Chapter 47 #2
“That was most definitely not in the schedule of events for the evening,” Olivia muses.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Cam says, holding up a hand to silence everyone. “How did you go from fucking in a church pew to breaking up?”
I sigh and push my plate away. “Because Declan wanted to talk,” I say, like that’s explanation enough. “He could sense something was off and wouldn’t let me out of there without discussing it first.”
“God forbid a man be emotionally intelligent enough to want to discuss your feelings,” Ty drawls. “Please, tell me more about his other faults.”
If the fortune cookies were within grabbing distance, I’d toss one at his perfectly styled hair.
Since they’re out of reach, I stick my tongue out at him instead.
I have to admit, my friends’ presence here is helping.
Despite the heavy conversation and the nerves still roiling in my gut, this is the least miserable I’ve felt in days.
“I told him about Nathan.”
Olivia sucks in a surprised breath while Grace nods encouragingly. “But that’s a good thing, right?” she asks. “I mean, that’s an important conversation to have.”
“Pause,” Noah interjects. “Who is Nathan?”
Olivia gives the guys a quick run-down on my relationship and eventual breakup with Nathan, and how long it took me to recover from it, thanks to everyone in our small town berating me with their questions and sympathies.
“I tried to explain to Declan that the thought of going through another public relationship and potential breakup fills me with this… I don’t know, dread, I guess?
This full-body panic that I don’t know how to fight.
I don’t want to disappoint anyone, and I really don’t want to become a public spectacle again. ”
“People are always going to talk,” Grace says. “It’s an unfortunate side effect of living in a small town. You only care so much because you want everyone to like you, and you’re terrified of the slightest misstep.”
She’s right, but the words still sting.
“My need to make everyone around me happy is sometimes all-consuming,” I admit, and though it’s something I’m sure they’re all aware of, the words still feel like a confession.
I can breathe a little bit easier for having said them.
“It’s vast and overwhelming,” I continue, on a roll now, “and sometimes I don’t know the right path forward, because all I can think about is the people I might be disappointing along the way.
It’s why I almost said yes to Nathan, and why I almost kept working for my dad forever instead of taking the leap and opening my shop. ”
“Oh, honey,” Ty says softly. “That’s no way to live. You have to put you first. And Declan, if he’s as important to you as I suspect.”
“I don’t know how to stop caring so much about what other people think,” I whisper. “But I want to.”
“You said you explained all of this to Declan?” Noah asks.
“I did. And I said some not-so-nice things as well,” I admit.
“Like what?” Cam asks.
“I threw the fact that he hasn’t turned down the New York job or agreed to be Sean’s partner back in his face. I accused him of getting ready to run, like he always does.”
“Fucking ouch,” Grace mutters.
“I know,” I groan. “But he called me out on it immediately.”
“What do you mean?” Olivia asks.
“He told me I was only lashing out because I was scared. He said I have more faith in him than that, and he knows it.” The memory almost makes me smile. Because he was right. “He also told me he loves me,” I add, my voice nearly a whisper.
I’m hit with a barrage of “What?!” and “No fucking way” and “Holy shit.”
“I knew that man was in love with you,” Noah cries. “God, it’s been obvious since I started working here.”
“Since even before that,” Grace insists. “I’ve never seen him look at Elsie with anything other than heart eyes.”
“You’ve really been holding out on us,” Olivia accuses. “Did you say it back?”
“My guess would be no, if they’re broken up right now,” Cam points out.
I groan and lay my forehead on the cool tabletop. “I didn’t say it back.”
“What happened?” Ty prods.
I explain to them how Declan told me he would back off and give me space to figure things out. How he told me that when I’m ready to be with him, he’ll be there. But the ball is in my court now, and it’s been crickets from him ever since, as promised.
“Do you love him?” Olivia asks gently.
“She loves him,” Noah says confidently. When I glare at him, he jabs his chopstick in my direction. “Don’t give me that look. You’re forgetting who’s had a front-row seat to this entire thing over the last couple months. I knew you’d fallen for him even before you did.”
My cheeks heat, but I don’t argue with him.
“So, what are you going to do about it?” Grace demands.
“She’s going to tell him,” Cam says, as if it’s obvious. As if it’s that simple.
“I need to work through some things first,” I tell them. “It’s not fair to Declan for me to panic every time he tries to hold my hand or, god forbid, kiss me in public. It’s not enough just to want to be with him. I need to really choose him, and I need my actions to show that.”
“Are you ready for that?” Noah asks, his voice low and laced with concern.
“I don’t know,” I admit. I want to be ready. I want to choose Declan without a single care in the world about what anyone else thinks or has to say about it. But anxiety is a fickle bitch, and I don’t know how to turn that part of my brain off.
Ty reaches over to grab my hand on the tabletop. “Honey, I say this with all the love in my heart: what you need is a good therapist,” he says gently.
His suggestion gives me pause. I’ve never seen a therapist before, but it’s something I’ve considered over the years.
Especially after things fell apart with Nathan and the anxiety started to keep me up at night, or keep me from running simple errands around town.
I love this town with my whole heart, but there was a period where I didn’t know how to exist in it.
Olivia and Grace were my anchors when waters got stormy, but I’m sure I could have benefited from therapy.
“You might be onto something with that idea,” I agree.
“Okay, this is a good starting point,” Grace says, nodding as she scoops more beef and broccoli onto her plate.
“What you need is a plan,” Olivia announces, pulling a notebook and pen from her purse. She flips through until she finds an empty page and clicks her pen open, then stares at me expectantly.
“Before you start mapping out an entire master plan for my life, can we please take this literally anywhere else?” I beg.
I’ve used up every ounce of self-control I possess to keep from looking next door.
I can feel the weight of Declan’s eyes on our group, and the wrongness of not having him seated around the table with us is making me physically ill.
“Let’s take this planning sesh back to your place,” Ty suggests.
“Done,” I agree.
“Oh, I love a good planning sesh,” Olivia sighs.
“We’ve got the queen of planning, enough leftovers to get us through the next couple hours, and I know you still have a few unopened bottles of rosé from last time we had dinner there,” Grace says to me.
She points at Ty with her chopsticks. “You go get us some coffee. This could take a while.” She turns to Noah.
“You help Ty, and grab some desserts while you’re at it.
” She turns to Cam, who’s gazing adoringly at his wife.
“You – quit making moon eyes at her and make us a playlist. Upbeat tunes only; this is not the time for wallowing.”
“Aye, aye, captain,” Cam says, giving her a mock salute.
“What about me?” Olivia asks, raising her hand in the air like the star student she once was.
“You’re our planner. You sit there and look pretty for now.” Grace turns to me last, a look of fierce determination in her green eyes. She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “We’re going to figure this out and get you your man back.”