Chapter 32 All the Same
All the Same
Lucien’s bedroom was dimly lit as I sat on the edge of his bed, fingers twisting in the blanket, trying to breathe normally. It didn’t work; my pulse was too loud, my skin felt too tight, and Lucien kept watching me like he was memorizing every last second of who I was before this.
“You can still say no,” he said quietly, reluctantly, but resolutely too.
I couldn’t help but smile at him. As if I could ever say no to him. I couldn’t wait to prove to him—and myself—that it was not because of some sort of twisted magic. That it was for him. Just him. The man, rather than the werewolf. “I want this,” I told him softly. “I’m sure.”
A muscle in his jaw ticked. Not in anger but in something like fear. As if he wasn’t sure this was right, even after everything we’d discussed.
But he didn’t protest or try to convince me not to do it.
Instead, he stepped closer, slow and careful, as if approaching something fragile.
I felt the heat of him before he touched me, the tremor in his restraint.
The shift in the air made my breath catch when he finally crouched in front of me, eyes level with mine.
“When I bite,” he murmured, “your body will fight the change. You will feel pain, but it should pass. Afterward, you will lose consciousness for a while.” He grimaced. “I’m not sure how long. It differs. On average, it should be a few days, until your body acclimates to your new . . . state.”
I nodded, swallowing hard, not looking away.
His hand rose and brushed my hair back from my neck, his gaze following the movement. “Lie back,” he whispered.
I did, trembling now.
Lucien leaned over me, bracing his weight on one arm so he did not crush me. His breath whispered over my throat, hot and uneven, and I realized he was shaking too.
He was afraid. Lucien Delterre, Alpha extraordinaire, was afraid for me.
And it made me love him even more.
“I am ready,” I said. “Lucien, do it.”
His eyes locked onto mine, stormy and sad yet full of impossible tenderness. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured.
Then he opened his mouth, his teeth sharpening unnaturally, and sank them into the skin of my neck.
And the world shattered.
Not from pain, though there was pain, but from the rush. Heat tore through my body while lightning splintered my bones. My blood grew molten as my vision exploded into white particles. My heartbeat tripped, then surged, then thundered—so deafening, I couldn’t hear anything else.
I could not breathe.
I could not think.
I could not be.
Lucien held me through all of it, his hands firm and his voice low as he murmured my name again and again, like a prayer. Something protective wrapped around me, even when I felt like I was dissolving from the inside out.
Then the pain folded inward, and the heat cooled.
Everything softened, as if a warm tide rolled over my body and pulled me back from the deep end.
My senses expanded so much that I could hear Lucien’s heartbeat like a second one beating rapidly inside my chest. I could smell the cedarwood on his skin, the stormy, wild essence that lived inside him, that made him him, and the faint hint of fear he still had not shaken.
Slowly, I blinked up at him. His face hovered over mine, breath unsteady, arctic-blue eyes bright with worry. “Drew?” he asked hoarsely, voice breaking. “Are you . . .”
I managed a tired smile. My body felt heavy, but my mind was crystal clear—and not just because I didn’t feel pain now.
Because whatever sort of magic my being an Eteria had on me was gone.
I had never felt that magic before now, but a moment ago, I’d felt this foreign something in my head. Something that didn’t belong.
Yet now, that something was gone, and for the first time in my entire life, I felt like I could actually breathe.
It was like shackles that tied me to something beyond my reach had been snapped open, broken, setting me free.
My emotions surged, uncontrollable, overwhelming, and absolutely, heartbreakingly beautiful.
“Yeah,” I whispered, reaching for his cheek, as tears, happy tears, filled my eyes. “I love you all the same.”
The last thing I saw was his expression. Relief poured all over him, making his entire body sag back, as if he could no longer hold on, and softened something on his face I had not realized he’d been keeping tightly guarded all this time.
My hand fell, and, with a smile, I closed my eyes as I welcomed the darkness of a deep, long sleep.