Chapter Sixteen #2
“Okay, hold it. Mr. Slade, if you want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, you have to want it. Looking like you want to murder the model is not sexy. If you want your band to be successful in this biz, you’ve gotta put a little extra effort into your publicity, or you’ll bring the whole band down with you.
Got it? Now give me sexy, dammit,” he yells.
Colt shuts his eyes tight as she slides her hand down his pants almost to her wrist. I shudder, and Colt opens his eyes, flaming with lust for the practically naked girl that’s all over him.
Her lips meet his chest again, and she looks up at him through her lashes.
His hand moves to the back of her hair and grasps a fistful.
Then he grabs her hand down his pants by the wrist and looks at her with such a sultry stare that my knees feel weak.
I can’t believe he’s grabbing her by the wrist.
That’s our thing.
My heart sinks a little, and my limbs feel heavy.
“Great! Dominant. Sexy. Love it. Keep going,” the photographer calls out
Yep, I officially want to puke.
The model moves her head up to his neck and kisses him seductively.
My hands clench tightly as I gnaw on my bottom lip, almost to the point of pain.
Her mouth moves across his cheek, and her lips meet the corner of his mouth.
I flush a cold sweat, and it takes every ounce of strength not to scream the entire hotel down.
I scrunch my eyes tightly for only a moment to take a break, but then I hear Anna gasp.
When I open them again, she is biting Colt’s bottom lip, and for fuck’s sake, he looks like he’s loving damn every second of it.
My eyes widen as he runs his hand down her spine seductively to her ass, where he grips her butt cheek.
And with that, the wind has been knocked clean out of me, and I am drowning in a sea of jealousy and rage. Hot tears pool in my eyes.
“Dee, c’mon, you’ve seen enough,” Anna whispers in my ear, tugging at my hand to walk away with her, but I can’t move. I’m like a statue glued to the floor, watching my lover make out with another woman.
I know it’s not real.
I know he doesn’t care about her.
But my brain will not switch off.
This indecisiveness is mine to bear—I know it—but it doesn’t make it any less challenging to deal with. That’s when the tears break through the wall and flood my face as I watch him look at her with desire and lust.
The crazy train has entered the building without my permission, and I am taking an express ride to I-Am-An-Idiot Station.
And here it comes…
I can’t believe I told him I was in love with him.
And now he’s looking at her like that.
I pushed him into this.
I pushed him into the arms of another woman.
Now he’s milking it for all it’s worth.
Am I losing him?
Jesus! Fuck! The pain is unbearable.
A small sob escapes my mouth as the world comes crashing down around me. I feel dizzy as she straddles Colt and grinds her crotch into his groin, pinning him to the bed.
Seriously? There are sexy images, then there’s porn, and I know which category this rates in.
The bile creeps up, attempting to release all over the carpet, so I cover my mouth with my hand while his hands grip her arse cheeks tightly. My disgust is like a raging torrent of despair when she lets out a small moan.
“Okay, got it. Good work, Mr. Slade, very sexy,” the photographer encourages, and I watch as Colt picks the girl up by her waist and moves her off him. He looks at me, breathing hard as he furrows his brows and frowns while rearranging his damn cock.
Well, fuck me! He got hard.
The bulge in his jeans is unmistakable.
Scowling, I swipe the tears from my cheeks. I can’t believe Colt got his rocks off doing that. I huff in disgust and turn, walking away.
I am beyond furious.
“Dee… Dee, wait,” Colt calls out, but my blood is boiling.
It’s hyperthermal.
I may as well be a volcano erupting, with lava searing through my veins, my pulse hammering in my ears, heat rising so fast I can barely breathe.
My hands are clenched so tightly that my nails dig into my palms, but I don’t feel it.
All I feel is betrayal, frustration, and sheer rage burning through me.
And right now, irrational or not, I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to hear whatever goddamn excuse Colt’s about to throw my way.
I want to be anywhere but here.
Anna looks at me before I storm out of the penthouse and toward the suite where I confessed my love for Colt this morning.
I did this—to him, to us.
I’ve pushed him away.
A fresh wave of tears falls down my cheeks as I press the key card to the reader for the door, frantically trying to get inside, when a hand grabs my arm and spins me around forcefully.
I look up at Colt, who’s panic-stricken as he takes hold of both my arms in a vice grip.
Any composure I may have had, I’ve completely lost. My head is frazzled, and I can’t think of anything other than the image of him rearranging his fucking cock.
His mouth crashes into mine, and I shake my head violently to get him off of me. I struggle in his grip and try to push him away.
“Dee!” he yells as I cry and push frantically, attempting to get him away from me. I bring my knee up, but his body is against mine, pressing me hard against our suite door, so it doesn’t connect.
I can’t control my emotions, gasping for breath.
I’m hyperventilating.
My eyes are so full of tears that I can’t even see his face anymore.
“Dee. Baby. Stop,” he whispers in a soothing voice that only calms me for a second, and then my fury is back.
My arm gets free of his grip, and I try to push him away, but he’s too strong.
“Fuck, baby, please. C’mon, it’s not what you think.
” He takes my face in his hands, and I immediately grasp at his wrists, trying to move his hands away from me, but nothing I do equals his strength.
“Not what I think? Not what I think? You got hard for another girl minutes after I told you I’m in love with you. Now let me go,” I scream at the top of my lungs.
Anna and Johnny walk out of the penthouse suite, and Anna’s hand shoots to her mouth as Johnny rushes to us. But instead of calming me with their presence, I continue to struggle against Colt.
“Dee, it’s not like that. Will you stop and listen?”
