Chapter Eighteen
Finally, everything was starting to make sense again. The shock of the afternoon had worn off, his body felt less jittery, his stomach was comfortably full, and best of all, he had his family around him. His whole family. Anna and Toby were curled up together in a recliner in a rare moment of the closeness between them despite the constant bickering. Connor was a firm, steady warmth underneath Theo’s body as they lay tangled on the couch. The soft stroking of Connor’s thumb over Theo’s stomach was a reminder of everything he had been bereft of for too long.
He had no clue what they were watching, but that didn”t matter. Connor’s soft chuckles and the kids’ muffled laughter meant they were enjoying it. Theo wasn”t tired, nor was he fully awake. Instead, he floated in a liminal place of contentment as he reveled in the moment and let his thoughts grow calm for the first time in a very, very long time. He didn”t need to worry about the outside world for now. He didn”t need to borrow trouble or fret over the work that still needed to be done. He didn”t think about therapy or the kids” schedule or everything Connor and him still needed to work through. He could simply exist and hold onto the moment, reveling in it for what it was. A moment of calm where they were all together and safe.
One movie became two movies, and by the time the second was nearing its end, yawns and sleepy mumbles from the armchair had him stifling a smile. He shifted himself into an upright position, taking care not to jab Connor with his elbows.
“Dishes in the dishwasher, teeth, bed. It”s been a long day, guys.” Theo reached toward the table to collect his own abandoned bowl and mug. Connor”s hand appeared to swat him away.
“I”ll take care of these. You handle the munchkins.” Connor snuck a kiss to Theo’s cheek and worked to disentangle himself from their position with a grunt.
It took nearly half an hour to get everyone where they needed to be. The kids managed to brush their teeth without a battle, only because Theo lingered in the doorway to deescalate the fighting when it threatened to bubble over. Anna needed a little extra TLC as he tucked her into bed. He was more than happy to give it. The feisty little girl was a trooper. Extra hugs and kisses were a well-earned reward.
Toby seemed unsettled when Theo popped into his room to say goodnight. He crossed the space and sat on the edge of the bed, patting the mattress beside him until Toby joined him with a sigh.
“What”s bugging you, bud?”
“Would you be mad if I quit the soccer team?” Toby scratched at his hair and let his hand flop into his lap.
“Why do you want to quit?” Theo turned to better look at his younger brother.
“It”s a lot of work for you and… today…” Toby trailed off with a shrug.
“It”s worth it for me. I don”t mind it.” Theo pulled Toby into a hug. He went willingly into the embrace. “And the agents are going to make sure we stay safe.”
“What if they can”t though?”
“They’ve kept you guys safe so far, yeah?” Theo squeezed Toby even tighter. “Don”t decide anything tonight. We can talk about it tomorrow, and if you want, we can call your therapist and talk with him too.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Toby pulled back and searched Theo’s face with an unreadable expression. “It”s gonna be okay, right?”
“Yeah, bud. Everything’ll be okay.” Theo brushed Toby’s hair from his brow. “We just need to keep talking and work through it.”
“Connor too?”
“Yeah. Connor too. We’re all in this together. I love you. He loves you. Anna loves you. And we’re gonna be okay.”
Toby nodded and exhaled, his shoulders dipping lower. He had too much weight on those young shoulders. Theo gave into the impulse and kissed his forehead. He hoped one day, Toby would remember what it was like to be a kid.
Once he was done getting the kids settled, Theo made one last sweep of the house. All the doors and windows were still locked, and everything had been tidied up while he was busy. It was a small thing, but it thrilled him to no end. His partner was back. Maybe the extra effort would last. Maybe it wouldn”t. But for now, he took a moment to appreciate how good it felt to have someone in his corner.
Flicking the lights off, he padded down the hall toward the glow of light sneaking around the edges of his bedroom door. A thrill swept up his spine the closer he got. The promise of Connor in their bed was a heady thing. It”d been too long since they shared the same bed. His excitement built until he pushed the door open. The vision that met him on the other side immediately doused the fire.
Connor was seated on the edge of the bed, slumped and staring at a picture frame in his hands. Tears streaming down his cheeks caught the low light of the bedside table and broke Theo’s heart into pieces. He knew exactly what picture Connor was looking at. Connor startled and tried to wipe the evidence of his emotions from his cheeks as Theo quietly closed the door behind himself.
“No, babe. No more hiding.” Theo padded across the room and gently plucked the picture from Connor’s hands. “You have to let me see everything. That’s the only way this works.”
