Chapter 30
Jax walked back to his office wondering what he would find. He never knew how Jessa was going to respond, never knew if she would be happy or sad, angry or glad. It should have driven him crazy. Instead, it just made her fascinating.
Nothing could have prepared him for what he found. She was sitting at his desk, the framed picture of Ralph and him in her hands, crying.
He stopped short, and she looked up to meet his stare. “We both loved him, didn’t we?” she asked.
Jax ground his back teeth together as he moved to her and perched a hip on his desk. He could think of a thousand things he’d rather talk about, but he only said, “Yes.”
She nodded. “I’d forgotten how you two used to laugh together.” She wiped at her cheek. “I think it was easier if I forgot you were his friend.”
"I haven't forgotten."
She put the picture down and leaned back in her chair.
"What you said before, about us not doing anything wrong, I know you're right about that.
I know my head is still screwed on backwards and six kinds of sideways.
" She shook her head. "That's why I was moving to Savannah.
I had to get out of that house, away from the memories that live there.
I was really trying to make a fresh start. "
"Why did you come to the bar that night?"
He was afraid he already knew the answer to that question, but he still thought he had to ask it. Had she really come there with the intention of getting pregnant? Or had she been lonely, and he was the lucky man who just happened to be there?
She met his eyes, guilt shining in their depths. "I did it on purpose, Jax. Is that what you're asking me? Did I get pregnant on purpose? Because I did."
He shook his head. "No. When you decided to come to the bar, did you want to talk to me?"
She frowned. "I see, you're looking for a way to lessen the blame.” She stood up. "I hate to disillusion you, but I went to the bar that night hoping to get pregnant." She crossed her arms, no longer meeting his eyes.
“By me?”
She nodded. "It made some twisted kind of sense. I know that's not right, and I knew it wasn't right then, either. But everything that happened that night was exactly what I was hoping would happen.”
“You were grieving."
"Dammit Jax, don't make excuses for me. I went to that bar to seduce you, in hopes I got pregnant, so I could be a mother. You were never part of the plan."
He lifted his chin. “Beyond the obvious, of course.”
She flushed. “You weren’t supposed to find out. You weren’t supposed to get hurt.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted? To hurt me?”
“No.”
He scoffed.
“I just wanted a baby, Jax. I didn’t think beyond that.
I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway.
I was in such a dark place, and there you were, and I couldn’t see past trying to get back what I’d lost.” She put her hands on her hips and closed her eyes.
“Forget it. I can’t do this anymore. Are we done here?
I'd really like to get out of this place. "
Jax led the way through the labyrinth that was HERO Force, back out through reception, and down the elevator. He stole a sideways glance at her as they descended. She’d almost seemed sorry for what she’d done, though she’d stopped short of a real apology.
Because she’s not sorry for the baby.
And what about him? Was he sorry for the life they’d created?
Not for a second.
They got to his truck and he opened her door for her, earning him a glare, and he couldn't help but smirk. He surprised himself by saying, "Logan is having a party tonight. I said we'd go."
"Seriously? What are you going to tell the guys?"
"I'll tell them the same thing I told Cowboy. The truth. You and I are having a baby together. And if anybody has a problem with that, that's just too goddamn bad."