Chapter 18
She instantly knew she had made a mistake.
He moved in and kissed her like he had every right to be kissing her, his lips at once firm and soft and demanding everything she didn’t want to give him.
A searing jolt of pure want shot through her body from the point where their mouths connected to the aching emptiness between her legs.
She was helpless to control her reaction to this man, no matter how much she disliked him or how angry she had become.
She’d seen more emotion from him in the last two days than in all the time she’d known him, and this side of Jax was much more difficult to ignore.
His lips came off of hers, a hair's breadth separating her from him, the sound of their breathing the only sound in her ears. “Tell me you remember," he said, nudging her forehead back with his own and taking her mouth again.
His arms came up around her sides, clenching the fabric at her back. He ground out against her mouth, “Tell me you remember how good it was between us, because I can't stop thinking about it."
She remembered everything.
Every touch, every noise, the rise and fall of their bodies together in the darkness. How she’d tried to make herself forget, willing the memories away as she justified her reaction to him.
She met his eyes, the gleam of knowing satisfaction in his, and she fought against the truth that her body was singing aloud, fought herself to keep her hands from his body. “No,” she whispered.
He pulled her against him roughly. "You are such a goddamn liar." He kissed her again, this time his mouth crushing hers, forcing her lips to open and take him inside. Then she was kissing him back, her hands snaking up to wrap around his neck and hold him tightly against her.
He felt so good, better even than that first night, if that was possible. Her body knew now what he could do for her, knew the fireworks they were capable of setting off, and her physical need for him was out of control. She wanted to feel that again. Needed to feel that connection to him.
He pushed her against the wall and growled against her mouth. “Tell me you remember what it felt like when I was inside you, when the whole world stopped moving until I made you come.”
He was kissing her neck and she was caught in a landslide, the earth pushing past her while she held on for dear life. “I remember,” she whispered. “I remember it all.”
He spun her around. Her legs hit the mattress and he followed her down, bracing himself above her as she opened her legs and took the weight of his lower body.
He was lifting her shirt up to her neck, pulling the cups of her bra down to expose her fully.
Would he notice the changes in her body, the fullness of her breasts, how sensitive she’d become?
“The light,” she said. “Please turn the light off.”
He took one peak into his mouth and sucked deeply.
She yelped in surprised pain.
He let go. “Are you okay?”
She nodded.
“I thought you liked that.”
Embarrassment was like ice in a hot drink, instantly cooling her down. She pulled her shirt down between them. “This was a mistake,” she said, pushing him off of her, and lowered her legs to the floor.
“Wait…”
She held out her arm to keep him away, suddenly fighting back tears. “No. We’re not going to do this again.”
His steely stare stayed on her. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to.”
“You’re lying.”
“No, I’m not. I don’t want a fuck buddy in my dead husband’s best friend.”
“Don’t play that card, Jessa. What’s between us has nothing to do with him.”
She wasn’t playing cards, she was grasping at straws.
But the conversation was so ingrained in her memory, it was easy to pull out this particular straw.
“You may have moved on with your life and forgotten Ralph, but I haven’t.
I can’t. I don’t want to. And I can’t even look at you without seeing him. ”
“Bullshit. You didn’t think of him at all when we were together. That’s why you feel guilty as hell. There were only two of us in that bed, Jessa. Not three, or I damn sure would have noticed. And it kills you that you forgot all about him because you only wanted me.”
The truth in his words was like the thinnest of daggers slicing quickly through muscle and digging solidly into bone.
“I hate you,” she snarled.
“Maybe you always wanted me, even when you were with him. Maybe that’s why you feel so bad.”
She reached up to slap him across the face, but he caught her wrist in midair. “Or maybe you didn’t. All I know is I was jealous as fuck of that man,” he said, “coming home to your warm bed after a mission.”
“I’ll never forgive you for taking him from me.”
He stared at her long and hard, then let go of her wrist. “I’m going to the bar,” he said, then turned and was gone.
Jessa stared at the door as the tears came, great gasping sobs for everything she’d done, everything she’d lost, and what she’d been about to do.
God help me.
She had to get out of here. She’d come with Jax because she was in danger, but their stalker was dead now and she no longer had to worry about her safety. It was time to get away from Jax, once and for all.