Chapter 3 #2
Once Theo was in recovery, I let myself pause, just for a moment, in the doorway of his hospital room. He was heavily sedated—there was no risk of him waking up—but I still couldn’t step over the threshold. It felt wrong somehow, a violation of his privacy when he had no idea I was there.
But I did read the surgical notes from his procedure. Several tendons were sliced clean in the accident, as well as his radial artery. It took more than five hours to piece everything back together, including the very delicate microsurgery aimed at repairing the damaged nerves.
It would have been a fascinating surgery to assist with had I not been so overwhelmed by seeing him again. “How has your recovery been?” I ask.
He flexes his fingers, curling them into a fist before relaxing again. A thin red scar runs from the base of his pointer finger across the pad of his thumb and down to his wrist. “Good. Better,” he says. “Still not back to normal, but I’m getting there.”
“It won’t impact your play?”
“It’s a little too early to tell. But my physical therapist is happy with my progress.”
“You had good doctors,” I say, and he nods.
“Yeah. Everyone has been great.” He studies me for a long moment before he asks, “Do you like being a nurse?”
The question catches me off guard, but it’s an easy one to answer.
As long as we’re talking about now and not everything that happened in the past, he can ask me whatever he wants.
“I love it,” I say simply.
Something like wistfulness flits behind Theo’s eyes.
“I always thought you’d be great at it,” he says, his voice softer.
“I’m happy it worked out for you.” He takes a step toward me, glancing over at Mia before saying, “Look, I’m sorry to show up out of the blue like this.
I’m sure you’ve had a long day, but do you think I could buy you dinner?
I have a few things I’d like to say, if you’ll let me, and it might be easier somewhere more private. ”
I take a steadying breath. I should have known he’d circle back. He’s been waiting in a parking garage for over an hour. Of course he’s going to say what he came here to say.
Behind us, the elevator doors ping before opening. I look over my shoulder to see Emily step off beside another nurse I don’t recognize.
Mia says hi, but I’m too preoccupied with Theo’s question to even manage a wave.
I have no idea how to answer him. I don’t want to shoot him down. But I really don’t want to have this conversation. The only conversation he could possibly want to have.
Emily makes quick eye contact as she passes by, her expression saying she’ll definitely have questions next time we’re on shift at the same time.
The other woman just stares at Theo. He’s in street clothes, so I doubt she recognizes him unless she’s a Jaguars fan, but he still cuts an imposing figure.
As soon as they’re gone, I force myself to look back at his face. His blue eyes look closer to navy in the dim light of the garage, but outside in the sun, they’d look cornflower blue, the same shade as the Texas sky just before sunset.
He holds my gaze for a long moment, then he smiles. “There’s a burger place a few blocks away that has a killer bacon smash burger. Their fries aren’t as good as Harvey’s, but they’re close. Have you tried it?”
Suddenly, I’m back in high school, Theo’s smile making my knees weak and my heart thump hard in my chest. I was basically powerless against that smile—it was so utterly endearing. And now, it’s working like the same charm-filled magic wand.
It doesn’t help that he clearly remembers my favorite order from our favorite burger place back in Texas. Or that he suggested the one restaurant where Mia and I were already planning on getting dinner.
It makes it seem like he knows me. And that makes me want to say yes.
But he doesn’t. He doesn’t know anything about my current life or how I’ve spent the last eight years.
If I relent and have a conversation with Theo, it can’t just be because his smile makes my stomach flutter. I can’t fall prey to his charms. Which means if we’re going to talk, we’re doing it on my terms once I’ve had the chance to gather my wits about me and arm myself appropriately.
I drop my bag onto the back of my car and breathe out a sigh. “I can’t have dinner with you, Theo.”
His shoulders drop the slightest bit.
“At least not right now,” I add. “I just worked a twelve-hour shift. I assisted in three different surgeries, so I was on my feet all twelve of those hours. I’m not sure I have the bandwidth for anything else tonight.”
It’s not the full truth. But it’s enough. If nothing else, it should buy me a little time.
He nods. “Fair enough. I probably should have thought of that. So, a raincheck, then?”
“Sure,” I say as I pull out my keys. “What if I text you?”
He lifts an eyebrow, lips tilting into a crooked half smile. “You’ll have to unblock me first.”
I let out an awkward laugh. “Right. Good reminder.” I glance over my shoulder at Mia, motioning toward the car so she knows I’m ready to go. “It was good to see you,” I say to Theo. “Really. I’m glad your hand is healing okay.”
His jaw tightens, but he only nods. “Yeah. Me too.” I can tell he’s disappointed. That he doesn’t want to leave things like this.
Then again, eight years ago, I didn’t want to leave things at all, and he didn’t give me a choice. A small part of me—a very, very small part—relishes the fact that this might give him a tiny taste of what I went through.
“Bye, Becca,” he says, then he turns and walks away.
I stand and watch him for several moments before finally climbing into my car.
Mia drops into the passenger seat and pulls her door closed, then looks over at me. “You okay?” she asks, and I drop my head onto my steering wheel.
“Did that really just happen?”
“It did,” she says, “and girl, I’m proud of you, because that man looked good enough to eat. I have no idea how you resisted his dinner invitation.”
I let out a little laugh. “That’s why I resisted his dinner invitation. I can’t trust a man who looks that good.”
“It might make Rory jealous. Nothing like a little competition to make a man up his game and recognize what he’s got.”
I sit up and lift my hands to my cheeks, pressing my palms against my flushed skin. “I don’t want to make Rory jealous. And I don’t think he was asking me out. I think he just wants to apologize.”
She shrugs. “But Rory doesn’t need to know that.”
“Stop it,” I say. “This isn’t about Rory. I just need you to tell me what you think I should do.”
Mia purses her lips to the side, like she’s really considering.
“I think you should eat a cheeseburger the size of your face,” she says.
“Then you should get some good sleep and see how you feel after you’ve had eighteen hours away from the hospital.
If you decide you want to hear him out, then you text him. If you don’t, then you don’t.”
“You made that seem really easy.”
She shrugs. “It is that easy. This is your life. You’re the one in control, and you don’t owe him anything. If you don’t want to talk to him, you don’t have to.”
Control. Right. I am in control. Except …
maybe not as much when it comes to Theo.
Because for all my carefully crafted boundaries, for all the plans I’ve made to keep myself safe, that man always made me feel like tossing every single rule out the window and leaping into life with my arms wide open.
Which is exactly why I can’t call him.
I already tried it once and look where it landed me.