Theo leaned to the side and carefully set the picture back on his nightstand. Connor’s mother had taken the picture when they visited Laredo. It was one of their favorite pictures. Connor was dressed in Theo’s crop top, skinny jeans, and Converse. Theo stood beside him in a flannel, Levi’s, cowboy boots and Connor’s old cowboy hat. The hysterical laughter had been perfectly captured as they posed for the picture with broad smiles and eyes crinkled in mirth. Theo readjusted the picture just right and stood up to wrap his arms around Connor’s shoulders, hugging the man’s head to his chest.
“Talk to me, babe. We’re in this together.”
“I just… I reckon I just missed you so much. It hits me hard sometimes. The idea I coulda lost you forever. Today was…” Connor hiccuped and buried his face against Theo’s t-shirt.
“It was a scary reminder.” Theo shimmied closer between Connor”s knees and sank to his own, bringing their faces closer. “I hate seeing you cry.”
“Sorry,” Connor mumbled, rubbing his hand over his cheeks again. “I was doing alright until I came in here.”
“Shh. I didn”t say that to make you feel bad. Hell, I cried myself to sleep holding that damn picture too many nights to count. But we’re here now, right?” Theo’s hands cradled Connor’s cheeks as his thumbs brushed away more tears.
“I ain”t going anywhere. I swear, baby. No matter what. I”ll go to couples counseling with you for the rest of our damn lives. I”ll talk to you every day and every night. I”ll pay more attention. I’ll keep working on my shit. I just can”t ever… I can”t ever do that again.”
Theo pulled Connor’s face closer and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “We. We’re going to counseling. We”re going to keep talking. We’re going to pay more attention. We’re going to work on ourselves. It”s you and me.”
“Thank the Lord,” Connor whispered against Theo’s lips. “Thank you.”
Theo gasped softly as Connor slid his hands under his armpits and plucked him up from the ground. A faint laugh fell from his lips before their mouths melded together again. Connor was unstoppable. Ravenous. Desperate. They became increasingly heated as Theo wrapped himself around Connor, pawing and clawing as their lips parted and their tongues chased one another”s. All throughout their impassioned kiss, tears continued to flow from Connor’s eyes.
With a deeper gasp, Theo broke away to chase the tears from Connor’s cheeks with dozens and dozens of kisses. Their hands never stopped roaming, seeking familiar dips and valleys, sweeps and curves. Floundering movements sought the terrain they’d always known, as if needing to know without a doubt that they were both still there. Theo tipped Connor’s chin up and paused at the look of anguish on his expression.
Where Connor would normally take the lead, Theo stepped up. The push and pull between them usually resulted in Connor being the dominant force in bed, but he was too lost to his own distress. As if something had flipped in their dynamic, Theo took charge. The aching desire to care for his fraught lover was all-consuming. He gathered the hem of Connor”s shirt and stripped it in one fluid motion before pushing him down into the mattress. His body folded over Connor’s to delve back into the frantic, heated kiss of their reunion.
Only once Connor was suitably pliant and drunk on their kiss did he shift back, sliding from Connor’s lap to tug the trousers from his hips. He took the boxer briefs with them, tossing the garments to the side and planting his palm firmly on Connor’s stomach to keep him from sitting up.
“No. I”m taking care of you tonight.”
“But—”
“No.” Theo leaned to the side again, rummaging through the nightstand until he secured the bottle of lube. Before he could protest again, Theo set the bottle on the floor and hooked his hands under Connor’s knees to tug him to the edge of the bed. His surprised gasp was an electric shock to Theo’s system. Although he often topped from the bottom, he’d never truly let his occasional dominant side out. Considering how receptive Connor seemed to the idea, he decided to run with the idea more often.
Theo knelt back on the floor between Connor”s thighs, trailing wet, open mouthed kisses over the sensitive skin before mouthing at the tendon where thigh met groin. He switched to the other side, mirroring the movements as Connor shifted onto his elbows to get a better view, staring in wonder as his breath quickened.
“Fuck, so gorgeous,” Connor drawled with a breathless lilt to his voice.
“Lie back. Let me make you feel good.” Theo let his breath wash over the rigid length of Connor’s cock, smiling as it twitched in response. He reached for the lube, dumping a prodigious amount into his hand before warming it with his palms, all the while exploring the thick vein on the underside of Connor’s dick with feather-soft kisses.
