Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
‘Let’s go.’ She pulled away from Rhys, starting to head down the track.
He looked stunned. ‘Sienna?—’
‘That site guard has been looking at us like we’re loco and about to leap onto the ruins and do something sacrilegious.’
‘If kissing you is sacrilegious, then I intend to be the biggest sinner there is.’ His mouth moved into a sort of smile but his eyes showed his seriousness—and uncertainty. ‘Okay, now we have to talk about this. You have to talk.’
‘I know and I will. Let’s just do it somewhere private, okay?’ She didn’t want to stand in the middle of a major tourist attraction, pour her heart out to the love of her life, and then walk away from him. She needed privacy. So did he.
She walked briskly to the entrance to the ruins and got straight on the waiting bus. It wasn’t a long trip down to the town below the ruins, but today it would take for ever.
‘Sienna.’
She didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to be tempted. She had to be strong—it was for his own good, damn it. But she hated herself. He’d just told her he loved her and here she was running again, leaving him hanging. She blinked, wanting rid of the sting in her eyes. She spoke quickly, not wanting stilted silence. He didn’t deserve that. ‘How did you get here?’
‘Helicopter.’
‘ Helicopter ?’ Amazed, she spun to look at him then. ‘Why?’
‘I needed to get here quickly.’
‘You haven’t had time to acclimatise. You might get altitude sickness.’
‘It’s not the altitude that’s making me feel…’ His voice trailed away.
Hurriedly she turned back and looked out the window, her cheeks flaming. Her innards had gone mushy and she fought to maintain her resolve. Only then did she realise how hard he was going to make this.
As the bus moved she chanced another look at him. Less stunned. A lot determined. She had a fight on her hands, but for his sake she’d better win it. She couldn’t bear to hurt him more than he already had been. Guilt ripped through her. She had forced him to open up. She loved him for it. But wasn’t being with her going to hurt him beyond repair?
‘I’m sorry they showed your scar.’ He nodded at the pages still in her hand.
She shrugged. ‘It’s okay. I guess I’ m never going to escape it.’
‘No, but you’ll learn to live with it. It’s only a small part of who you are, Sienna.’
She looked at him keenly. ‘Ditto.’
She led him to her hotel, straight in and up the stairs to her room.
He looked about, took in the double bed. ‘No dorm room this time?’
‘I needed some space.’
She recognised the glint in his eye and moved back into the other half of the room. She needed space from him now. If he came any nearer she’d melt into his arms. Not allowed. She had to think of him rather than herself. She picked up her journal, waved it at him like a sword. ‘New year, new journal, new me.’ She laughed—bitter and brittle. ‘I wrote my list, as you know. But there were some things I didn’t write down. The really important things.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I can’t be with someone for ever, Rhys. I can’t ever have kids or a family or anything like that. I decided I was going to live life now . I can’t make promises for the future—not to anyone.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because there might not be a future.’
His colour drained. ‘What are you saying?’
She sighed. ‘I remember when Dad died. Mum was devastated. It nearly killed her too. She was great with us kids but her heart went into the grave with him. You can still see it in her eyes.’ She looked to him, pleading for him to understand. ‘You’ve already been through enough, Rhys. You don’t need to hook up with someone who might not be around for you. I don’t want you to go through that. I don’t want to leave a husband without a wife, children without a mother.’
‘Who says you will? Who says you won’t live to be a hundred? Hell, bits of your heart are practically bionic. They keep coming up with better treatments all the time. Why do you have dibs on dying first? I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.’ His colour had returned, and he flashed his easy smile.
‘Don’t, Rhys.’ He wasn’t taking this seriously. And she meant it, she really meant it.
He sobered. ‘Sienna, a few days ago I might have agreed with you. But now I know I have to be with you for however long fate decides it is we have together. I thought I couldn’t bear a future with you in it. Because of the possibility I might lose you. But the fact is, I can’t bear a present without you. I’m alive now. I want to live now.’
He pointed to her chest. ‘I know the risks. You know the risks. They’re there but they’re not that big. And we’re at risk of a million other things we don’t even know about. We have to live life, Sienna, for as long as we have it. We have to create life—lives even.’ His smile was soft. ‘And we have to let them take their courses. No more sidelines.’
He stepped nearer, spoke up some more. ‘It isn’t your job to protect me. You can’t—not like this. He took the journal from her hand, tossed it onto the floor where it landed with a thud. You once told me that people write things down to help make them real. But you didn’t write this down. Why?’
She stared. ‘Because it was…so fundamental.’
‘No.’ He shook his head. Took another step nearer, his voice another notch louder. ‘It’s not. This isn’t some goal, Sienna. It isn’t meant to happen and you know that.’
