Chapter Twenty-Seven
The cab pulls up to the curb of the condo I once shared with Joseph. The street is quiet in the pre-dawn darkness, though the first chirps of the morning birds pierce the silence.
Damn birds!
Their cheerful songs feel like a mockery of my turmoil.
I step out after paying the driver, the cool air biting against my skin, and approach the familiar door. Memories of our time together flood back, each step heavier than the last. I hesitate, hand hovering over the doorbell, uncertainty gnawing at me, but then I remember I still have my keys.
When I walk inside, I hear a slapping sound coming from the living room. The lights are on, and I stand confused—Joseph shouldn’t be up yet. I quietly close the door so as not to disturb him, but then the sounds of grunting and heavy breathing fill the silence.
What the hell?
I set my luggage down and head through the entryway to the living room.
Well shit!
My eyes widen at the sight before me.
I have to blink a few times to take in what exactly it is that I’m seeing. Joseph is bent over the arm of the sofa, being rammed up the ass by another… man.
And, apparently, loving it.
“Holy fuck,” I say louder than I should have.
Their heads spin around. Joseph is horrified, and his wide eyes give him away as he stands. The guy behind him pulls out, looking at me, confused.
My hand flies to my mouth as they both turn to face me, fully exposed. Seeing Joseph naked doesn’t faze me as I’ve seen him in his natural state countless times. But the other guy? He’s a stranger, and all I can manage is, “Wow.”
Oh, crap. Did I say that out loud?
“Jesus, Deliah, ever heard of knocking?” Joseph snaps, tossing a cushion to his friend, who places it over his crotch with a sheepish grin.
Well, this is awkward.
But after hours of nothing but heartache, something inside me cracks.
A laugh bubbles up, escaping before I can stop it.
It’s loud.
Obnoxiously loud.
I double over, clutching my stomach, tears streaming down my face—not from sorrow this time, but from uncontrollable laughter. I have to brace myself against the wall to keep from collapsing.
Joseph’s friend chuckles nervously, adjusting the cushion. “Well, this isn’t how I expected to meet you.”
“You and me both.” I gasp between fits of laughter.
Joseph rolls his eyes but can’t suppress a smirk. “Glad to see you’re taking this well.”
I wipe away the tears, finally catching my breath. “Oh, trust me, this is the highlight of my day.”
The tension in the room dissipates, replaced by a shared, albeit awkward, amusement.
In the midst of chaos, sometimes all you can do is laugh.
“Deliah, seriously?” Joseph states, looking at me, confused. “I can’t believe you’re laughing. Shouldn’t you be shocked?”
I laugh harder.
Longer this time.
“So this is Deliah? As in your ex… Deliah?” The well-hung guy asks in an American accent.
“Yes,” Joseph exclaims, unimpressed.
“The one who’s dating Colter Slade?”
I stop breathing.
I literally stop breathing.
No one should utter that name.
I will not utter that name again—it is he who shall not be named from now on.
My chest tightens.
And my laughter quickly turns to sobbing.
Seems I can feel after all.
“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” Joseph asks, walking toward me as the tears fall down my face. He stands in front of me, and his face contorts with what seems like rage. “What the hell is this, Deliah? If he hurt you, I swear to God—” Joseph says, pointing to my forehead.
“No, that wasn’t him. That was all me. I smashed my head into the wall after I saw him snorting coke from a naked slut’s body. We argued, and he passed out. So I left,” I answer, cutting him off as he wraps his arm around me, pulling me toward the sofa.
“Colt’s using drugs? You said the band wasn’t like that? Have you been doing them too?” he asks, concern laced in every word as he places me carefully on the sofa, and they sit on either side of me.
“I’m not a complete idiot. No way would I touch that shit, and he said he wouldn’t either. Then, when I got back from the hospital yesterday, he was all over her. Of all the women that hang around them, why did it have to be that vapid whore?“
“Deliah, I’m so sorry. But maybe it’s best to find out before you get too invested.”
Joseph’s words cut deep, each syllable a painful reminder of the reality I wish I could ignore. My face contorts involuntarily, betraying the turmoil brewing inside me.
He continues, his voice gentle yet firm, “Look, Deliah, I know you better than anyone. I don’t know what’s happening right now, but I do know you’re hurting.
He did that to you. He hurt you, and the best way to make him suffer for that is to forget and close yourself off to him.
” His gaze holds mine, searching for acknowledgment, but I can’t muster a response.