He let out a deep, guttural groan as Theo lifted his hands, swirling the pads of his fingertips over the puckered hole between Connor’s ass cheeks as his other hand curled around the base of his cock. They’d discussed switching before, vaguely, but tonight wasn”t about sex. Tonight was about getting Connor out of his head, and the best way Theo knew how to do that was with ass play. Connor was putty in his hands whenever Theo slid a finger or two deep enough to find that bundle of nerves that drove his partner wild. Tonight, he”d help him find God.
Theo captured the flushed, glistening head of Connor’s cock in his mouth as the first finger breached the tight ring of muscle. He didn”t bob his head or jerk Connor’s dick. Gluttonous, he wanted this to last. Instead, he suckled the tip, cinched his fist around the base, and probed even deeper with two fingers. He knew exactly when he hit the jackpot as Connor’s abs tensed and he curled off the mattress with a strangled cry.
As soon as he found Connor’s prostate, he got to work. Swirls, pulses, gentle pressure, a beckoning curl of the fingertips. Fast. Slow. Slower. Fast again. Each movement pulled more cries from Connor’s lips as his cock twitched and throbbed and spilt more precum with every intentional slide of Theo’s fingertips. He greedily suckled down each salt-tang burst, tightening his hand even more to stave off a premature release. Well-versed in the intensity of the act, Theo redoubled his efforts.
He tormented the sensitive bundle of nerves until Connor was hiccuping broken sobs and half syllables that couldn”t formulate full words. His writhing became wild thrashing as his fists gripped at the sheets, tearing them from the corners of the bed as his thighs began trembling. Theo smiled around the head of Connor’s cock as the trembling slowly, insidiously spread from his thighs to his entire body, his ass muscles fluttering around Theo’s fingers as he sped up his movements.
He milked more and more precum from Connor’s overwrought body until the senseless begging took on a raw edge. It was a fine line to dance, a tripwire stretched tight between pushing the boundary too far and bringing Connor to ecstasy. Shifting higher on his knees, Theo loosened his vice-like grip around the base of Connor’s cock before swallowing him down the back of his throat. He never stopped taunting Connor’s prostate. Instead, he began working it harder, faster, more deliberately.
Connor’s climax hit with all the force of an earthquake as his back arched off the bed. His cock swelled, pulsing and throbbing as the flow of precum turned into a flood of cum. Theo’s eyes watered as he strained to swallow it all, never once stopping the assault on Connor’s prostate, even as his ass clenched so hard, Theo could barely work his fingers. The orgasm became a feedback loop of suck, swallow, press as Theo worked him well over the edge and into delirium. His movements only slowed as Connor”s groans became whimpers and each small action sent a spasm of shivers through Connor’s muscles.
He withdrew as carefully as he could, wincing a little as he climbed to his feet. His feet tingled and his dick ached for release after the pure eroticism of bringing Connor to that place where reality melted away into bliss. Shifting his knees to the mattress, Theo straddled Connor’s limp, trembling body and shoved his pants down just enough to take his cock in hand.
“Look how turned on you got me, babe.” Theo’s words were raspy and wrecked. As wrecked as Connor looked beneath him. “Can I come on you?”
“Please,” Connor barely whispered the word, his shaky hands reaching up to draw Theo closer by the hips. He opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out, his glazed eyes round and beseeching as he stared up at Theo.
“Yeah, you just lie there. So fucking beautiful, babe.” Theo shuffled higher until his knees were tucked up under Connor’s armpits. He was so close to coming, his dick twitched at just the thought of Connor’s warm, wet heat wrapped around it.
With a little finesse, Theo braced himself with one hand and slid his cock over Connor’s outstretched tongue. His lips instantly sealed around the head and the instant suction burned white hot at the base of Theo’s spine as the warmth radiated outward. One, two, three strokes had him peaking and then there was euphoria. The orgasm ripped through his body with such intensity, his arm nearly gave out and it took every ounce of strength he possessed to keep from collapsing on top of Connor as he sucked at Theo’s cock like a starved man.
With a breathless gasp, Theo rolled his body to the mattress and pawed at Connor”s body until they were better aligned in the center of the bed amid the wreckage of the sheets. He wrapped himself around Connor’s still trembling frame and tucked Connor’s head against his chest. His hot, panting breaths grew more erratic and Theo curled closer as he registered words amid the gasping.
“I love you. I love you. I love you.” Connor’s fingers dug into Theo’s skin so hard, he was sure there would be bruises. He clung even tighter in response.
“I love you, Connor.” Theo whispered the words softly into Connor’s hair. That tiny little touch and those words were what broke the dam. Connor completely fell apart in Theo”s arms and he held him through every single sob that tore from his chest. He was breathless. He was broken. He was beautiful.
And Theo would never, ever let him suffer alone again.