17. Shelby
Dear Jessica,
I ended it with Richard.
I know, I already ended it. I told you that, but I knew it wasn’t clear enough for Richard. He never takes no for no. I thought it would be painful to do that, but it felt so good.
I did it by text, which I know is not very nice, but remember that time he canceled our vacation a few years ago?
You know, the one we saved up for together, for a year, back when we first started dating? Or at least, I saved up for it.
My company was still struggling, but he convinced me that going to Bali would be the break I needed, so I pinched every penny. I ate ramen for lunch every day, even though I’m a grown damn woman. I didn’t go out with friends (even when he did) and got movies from the library instead.
Do you remember that?
Then the week before we were supposed to leave, I asked him about our seats on the plane, and he told me he never got the plane tickets. He told me he thought I was taking care of it, when he knew he was the one who was supposed to do it. I’d pay for everything else—all the transfers and hotels (only the best for freaking Richard!!!)—and he forgot. His one job, for the thing I’d been so excited about alllll year.
Do you remember how he told me?
Yup, it was over text.
So yeah, saying goodbye last night the way I should have when that happened—that felt good.
Fine, I guess it felt good using the money I had left over from that trip to rent that new office space, because that’s when the business really took off.
Oh my God, remember how he tried to take credit for that, and I actually gave it to him?
That gaslighting motherfucker.
Shoot.
I promised I wouldn’t swear to you in these letters. But there’s a time and a place where it’s really warranted. And that time and place is Richard.
I miss you, J. I hope there are lots of cute angel boys in heaven. Did you know that’s the last time I remember you laughing? When we made up all this ridiculous stuff about what it would be like there? Is it like we talked about?
Keep saving that spot for me either way.
—Shelby