Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Rose
He’s the one. He’s always been the one. -Rose
The knock on my bedroom door catches me by surprise. I thought Dad was leaving to go have dinner with some friends. Maybe he changed his mind?
I push myself off the bed with a huff. I really just want to cry and sleep and then cry some more. This breakup stuff is not for the weak.
Lucky is the last person I expect to see when I swing open the door, but there he stands, looking like a Greek god as usual.
“What are you doing here?” I ask in a flat tone. My heart is racing, but damn if I’ll let him know that. “I thought our fun was over.” I emphasize the word fun like it’s a curse word. I’ve never been so hurt by someone’s simple words before.
“Can I come in? I need to tell you a few things. I really, really want to talk. Please.”
Hell. I can withstand almost anything except his pleading tone and the worried expression on his face. After all, I’m still in love with the ass.
“Come on in. But sit at my desk. I don’t want you near the bed.” I shake my head. “You and me near beds doesn’t work.”
For a second, old Lucky is back. He sends me a wink and a small smile. “From what I remember, you and me near a bed always works.”
Memories flood my mind and my body heats. Nope, I’m not giving in that quickly.
“Sit and say what you need to say, Lucky.” I cross my arms and sit down on the bed.
He complies but glances around as he sits down. “Nice room.” He pauses, looking at the ribbons from school and the two stuffed animals on my bed. “Very girly.”
My cheeks heat. Hell, I know I’m too old for this stuff. I knew I needed to move out.
I grind my teeth. “Talk, Lucky.”
“Yeah, sure thing.” He seems nervous again as he licks his lips. “I was wrong to say what I said the other night. What you and I had, hopefully have, is more than just fun. It’s everything.”
“Everything?” I repeat softly.
“Everything,” he says in a gruff voice. “Absolutely everything. I’m in love with you, Rose. So damn in love with you I can’t see straight.”
Everything within me turns into goo. I want to tell him I love him too, but I hold back.
I cock my head to the side, sending him a doubtful look. “Then why did you say the things that you said? You really hurt me, Lucky.” Just the memory of that night makes me ache.
He glances down at the floor and when he finally looks up, his blue eyes are wet.
“Because I didn’t think I deserved you. I still don’t, but…
but the thought of life without you…fuck, it hurts too damn much.
I’m not a martyr and I can’t play one. You may not want me after I tell you my story, but I’m still going to want you, no matter what.
And I’m not giving up. I’m not letting you go so you can go to some better guy who wears a suit and goes to church. ”
I shake my head. “I never said I wanted those things.”
He clears his throat. “I know you didn’t. But it’s what I thought you deserved.” He shakes his head. “But anyway, I’ll say what I came here to say and then see how you feel.”
He shifts in my dark wooden desk chair and then clears his throat again nervously.
“I was in the Army, as you know.” I nod.
“There were some things that went on that I don’t really talk about with anyone.
I probably should, but I just don’t. Saw a lot, did a lot of things… anyway, it wasn’t always the easiest.”
“I can only imagine,” I say in an empathetic voice. “You must have a lot of bad memories from that time.”
He snorts. “Yep, a lot.” He shifts again and leans back, crossing his legs in front of him.
“Anyway, I went into the Army thinking I was a hotshot. I was full of shit. I dragged my best friend, Gabe, in with me. He was my closest friend from childhood. We did everything together. I thought we could do this together too.” He glances away from me then, as if ashamed.
“I shouldn’t have talked him into it. He wasn’t cut out for the service.
Didn’t even really want to do it.” His voice drops lower.
“While we were on our last tour overseas, he was having a really hard time. Sometimes all of us would, you know, go out and drink and stuff. Get a little wild. He was always a shy, quiet guy, never even really drank that much. I used to tease him about it. Fuck, I was an idiot.” He pauses and I can see the guilt all over his handsome face.
“That last night we were all hanging together…it had been a bad day. We had been looking for a guy. We found him, but some things didn’t go right.
” He crosses his arms and then closes his eyes for a second, as if trying to shove the memories away.
“People got shot that shouldn’t have. That’s all I’ll say about that.
Gabe and I went out, trying to blow off steam, trying to get away from it all.
I guess I didn’t realize how upset he was, how much it shook him up.
I left with some chick I met that night, some rando that I should have left alone.
But he…” I can hear his struggle not to cry, “he took some drugs from this guy that was there. The guy was always offering us stuff. We always said no. But something made Gabe say yes that night. And he…” Lucky takes a long breath, “he overdosed. Died right there in the bar bathroom. All alone.” He finally looks me in the eye.
“Can you imagine that? He died right there, right there in some foreign shithole by himself because I was busy with some woman I can’t even remember. ”
I can’t take it anymore. I cross the room to him and sit down at his knees. I place a hand on his leg. “It wasn’t your fault, Lucky. None of that was your fault.”
He shakes his head. “Yes, it was. I shouldn’t have left him.
I shouldn’t have convinced him to join in the first place.
His family blames me for that and they’re right to.
” He balls up a fist and raps it on the back of the chair.
“It should have been me that passed away. I was such a dumbass. He was so smart. Had everything ahead of him and a family that loved him. It should have been me.”Tears are now slipping down my face.
“No, it shouldn’t have. I’m so glad you’re here, Lucky.
So glad.” I reach up and stroke his cheek.
He places a kiss on the inside of my palm.
“I wished for a long time that I had died too. I went back to the bar after they found Gabe and I beat the ever-lovin’ shit out of that drug dealer. Beat him so bad I almost killed him. That’s why I got kicked out.”
“I’m glad you did that, Lucky. You needed to. He was a bad guy.”
He shakes his head. “But can you see why I didn’t think I was good enough for you? I’m not, but hell I don’t want to be without you. I love you so damn much, Rose. So damn much.”
I kiss him then, pouring all the love and emotion I have into the kiss. “I love you too, Lucky. And you do deserve me. We deserve each other. We deserve to be happy.”
He places a palm on my cheek. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, Rose. I’ll take care of you. If you get sick, I’ll be there, I promise. I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”
“I’m healthy as a horse, Lucky, and I plan on staying that way. I just need you to be you. That’s all I’ve ever needed, Lucky.”
He kisses me then, the kiss growing with heat and desire quickly. “I need you, Rose. I need you now.”
I pull him to his feet and walk him over to the bed. “You have me, Lucky. Always.”