The weight of his advice presses down on me, conflicting with the emotions warring in my heart.
I know he’s right, yet the thought of letting go feels like tearing away a part of my soul.
His friend nods in agreement, clearly unaware of the depth of our conversation.
I clear my throat, eager to shift the focus.
Suddenly, it dawns on me—I’m seated between two naked men, one of whom is my ex-boyfriend, who I have just caught boinking on my old couch.
The absurdity of the situation hits me, and despite the emotional turmoil, I ask, “Wait a second. Just wait for one second. What’s with all…
” I wave my hands around at the two of them, “… this?” I ask, looking between Joseph and his friend.
“Danny, can you give us a second, please?” Joseph asks.
“Sure, I’ll be in our room,” Danny replies.
Our room?
My head shoots back to Joseph, whose face has turned a deep shade of crimson. “Deliah,” he says quietly.
“Joseph,” I say sternly, so he knows I don’t want some bullshit, cock-and-bull story. “I want the truth.”
He exhales and leans back, looking up at the ceiling. “Okay, I’ll tell you everything, but please promise you won’t get upset?”
“I promise,” I reply while watching his facial expressions.
“Right, well, here goes… I’m gay,” Joseph admits, causing me to chuckle.
“Well… no shit, Sherlock. After what I just saw—”
“Deliah, c’mon, I’m trying to be serious here,” he says, cutting me off.
“You’re right. Sorry.”
“Now comes the hard part.” He looks at me and takes my hands. “I’ve known I’m gay for years.”
I swallow a lump in my throat, feeling somewhat stupid for not picking up on it when we were together. My gaydar is usually spot on, so how the hell did I miss this?
Joseph’s voice trembles as he begins, “I met Danny at work. He was a new intern.” He pauses, gathering his thoughts. “I’ve always found men attractive but dismissed it, unable to fully understand those feelings.” His eyes flicker with vulnerability.
“Then, Danny kissed me,” he continues, his voice barely above a whisper. “In that moment, everything clicked. I realized I was gay.” He glances at me, his expression a mix of fear and regret. “I was terrified of what everyone would think, especially you.”
He takes a deep breath, his gaze dropping to the floor.
“Discovering your boyfriend is gay… I can’t imagine how painful that would be for y-you…
” his voice cracks, “… so I tried to suppress it, to be the partner you deserved. You’re an incredible woman, and I hoped our relationship would ‘fix’ me.
His eyes glisten with unshed tears. But I couldn’t continue lying to myself or to you. ”
Joseph’s hand reaches out, but he stops short, letting it fall to his side.
“I’m so sorry for the hurt I’ve caused.” He turns to Danny, who walks back into the room, their eyes locked in silent understanding.
The room feels heavy with unspoken emotions, the weight of our shared history pressing down on us.
“The affair started a year after we began seeing each other. I’m sorry, Dee.
I never meant to hurt you or lie to you.
Danny threatened to leave if I didn’t tell you the truth, so I chose him and kicked you out…
” He pauses before continuing, “I was angry at myself and Danny for making me choose. I loved you, but I was in love with him, and I think we know now that the love we had was only ever friendship, but I didn’t know that then.
That’s why I was so short and blunt when I kicked you out, because you were so upset, and I couldn’t stand it.
I wanted to tell you, but for some reason, I couldn’t.
I didn’t know how you’d react. I didn’t want you to hate me.
I’m deeply sorry.” Tears well in his eyes, and he’s now looking at me as though I should be saying something.
“I’m processing,” I reply as he waits for a response.
My ex was cheating on me with a man for three of the four years we were together. And he was using me to try and turn himself straight? Like that’s even possible!
“Why do you still meet with Daddy?”
He looks at me with his head tilted and his eyebrow raised.
“Okay, not what I expected, but I’ll go with it.
I still talk to Rutherford because he helps me with work, and I like the old guy.
He’s a friend, and I know how much he and Liz care about you.
I care about you too. I only ever wanted to see you happy.
I was trying to make us both happy, but in the end I just couldn’t. ”
“I should be furious with you… for cheating on me, for using me as some sort of ‘gay repellent,’ and especially for lying to me for three years and making me believe I wasn’t sexy enough to get you hard.
” Beneath my anger lies a profound sense of betrayal and hurt.
“I trusted you implicitly, shared my life with you, and now I am grappling with the reality that our relationship was built on a foundation of deception.”