Chapter Thirty
“Hello, Rodrigo,” I said when he picked up the phone.
“Hello,” he said, his voice warm. “I’m glad you called.”
“Thank you for being patient. I had things to sort through in my mind.”
“And are they in order now?” he asked.
“Well, not perfect order,” I said. “But some things are clearer. We need to talk.”
“That would be good. Do you want me to come there?”
“Um, no.” While living in an RV was nice, it didn’t lend itself to entertaining, except outdoors. And this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have when we’d be interrupted by well-meaning travelers.
“We could meet at a park,” I suggested.
“Or you can come here. Antonia is off tonight.”
“How about I bring pizza?”
“I haven’t had pizza in a long time,” he said. “That would be wonderful.”
“Cheese, pepperoni, onion, olive?”
“Perfect.”
We settled on a time, chatted briefly about our days, then hung up.
After letting my sisters know I was taking the car, I set off to get the parts I needed to make repairs. We were leaving the following Monday, and it was time to get things completed.
If I focused on that, I didn’t need to think too much about the sadness that was occupying my body.
~ ~ ~
The pizza store I chose was one of the more popular ones in the area, so it was a wait before my pie was ready.
Rodrigo didn’t come out to meet me, but Star put her head over the top rail of the corral and nickered. I blew her a kiss and told her I’d get to her later.
When he answered the door, I was struck again by the kindness in his eyes. Whatever else, he was a nice man, an attribute I didn’t think women valued nearly enough .
“Let me take that,” he said, plucking the box from my hands. “Come in.”
I walked into the cool adobe home and shut the door behind me before following him to the kitchen. Even though the sun was close to setting, the kitchen maintained its warm atmosphere. Bright Mexican ceramics lit up terra cotta tiles, while a gas fire burned in one corner. The kitchen table had thick legs and caned chairs. Very different from the patio table or the formal dining room no one seemed to use.
“I’m hungry,” Rodrigo said. “I hope you don’t mind if we eat first. I’ve been training the new horse all day. I don’t think I’ve worked that hard in a long time.”
“Sounds good,” I said. Putting off a difficult conversation always seemed like the easy path to take.
Rodrigo nodded and pulled out plates, flatware, and orange- and yellow-patterned napkins. Two heavy glasses also made it to the table. “Beer?” he asked.
“Yes.”
We sat at the table, and each grabbed a piece of pizza. For a few moments, we did nothing but eat and purr our approval of the greasy mess.
“I can’t believe it’s been so long since I had a slice,” he said.
“Our doctors would be horrified,” I said.
“Let’s keep it a secret then,” he said with a grin.
Then we both reached for a second piece.
~ ~ ~
We had cleaned up and were settled into chairs on the patio, letting the night sounds whisper around us. In the distance, lights were on in the house that Juan and his family occupied.
“Have you decided when you’re moving?” I asked.
“We’re talking about May to give his wife a new house for Mother’s Day.”
“I’m sure she’ll appreciate that,” I said.
“She’s a little worried about it, to be truthful,” he said. “She sees the size and worries about the upkeep.” He chuckled. “I think she’s also worried he’s going to want children to fill all the bedrooms.”
“Will he?”
“I know he wants one or two more, but when it comes to the important decisions, she has the final say. He once told me he makes the unimportant decisions, like which newspaper to subscribe to, while she is in charge of vital matters like how they should run their lives.”
“Seems like a good division of labor.”
“Then that is how we will do it if you decide to give us a chance.” He turned toward me. “And have you?”
The time I’d been avoiding all evening was here.
Even so, I took a moment to indulge in the quiet of the space around me. The ranch was far enough away from roads that we barely heard the traffic. While there was a pole light by the barn, it was sensor operated. The horses had settled in for the night, so it was dark. Overhead, the stars shone brightly. It was a sight I’d appreciated more since we’d begun our travels. There were so few spaces in the east where one could get a good look at the heavens at night.
“I need to tell you about my life with Michael,” I said. “It will help you understand.”
“Okay,” he said. Then he reached over, gave my hand a slight squeeze, and let go.
Falling in love with this man had been easy. If only deciding what to do about it came with the same effortlessness.
Slowly, I began the same tale I’d told to Genna and my sisters. Rodrigo listened quietly, but at some point he placed his hand on mine.
“No wonder you had such difficulty at bingo,” he said. “If I’d known, I never would have suggested it.”
“I thought I could handle it,” I said. “Until I was talking with a friend, I didn’t realize how deep the wound had gone.”
He nodded. “It’s amazing how deep emotional hurts can live. I find myself still sorting through things that happened to me as a kid. I had a good childhood, but no one’s parents are perfect. As for the army…” He shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll ever sort that trauma out in my lifetime.”
“Was it bad?” I asked, then realized how stupid the question was.
