Clay
CLAY
After their little chat, Elliot seemed to lose his taste for talking. couldn’t blame him. It hadn’t been the most heartening of conversations. Not that it had been much better for . If he hadn’t enjoyed digging up the demons and ghosts of the past, he doubted Elliot enjoyed listening to it.
It certainly hadn’t done much for ’s mood. In fact, it left him itching to go out and get the job done. The problem was, he’d promised Elliot he would stay his hand for a while. Admittedly, that promise had only been made until Elliot found out the truth, but was willing to adhere to the spirit of the agreement, not just the letter.
So rather than going out to put a bullet in Anthony’s head, he took to pacing around the apartment. He draped himself over the chair in the living room but didn’t find it very comfortable. Eventually, his mind started drifting to his memories, and he was back on his feet to step outside and stare down at the city. Night had fallen a couple of hours before, and he could gaze out upon the lit sky as the partiers and graveyard shift workers went about their business.
He’d left his half-finished drink on the kitchen counter but wished he’d brought it with him. Oddly enough, he wasn’t as worried about drinking too much with Elliot around. If his little show and tell had been any indication, he apparently felt remarkably at ease with the other man. didn’t have an explanation, and thinking about it sat oddly in his mind.
“You alright?” Elliot asked.
turned, having forgotten Elliot was around. The man had taken refuge in his bedroom, apparently thinking hard about everything, and the only time had seen him emerge in the past couple of hours had been for Elliot to use the bathroom and refill his glass. The drink was nowhere in sight, but was sure it wasn’t far.
“Just...restless,” said, turning his gaze back to the skyline.
“I know the feeling. There’s only so long I can sit around on my ass thinking about stuff before I get the itch to do something,” Elliot said as he stepped onto the balcony with .
“Something?”
“You know, something, anything. I’m not good at just sitting around and thinking.”
“I think foiling my attempts at killing your boss more than once says you’re pretty good at thinking.”
“Naw, that’s thoughtful doing. Sitting around here, brooding is just...thinking. I’m bad at that.”
had to laugh. “It worries me that what you said makes complete sense.”
“Because you’ve seen it, or because you’re like that too?”
“Because I’m just like that. Sitting around here, doing absolutely nothing, especially when I know there’s something I should be doing, is agonizing.”
Elliot leaned on the balcony’s railing. “I’m not going to apologize for not wanting you to go running off to kill Anthony.”
glanced at him, saying nothing as he watched the bigger man. Elliot had changed into a simple shirt and a pair of pajama pants. was amused to see there were little cartoon grenades with huge grins on the pants. Being so close, he could smell the man’s faint but still rugged cologne. couldn’t identify the scent, but somehow, he could picture it mingling perfectly with the smell of gunpowder and smoke.
“No, and I wouldn’t want you to,” said honestly. “I know you have to work through things on your own.”
Elliot looked down at his hands, brow creasing. “The question I have, the one that’s really been bugging me, is why?”
raised his brow. “What, you don’t want me to?”
“That’s not what I said. I won’t be upset that you’re still keeping yourself in check and not going after him. But I don’t get why you’re doing it. You didn’t have to make that promise, and you sure as shit didn’t have to keep it. So why do it at all?”
gripped the railing, leaning back to stare up at the sky. “That...is a very good question. And honestly? Not one I have an answer to.”
“Well, if you don’t, I sure don’t.”
eyed him with a smirk. “Really? Because you seemed to have a few good ideas about what I’m about. At least that’s the way it came off to me earlier.”
Elliot shrugged. “And I don’t think I’m wrong either. I genuinely think you’re trying to do your best with the options you’ve been given. And I also think you want something better.”
Better would be nice, even could admit that. Better might mean a life where he wasn’t always looking over his shoulder. Better could open up the chances for something other than a blood-soaked future with a more than likely violent end. Better would have been precisely what Mrs. Collins would have wanted for him.
But could he do better?
shook his head, closing his eyes. “You certainly see something I don’t.”
“So you keep saying. But am I not seeing things right, or are you just afraid to see it in the first place?”
Fear had never played much in ’s life. His mentor had seen to that. Yet if he were to really look at things, then yes, he supposed he was a little afraid, not of dying. Death, at least, would be one answer to his problem. Worse was the fear that he might strive for something else only to find everything falling apart.
“And what if I can’t do better? What if this is all I am and ever will be?” asked.
“And what if you refuse to try and find yourself somewhere down the road wishing you had? Do you think your life will be better if you end up on the dying end of a contract? What if you find something better, try for something better, and actually get it? What if your life can be your own?” Elliot insisted.
looked at Elliot helplessly. “I don’t even know where to start.”
