Chapter 26
I finally have a doctor’s appointment today.
I can’t believe that when you call your doctor and tell them you are pregnant, they don’t stop everything to get you in there to confirm.
What could possibly be more pressing than this?
I had to wait almost two weeks after the positive test before they were able to get me in.
With all of the drama my body puts me through each month, I’m not even sure when I got pregnant.
What I do know is that I am, in fact, pregnant.
I have taken an unreasonable number of tests, and they are all very positive.
I am having all of the early pregnancy symptoms. Despite it being glaringly obvious that I am pregnant, I need this appointment to verify what I already know so my brain can move on to the next step.
I don’t know how this happened. The only person I tried to get pregnant with was Luke, and we always assumed that with my problems, I was the reason nothing ever happened.
Maybe something was also wrong on his end?
Or maybe Ben does have fast swimmers. I don’t know if that’s even a thing.
I know a shockingly small amount about sex and reproduction for someone on the verge of forty.
What I do know is I am scared. I am scared that they will tell me this isn’t real when I get to the doctor.
I am scared of what this future will look like with Ben and how we will tell his kids.
I’m scared that he will feel obligated to me because of this pregnancy and continue a relationship that he doesn’t want to be in.
Or what if I try to make this work when it is no longer working because there is now a baby involved?
I’m a mess, my emotions are everywhere, and I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this.
The one thing I do know? If this baby is real, and it’s looking that way, I’m keeping it.
Life might get complicated, but this little mix-up is something I will not be taking for granted.
Despite how much of a wreck I have been, Ben has been great.
He has kept reminding me that we have time to figure everything out, and the first priority is seeing a doctor and making sure the baby is okay.
I know he has been through this before, but he is shockingly chill about this.
I guess it's a good thing one of us is calm. It does provide a lot of relief that he isn’t panicking.
Through these last two weeks of him being the Greatest Guy Ever, I’ve fallen so deep for him.
He could be freaking out just as much as I am, but he simply isn’t.
Instead, he has been calm and steady. I’ve also realized that he’s completely obsessed with me, and being shown that kind of affection has become one of my new favorite qualities in a lover.
Ben picks me up for the doctor’s appointment.
Yes, he pulls into my driveway to pick me up, which still cracks me up every time.
The kids are all at school, so we can sneak there without being detected.
I told him that he didn’t have to come with me if it was awkward, and he said sweet things about supporting me and that I’m not alone.
“How are you feeling?” Ben asks on the drive to the clinic.
“Nervous, worried, insane. You?”
He grins at me and grabs my hand. “Don’t smack me, but I’m mostly just excited. It will be a relief to know everything is okay with the baby and know when you're due. After we find that out, I'll be full-blown excited. I can’t wait to tell my mom.”
“You don’t think your parents are going to be mad?”
“No, they’re obsessed with grandchildren. They’re going to be surprised and excited, just like I am. I know you haven’t met them yet, but they are going to love you. They already know everything about you.”
I groan and throw my head back against the seat. “I'm almost forty! Why do I feel like I’m having a teen pregnancy? Why do I feel like my parents are going to ground me when I tell them?”
“That would be difficult for them to enforce and not really worth the effort since you don’t go anywhere.”
I snap my gaze over to Ben and whisper, “What if they tell me I can’t see you anymore?”
“Please know what I'm going to tell you comes straight from my heart.” He pauses. “Get a grip. Your parents are going to be fine.” I start to interrupt him, and he continues, “Cora is going to be fine. We are adults; we made an adult decision, and we’re going to handle it—together. We got this, okay?”
I squeeze his hand and nod. “Right. You got this,” I replied, giving him the best smile I could muster up.
At the doctor’s office, I am a sweating, shaking, nervous disaster.
Ben? Cool as a cucumber. It’s like he’s done this before.
It does feel a little awkward being at a clinic with him because we have only been dating for a couple of months and have not had a ton of real-life adventures together.
When they call my name to come back, Ben glances at me, silently asking if I’m okay with him coming with me.
I grab his hand for courage, and we head toward the nurse.
I’m surprised to see they bring me right back to an ultrasound room. The ultrasound technician comes in and greets us.