“All war is bad,” he said.
Then we were quiet for a while. I was exhausted from telling the story again, and he seemed to sense I needed the time to recover.
Letting the night work its magic, I sipped my beer.
“I think…” he said. “I think it will be important that we talk about our finances. I know you and your sisters have your ranch tied up in trusts of some sort, and I’ve done the same with this ranch. We should be clear with each other about how all of that works. And if we move forward, we need to discuss how we’re going to do it financially. It’s something couples don’t do enough of, I think.”
“Yes. It’s not a very romantic subject,” I said .
“But it’s one of the things that can foul up a marriage,” he said.
“One of many.”
“I’ve always believed many problems come down to one basic thing: communication. If couples make an effort to communicate, to say what’s real for them, to be heard when they speak, then the marriage has the best chance of surviving.”
“It’s difficult to do all of that.”
“I know. It’s something I’ve realized was absent in my own marriage. Gabriella was brought up in a home where the man ruled. Her mother was submissive to her father’s will, and the girls were brought up that way too.”
“I don’t think her sister learned that lesson very well,” I said.
He barked out a laugh. “She’s got a tongue, that one. Yes, she got beyond her mother’s message. Her husband is the definition of hen-pecked.”
I laughed too.
Then the other problem prodded me.
Rodrigo was right. Communication, no matter how difficult, was essential.
“Trixie Lynn told me something that’s been bothering me,” I said.
“She might have told you anything to get you out of the picture. She is quite clear in her desires to snare me as her next husband.”
“I know. Since you’ve told me you and your wife weren’t totally in love with each other, I’m worried what she said might be true.”
He took a deep breath and stared into the night. Then he returned his gaze to me. “Let me guess. She told you I had an affair when my wife was pregnant.”
“Yes.”
“Remember I told you I had been in love with an Anglo woman before I married my wife?”
I nodded, remembering the story.
“My father told me I’d fall in love with Gabriella the same way, but I never did. My wife was too passive. She didn’t have the spunk I’d admired in the other woman, the same energy I value in you.” He smiled at me.
Warmth filled me. Michael had never appreciated hearing my opinion or my drive to get things done.
“I loved her as much as I could. She bore me fine children, more than I really wanted, but I love them all. Our house was always beautifully kept, our meals plentiful, and our families always welcome.” He took a swig of beer. “She was pregnant with Luis when the woman I’d once loved came back into town. Gabriella was having a difficult time of it, and her sister had moved in to help. There is only so much of my sister-in-law I can take, so I spent too much time with my friends, often at cantinas. And, yes, I drank a little too much.”
His fingers tapped the arm of the chair.
“One night she came into where I was visiting with other ranchers. We embraced like old friends, and went to a separate table to talk. She’d just been divorced from her husband and was curious to know what I was up to. When I told her our fourth child was due in a few months, she was disappointed. Like me, she’d always had a fantasy about our relationship.” He paused, then took another deep breath and continued. “The rumor went around. All we did was meet a few nights and talk. It was always in public. I never cheated on my wife. I swear on the life of Santisima Madre Maria, I was faithful.”
I nodded.
This time I reached for his hand. We entwined our fingers.
“I believe you,” I said.
“Gracias.”
We were quiet for a long time after that.
~ ~ ~
It was only later, when we were settled on the couch having a cup of coffee before I headed home, that we delved back into serious matters. I’d begun to realize that I wasn’t going to have all the answers I needed to make a decision before we left.
I could come back when everything at the ranch was settled, but I might take a long drive only to discover I’d made a colossal mistake. Or I could decide to let it go and feel the ache of something that might have been for the rest of my life.
“If I came back, I would bring the RV,” I said.
“Yes. Of course. I would expect nothing less,” he said. “I know you value your faith as much as I do, so leaping into bed together is not something you would do.” He traced a finger down my arm. “But I do want to do that someday soon. I am very attracted to you.”
My body turned up the heat, and soon I was very aware of my sexuality, an awakening I’d only felt since I’d met him.
“Yes,” I said.
“We could give ourselves time, and then decide,” he said. “Whatever happens, we would walk away friends, okay?”
“That would be good. ”
“So you’ll come back?”
I wanted to say yes …
“I don’t know,” I said. “I really don’t.”
“You need more time.” I could sense his withdrawal.
“Yes.”
“Is there anything else you need from me to make that decision?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“It’s me,” I said. “I’m … well … I promise I’ll make a decision by the end of March. Will that be okay?”
“It will be agony,” he said, the ache in his voice apparent. “But I will wait.”
I rose from the couch.
Wordlessly, he walked me to the car, giving me a soft kiss before I sat down in the driver’s seat.
He closed the door.
As I drove down the driveway, he waved.
Would this be the last time I ever saw him?