Elias
ELIAS
rubbed his face, trying to jolt himself awake. His eyes drifted to the clock on the mess hall’s wall, and he frowned. There was no way it was only one in the afternoon. It felt like he’d been at the station for a double shift, not half.
“That can’t be right,” muttered to himself.
Things tended to break down around the station, but the clock had always been reliable. Even Cade had sworn up and down the thing was more accurate than any cellphone, though had never sought to test it. But considering how he felt, maybe he should ask the chief if they should look at it and make sure.
His thoughts were interrupted as a steaming cup of coffee was plopped down in front of him. looked up, blinking, and couldn’t help the sinking in his stomach when he saw Matt standing there with a smirk. Cade was in the station, but he’d been careful to avoid being around for too long. They had, of course, greeted one another that morning, just as they had the day before and the day before that. had expected awkwardness on Monday and tolerated it on Tuesday. Now, it was Wednesday, and began to wonder if they would ever look one another in the eye again for more than five seconds, let alone have a conversation.
“You looked like you were about to pass out,” Matt offered as he sat across from .
“Thanks,” muttered, picking the cup up.
The station coffee had been one of the few changes had enforced. When he’d first arrived, the coffee had been the equivalent of dirt with a hint of bitterness. When the chief refused to upgrade, bought huge tubs of grounds and let the others help themselves. Eventually, it had gotten to the point that everyone started buying the next tub, rotating through whose turn it was. Even the chief had begrudgingly got in on the act, and the nasty stuff sat in the cabinets, rotting away.
raised a brow as it hit his tongue. “Oof, Davis didn’t make this.”
Matt laughed. “Nope, that was me.”
“I forget you like it strong,” said.
“Damn right I do,” Matt said with a wicked grin.
snorted. “Not what I meant.”
“No, but I’ll take it.”
“I’m sure you will.”
Matt snorted. “Touché.”
Just in time to dissolve the hint of a good mood had been forming, Cade walked in. His eyes darted nervously to ’ face and then shot to Matt. What might have been an attempt at a smile, but looked more like a grimace, crossed his face as he raised a hand.
“Well, howdy, Cade, kind of forgot you were here,” Matt said, leaning back in his seat.
“Chief had me doing inventory. I guess no one’s done it for a while,” Cade said, moving over to the coffee machine.
snorted softly. Right, because Cade hadn’t been finding things to do around the station that kept him away from the rest of them for the past three days or anything. He had no doubt the chief had told Cade to do it, but he also suspected Cade had been the one to inform the chief of the lack of recent inventory taking.
“Careful,” Matt warned. “I made the coffee.”
“Can’t be any worse than when makes it,” Cade said as he poured himself a cup.
“Thanks, buddy,” said.
Cade turned with a steaming cup in hand. “Everyone knows you don’t make coffee. You make sludge.”
“Tastes fine to me.”
Cade shrugged. “I guess you’re just used to it.”
Matt eyed him. “And apparently, so are you. But, uh, since when do you drink coffee?”
Cade gave another shrug. “Haven’t been sleeping.”
His eyes darted again to and held for a moment. had noticed the more pronounced bags under his eyes lately. They were probably just as dark as the ones on his own face.
Matt snorted. “After how much you two put away Saturday night, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were still hungover.”
“I’m not hungover,” Cade muttered, averting his eyes from .
Neither of them was hungover, but still felt ill all the same.
“We’ve done worse,” said.
“Yeah,” Cade agreed.
“Haven’t got you two in the same room while I’ve been around since the party. You guys have a good night?” Matt asked.
Unsurprisingly, watched Cade tense up as he nodded. “Yeah, it was, uh, a good time. Surprising.”
“I think Christine was pretty surprised,” Matt said.
“I’m sure she was,” Cade muttered. “Anyway, I’m going to get back to it. There’s still more inventory to do.”
“I thought you said you were done?” asked.
“Did I? My bad,” Cade called as he marched out of the room.
Matt stared at the doorway, a single brow raising. “Okay, what’s up with him?”
stared down at his drink. “Well, I guess you’ll have to take that up with him.”
Matt’s head jerked back toward him. “Okay, what’s up with you?”
“I haven’t been sleeping.”
“Yeah, I noticed. I also noticed he hasn’t been sleeping either.”
“People have a hard time sleeping sometimes, Matt. It happens.”
But was he having difficulty sleeping because of what happened Saturday night? Because Cade could barely exist around without wanting to skitter out of the room as quickly as possible? Or was it just because he missed having his friend over, having someone who eased his mind so he could sleep through the night?
Matt snorted, setting his cup down. “Really? You’re going to pull the brick wall act on me now?”
“What?”
“That thing you do where you pretend everything is fine, and any attempt to get you to talk about it is met with the emotional equivalent of running face-first into a brick wall.”
stared at him. It wasn’t the first time someone had complained about his stubbornness to talk, but it was the first time someone had ever put it so eloquently. It wasn’t going to make him talk any more freely, though.