She begins, “So, from the notes I read, you aren’t exactly sure when the baby might have been conceived or the date of your last period?
“Right. My periods have always been irregular. I’m really not sure. It could be anytime between July and now.”
“Ok, since you don’t know the time frame, we’re going to start with a vaginal ultrasound as it gives us a better picture. I’ll have you undress from the waist down, and then you can just lie back on the bed. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
She exits the room, and I remain seated, frozen.
Ben nudges me with his elbow and says, “You good?”
“Are you going to stay?”
“Of course I am.”
I pause. “Uh, I have to get naked.”
“Toots. I’ve seen you naked.”
“They are going to put something in my vagina!”
“Cassie. I, too, have put things in your vagina.”
“What if this process makes me lose all sex appeal?”
“Babe. I’m so far out of my league with you, there is no possibility that could ever happen.”
I groan and then hop up to undress because I have wasted valuable time. I can’t afford the awkwardness of the ultrasound tech coming back before I’m neatly on the table with the paper sheet covering the intimate parts of me that she is going to be looking at quite closely in a few minutes anyway.
When she comes back to the room, I am ready. I’m nauseous, and I’m sweating. Ben is sitting right next to me, holding my sweaty hand, and I giggle on the inside, thinking about us being such sweaty parents. A match made in unexpected pregnancy heaven.
The ultrasound tech does her job of inserting the probe—which is immediately awkward—and then we hear a wooshing sound. I am oblivious to anything pregnancy-related, but I have heard this on television before.
I look at Ben, and he nods. He squeezes my hand and whispers in my ear, “That’s the heartbeat, Cass. It’s real.”
My eyes well up with tears, and it feels like the breath I’ve been holding can finally be let out. This is real. This is happening.
The ultrasound tech seems to be taking some measurements and different pictures. She shows us the baby’s heartbeat on the screen and what appears to be a little seahorse blob.
“Does everything look ok?” I ask, gripping Ben’s hand, bracing for her answer.
“Yes. The doctor will be in to talk with you about specifics, but everything looks okay. She smiles at us. “Is this your first baby?”
I reply “yes” at the exact same time Ben says, “no” which is probably confusing. We’re going to have to work on that.
She looks between us and smiles again. “Well, congratulations. Here are some pictures, and the doctor will be in shortly. You can get dressed.”
She hands me the pictures and walks out the door. They look like printouts of exactly what she showed us on the screen, yet I hold them tight. My baby’s first picture. Our baby’s first picture. I can’t believe it.
Ben helps me up and hands me my clothes to get dressed. I am so in shock, that I continue to stand there, dressed like Winnie the Pooh, staring at the ultrasound pictures. Eventually, Ben leans down, helps me slip my feet through my jeans and put my socks on.
“I can’t believe this.”
He pulls me into his chest, in his famous Ben hug. The greatest comfort of my life. “Believe it, Toots. You’re going to be a mom. You’re going to be a great mom, and I’m going to be beside you the whole way, no matter what happens.”
This confirmation and support have tears filling my eyes and spilling down my face.
Such a simple statement, but it’s a lot of information to receive.
I’m going to be a mom, and Ben’s not going anywhere.
My boyfriend of a couple of months is making a lifelong commitment to me and this baby because his heart is so good.
My super kind, super hot hunk of a doctor enters the room with a big, cheesy grin on his face. This joker, who told me it was "highly unlikely” for me to get pregnant naturally. The dream crusher. He has some explaining to do.
“Well, well, well…” he starts. “I know how this happens, but how did this happen? Based on everything we’ve been through with fertility concerns, I did not expect to see this pop up on my appointment schedule for you.”
“Listen, you're not the only surprised person in this room,” I replied.
“Is it safe to assume this is Dad?” he asks, gesturing to Ben.
Ben stands up and shakes his hand. Ben replies,“Yes! I’m the dad!” with no chill whatsoever. His enthusiasm is catching. Sometimes I get scared he isn’t being realistic and is distracted by having a squishy new baby. I keep reminding myself that only time will tell, and so far, so good.
“Cassie, I know we discussed pregnancy as being unlikely, so I’m assuming there was no birth control plan in place? It really doesn’t matter either way, I just want to know how big of a miracle this baby is trying to be.”