Chapter 26 #2
Then he explained his discovery of the letters, his realization that Luther had been the true killer all along. And as he spoke of his mother's kindness, of the love letter she had written gently refusing Luther's affections, Nora felt tears slip down her cheeks.
“I am sorry,” she whispered when he paused. “For all of it. For what he did to you, to your family –”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Godric said fiercely. “None of this was your fault, Nora. The blame lies solely with Luther and with me, for not questioning his version of events sooner.”
“But you were a child,” Nora protested. “How could you have known? He was the only family you had left, the only person who was supposed to care for you. Of course you believed him.”
Godric's expression crumpled slightly at that, and for a moment she saw past the composed exterior to the wounded boy beneath.
“I should have seen it,” he said quietly. “There were signs, inconsistencies in his story. But I was so consumed by grief and rage that I never stopped to question whether he might be lying.”
“And when you befriended Cecil?” Nora asked, needing to know but almost afraid of the answer.
Godric's gaze dropped to his hands. “At first, it had been purely innocent. He had been the first person who did not regard me as merely an orphan. But once Luther had got wind of our friendship, he decided to use it to his – our advantage. A means to an end, nothing more. Cecil was close to your father, and I thought... I thought if I could get close to Cecil, I could find opportunities to –” He broke off, shaking his head.
“It does not matter what I thought. The point is, I was using him. Using your entire family.”
Hearing that hurt Nora all over again. But she could see Godric was also in pain himself.
“I convinced myself that I could maintain the lie,” Godric continued.
“That I could be his friend while still pursuing my revenge. It was foolish and selfish, but I wanted both. I wanted justice for my parents, and I wanted to keep the one good thing in my life. But then you happened. You with your stubbornness and your fire and your refusal to let me hide behind my walls. Every time I thought I had you figured out, you surprised me. Every argument we had revealed something new and fascinating. And somewhere along the way, looking after you stopped being an obligation and became the most important thing in my world.”
He leaned forward, his eyes blazing with intensity.
“I tried to fight it. God knows I tried. I told myself that I could not afford the distraction, that I needed to stay focused on my revenge. But then you would smile at me, or challenge me, or look at me with those eyes that saw straight through every defence I had erected, and I would forget why I was supposed to be keeping my distance.”
Nora's breath caught in her throat. “Godric –”
“I fell in love with you,” he said, his voice rough with emotion.
“Completely and irrevocably. And it terrified me, because suddenly I had something to lose that mattered more than revenge, more than justice, more than anything else in the world. You became my weakness, Nora. The one thing that could destroy me utterly if I lost you.”
“That is why you pushed me away,” Nora said, understanding dawning.
“I thought if Luther believed you meant nothing to me, he would not use you as leverage,” Godric explained.
“I thought I could protect you by making him think I did not care. But suppose I loved you far too much and my feelings were written all over my face. And I very nearly lost you because of it.”
He stood abruptly, unable to sit still any longer, and began to pace. “I never had any time for love or even believed in it. I never thought it was possible for me to find that sort of thing in life.”
He stopped pacing and turned to face her fully.
“But then there was you. And I realized that everything I had been taught was wrong. Loving you makes me stronger. It gives me something worth living for. You make me want to be better than I am, to be worthy of the faith you place in me even when I do not deserve it.”
Tears were streaming freely down Nora's face now, and she made no attempt to stop them. He moved closer, stopping just a few feet away from where she sat.
“I swear, I am through with lying, Nora. To you, to myself, to anyone. So here is the truth, all of it: I love you. I have loved you for longer than I care to admit, and I will love you until my last breath. I know I have no right to ask anything of you after everything I have done. I know I have hurt you in ways that may be unforgivable.”
He dropped to his knees before her, taking her hands in his with a gentleness that made her heart ache.
“But I am asking anyway. I will to do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness, to prove to you that I can be the man you deserve. I will spend the rest of my life making up for the pain I have caused you, if you will let me. I will be patient, I will be honest, I will be anything and everything you need me to be.”
