Blaine
BLAINE
Tucking his phone between his face and his shoulder, wrestled with the keys to his apartment. It had been a very long week, and he was looking forward to having some time to himself. After Eric’s outburst following ’s attempt to get the man to face what was going on, the rest of the week had been absolute hell. Eric refused to talk to him unless it was absolutely necessary, and even then, he sounded like he’d rather jump into a volcano.
“I lost you again, didn’t I?” Blake asked from his ear.
winced, shoving at his key to unlock the deadbolt. “Yeah, sorry. It’s been a week...or two.”
“Yeah, you mentioned that when you called. Work itself, or just your partner?”
tried hard not to make a guilty-sounding noise as he opened the door. He’d yet to tell his brother just who his partner was. himself was still having a hard time believing that out of all the people he could’ve been paired with, it was Eric. For all he’d known, Eric had been on the opposite side of the country doing who knew what. Instead, he ended up being a few hours’ drive from their hometown, working at the same precinct had applied to.
The universe had a strange and twisted sense of humor.
“Yeah, he’s uh,” began, tossing his keys into the bowl beside the door. “He’s something.”
“Mmm,” Blake hummed thoughtfully. “That’s pleasantly vague.”
flicked the overhead light on, frowning at the space. The apartment was cheap, and it looked like it. The door led into an open space, though not what would call a big one, that served as a living room. His furniture occupied most of the room, allowing for his entertainment system. The kitchen sat behind it, stretching narrowly out of sight. The hallway led to the only bedroom and further down the bathroom.
It wasn’t much, but it was somewhere to lay his head, at least.
“Yeah, and your attempts at getting me to tell you more are incredibly subtle,” told him.
“I am the definition of subtle.”
“I think we’ve been reading different dictionaries.”
“It’s been updated since the last time you cracked one open. You should check out the new edition. I’ll send you a copy.”
rolled his eyes, even as the tension bled out of him. Both of them were smartasses, but where was dry, Blake was as vibrant and playful as the man himself.
Yet, as silly and goofy as the man sounded, his brother was worried.
Snagging a beer out of the fridge, he cracked it open. “It’s Eric.”
“Eric?” Blake asked in confusion.
waited, practically hearing the wheels spinning in his brother’s head.
“Oh, shit,” Blake spat out. “Eric, from when we were kids?”
“We weren’t that young,” told him, walking toward his couch.
Blake whistled. “So you ran into Eric, alright, that’s interesting.”
“Uh,” began, wincing. “No, I didn’t just run into him.”
“You didn’t...oh. Oh. Oh .”
“Yeah.”
“He’s your partner?”
“The one and only.”
“Jesus. Small world.”
“That’s one way to put it.”
He could hear the frown in his brother’s voice. “Wait. You two were, like, super tight in school and even tighter after you guys were out. Why the hell is he being a shit? I mean, besides it being his default.”
frowned. “He was never a shit.”
“Right, the bad attitude and overreactions were just part of a charming personality I didn’t hear about.”
“Blake. Don’t be a dick.”
“Mmm, well, that’s even more interesting.”
“I tell you not to be a dick at least twice a week.”
“Yeah, but if Eric is the reason you’re having a hard time at work as your new partner, you should be pissed at him. But instead, you’re defending a man you haven’t spoken to in ages.”
huffed. “Because you’re being a dick. I can call you out and still not be happy with him.”
Well, it didn’t help that Blake was also right. Eric’s attitude turned most people off. He could be moody, more than a little surly, and he had absolutely no shame in throwing his opinion around. People considered him abrasive and combative, and Eric didn’t care if people didn’t want to be around him.
knew a different Eric, though, or at least had. The same bold and abrasive Eric had a genuine smile that was shy and even a little timid. The brutal, sometimes rough honesty hid a man who thought deeply about things and often hid a scared and vulnerable person.
sighed. “And, uh, there’s more to it than just that.”
“Than your new partner being your grumpy former best friend?”
“We were more than friends...near the end.”
“Oh. Damn, when?”
“About a month after his eighteenth birthday.”
“Waited till he was legal, huh?
sat up straighter. “That is not what happened. Jesus Christ, Blake.”
“It was a joke,” Blake assured him around his laughter.
