Chapter 20 #2
The fireworks start, and I’m shocked at how much money the neighbors are blowing up.
Mr. Thompson and Mr. Erickson were not screwing around when they drove over the border to obtain fireworks.
I wonder if they saved some of their money for the citation they are likely to get when the police make it out to our neighborhood.
When I look down, Taylen is snuggled up in a blanket, slowly blinking up at the sky.
I continue watching the fireworks and then look over at Ben, when I feel his eyes on me.
He is not watching the fireworks; he is watching us, looking back and forth between Taylen and me. He looks wistful.
“You okay?”
“I’m okay. I’m kind of okay. It just breaks my heart a little bit that she doesn’t have a woman in her life to snuggle up with at night.
Their aunts are great at making time for all of them to do the girly stuff that I don’t understand, but it’s not the same as having a mom.
The two older girls will always remember her.
Taylen was young when their mom died. She won’t remember anything.
Maybe it will be easier for her because this will be the only way she remembers her life being. It just makes me sad, sometimes.”
“That must be really hard. From what I can tell, you seem to be doing a pretty great job with them. They seem happy.”
“They are, and I know I’m a good dad. I just hate that they are missing out on something.
You want your kids to have everything,” he says.
Ben shakes his head, as if trying to remove the thoughts that are running through it.
“Sorry to be such a bummer. Sometimes it feels like we have always been like this, and sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. Thanks for listening. Thanks for holding my baby.”
“Of course. It would probably be easier to hear you if the neighbors weren’t blowing shit up right now,” I joke, trying to lighten the conversation.
Then I slap a hand over my mouth and give him a wide-eyed look because I just swore in front of his three innocent children.
I’m also feeling self-conscious trying to support him in my sequin bald eagle dress.
The fireworks end, and everyone begins cleaning up the party. Taylen has since fallen asleep on my lap, and I feel trapped. Linden is still sleeping on Ben, and I note him trying to assess the situation to figure out how he is going to get all of his sleeping children back to the house.
“I can carry her over to your house, if that will help?” I asked.
“Yeah, if you don’t mind,” he replies. He looks toward his oldest daughter, “Brooklyn, can you go open up the house? Then go up and get ready for bed.”
Brooklyn complies and runs ahead of us.
We quietly make our way over to Ben’s house.
I have never been inside, so I am not sure what to expect.
When he opens the door, and I walk into the family room, I am surprised to see it is clean, bright, and tastefully decorated.
It definitely doesn’t look like a single dad riding the struggle bus lives here.
The living room leads to a huge, bright kitchen, and I realize Ben’s house is at least twice the size of mine and way nicer.
“You like?” Ben asks when he sees me looking around. “Surprised there aren't beer and football posters hanging on the walls?”
“To be honest, yes.”
He laughed quietly to keep the sleeping children asleep. “I had way too much to worry about when we moved, so my sister came and did all the furniture and decorating. I wanted a fresh start, and she wanted to abuse my credit card. If I were left to my own devices, it would have been posters.”
“It’s really nice. So, uh, what do I do with her?” I ask, hiking Taylen back up my body. I’m not used to upper-body workouts like holding a sleeping human, and my arms are getting exhausted. She is small, but I’ve been carrying her for quite a while.
“Follow me upstairs. They share a room.”
We hike up the stairs to the second floor. The first room appears to be his room, and there are two more bedrooms down the hall with a bathroom connecting them.
“The one on the right. Brooklyn is on the left. I sleep in the first room. There is an actual master on the main floor, but it’s nice to be close to the girls when they need something in the middle of the night.
Which is pretty much every night,” he rolls his eyes, yet says this with a grin that indicates he doesn’t mind the nighttime interruptions.
The room to the right is an explosion of Barbies, dolls, art supplies, and dress-up clothes. It’s easy to see this is where they do most of their playing. It’s not dirty, just toys scattered around, and it looks well-played in.
“Taylen is in the twin bed over there. Her dress is basically a night gown, right? She can just sleep in it, and we will worry about it in the morning.”
I laid Taylen down in her bed and covered her with the blanket.
She was still in her Fourth of July outfit, with the snacks and activities of the day smeared all over her face.
She looked precious. Sleeping kids are much less intimidating than awake ones.
Ben laid Linden down in her bed and covered her up.
He gestured to the hallway and for me to follow him out.