me to the bathroom, please?” she asked me, and I led her up the stairs.
When we were far enough not to be overheard, I whispered to her, “What is wrong with you? Why are you being weird?”
She leaned her back against the wall and pressed her palms to her cheeks.
“Oh, Lord. Penelope. I just...” she shook her head. “So, he picked me up at the airport, right? As soon as I smelled him, I lost my mind, and then he was kissing me, and he was being kind of aggressive, and then I got in my head about not knowing what I was doing, so I tried talking to him a bit.”
“And?” I prompted when she fell silent.
“When he told me his name and rank, I remembered him from your letters. I remembered you telling me that he was particular about the kind of mate he wanted, and I just...” she trailed off.
“Oh, Theresa, I am so sorry. This is all my fault. Me and my big mouth,” I put a hand over said mouth.
I felt awful as I pulled her into a hug.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me; I’m never like this. I hate feeling insecure like this. Is this what some wolves feel like all the time? It’s the worst!” she cried into my shoulder.
“Give it time, okay? Spend a few afternoons together, get to know each other, you’re mates, you know it’s gonna be fine.”
“I know,” she sighed. “I just wish I had made a better first impression. If only for the story I’ll be telling our pups,” she smiled. I felt a tiny pang of sadness when I remembered my own story about meeting my mate. But the pang was much smaller than it used to be, and it passed quickly.
◆◆◆
“So, what is he like?” Theresa asked Dominic.
He shrugged, “He’s okay.”
“I mean, what does he like to do?”
He shot her an incredulous look, “How am I supposed to know that? I can tell you he’s a good Gamma.”
She rolled her eyes and turned to me, “Spill it. Gammas are the protectors of Lunas, so he’s probably working closely with you.”
I could feel Dominic’s laughter through the bond as he waited to see how I’d handle that.
“Not really. Theo mostly works on campus, and you know that’s around 40 minutes away,” I said evasively, but then I remembered at least one piece of information I could give her, “Oh, he loves the gym. He goes twice a day.”
“I can believe that,” she said dreamily, and Dominic and I shared an amused look. “Let’s go to the gym!”
“What? Why?”
“What do you mean why? You used to love working out with me; don’t tell me you’ve stopped lifting now that you’re mated,” she said, as confrontational as ever.
“I haven’t stopped; I just don’t go to the pack gym that often. I mostly go to the one on campus with my friends because it’s bigger and smells better.”
“No gym smells good, sister. Now go get ready,” she ordered.
“Your looks belie your personality,” Dominic said as I was leaving, and Theresa laughed.
“You weren’t joking about the smell.”
“Told ya. It’s the one place in this pack that makes me think about what it must be like to be human because it’s impossible to smell anything but sweat.”
“I smell male groin as well.”
I gagged, “What do you know about groin smell, missy?”
“You forget that my brother is 15. This is exactly what his room and laundry smell like: sweaty teenage groin.”
“Please, stop talking.”
“Funny, that’s what I thought when your mate was telling me about your gardening skills.”
“He was not!”
“Oh, but he was. It was sickening but adorable. You’ve got yourself a good one.”
“He wasn’t always like that. That’s why I’m not worried about you and Theo,” I said and bumped her shoulder with mine.
“There he is, in the corner. Hurry,” she pulled me toward Theo, who stood with two pack members who I recognized as Emily and Carson.
Both of them were training to be pack enforcers.
“So, what does she look like?” Emily asked, and Theresa and I exchanged a glance. She pulled me into the partitioned-off area to our right that housed the dumbells.
“Eh,” Theo replied, and I felt Theresa tense next to me. She’d gouge his eyes out; I was sure of it.
“Are you struggling with her looks? Is that why you’re avoiding her?” Emily asked again, and I silently prayed that Theo would shut her up somehow.
“Her looks don’t matter. Look, it’s hard to explain. She’s just different than I would have normally gone for,” Theo said evenly.
“Someone like me, you mean?” Emily teased, or at least I hoped that was what that was.
Before I could say anything, Theresa ran. Not away, never away. My cousin ran right at the she-wolf who dared encroach on her territory.
Now, Emily was training to be an enforcer. She was tall and lean and had a healthy amount of muscle. Theresa was short and curvy, but she was packed with muscle beyond belief, and right now, her body was pumping adrenaline into her veins, which made things so much worse for poor Emily.
By the time I reached them, Theresa’s knee was between Emily’s shoulder blades, and she had her hair wrapped around her fist.
“Proposition my mate one more time, do it!” She yelled at her, and Emily whimpered.
Theo and Carson just stared at the two of them with their mouths hanging open, and I quickly averted my eyes from Theo’s massively tented shorts.
“You. Don’t talk to me,” Theresa pointed a clawed finger at Theo.
“But,” he stepped toward her and she bared her canines at him.
“I’m not joking. Leave me alone.”
She gave Emily one last push and turned to leave. I quickly followed her.
“Feel better now?” I’d known my cousin her whole life. This wasn’t her first fight.
“I feel like I can finally breathe again.”
“Good to have you back,” I smiled, and she smiled back.
As the adrenaline of the fight wore off, I could see Theresa retreating into herself. That night, after I said goodnight to her and closed the nursery door, I could smell her tears, but I respected her need to lick her wounds in private.
“I can beat him up and throw Emily out of the pack,”Dominic offered helpfully when I entered our bedroom, where we’d moved Gabriel’s crib in preparation for Theresa’s visit.
“Theo needs to solve this on his own,” I shook my head. “Otherwise, Theresa will always wonder if her mate was forced to be with her or to accept her because she was the Alpha’s family.”
“I guess you’re right,” he sighed as I went into the walk-in to change.
I understood very well how Theresa felt. The sadness that occupied the place between what you’d hoped would happen and what actually happened was a special kind. It was grief for something you never even had. I wished Nana was here to sit with us and make us both feel better.