“One in bad taste.”
“I don’t think you get to talk about bad taste when you just admitted to dating the human cactus.”
shook his head. “He was more than that. People just...didn’t see it.”
“He didn’t want people to see it,” Blake corrected him.
was amused that his brother seemed to know Eric better than he’d let on. Eric and Blake had never gotten on well, though neither had really tried. It hadn’t been so much that they hadn’t liked each other, but they never really warmed up to the other.
“Didn’t know you paid attention, Blake,” told him.
“Apparently not, since I didn’t even know my brother had himself a boyfriend,” Blake said dryly.
shrugged at the underlying accusation. “It was before I told you, okay?”
“And you didn’t tell me after...because?”
“Because by the time I told you about me, Eric and I...weren’t a thing anymore. And it just wasn’t the time.”
It had hurt, God how it had hurt. Everything that had been him and Eric had fallen apart in a matter of days. Telling his brother the truth about his sexuality and risking his rejection had seemed so small in the wake of losing Eric. Even the stress, pain, and struggle of boot camp had only been a distraction from the ache in his chest. At least the exhaustion had prevented too many sleepless nights.
“And, uh, eight years later is the time?” Blake asked.
“Never planned to talk about it. By the time I was ready to talk, I was already gone, and I wasn’t going to call you up and ask if you remembered my best friend and tell you we were a thing until we weren’t.”
There was another pause before Blake cleared his throat. “Just, uh, how serious was it?”
’s eyes drifted to the coffee table and the hefty ring atop its surface. He’d been wearing it the day he’d seen Eric for the first time in eight years. It was one of the few things he kept with him wherever he went or made sure was safe when he could take nothing with him.
In the previous two weeks, he hadn’t worn it again after seeing Eric. The man hadn’t seen it that first day, and for that, was thankful. He could only imagine what Eric’s reaction would have been if he had. Apparently, wasn’t the only one still holding too tight to the past.
“Serious,” said hoarsely.
“But it’s over,” Blake said.
“Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat. “That was made, uh, quite apparent.”
The memory of that day was burned into ’s memories, still holding enough power to make him feel ill. The look of betrayal and pain on Eric’s face was as clear eight years later as it had been then. His finger brushed lightly on the left side of his chest, where the ring had struck him.
“Why?” Blake asked.
“Because I left. Because I didn’t stay, I didn’t stay there with him. I ran off to boot camp and spent the next eight years of my life in service to the government instead of being there for him,” told him.
“Uh, okay, well, it sounds like you have issues to work out. Because I meant, why is he still holding you to something that happened eight years ago, but, uh, yeah.”
There wasn’t much could say to that. Why was Eric holding to something from almost a decade ago? The same question could be asked of as he stared down at the silver ring.
He knew why Eric was furious with him. Because Eric was hurting. Songs and people who thought they were wise said that time healed all wounds, but knew better. Maybe it allowed scar tissue to form over the wound, but sometimes it just gave hurt time to fester.
“Is this you venting or looking for advice?” Blake asked.
“I don’t want advice,” huffed.
“Well, sucks to be you because you’re getting it anyway.”
“Oh boy.”
“Talk to him.”
“Tried that.”
“Fine, fight with him.”
“What?” asked, startled.
“I don’t know, sometimes it works.”
“Oh, Christ, you’re not even trying to help. You’re just spitballing.”
“Or you can just do your normal thing, pretending the problem isn’t a big deal and let it continue in a really shitty way.”
“I…” began, then clamped his mouth shut.
“You,” Blake said, “are exactly like that. It’s honestly why I always liked your friendship with Eric. He pushed you to act, and you made him slow down and think.”
“All that man does is think,” grumbled. “Drives himself half-crazy most of the time.”
And he didn’t give a shit what Eric thought. People didn’t change that much. Sure, they could learn new good and bad habits and alter how they reacted to situations. What was the point of going through the bull life could throw at you if you weren’t willing to pick up a valuable lesson occasionally?
But that didn’t mean people just up and stopped being themselves. Eric would always be someone who thought too much and somehow managed to do too much as well. He would always be irritable, even if he had learned some control over his mouth. And he would always be the first and only person had ever been in love with.
The thought made him grimace, and he wished his beer was a bottle of something stronger.
