Chapter 17
RAINA
“You look different,” Vivian says.
We haven’t seen each other since before I started working for Haus of Sin.
“I’ve missed you, too,” I say with a giggle.
One extremely long hug later, we’re seated at our corner table at Piccolo’s, our favorite café.
“No, I’m serious, you look different,” my best friend insists. “Did you do something with your hair?”
“It’s the same as it’s always been,” I reply.
I keep it caught in a loose bun, a few shorter locks framing my face and neck. The temperature has risen slightly, marking a slow but certain transition into spring. The snows have melted, and Portland seems grey and drab when there isn’t any sunlight. Fortunately, the sky is a bright blue today.
“What is it then?” Vivian wonders, growing increasingly persistent while the furrow between her brows deepens.
She’s determined to get to the bottom of this mystery, and all I can do is laugh.
“I’m serious. You’re glowing. Your skin’s brighter.
Your eyes seem… I don’t know, bigger, sparkly.
Oh, wait, that’s right.” Her confused grimace is quickly replaced by a conspiratorial grin.
“You’re hooking up with three of Portland’s hottest, most desirable bachelors. I’d almost forgotten.”
“You didn’t forget.”
“No, I’m just yanking your chain,” she replies with a chuckle. “But I am serious, Ray, you look wonderful. Haus of Sin suits you, oddly enough.”
“Who’d have thunk, right?”
Vivian shrugs and goes over the drink menu. “I certainly didn’t. You keep surprising me, however, and I love that about you.”
“It’s good to see you, too. I needed a familiar face.”
“I really did miss you, you know.” She pauses and gives me a long look. “What do you want? The same as always?”
The question matches the waitress’s tempo to perfection, as the young girl in jeans, a white tee, and a bright green apron heads toward our table. “Welcome to Piccolo’s. What can I get you?” she asks with a sleepy smile.
“Same as always,” I tell Vivian, which is her cue to recite our usual order.
“I’ll have the cappuccino with a dash of vanilla syrup and a raspberry croissant. My bestie would love a hazelnut latte and a chocolate brioche, if you still have any.”
“We do, yes. What’s your milk preference?”
“Whole,” Vivian replies.
The waitress nods and walks back to the barista with our order, while Vivian gives me another curious glance.
“Now talk to me,” she says, slowly leaning forward. Other people are seated around us, enjoying their coffees and pastries, and the last thing Vivian wants is for us to be overheard while talking about my super-secret relationship with Alex, Max, and Vincent. “What’s it like?”
“What’s what like?”
I know what she’s asking. I loosen my shirt collar by one button to let some of the heat out. Just thinking about my dazzling silver foxes gets my blood pumping and my body temperature rising.
“Oh, come on,” Vivian rolls her eyes at me.
“Hell’s bells, Viv, what do you want me to tell you?” I laugh. “It’s amazing. It’s intense. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted and everything I didn’t even know I needed. Also, it’s nothing like what you read in those reverse harem novels of yours.”
“Guilty as charged.” She chuckles and wiggles an eyebrow at me. “Can’t blame a girl for indulging here and there.”
“Not at all. I’m just saying it’s different.”
“In a good way, I hope?”
I can’t stop myself from smiling like a total nerd. “And then some. Honestly, it’s a lot of work, too. Physically, I guess. Emotionally, not so much. That part feels natural.”
“Emotionally?” Viv’s humor begins to slowly fade.
“Yes.”
She lowers her gaze for a moment, as if she’s trying to find the right words. It’s my turn to lean closer to the table and watch her curiously. “Vivian? What is it?”
“Nothing, it’s just that I don’t think you’re supposed to get emotionally involved with three men at once. I mean, I get the fun and kinky part; Lord knows I get it. But are you actually getting serious with them?”
“Would that be so wrong?” I mumble, disappointed by the sudden turn of this conversation.
Then again, Vivian isn’t saying anything I haven’t already thought about on my own. There’s nothing wrong with feeling what I feel for Alex, Max, and Vincent. But it may be a surefire way for me to end up getting my heart broken all over again.
“Ray, you know I love and support you in everything you set out to do, everything,” Vivian says, but she’s using her lawyerly voice, the no-nonsense, tough-love tone.
“And if you want to go ahead and fall in love with these guys, I’m not going to stop you.