His grip on her hands tightened slightly. “Please, Nora. Please give me the chance to show you that what we have is real. That it is worth fighting for, worth believing in. Please... marry me.”
The world seemed to stop. Nora stared down at him, at this proud, broken, beautiful man kneeling before her with his heart laid bare, and felt the last of her carefully constructed defences crumble.
She should say no. She knew that. Any sensible woman would refuse him after everything that had happened. The lies, the manipulation, the heartbreak – it was too much to simply forgive, too much to move past.
But Nora had never been particularly sensible.
And more importantly, she knew, with a certainty that went bone-deep, that Godric was telling the truth now.
She could see it in his eyes, could feel it in the trembling of his hands as they held hers.
This was not the calculated duke who had used her family for revenge.
This was simply Godric, stripped of all pretence, offering her everything he was and hoping desperately that it would be enough.
“You hurt me,” she said quietly, and felt him flinch. “When I overheard you speaking with Luther about your revenge, it felt like the ground had been ripped out from beneath my feet. Everything I thought I knew about you, about us, seemed like a lie.”
“I know,” Godric said, his voice hoarse. “I know, and I am so –”
“But then,” Nora continued, “After the ball, when you told me that our relationship meant nothing to you, I saw your face. Just for a moment, before you locked it away, I saw how much it cost you to say those words. And I realized that you were lying to protect me, not to hurt me.”
She freed one hand from his grasp to reach up and cup his cheek, feeling the slight roughness of stubble beneath her palm.
“And at the warehouse, when you thought Luther might kill me, I saw the truth written all over you. You looked at me the way I have always dreamed of being looked at – like I was your entire world, and losing me would destroy you.”
“Because it would,” Godric said fiercely, turning his face into her palm. “It would destroy me, Nora. You have become essential to my very existence.”
“I know what it is to be lonely,” Nora said softly.
“When my engagement ended, when everyone looked at me with pity or disdain, I felt so utterly alone. And then you came into my life, and suddenly I was not alone anymore. You saw me – truly saw me – in a way that no one else ever had. You challenged me and infuriated me and made me feel more alive than I had ever felt before.”
She paused, gathering her courage. “And yes, you hurt me. You made me feel things I was not prepared to feel, and then you pushed me away in ways that left me shattered. But you also came back. You saved me, you confessed your love, and now you are here, offering me everything.”
“Is it enough?” Godric asked, and there was such vulnerability in the question that it broke her heart all over again. “Am I enough?”
Nora smiled through her tears. “You are certainly enough of a challenge. Frustrating, maddeningly stubborn too. Far too secretive for my taste, if I am being honest.”
The hope in his eyes began to dim slightly.
“But,” she continued, her smile widening, “You are also brave and loyal and capable of such tenderness that it takes my breath away. You make me laugh even when I want to strangle you. And when you look at me the way you are looking at me right now, I feel like I could conquer the world.”
“Nora,” he breathed, and it sounded like a prayer.
“So yes,” she said firmly. “Yes, I will marry you, Godric Millington. On one condition.”
He nodded vigorously and she giggled.
“No more secrets,” she said. “No more lies, even the ones you think will protect me. If we are to build a life together, it must be built on truth. All of it, even when the truth is difficult or painful or frightening.”
“I swear it,” Godric said immediately. “No more secrets. No more lies. I will tell you everything, always. Even the things I am ashamed of, even the things that make me vulnerable. You will know all of me, Nora. The good and the bad, the light and the dark.”
“Then yes,” she said again, joy beginning to replace the tears. “Yes, a thousand times yes.”
Godric surged forward, pulling her into his arms with enough force that they nearly toppled off the sofa. His lips found hers in a kiss that was desperate and tender all at once, conveying everything that words could not express.
Nora kissed him back with equal fervour, her hands tangling in his hair as she poured all her love, all her forgiveness, all her hope for their future into the embrace. This was what she had been missing, she realized. This connection, this perfect meeting of souls that transcended logic or reason.
When they finally broke apart, both breathing hard, Godric rested his forehead against hers.