Chapter 23
Jax watched as Jessa pushed her pasta around her plate with a fork. She'd hardly eaten anything, and he wondered if that was her new normal now that she was pregnant. “Is there something else I can get you to eat?"
She put her fork down. "No, it’s just not sitting very well.”
He nodded, picking up her plate and taking it to the sink.
They'd gone through the house room by room finding no one and nothing visibly disturbed, then checked the logs from the security system.
Nothing seemed out of place, no sensors on the house alerted in his absence, but Jax remained convinced someone had been there.
Hell, they might still be outside. The woods around this house could provide cover for the masses.
He needed to upgrade his security system. Install video surveillance at the gate and around the perimeter of the property.
"So," said Jessa, "I've been thinking. About you and me and the baby… What it’s going to be like."
He rinsed her pasta into the garbage disposal. "Go on, I'm listening."
"I know you never wanted kids. That doesn’t have to change.”
He turned around and leaned back against the counter. "When were you discussing my life goals? With Linda?"
She nodded. "We were friends."
"Yes, I remember. Maybe I should explain a few things to you about my ex-wife."
Jessa held up her hands. "Whatever happened between the two of you is none of my business."
"Before today, I would have agreed with you. Now I think it's important you understand what really happened. She cheated on me, nearly every time we went wheels up. Lots of different men, lots of different times. Did you know that?"
"I overheard you guys arguing that night."
"That's right. You did.”
"I remember she was very lonely."
"She was a goddamn liar, that's what she was. Seems you two have something in common there.”
Jessa narrowed her eyes at him.
Jax shrugged. "Besides sharing my bed, that is." He watched as her face flushed with anger, momentarily pleased he was the one who put it there. He wanted her to be angry. He wanted her to be hurt. He wanted her to feel even a fraction of the hell she was putting him through now.
"You know what I keep thinking?" asked Jessa. "That some people just aren't meant to have children. They're not nurturing, they're not warm. Just because I'm pregnant, Jax, doesn't mean you have to be a father."
He walked around behind her chair and put his hands on her shoulders. "If you wanted an absentee father for your kid, you should have run faster." He squeezed her shoulders, enjoying how she shook him off.
"I've been doing some thinking of my own,” he said. “And I thought maybe I should have primary custody, and you should be the one to get visitation."
She shot out of her chair. "No!"
"I mean, it seems only fair. You decided to bring this new life into the world. I should get to decide what we do with it."
"You will make a terrible father. The only emotion you know how to show is anger."
He froze. All his life he’d been told he was cold, unemotional, but none of those comments ever hurt quite like this one.
“Could be worse,” he said. “I could have forgotten how to smile.
" He watched as her face fell, his comment hitting home.
The volley of insults reminded him of his ex-wife.
"I think we've talked enough for tonight. It's time for us to get some sleep."
She crossed her arms. “I’m not sleeping next to you again."
He had expected as much. Fortunately, he already had another plan. “No, you’ll be sleeping in the guest room. Second door on the left. There are clean clothes for you on the bed.”
He watched her go, noting the curious look she gave him at the apparent reprieve from his watchful stare this evening, then finished straightening the kitchen while her words echoed in his head.
You will make a terrible father.
The only emotion you know how to show is anger.
She was good at locating his Achilles heel, that much was sure.
He walked up the stairs, stopping in an empty room Linda had used for crafts.
It was supposed to be a child’s room, but that child had never come.
In the end he knew why — his wife had secretly been on birth control throughout their marriage.
What a fool he’d been.
Now Jessa was carrying his child and she didn’t want him in the baby’s life. Not that she would win that battle, of course, but her accusations touched on the major concern he had about fatherhood — that he wouldn’t be affectionate enough with the child.
He walked to the window. She should be dressed by now and enjoying her newfound freedom, if not already planning her escape. He walked to his bedroom and opened the nightstand drawer, a smile lighting his features as he pictured what she had in store.