I don’t think I can, even if I wanted to.
However, you do need to think about how it’s going to work out in the long run.
I mean, you haven’t told Kaleb about it yet.
Heck, he doesn’t even know you’re working there. ”
“That’s just because Kaleb’s always been a prude.”
“Yes, yes, I remember Mr. Goody Two-Shoes, alright,” Vivian scoffs. “But he’s not an idiot, Ray. He will catch on eventually. What are you going to do then?”
“He’s my brother, not my master. I don’t have to do what he says.”
“Of course not; you’re a grown-ass woman. But he’s the only family you have left. Do you really want to risk losing him, not to mention the dent this is going to make in his relationship with the guys? I mean, they practically mentored him, didn’t they? Alex, in particular.”
My head hurts a little, and a tinge of nausea settles at the base of my throat.
“I’m not looking to discourage you,” Vivian adds. “But I think maybe you need to hear these things and at least make an informed decision going forward.”
“I really like them, Viv.” I sigh deeply. “They’re so alike and so different at the same time. They love to share me, and damn, they sure know how to bring out the woman in me. I’m free when I’m with them, free and happy and without a care.”
“Naturally. You’ve got three studs spoiling you rotten from bed to table, so to speak.” Vivian chuckles dryly. “But falling in love with them? Are you sure that’s wise?”
“I’m not sure I have any control over that.”
Every morning, I wake up in their arms. They cross my mind throughout the day, bringing a smile to my face.
Each plate I put together is because I want to impress them, to outdo myself in the kitchen.
I love listening to their stories, from their earliest days in the military down to the events that led to my hiring.
And they certainly enjoy listening to me drone on about various world cuisines and food festivals, about new recipes, and whatever interesting idea I might’ve come across on a dedicated blog.
We’ve come to know one another on a deeper level.
“When was love ever wise?” I ask Vivian.
“How would it work?”
“I don’t know.”
“Say you get Kaleb on board, somehow, by some miracle,” she says, trying a different avenue.
“What will you do? Go public with the relationship? Or does one guy take the lead in public and the other two stay close as so-called friends of the family? There were rumors about their lifestyle before, but the local tabloids never had any credible leads or exes to follow around. Imagine what they’ll do if the four of you become official.
You won’t be able to go to the grocery store without some paparazzi snapping your photo. ”
I chuckle nervously, defensively crossing my arms. “Boy, you’ve really thought this through, haven’t you?”
“It worries me that you haven’t. Then comes the legal part. Say it does work out, that you all want to be together forever and whatnot? Polygamy isn’t legal in Oregon.”
“I know,” I mutter.
“Have you discussed any of these potential issues with them?”
I shake my head slowly. “No, we’ve sort of been riding the wave.”
“All I’m saying, Ray, is that you need to be careful. Don’t fall in love unless you know they’re in it for the long haul.”
A minute goes by in awkward silence. Once the waitress returns with our hot drinks and freshly baked pastries, I take my time to enjoy the familiar tastes. Briefly, I’m surprised by the intensity of the aromas. It’s as if I can experience the chocolate chips in my brioche on a molecular level.
“Are you okay?” Vivian asks. “I’m sorry if I came down on you too hard on this—”
“No, you’re being a good friend, Viv. I’ll never hold that against you. Besides, you’re right. I do need to be careful and not jump in headfirst.”
“Enjoy yourself. Make the most of it. Your happiness is what matters most in this conversation. Just cover your gorgeous ass, okay? You don’t want any of this to come back and hurt you or your professional reputation in any way, shape, or form.
The guys may be open-minded and whatnot, but Portland… ”
“It’s still an old town.” I nod in disheartened agreement. “There may be free spirits among us, but we’re still stuck in the traditional family past.”
“I get that you’ve known Alex, Max, and Vincent for years. Maybe you weren’t as close before you went to work for them, and Lord knows, they were champions to offer you the job when you needed it the most, but still.”
“Still. I need to be careful. I need to make sure not to fall in love. This could be nothing more than a fling, something that needs more time to burn out.”
So why am I so eager to dream of a future with them? It’s dangerous, it’s reckless, and once the physical passion inevitably begins to fade, what will we be left with? A situation that might end up doing more harm than good.
I can’t fall in love with them. I shouldn’t.
Good luck telling my heart that.