Chapter 21
BECCA
“Come on,” Mom says from the other side of the changing room door. “There’s no point in trying it on if we don’t get to see it on you.”
“I barely have it on all the way,” I say as I adjust the dress across my boobs. “Just give me a second.”
With the fabric finally draping evenly, I prop my hands on my hips and study my reflection.
Honestly, I have no idea how I wound up here, shopping with Mom and Kim at a boutique that’s much too expensive, trying on a dress I never would have chosen in the first place.
My mother is a force all on her own, but add in Kim Williamson, and the pair of them are virtually unstoppable.
After breakfast this morning, they didn’t even give me a choice about how to spend my day.
I have a date tonight—Theo must have told them—and they were determined to make sure I was ready.
Manicures, pedicures, blowouts at the dry bar, and then shopping for a new dress. End of discussion.
I didn’t love the idea of spending the entire day away from Theo, but I suppose I can’t begrudge a little bit of Mom time, seeing as how I did come on vacation with her.
I smooth my hands down the front of the dress, then turn and look at how it fits across my butt.
It’s different from anything I’ve worn before.
The deep V-neck is lower than I’m used to.
But maybe different isn’t the right word.
I think it’s actually just … better. It’s soft, stretchy enough to hug my curves but substantial enough not to cling to them.
And the hints of gold woven into the fabric make my brown eyes look amazing and turn the whole dress into a shimmering spectacle every time I move.
I really, really love this dress.
“Becca!” Mom calls, more impatiently this time. “Before I turn fifty, please.”
I finally turn and open the door. “Your birthday isn’t for another three months,” I say, but any sarcastic reply my mother might have made gets lost in the sound of her gasp.
“Oh my gosh, you’re stunning!” Mom says. “Kim! Come see this!”
Kim hurries in, arms full of clothes she’s been collecting for the last half hour but has yet to try on. A sales clerk retrieves them from her and hangs them in a neighboring dressing room.
“Oh, that is lovely,” Kim says with a warm smile. “And it’s Theo’s favorite color too.”
“His favorite color is not brown,” I say. Because—is anyone’s favorite color brown?
But Kim doesn’t miss a beat. “Maybe not, but it will be after he sees you in that dress. You have to buy it. It looks like it was made for you.”
I look down at the price tag. “It was made for someone with a lot more zeros in her bank account. There’s no way I can afford this.”
“What if we split it?” Mom says, stepping close enough to pick up the tag. “Geez,” she says under her breath. “For one dress?”
“Exactly,” I say. “It was fun to try it on, but even splitting it, I’d never pay that much.”
The resignation in Mom’s eyes makes it clear she feels the same way.
My dad makes good money as a pharmacist, but my parents are still climbing out from under the debt accumulated from my grandmother’s memory care.
She had some retirement, and Medicare took care of a lot, but Mom and Dad had to cover some huge gaps.
If they’re ever going to retire—my mom is an elementary school librarian—they need to be making smart choices with their money now.
“It’s a shame,” Mom says. “You look beautiful.”
“Let me see,” Kim says, reaching for the tag, then she pulls a tiny pair of scissors from her pocket and snips it clean off.
“What are you doing?” I ask, and she shrugs. “I’m taking this up front so I can pay for it. And now you can keep the dress on. It’s almost time for Theo to pick you up anyway.”
I lift my hands in protest. “I can’t let you do that. I can just wear the dress I’ve had on all day.” I look down at my feet. “I don’t even have shoes I could wear with this one.”
Wordlessly, a shop clerk walks into the dressing room area and sets a shoe box down at my feet.
“Size nine, right?” Kim says. “I peeked at your Birkenstocks while we were having lunch.”
“That’s why you wanted to try them on?”
“I also wanted to see how they fit because I think I’d like to buy a pair.
But mostly, yes. I was planning ahead.” She steps forward and takes both my hands in hers.
“Listen. I never got to have daughters. You would be doing me a favor by letting me have this little bit of fun. Also, in case you haven’t noticed, my sons do very well for themselves.