The thing she wanted most was the thing she didn’t want the most. Torn and trapped by her conflicting emotions and by his relentless advance across the room, she stood immobile and mute.
‘No one truly wants a lonely life. Not many people choose to reject the possibility, the hope of love. You say you want to live every moment to the full and yet you won’t let someone share it with you? I never thought you of all people would be so defeatist!’ With each word his volume increased. They’d be hearing him up at the ruins. Sienna could hardly bear to hear him at all.
‘People like me didn’t spend years studying, years working to fix you, for you to then chicken out. You are whole, Sienna. And you have to let yourself live a whole life.’ He stopped right in front of her, breathing hard, eyes glued to hers.
She was afraid to move. ‘I’m broken, Rhys.’
‘No, you’re not.’ He gave a half-smile and a half-shrug. ‘No more than me. No more than most other people.’
‘You’d always want to take care of me.’
‘Of course I would. I love you. And I expect you to take care of me too. But I’ve never stifled you, Sienna, and I never will. When you’re booking your flight in the helicopter, make sure my seat’s right next to yours.’
‘You want to go with me?’
‘Everywhere.’
Her eyes watered. Could she really have it all? For so long she’d thought not and this was too much. She pressed her palms together, tried to take some deeper breaths. She couldn’t seem to think any more. She felt frozen on the edge of a precipice and she didn’t know if she was going to be able to take the leap.
‘You know what I think?’
She looked at him, unable to voice the question.
‘I think you’re scared. Scared to really let yourself fall.’
Of course she was scared. Terrified. Petrified. Far more fear in her here than any stupid snake or spider could arouse.
‘I’m scared too—the whole thing is crazy. We’ve known each other what—a week? But this is right, you know it is. Let’s live now , Sienna. Jump with me.’
He wasn’t going to let it go. Wasn’t going to let her go. She tried to speak. Twisted her lips even. But failed to produce sound.
He stepped nearer. Spoke softly this time. ‘It’s too late, you know, we’re already in free fall.’
At last, squeaky and raw, her voice worked again. ‘Do you think either of us remembered a parachute?’
He took her hands in his, held them firm, and smiled. ‘Honey, you are my parachute, and I’m yours. So long as we hold onto each other, we’ll be fine. I’ve never been more certain of anything. You’ve turned me on—and I don’t just mean that .’ He grinned. ‘You make the trees sing, the air sweet. You make my life. Hell, I don’t know how to say it.’
‘You’re doing okay so far.’ The tears overflowed, two fat trails tripping down her cheeks, followed rapidly by twin rivers.
‘No fear, remember?’
She returned the grip of his hands, needing to be honest about what frightened her most. ‘One day the mechanical bit in this heart might need replacing. I might have to be opened up again.’
‘Maybe. And if that happens I’ll be holding your hand when you go under.’
Her eyes snapped to his. Intently she focused on him. ‘Holding someone’s hand can be the best thing you can do for them. The only thing you can do.’ She squeezed his tightly, whispered, ‘So they’re not alone.’
The shadow darkened his eyes and she knew he thought of Theo. ‘Yeah.’ She knew he understood. The hint of green appeared again as he looked at her. ‘Well, I’ll be holding your hand when you wake up too.’
She smiled, a little wan, but right back at him. ‘Apparently I can get a little stroppy when I wake up.’
He released her, lifting his fingers to frame her face. ‘It’ll be a good challenge.’
One of her hands crept up and held his to her cheek, the other curled against her chest. ‘Then, for as long as it’s beating, this heart is staying right beside you.’
The kiss was the sweetest she’d ever experienced. He held her face to his and as their lips joined it was as if their very souls had opened up and embraced. Warm relief mingled with hot desire. Her knowledge that this being together was the beginning of for ever brought an enduring, unlimited joy. She reached for him, caressed him with both gentleness and strength, wanting to express the depth of her feelings.
Inevitably, the sweetness was overtaken by sensual, strident need. But there was a tacit understanding to keep the brakes on for once. They undressed—item by item, as if unveiling everything to each other for the very first time. The love and wonder in his eyes as magnetic as the raw lust that also registered there. When they lay naked on the bed there was nothing but deep kisses for a long, long time. Murmurs of love and mutters of laughter followed. Then no more talking, just action.
His arms, his body, imprisoned hers, but his love didn’t bind her. He didn’t suffocate her with concern but rather gave her freedom. When she was with him she had the courage to attempt things she’d never before contemplated. While she knew she was whole, having him beside her gave her the push to prove it. Life would never be the same again. Life would never be boring.
‘You know, I had some thoughts about what you could do for a job.’
She managed to open an eye and look half enquiring.
‘If you were serious about doing something positive, I mean.’