Elliot reached out, his fingers brushing ’s jaw gently. “, you’ve already started. Hell, you’ve set the groundwork for something so much greater than just being a weapon for some assholes with money. Don’t pull away from it just because you don’t know where it could go.”
Elliot’s fingers were warm on ’s neck as they came to rest, gripping gently. Even warmer were Elliot’s words, his belief in . Here was a man who had no reason to give a shit about . Yet despite their initial antagonism, he genuinely believed in ’s ability to be more than he was. Mrs. Collins’ old advice came back to him for the second time that night.
Look for the people who are good, who want to do good.
Sucking in a deep breath, both steeling his resolve and taking in the masculine scent of Elliot, gave in to temptation. A faint part of his mind prayed he’d read the signs right, and he leaned close to Elliot.
Elliot’s other hand wrapped around his waist as the one around ’s neck tightened. Their lips met, and felt the deep breath he’d taken pulled from his lungs in surprise. He’d never understood what people meant when they talked about a spark or how they felt alive when their partner touched them. He’d always thought it was an exaggeration to describe the warm but fleeting feeling he was familiar with when he shared his bed with another man.
Yet there was no other description for the jolt yanked through his body as Elliot’s lips met his. His stomach knotted, an oddly pleasurable and weighty feeling as Elliot’s fingers tightened. pressed against Elliot, wondering how the hell just getting closer to someone’s body could feel as good, as right as it did with Elliot.
It could have been seconds or several minutes when finally pulled away. The larger man was staring down at him with a dazed look in his eyes, his mouth parted, lips reddened.
“Oh,” Elliot breathed.
“Agreed,” murmured.
“…” Elliot began, looking like he was about to lose the thread of his thoughts.
spoke quickly, heart hammering. “If we went to your room right now, would you regret it?”
“Spending the night with you?” Elliot asked.
“Yes.”
“No, I wouldn’t regret it.”
There was no thought, no hesitation, and absolutely no doubt in Elliot’s answer. couldn’t help his surprise at the immediacy. Considering what Elliot knew about him, who and what he was, and where he’d come from, had expected at least a moment of thought.
“Just like that?” asked.
Elliot bent forward once more and kissed soundly. “Just like that.”
Before could summon more than a tiny huff, he felt himself hoisted up. It wasn’t the first time a man had picked him up, but gripped hard to Elliot with a small grunt of surprise. Elliot waited until , with a scowl on his face, wrapped his legs around his waist.
“Stop thinking so much and go with it,” Elliot told him.
Easier said than done, but it wasn't easy to come up with a proper response as he became aware of Elliot’s body pressed against his. ’s earlier assessment of Elliot being the human version of a tank came back to him. From the shoulders wrapped his arms around to the feel of his stomach against ’s groin, Elliot was solidly built.
“Jesus, you could break me in half,” muttered as he was carried into the apartment.
“Only if you ask nicely.”
raised a brow but said nothing, letting that promise settle into his gut. It wasn’t that he would have been opposed to sleeping with Elliot before, but now it was somehow strange. No previous partner had ever known anything but the cover story or half-lies gave them. Yet here was a man who knew more than anyone alive, and found his normal confidence evaporating quickly.
He wasn’t feeling any better when they reached the bed, and he was deposited on the sheets. Elliot towered over him, the sight as arousing as it was intimidating. could deal with the man's size and even appreciate it. What unnerved him was how much Elliot knew him and was more than happy to be with him.
Elliot knelt on the bed, bending forward to kiss . “Stop.”
“What?” asked breathlessly.
“Thinking so much.”
“Hard not to.”
“You want hard?”
Elliot gripped ’s wrist and brought his hand to Elliot’s groin. ’s breath caught as he felt the stiff length of Elliot’s cock straining against his pants. The pajama pants weren’t doing a great job of concealing it. ’s fingers closed around it, getting a feel for the entire length, the thickness, and the heat permeating through the thin cloth.
“God damn,” breathed.
With something other than his strange nervousness to focus on, took hold of Elliot’s waistband and pulled the pants down. Elliot’s cock sprung free, bobbing heavily as Elliot finished the job by shimmying out of them. As the man grabbed his shirt and pulled it up, leaned forward, gripping the base of Elliot’s cock, and bringing the head to his lips.
A soft moan escaped Elliot as he dropped his shirt to the floor. Strong hands came to rest at the back of ’s head, curling into his short hair. Elliot’s cock was heavy against ’s tongue, and the taste of him was as strong as it was intoxicating. slid his mouth forward, taking Elliot into his throat.