They wouldn’t be where they are today if I hadn’t spent so many countless hours driving them to and from practice, paying for clinics, watching game after game after game.
They take good care of me now.” She holds up the tag.
“Which means I can absolutely afford this dress. And the shoes.”
I look over at Mom, still uncomfortable with this whole scheme, but she only shrugs and smiles. “You won’t win an argument with her,” Mom says. “You might as well embrace it.”
I look back at Kim, her blue eyes so similar to Theo’s. “Fine,” I relent, and she squeals, reaching forward and tugging me into a hug.
“I’ll go settle up. Try on the shoes to make sure they fit.”
The shoes are perfect. A wedge sandal that’s somehow incredibly comfortable and incredibly sexy at the same time. I keep them on my feet while the sales clerk carries the box out to the register. I didn’t look to see how much they were, and I’m glad. At this point, I don’t want to know.
I take my hair down, shaking it out around my shoulders, and turn to face Mom. “Good? I don’t even have my lip gloss with me.” It wasn’t the plan to shop quite as long as we did, but time got away from us, and now Theo is picking me up here instead of waiting for me back at the beach house.
“You don’t look like you need any,” Mom says, but she reaches for her bag anyway. “But let me see what I have.”
She manages to produce a tube of lip gloss and a smudgy brown eyeliner that looks great with the dress. “Oh! This too,” she says holding out an eyeshadow pencil in a shimmery shade of mauve.
“I might have to steal this,” I say as I lean toward the mirror and glide it over my eyelids. “It’s fabulous.”
“It’s my favorite,” Mom says. “I’ll get you one for Christmas.”
With my makeup touched up, I move over and sit down beside her. The changing room at this place is more like a lounge, so the chairs are tufted and soft and surprisingly comfortable.
“Are you excited?” she asks. Though we’ve talked about the date multiple times today, Kim has always been present. This is the first time it’s been just the two of us. “It seems like you guys had a good time yesterday.”
“We did,” I say. “He’s amazing. Fun and easy to talk to. And he makes me laugh.”
“But?” she gently prompts, clearly sensing my hesitation.
“But … I’m scared, I guess? Things might feel great on vacation, but what happens when we go back to real life? I have no idea what that might look like.”
“That’s a reasonable concern,” Mom says. “But I think it’s okay if we don’t always know exactly what’s coming next.”
“I always know what’s coming next,” I counter. “The next contract, the next apartment, the next payment on my loans. That’s … the only way I know how to function.”
She reaches over and drops a hand on my back.
“I understand why control is so important to you—I do. And it’s not a bad thing.
After the cards you were dealt, losing Theo and your grandmother so close together, I get it.
But somewhere inside of you, there’s still a little girl who loves the thrill of a good adventure—who doesn’t care where she’s going as long as she loves the experience of getting there. ”
I drop my head onto Mom’s shoulder. “I don’t even remember that girl.”
“She was pretty great,” Mom says. “Missed her curfew way too many times. But still great.”
I chuckle. Ninety-nine percent of the times I missed my curfew, it was because I was with Theo.
“I … maybe did a stupid thing last night,” I say without lifting my head.
“Yeah?” Mom asks. “Tell me about it.”
“I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about our date. And I started feeling anxious and uncertain, and somehow that led to me googling Theo, looking for information about all the women he’s dated.”
“Oh honey,” Mom says. “Why would you do that to yourself?”
“I know! It was such a dumb move.” I finally lift my head to face her. “There were so many, Mom. So many beautiful women.”
She tilts her head like she’s really considering. “Just pictures, right? Being in a photograph next to Theo doesn’t make someone his girlfriend.”
“I know. That’s true. But it still made me think of all the life he’s lived that I wasn’t a part of. And I feel weird about that. Not angry, exactly. But…”
“Maybe a little jealous?”
“Maybe? Is that weird? We’re adults. It feels ridiculous to be jealous of women my high school boyfriend dated.”
“I would argue he wasn’t your typical high school boyfriend. But also, it’s a two-way street. You had a boyfriend up until just a few weeks ago. And you had other boyfriends before Rory. You’ve had your own experiences. You can’t judge Theo for his.”
