Chapter 32 #2
He’s quiet for a long moment, then he takes a deep breath through his nose and clears his throat.
“When Shawn called me at the beach house,” he says, “he told me the Jaguars are thinking about trading me. Nothing is certain. It’s just talk, but it’s always just talk until suddenly you’re on a flight to a different city with only twenty-four hours’ notice.
” He sighs, his frustration evident in the tight line of his shoulders.
“So I’ve been thinking about you staying in Atlanta, arranging your life to be here.
Researching grad schools, making all these plans.
And I’m afraid of screwing that up. I’ve been fighting so hard the past two weeks, playing hard, trying to prove that I’m not as dispensable as they think I am.
But what if it doesn’t work? What if you changed all your plans for me, and they send me somewhere else? ”
It takes a moment to process everything he’s telling me.
It was scary choosing to stay in Atlanta.
But not as scary as the possibility of living without him.
If I found out tomorrow that he was traded to a different city, it would take some adjusting.
But I know in my bones I would still want to make this work.
“Becca, all I want is for us to be together,” Theo continues, “but I won’t be the reason you don’t realize your dreams … again.”
My heart nearly splits in two. That’s why he’s pushing himself so hard. Playing through pain he really shouldn’t ignore. Because he wants me to live my dreams. And he’s decided I need to stay in Atlanta to do it.
The big dummy.
“Theo, you should have told me.”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t want you to worry.
I wanted to just fix it. But now I’m having a second surgery, and I won’t play for at least the next three months, maybe longer.
Which means I can’t prove anything on the ice except that I’m currently a liability.
” He lets out a broken laugh. “You chose Atlanta for me. And I may not even be here.”
“Baby,” I say. “Look at me.” I shift and move toward him so I’m kneeling directly beside him.
I lift my hands to his face, brushing my palms over his cheeks as I lean forward and press a kiss to his lips.
This close, I’m suddenly desperate to show him, to help him see what he’s clearly struggling to get through his stupid skull.
“Theo, I didn’t choose Atlanta,” I say, forcing him to look into my eyes. “I chose you.”
He closes his eyes, his head dropping forward, then he lifts his arms and wraps them around me, tugging me onto his lap and burying his face in my neck.
“Did you think I didn’t know how the NHL works?
” I say into his hair. “If you’re sent somewhere else, we’ll figure it out.
It might take some time—figuring out hospital contracts and working out details.
But I’m a travel nurse. I’ve got a lot of experience moving from one hospital to another.
The most important thing is that we’re together, so we’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen.
The key word here is together. None of this I’m just going to fix it nonsense. ”
He lets out a little chuckle, his grip on me tightening. “You would move with me?”
I lean back, hands moving to his shoulders. “Did you miss the part where I said I love you?”
“I love you too,” he says, and something in my chest loosens and settles. “I love you so much. But what about school? I don’t want to prevent you from—”
“Stop,” I say, gently cutting him off. “Loving each other means fitting our dreams together. I love a plan as much as the next person…”
Theo lifts an eyebrow.
“I love a plan more than most people,” I amend. “But luckily, there’s one person who has always made me feel brave enough to leap into the unknown, with or without a plan.”
“Is it the same guy who convinced you to leave our senior awards ceremony and break into the country club pool for a swim?” he asks.
I grin. “That guy got me into so much trouble.”
He lifts his hands to my face and pulls my mouth to his, giving me an achingly tender kiss. He lingers, taking his time, moving his mouth over mine with so much careful attention, each brush of his lips feels like an apology and a promise at the same time.
“Thank you for coming to find me.” He presses his forehead to mine. “I don’t like that you had to, but I’m glad you did.” He hesitates for a beat before he adds, “I know it’s something I need to work on.”
“It’ll get easier,” I say. “Vulnerability works like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the better you get.”
“You sound like my therapist,” he says, “who, come to think of it, I should probably call this week.”
“Not a bad idea,” I say. “You’ve kinda had a lot going on.”
He chuckles. “Little bit.”
I shift off his lap so I’m sitting beside him, back against the foot of the bed. I thread my fingers through his and lean my head against his shoulder. “So, surgery, huh?”
“On Friday.”
“Oh wow. That’s soon. How are you feeling about it?”
“Frustrated. Annoyed. But mostly relieved. I don’t want to deal with this pain anymore.”
“Tendon adhesion?” I ask, and he nods.
“Plus some nerve entrapment in the scar tissue. They seem pretty optimistic, so I guess that’s good.”
My phone buzzes with an incoming text, and I glance at my watch to see Carter’s name. I scoot forward and grab my phone from where I left it on the floor, then return to my spot beside Theo.
I pull up the message.
Carter
Any update? I’m downstairs and would love to see him if I won’t be interrupting.
I show the message to Theo. “Your brother’s worried about you.”
He sighs. “Yeah. I guess he would be.”
“You should talk to him.” I reach over and run my hand over his thigh. “What if I go home and shower, then you come over later? After you guys have talked?”
He nods. “I can do that. Are you hungry? Can I bring food?”
“I love food,” I say.
He leans over and kisses me. “Me too. But not as much as I love you.”