Keith’s voice echoed down the hall. “And I told her it wouldn’t work, but she didn’t listen. Now I’ve got a cleaning bill that’s almost as much as my fucking rent.”
“Why didn’t you stop her?” Davis asked as the two of them entered the mess hall.
“Because I didn’t think it would be that big of a mess,” Keith told him.
“You were wrong.”
Keith stopped before replying, spotting Matt and at one of the tables. stared back, not giving a shit if the man’s face blanked and irritation curled at his lip. Of all the things on the list of problems in his life that needed to be dealt with, Keith’s stupidity didn’t even make the bottom ten.
“Afternoon,” Matt called to them cheerfully.
Keith grunted, jerking his head with what might have been a greeting, and approached the coffee machine. Keith had never been the friendliest of guys, not to anyone but Davis, that was, but he’d been even more grumpy since the news about and Cade’s ‘relationship’ had been announced.
“What’re you two doing in here?” Davis asked as he waited his turn for the machine.
Matt raised a cup. “Same thing you’re doing.”
Keith glanced back with a snort. “Your boyfriends know you’re in here all cozy with one another?”
bridled, but Matt beat him to it, replying with a smile. “Cade was just in here and talked with us for a bit. And yeah, my boyfriend knows I work in a station with a bunch of other guys.”
“Guys like you?” Keith asked with a smirk.
“He’s aware, yeah,” Matt told him.
Keith gave another snort, stepping out of the way to let Davis get at the machine. “And yours?”
knew the question was directed at him but had to bite his tongue. His first knee-jerk reaction was to tell Keith to stop referring to him and Cade as boyfriends. Yet that instinctive comment flew in the face of the charade he and Cade were carrying on.
didn’t look up from his cup. “You heard Matt.”
Keith looked him over. “You seem grumpy. You and your boyfriend having a lover’s spat?”
“Keith,” Davis muttered from behind him.
looked up slowly, feeling a muscle in his jaw twitch. “You know his name. Use it.”
“Doesn’t answer my question.”
“And it’s none of your business.”
“Shit, you guys were good enough to share your business with everyone before, but now it’s a big secret?”
watched him come closer, forcing himself to keep calm. Suddenly, his thought that Keith wasn’t much of a problem seemed less true as he was forced to deal with him. Three days of little to no sleep weren’t helping, and he could feel his nerves tightening too quickly.
“Not a secret. Just none of your business,” said, forcing his voice to stay calm.
“Or maybe you’re just not wanting to admit that you aren’t into this shit at all. Maybe you two just had yourselves a bit of fun and realized pussy is where you really wanna be. So now you’re having yourselves a little fight...or is it that one of you liked it more than the other?”
’ head snapped up. “Shut your fucking mouth, Keith.”
Keith gave a derisive laugh. “Touchy.”
pushed out of his seat, smacking Keith’s cup out of his hand. The man yelped as the hot coffee splashed over him. reached out, grabbing Keith by his shirt and yanking him close. Nearly face to face, the size difference between the two of them couldn’t have been more apparent. Keith had to look up with wide eyes into ’ face, and he still had at least another thirty, maybe forty pounds before he weighed as much.
“Holy shit, !” Davis yelped, dropping his cup.
Matt leaned back, mouth dropping open, but said nothing.
leaned in until his nose almost touched Keith’s. He’d always been conscious of his size ever since he’d started growing as a teen. His size and strength had made him a target for a lot of other idiots who’d wanted to prove themselves against a big opponent. had defended himself more times than he liked, leaving him aware of how terrifying he could be. It was something he never wanted, but by God, he was going to use it now.
“Shut your fucking mouth , or I’ll do it for you,” growled.
“,” Matt began.
didn’t pull his eyes away from Keith. “No, I’m sick of this shit. Just because you think being with a dude is gross doesn’t mean you get to run your mouth. I’ve been listening to you for two years, Keith, and I’m over it. I’m tired, I don’t feel good, and I’m sick of your shit. The next time I hear you say anything nasty to me, Cade or Matt, I’m laying you out. You hear me?”
Keith fought to keep his snarl. “Fuck you.”
released him. “Then try me, big boy, just try me.”
Keith stumbled back from the table, his chin still dripping with coffee. His dark eyes blazed with fury and wounded pride. stood there, letting Keith be stupid enough to make the first move or open his mouth. Instead, the seconds ticked by before Keith finally gave a low snarl, turning on one heel and walking away.
“Jesus,” Davis muttered.
“The same goes for you,” told him.
Davis held up his hands. “Heard. Understood.”
Grunting, sat back in his seat, pulling his coffee toward him again. He wasn’t sure how the cup hadn’t been knocked over in the scuffle, but he was glad he didn’t have to get up for another. took his time taking his next sip, ignoring the glance Matt and Davis shared before Davis finally took off after his friend.