“I’m not judging. But … his life is so public. And these women were all so beautiful. I don’t feel like I measure up.”
“Have you looked in the mirror, child?” She glances past me, probably to look for Kim, but the coast is clear. “If it matters, Kim has talked quite a bit about Theo, and she makes it seem like he’s never had a girlfriend—at least, not a serious one.”
“In eight years? That seems unlikely.”
“Unless he’s been hung up on someone else this whole time.”
I quickly shake my head. “I don’t think that’s true.”
“Why couldn’t it be? He went through something traumatic, Becca. He lost his father, and then he lost you.”
“He didn’t have to lose me,” I say. “That’s the point. If I meant so much to him, enough for him to still be hung up on me all these years later, why did he push me away?”
The ache in my voice surprises me—some vulnerability I seem to have accidentally tapped into.
Mom’s expression tells me she heard it too.
She looks like she’s about to say something, but then her eyes shift to a spot behind me, and I instinctively know Kim has returned. And judging by the new worry in Mom’s eyes, she heard every word that just came out of my mouth.
I turn, and sure enough, Kim is standing in the entry to the changing rooms, bottom lip caught between her teeth.
I’m immediately embarrassed. The last thing I want to do is make Theo’s loss, Kim’s loss, about me.
I’ve accepted Theo’s apology. And we’ve had such good conversations in the past couple of days.
I do forgive him. I don’t blame him. Last night’s worries were a me problem, my own insecurities making me doubt.
I stand to face her. “Kim, I’m—”
But she cuts off my words when she takes two quick steps, closing the distance between us and pulling me into an enormous hug.
“Becca, listen to me,” she says as she pulls back, keeping hold of my shoulders. “It was never about you. It just broke him, honey. He pushed everyone away.”
“No, I know,” I quickly say. “He told me the same thing. Truly, I don’t hold it against him.
I don’t blame him at all. What he went through—what you all went through—I can’t even begin to imagine.
” I shake my head and drop my gaze. “It feels so silly to be making this about me. Not when you lost so much more than I did.”
She gives me a wry grin. “I mean, we did turn your vacation into a week-long date without your knowledge or consent. I think we can afford you making this a little bit about you.”
I huff out a laugh. “Well, when you put it that way … you did do that.”
“Do you want to know why?” Kim asks, blue eyes blazing with an intensity I’ve never seen before.
I nod.
“You can’t know this because you’ve only just become reacquainted, but Theo has been different this summer. More focused. More intentional. Seeing you woke him up, Becca. You make him want to be better.”
Tears suddenly spring to my eyes. It’s nothing that Theo hasn’t already told me. But it’s still nice to hear it from his mom.
She tightens her grip on my shoulders. “When my boys were little, I promised I would never be the meddling type. I would let them live their lives; I would love their chosen partners no matter what, be supportive in every way possible.” She looks over at my mom.
“And yet, here we are, meddling like two old hens. But I just couldn’t spare the thought of you leaving Atlanta without giving Theo the chance to show you the man he’s become. ”
My heart squeezes with a sudden longing to see the man in question. Right now. This very second.
As if summoned by the thought, my phone buzzes from the bench next to my mom, and I look over to see a text from Theo.
He’s here.
Right outside.
“Will you get my clothes?” I say to Mom, tilting my head toward the changing room where my sundress and Birkenstocks are still piled on the floor.
“Of course,” she says. “Now, go! Have a wonderful time.”
I pause long enough to give Kim a hug. “Thank you,” I whisper before I pull away.
I leave the boutique and step onto the street, temporarily blinded by the brightness of the late afternoon sun. I don’t see Theo, but I do see his car parked directly in front of the curb.
I look up and down the street and spot him stepping out of another shop a few doors down, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
We make eye contact, and his whole face changes, a smile lighting his eyes in a way that makes something click and settle in my chest.
Maybe I don’t know what’s coming next.
But for the first time in a very long time, I’ve suddenly forgotten to care.