“Oh shit,” Elliot murmured as slid forward until his nose was pressed against Elliot’s waist.
swallowed as best he could, working his throat muscles over the shaft and head. He was rewarded with a deep, rumbling growl from Elliot, his fingers gripping ’s head even harder. Easing back, bowed forward once again, taking Elliot deep. He maintained the rhythm, getting lost in the sensation of Elliot filling his throat. The taste of him every time Elliot leaked and the noises, some low, some rumbling, completed the feeling of being lost.
Finally, pulled off completely, chest heaving. He looked up, heart skipping a beat at the open and honest look of desire in Elliot’s dark eyes. The other man wasted no time taking hold of ’s shirt and pulling it off. The pants required a little more work and some wriggling on ’s part, but eventually, the two of them were equally naked, and Elliot was climbing on top of him.
The weight bearing down on him was comforting, and relished the feel of strong muscles beneath Elliot’s burning hot skin. He knew what he wanted and could see it in Elliot’s eyes.
“Please tell me you’re prepared,” said with a low laugh.
It turned out Elliot was. Both condoms and lube were close at hand, and had to experience only a momentary absence as Elliot went to retrieve them. While would have been perfectly happy to keep sucking Elliot until he completely lost it, he craved the feel of Elliot inside him.
“Don’t,” said as Elliot prepared to lube his fingers.
Elliot raised a brow. “You’re one of those?”
Not always, but couldn’t bring himself to give the real reason. He was only starting to accept that he wanted Elliot and that just kissing him was better than half the sex he’d had before. But damn it, he couldn’t admit that he wanted, needed to have Elliot inside him. Some deep, once quiet part of him cried out for it, and if he had to endure a little discomfort to have it happen, he could live with that.
Elliot’s eyes were locked on his face, and ’s stomach clenched. For one fearful moment, he thought he must have given himself away. Something on his face had told Elliot exactly what had been trying to keep hidden away. Relief pooled in his gut when Elliot grabbed the condom, saying nothing as he prepared himself. Either the man had seen nothing or kept his observations to himself.
When Elliot grabbed his legs, thought he was about to be flipped over. Instead, Elliot drew him closer, placing himself between ’s legs.
Elliot bent forward, kissing him gently as he placed his cock at ’s entrance. “You have the most beautiful eyes. I want to see your face the whole time.”
Jesus.
stared up at him, letting the words sink in. He barely noticed the pressure building as Elliot pushed forward. The compliment over his eyes was nothing compared to the insinuation of Elliot’s final words. ’s confidence dwindled again as he searched his brain for the right thing to say in return.
He was spared as he felt himself open and Elliot’s cock push inside him. A startled gasp left his mouth as his body burned for a moment, and he forced himself to relax. Elliot bent down, kissing him hard. Pleasure swept through as he felt Elliot rock gently into him. He barely noticed the discomfort of being stretched open as Elliot’s tongue danced over his. wrapped his arms around the man’s strong shoulders, moaning as he felt the last inch of Elliot’s cock slide into him.
Elliot began to move before could grow impatient from just lying there. Slow at first but building with each successive thrust. Elliot never strayed too far from as he thrust into him, occasionally interrupted by another deep, electric kiss.
’s swirling mind cast aside all thought as Elliot filled him time and time again. His body burned, his heart thudded, and the moans of pleasure spilled out of him. Elliot held him close, kissing his neck, nibbling on his jaw.
Never had known sex like this. There had been rough partners, kinky partners, passionate partners, and more than a few lackluster partners. Yet not one of them had held with such passion, yet so gently at the same time. Not one of them had ever looked at with such warmth and desire all bundled into one.
“Elliot,” gasped out, feeling his stomach tightening.
Without a word, Elliot reached between them, grabbing hold of ’s cock, and stroking it in time with his thrusts. It only took seconds before cried out, coating Elliot’s hand and stomach as he came. Elliot gave a low grunt, shoving himself deep and claiming ’s mouth once more. Elliot moaned into his mouth, his cock jerking inside .
When it was over, was left breathless, chest heaving. Elliot slid out of him gently, retrieving a towel from the floor to clean them both up. managed to murmur a quiet thanks as he lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. His heart raced as he tried to make sense of what had just happened, at how wonderful the whole thing had been.
He had no idea how long he lay there, only coming out of his stupor when Elliot appeared at his side. stared up at him, wondering what he could say to encompass what he had just experienced. Elliot smiled at him, wrapping an arm around ’s waist and pulling him close.
Once more, found himself surrounded by Elliot’s body, his warmth. It was as enticing as it had been during foreplay but without the demands of lust accompanying it. found himself giving in to some strange call from Elliot’s presence, his body relaxing as Elliot held him close.
“Thank you,” managed to murmur as he felt himself doze.