“There’s a difference between thinking and obsessing. He’s always obsessed, but you were always the one to bring him down.”
“Yeah, because that’s working out real well for me right now.”
“Well, probably because he’s pissed at you...for something that happened a long time ago.”
“Weird, huh? How people can hold onto things that bothered them.”
Blake groaned. “Oh, fuck me, now you’re getting snippy. Which is my cue to get off the phone and let you wallow in your self-pity for a while.”
“I am not wallowing!”
“Right. Of course. Sure, bud. Whatever you say.”
“Oh, fuck off.”
“Hmm, you have been hanging around Eric, after all.”
“Blake,” growled into the phone.
“Love you!”
was still thinking of where to tell his brother to shove his ‘helpful’ advice when the line beeped in his ear. With a huff of annoyance and a little affection, he tossed his phone on the couch. He wasn’t going to let Blake get to him.
All needed was a little relaxation, and Monday would be just fine.
* * *
As Eric entered their shared office Monday morning, realized Monday would not be fine at all.
“Morning,” said, earning a grunt.
Eric flopped down in his chair and scowled at the desktop. “Damn it.”
smiled, nudging the second cup of coffee on his desk forward. “Here.”
“I don’t want your coffee,” Eric told him.
“It’s your coffee, not mine. I have mine right here,” told him, holding up another cup. “Black, two sugars for you.”
Eric watched him warily but took the offered cup without another word. It was reassuring to find that Eric still wasn’t a morning person. That wasn’t to say he was any more or less moody than usual, but he had always been a little dazed and confused when he first woke up. The fact that he wasn’t completely coherent also told him Eric had rolled out of bed pretty late.
“Late night?” asked mildly.
“None of your damn business,” Eric grunted.
closed his eyes, feeling a pulse behind his forehead. He pushed the flash of irritation down, refusing to let it find purchase in his chest. It wouldn’t do them any good if both of them were furious and snapping at one another.
“Is there any chance,” began, keeping his voice steady, “that we can just...stop this? This whole thing?”
“I didn’t ask for you,” Eric grunted.
“Not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
There was still anger in Eric’s voice, but there was a hint of something genuine too. It might not be what hoped for, but it was something. He could work with that.
held Eric’s gaze. “I get it, okay? You’re pissed.”
“,” Eric began with a growl.
“I’m not arguing with you. It is what it is. Nothing I can do about it now since you aren’t going to let me.”
“I swear to?—”
“But we’re partners. We have been for two weeks. It’s been tense and uncomfortable, and I’m tired, Eric. I’m tired of walking on eggshells and feeling like anything I say will hurt or upset you.”
Eric jerked back. “Hurt me? What even...fuck off.”
smiled sadly. “You’ve always been one to lash out when hurt, Eric. Claim what you want, but that’s just...look, my point is, we can’t keep going like this. It’s going to run us both into the ground, and I don’t want to...I just want us to be okay.”
“We’re not,” Eric muttered, jerking his gaze away from .
“Personally? No, we’re not. But we could be professionally. We can leave that shit at the door and be partners. I don’t want to fight you, Eric. I don’t want our partnership to be bitter and angry. I can’t...I can’t live like that.”
He would grow to hate Eric. And then he would hate himself for hating the one person he’d ever loved, for hating a man who was scared and hurt and didn’t know what to do but snap and claw.
watched Eric as his partner stared at his desk as though he could drill a hole in it. For a moment, he saw the tension in Eric’s jaw tighten, then ease, relaxing further than it had ever done in ’s presence. Relief trickled into , hope blossoming as he hoped against hope that he might have finally gotten through to Eric, that they might start on a good path.
But when Eric looked up, his eyes were hard and burning. His mouth opened, and ’s hope shriveled at the rigid curl of Eric’s lips. barely noticed the person walking through the door, cutting Eric off.
“Holy hell. ?” came the startled voice.
looked up, blinking at the man staring at him as if he’d grown a second head. It took him a moment to process the near doppelganger of his angry partner. The man had definitely aged, though the mid to late thirties looked good on him. There were some wrinkles around his eyes that probably made his smile warmer, and could see flecks of gray along his temples.
smiled. “Heya, Sean. Long time no see.”