“What’s there to say, Colt?” I scream, struggling against him again so forcefully that my hand is freed, and I bring it up and think hard about slapping him across his face, but my hand falls away.
He grunts and grabs my shoulders tightly, shaking me a little.
I’m so past rational that I want to claw his goddamn face off.
Driven by pure fury, frustration roars through me, and I pound on his chest, shoving, pushing, trying to get him away from me.
“Dee, stop,” he grits out, grabbing my wrists. His grip is firm, unyielding, holding me still.
Panic flares in my chest. My hands are trapped, but my legs aren’t. I slam my foot into his shin.
“Fuck,” he hisses, his grip slipping just enough for me to yank one arm free. I shove him with everything I have, and this time, he stumbles back.
Colt exhales sharply—then his fist flies up.
I flinch.
He doesn’t hit me.
His knuckles crash into the door next to my head with a force so brutal it makes the wood crack.
The sound reverberates through the room, freezing me in place, my breath caught in my throat.
His frustration with me is more than obvious now.
I know he wasn’t trying to hit me, but he has reached his limit.
“Jesus, Colt. What the fuck are you doing?” Johnny rushes in, grabbing Colt and shoving him back.
Anna’s arms wrap around my shoulders, grounding me, but my pulse is still wild, my body still locked in fight mode.
Colt shakes his head, dragging his fingers through his hair, his frustration rolling off him in waves.
But I can’t focus on that.
Not when my own hands are still shaking.
“Dee, I’m sorry. Are you okay, baby?” he asks while I swipe the tears away from my cheeks with the back of my hand.
He takes a step toward me, and I stiffen.
My breathing slows, and I nod my head, letting him know I am fine. He puts his back against the wall opposite me as we stare at each other while we calm down.
Johnny and Anna are looking between us, assessing the situation.
“Colt, maybe give us a minute, okay?” Anna asks, looking at Colt and holding me tighter in her arms.
He shakes his head and exhales loudly, banging the back of his head in frustration against the wall.
“This is ridiculous. Dee, will you just fucking listen to me?” He peels himself from the wall and strides toward me. I tense when he reaches me, but he takes my hands and looks me in the eyes.
“You wanted to fuck her, didn’t you?” I accuse.
“No, Dee, I don’t want to fuck her!”
“Well, your cock certainly wanted to.”
“I only want you. If you search deep enough, you will know that.”
“Then why the hell would you get hard for someone else? Don’t bullshit me. I’m not as stupid and naive as everyone thinks I am.”
“No one thinks you’re stupid or naive, Dee. Although you are acting like a petulant child right now.”
“Fuck you!”
“Colt, c’mon,” Johnny says, slapping Colt on the back in an effort to make Colt go with him.
“Seriously? Fuck me? Fuck you, Dee. I was thinking of you the whole goddamn fucking time in there. It was your face I was picturing, your arse I was grabbing, your mouth on mine. It was all about you, Dee. That’s why I got a raging hard-on. Because of you! Fuck!” he yells, getting right in my face.
Johnny pulls Colt away from me and runs his hand through his hair.
My breathing quickens as I take in what he’s said, and I stand there in stunned silence, watching Colt watch me.
“C’mon, mate, come grab a beer and cool off with me,” Johnny says, taking Colt by the arm and leading him away.
“Wait,” I call out.
Colt stops and looks back at me.
“Is that true? Don’t you lie to me, Colt.”
He slumps his shoulders and walks over to me, pulling me to him in an embrace. “I would never lie to you, baby. I’m sorry. I should never have let myself get so into it, but I swear the only way I could get through that shit show was to think of you.”
I admit defeat and wrap my arms around his waist.
Then I hear Johnny and Anna both exhale, and they disappear out of sight.
“If you’re lying, I’m seriously going to castrate you,” I say, only half joking.
He chuckles. “Baby, if I’m lying, I’ll let you castrate me because I won’t be unfaithful or lie to you.
Dee, you make me a better man, and I’m so sorry you had to watch that all unfold in there.
I’m even sorrier about it happening. I should’ve pulled the interview.
You’re more important to me than bloody Rolling Stone magazine.
” He shakes his head and leans down, placing a kiss on the top of my head.
I sniff. “I’m in the wrong… I one hundred percent overreacted.
Seeing you with another woman like that minutes after I said what I said…
” I sigh heavily. “I thought I’d scared you off.
I was angrier at myself than at you. And there’s no way you will pull an interview.
The boys would kill you and then me. Actually, probably me first. I won’t be responsible for holding you back, Colt. Because I’m some jealous idiot.”
He leans down, and his lips meet mine so tenderly it takes my breath away.
“Colt, man… sorry to interrupt, but they wanna do the group shots now,” Dingo calls out, causing us to part lips.
He looks over at Dingo and nods.
I look up at him, and his eyes meet mine.
“I want you to know that I acted out of pure, unadulterated jealousy and that pure, unadulterated jealousy is because I’m so in love with you.
You don’t have to say it back. I know it’s hard for you to say, and I understand completely, but I also want you to know how wrong it was for me to act out that way. ”
His forehead meets mine. “You know how I feel, though, right?”
“Until the end of time,” I say, which makes him smile.
“Exactly.”
“Colt, seriously, c’mon, man,” Dingo calls out.
What happened today cannot happen again.
Somehow, I have to lock these feelings away, keep them from spiraling out of control. I can’t let my jealousy override logic. I lost it today—completely, irrationally lost it. We’re volatile together, a match too close to the flame, and if we’re not careful, it will burn everything we are to ash.
Colt wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. No words, just the weight of what we both know.
Then, together, we walk back into the penthouse suite for round two.