Matt eased back in his seat, watching . “So?—”
sighed. “What?”
“You sure you don’t want to tell me what’s going on between you and Cade?”
“What makes you think he has anything to do with it?”
“You know being gay doesn’t mean I’m blind, right? Just means I like dudes.”
scowled at him. “I never said anything like that.”
“Right, because you two haven’t been weird around one another since you came back on Monday. You haven’t been sleeping, which, while not weird, is normally not this bad. Cade’s not sleeping, and he normally sleeps like a damn baby. And I’ve never seen you lose your temper before, so how about we save the bullshit, and you tell me what’s going on. Is the whole fake relationship thing getting to you guys?” Matt asked softly, making sure his voice didn’t carry.
closed his eyes. Didn’t he wish?
Shaking his head, muttered. “No. Something...happened on Saturday.”
“Something?” Matt asked with a raised brow.
shifted uncomfortably in his chair, staring resolutely at his cup. “We were on the couch, drinking a beer and talking. And?—”
Matt leaned forward, eyes widening after he read ’ face. “You...you guys...did you sleep together?”
winced, feeling his face warm. “No, but we did something.”
“Something?”
Unable to make the words come out, made a jerk-off motion.
“Side by side, or like, did it to one another.”
looked up with a frown, not caring that his cheeks were probably red. “Do you want the intimate details? Wanna know what our dicks look like?”
Matt covered his mouth, snickering. “I’m sorry. I’m just...a little, okay, a lot shocked. I mean, I knew you guys were faking it, but I always assumed there was nothing...there, you know?”
“I know. Neither did I. And neither did Cade.”
“Huh, I thought something was up that night.”
“What do you mean?”
“I saw you two dancing, and I saw that kiss. If I hadn’t known you guys were supposed to be acting, I would have said?—”
“What?”
Matt took a deep breath. “I would have said you two looked like a pair of guys either on your way or well into falling in love with one another.”
Oh.
“But I told myself it was a good act, and after all, you two are pretty close.”
snorted softly. “Were.”
Matt rolled his eyes. “Don’t be dramatic.”
“Uh, excuse me?”
“You two ran into the first thing in your two years of friendship that has made it hard to talk to one another. Sometimes it’s a fight, sometimes it’s, uh, jerking each other off.”
“Thanks for being so tactful.”
“My point is, don’t let this one thing be what ruins the friendship. Don’t sit around and be awkward for weeks, not when he’s right there. You’re both obviously struggling with this, don’t let it go on too long.”
wasn’t sure it was that simple. While he felt a little better talking to Matt about it, it still didn’t stop the squirming uneasiness in his gut. The weirdest part wasn’t that he regretted it, though he certainly regretted the results. He probably should have been a little more worried, considering this was his best friend he’d fucked around with, and also another guy.
“I don’t know if it...I don’t want shit to be weird,” said.
Matt raised a brow. “What were you going to say first?”
looked down at his cup, shaking his head. “Nothing.”
“You were going to say something about liking it, weren’t you?”
“You’re not going to let me keep anything to myself, are you?”
Matt grinned. “It’s okay to like it. And it’s okay if you want to do it again, and more.”
said nothing, not wanting to admit the thoughts had been in his head.
“But that’s not what’s bothering you, is it?” Matt asked quietly.
sighed. “No. I can...I can deal with the idea that it happened and that it was...fun. I can accept that it made me more curious than before.”
“I’d say I’m surprised since most straight guys would take it as an earth-shattering blow that they did something with another dude and liked it.”
shrugged. “It’s weird, yeah. Never thought about it and never wanted it before. But I mean, it’s Cade.”
Matt snorted. “Of course, that’s your answer.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked indignantly.
Matt reached over, squeezing ’ hand. “It means you two have always been close, like close enough that I’m not surprised people commented about you two supposedly dating. Close enough that I’m not surprised you’re okay with what happened because it’s him.”
“But Cade…” began, trailing off.
Matt squeezed his hand once more. “Well, there’s your hurdle. You’re going to have to talk to him. Sooner would be better than later. Find out where his head is at.”
“Probably nowhere good.”
Matt pushed away from the table, draining the last of his coffee. “Look, I have to go scrub out the oil stains on the front drive and sidewalk, or chief will have my ass. But you have to be willing to sit down with him and talk. Figure out what he thinks and what he feels. You guys will never get past this...whatever it is, without talking it out.”
“Yeah, I guess,” said.
Matt chuckled. “Both of you are being stubborn and weird, which is fine. Just don’t let it go on so long that you’re both being stupid about it instead.”
fiddled with his cup in the silence.
“Friday, I’ll give him that long,” told himself.
Hopefully, he didn’t drop from exhaustion before then.