Chapter 10 #2
That queasy feeling was washing over her again. She swallowed it back, then clenched her jaw.
“Where should I put this candle?”
Before she could part her lips to speak, he said, “I’ll just leave it here.”
Xander placed the bag on the table near the front door, then started walking toward the bathroom on her main floor.
“I’mma use the bathroom real quick and then we can head out,” he said, gesturing in front of himself.
Rylee was slow to register what he’d said and where he was going.
The second she recalled that the pregnancy test was sitting on the vanity in that bathroom… it was too late.
“Xander, wait—”
Her words were cut short when she saw Xander disappear into the bathroom.
She didn’t move. Felt stuck to the spot where she stood.
It didn’t take long for Xander to step back out… holding the pregnancy test in his possession.
All he did was hold it up at first before asking, “Rylee?”
Her breaths were heavy now.
“Is… is this yours, baby?”
Rylee’s shoulders fell at the sight of the test in his hand.
When she’d taken the test and saw the two lines, it was real. But seeing Xander holding it… made her reality physically shift.
She nodded her head, and with that confirmation, she noticed Xander’s eyes light up in a way she’d never seen before.
His chest started to rise and fall as he peered down at the test, then looked up at her.
A stunned laugh left him next, and there was no denying it. The man was elated.
“Yo! You’re pregnant?” He laughed, bringing his fist to his mouth. “We’re gonna have a baby?!”
Rylee thought her heart had dropped when she saw the test. But his reaction?
That made it crash through the floor.
Because…
She didn’t mean to say what she said next.
It just… slipped out.
Like a secret she’d been holding in her throat that pushed past her lips before she could stop it.
“I don’t know if I’m keeping it.”
It was like a thought… but in sound.
And as it came into her mind and toppled out of her mouth, falling to the hardwood floor like cement, it knocked the smile right off Xander’s lips.
“Wait… what?” Xander blinked twice. “What do you mean?”
Rylee inhaled a breath through her mouth, then let it out through pursed lips.
“I… umm…”
The silence between them was deafening.
Rylee swore she could hear her heart beating in her ears.
“Rylee—”
“I never planned on having three kids.”
Xander closed his eyes and squeezed them tight.
“I’m still grieving,” she added. “And I finally feel like I can love you for real.”
Xander blinked a few more times in response.
“And… and now I have to think about… this.”
“Think about what?” he asked, low. “What… what is there to think about?”
Rylee didn’t respond. She couldn’t.
Even if she tried, her tongue felt like it weighed one hundred pounds in her mouth.
“Okay, aight.”
Xander ran a hand down his mouth and released a small laugh.
“I get it, I get it.” He nodded. “It’s a lot. And it’s kind of crazy.”
She shook her head. “Xander…”
“But I got you,” he cut in. “I got you. You know that. I love you. I love your kids.”
He closed the distance between them and pressed a hand to her stomach.
“And I’mma love this one too. On God.”
Her heart ached in her chest so much she had to drop her head, feeling the warmth of his palm against her belly.
His touch somehow eased the queasiness in that moment.
“You don’t have to do it alone, baby.” He shook his head. “You don’t ever have to do any of this alone. I got you. And I want this, Rylee. I really, really do.”
She stood there for a moment, hearing him, feeling him.
And still… she shook her head, biting at her bottom lip.
“Xander, it’s not about that.”
Rylee locked eyes with him and stepped away from his touch.
“You can’t carry this for me.”
His chest seemed to cave at that.
“Snoop…”
The defeat in his voice made Rylee’s throat go dry. But she shook her head harder, fighting off the feeling so she could stand her ground.
“Xander, as much as I hear you and as good as what you’re saying sounds right now… this decision is mine to make.”
His eyes bugged the moment the words left her mouth.
He stepped back like the words had hands and punched the air from his chest.
“I mean… shit. I know it’s your choice,” he acknowledged, low. “But damn, Rylee… I thought we were building something. I thought we were doing this whole thing together.”
She didn’t answer.
“So, what?” he asked. “You… you weren’t gonna tell me or something?”
Rylee squeezed her eyes closed and pressed her hands to her face, turning away.
“You were just gonna decide this on your own?”
Her hands were on either side of her face, head spinning again.
Because… yeah, she was going to keep it to herself. Never tell him. And likely hate herself for it. But in the short time between realizing she was pregnant to Xander’s arrival, she had considered never telling him.
“Wow,” she heard him whisper behind her. “Wow.”
She turned to face him again, seeing him shake his head and back away.
He pointed toward the front door behind him with his thumb.
“I gotta go.”
“Xander—”
“Nah.” He shook his head slowly, eyes still on hers. “I can’t stay here while you think about not having my baby, Rylee.”
He scoffed then inhaled an audible breath, turning toward his sneakers and pushing his socked feet into them.
“Xander, you don’t have to go.”
“Yeah, I do,” he said, not looking her way as he pulled open her front door without a second thought.
And before she could call his name again, or say anything…
He walked out, closing her door behind him.