‘Yes?’ Both eyes opened and she lifted her head a millimetre off the pillow.
‘Don’t say no straight away. Hear me out.’ He sat up on one elbow, enthusiasm seeming to send energy back to his body. ‘You know how bored kids in hospital get. How scared?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you know how much fun it is to make a big, big noise?’
‘Yes?’
‘Music therapy. I can’t believe you haven’t thought of it yourself.’
She stared at him blankly. Then her mind worked through the suggestion. ‘You mean I go into the hospital and get the kids to bang some drums?’
He beamed. ‘Yeah!’
‘I can’t believe you think I’d want to work in a hospital!’
‘Not just any hospital. My hospital. I’ll be there.’
‘And that makes all the difference?’
‘We can have lunch together.’
‘As if you take lunch breaks.’
‘We can snatch a few moments in the supply room.’ He laughed. ‘Think about it. You know I’m right.’ He stroked her arm. ‘You’d be making a difference.’
Her heart flooded and so did her eyes. Again. Actually the idea wasn’t bad. She quite liked the possibility of having a van full of xylophones and swanni kazoos and drums and tambourines and noise, noise, noise. She buried her face in his chest, listened to the solid, rhythmic thud of his heart. He was so strong. His drive as a doctor wouldn’t be changing. He needed to do it, and he’d sensed that she sought something as challenging and as rewarding for herself. That she wanted to put back in to others’ lives as well as her own—just as he did. And he’d worked out a way they could do it together—he wanted her in his world and him in hers, wholly.
He breathed deeply, fingers teasing through her hair. ‘Love at first sight. Never thought it happened. Never thought it would happen to me.’
‘Tell me about it.’ She sighed, contentment cloaking her. ‘I walked into that bar and there you were looking ferocious and I blinked and my heart was no longer mine. Just like that.’ She nuzzled his neck. ‘I love you, Rhys.’
He clamped her to him, arms like a vice, as he spoke low and rough in her ear. ‘Marry me, marry me, marry me.’
They lay bonded for a long moment, listening to their quickened breathing, their galloping hearts. She whispered, hardly loud enough for him to hear, hardly able to believe she could feel this happy. ‘Okay.’
His arms tightened even more. ‘No getting out of it now. We’ll do it as soon as it can be arranged. The family will want big and pomp and the damn media will want photos.’
She lifted her head to look at him, humour sending a smile to her face. ‘That’s the real reason you want to marry me, isn’t it? So you can bow out of the hellish glare of life as Rhys Maitland, bachelor heir.’
‘Darling, you know me so well.’
She rolled her eyes, rolled her hand down his chest, and knew the bliss of limitless love.
The sky was clear and cloudless. One opportunity. Holding her hand tightly, he looked at her and felt an overwhelming sense of togetherness. He hadn’t realised just how alone and isolated he’d become. He had a wide circle of friends, an endless supply of dates—had he wanted them—respect and authority at work. He was invited to every party, never stuck for something to do. But, hell, he’d been lonely. There was only one body his arms wanted to encircle. Only one person he wanted to have alongside him.
‘We have to draw up a new list.’ He saw the question in her eyes and explained. ‘We never did get very far on yours. We could check them off—keep up the zest for life.’ He grinned. ‘I never want to take it for granted. Never want to take us for granted.’
‘Okay.’ She thought for a moment. ‘I want to do life-drawing classes. You can be my model.’
‘Okay.’ He’d always be happy to get naked for her. ‘I want to make love on a train.’
‘Swim with dolphins.’
‘Make love on a plane.’
‘Be an extra in a movie.’
‘Make love on a boat.’
‘See the pyramids.’
‘Make love on a bus.’
‘Go to Rio for the Carnival.’
‘Make love on a motorcycle.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Shave my head.’
‘Make love in a car.’
‘Swim with sharks.’
‘Make love in a gondola.’
‘Walk on burning embers!’
Undeterred he winked and checked off his fingers. ‘Make love in a horse-drawn carriage, a hovercraft, a helicopter.’
‘I’m sensing a theme here, Mr One-Track Mind. Haven’t you run out of transport options yet?’
‘No. Make love in a blimp.’
Giggles erupted from her. ‘Gee, that sounds so romantic.’
He turned to her, leaned his face so close their noses brushed. ‘Making love with you is always the experience of a lifetime.’
Her eyes shone bright. He wanted to tell her again how he loved her, but nothing was needed. She understood. Besides, you couldn’t hear a thing above the noise of the rotor blades starting up. The helicopter rose high into the sky. She sat by the window and he was in the middle, nicely anchored with his arms tight around her. They circled around the ruins. Her profile was in the foreground, wisps of her hair fluttered across the blurry backdrop.
The view was incredible.