Blaine
BLAINE
All he could do was stare at Eric, shock rippling through him as his words bounced around in his mind. They had been having such a nice night too. Jesus, all he’d done was ask a few simple questions. But once again, he found himself on the receiving end of Eric’s rage about something neither of them could do anything about. Over a choice that hadn’t been alone in making. Now, Eric was stomping off toward the door.
In his daze, heard a not-so-muted voice from the booth next to his. “Well, that sounded familiar. Really familiar.”
“Jesus, Aidan, quiet down. He’s going to hear you.”
“Think it’ll play out the same way?”
“I don’t know. Drink your drink so we can go.”
“You just want me drunk so you can have your way with me.”
“Yeah, like that’s a hard task.”
’s attention slid away from them, not caring that they and everyone else in the bar had heard the entire fit. In fact, he found he was past the point of caring altogether. His last hope for something decent between him and Eric was shriveling up before him in the latest fire of Eric’s anger.
“Right,” said calmly, draining his glass and throwing another bill onto the table.
He wasn’t even sure what to do as he strode across the bar, ignoring the curious glances shot his way. The warm air of the city brushed over him as he pushed through the door and onto the sidewalk. The crowd from earlier had thinned, with people either having found their favorite drinking hole or gone home for the night. It wasn’t hard to see Eric’s hunched shoulders as he stomped down the sidewalk.
“Eric!” boomed, surprised to find a flare of anger bursting to life in his chest.
Eric whirled around, shot him the finger, and suddenly pivoted to the left. snorted as the man disappeared, taking the nearby alleyway instead of the sidewalk. didn’t care if the man knew the area better than him. There was no way he was getting away. Which worked out well when the crowd parted for him, wary of whatever they’d heard in ’s voice.
Taking the now clear path, took long strides down the sidewalk and into the alley. His boots thumped on the surprisingly clean floor. Eric was only a few yards from him, whirling around at the sound of his approach.
“What the fuck?” Eric demanded, pulling his shoulders back.
“Yeah, what the fuck,” said in an even tone as he approached.
Before he could decide what he was going to do, he found his arm shoving against Eric’s chest and pinning the man against the wall. Before Eric could lash out with his legs, pressed in close, holding Eric flush against the wall with his larger body.
“Have you lost your fucking mind?” Eric hissed, trying to get a grip on .
“No, I’m just pissed as hell,” growled back, realizing the emotion only as he said it aloud.
“You?” Eric asked incredulously. “You’re the one?—”
“Who left,” finished for him. “I left, and you were alone. Except you weren’t . You still had your home, you still had your brother, you were okay.”
“Fuck you,” Eric spat.
“You,” grunted, pushing harder against Eric, “were the one who told me to go, not to look back, that you were done with me. You were the one who made me leave for good. You pushed me out.”
Eric’s eyes widened. “You were already leaving!”
“I joined up because I had nothing there but you! What the fuck was I going to do in Carson! I was nothing!” snarled. “Do you have any fucking idea what it was like to look to the future and see nothing ?”
Eric let his head fall back against the wall, chest heaving. “There was me.”
“And what was I going to give you, Eric? A life of me working at some grocery store? Us scraping and working our asses off for nothing? I wanted something more for us, something better. I told you that. Or I tried to, but you wouldn’t listen. Because that’s what you do, isn’t it, Eric? You get an idea in your head, and that’s all there is to it. That’s all that matters. You believe something, and if someone doesn’t agree, they’re automatically the enemy. It was always different with me. You always listened to me. Until you didn’t.”
And it had hurt, damn it. Knowing that in the end, he was no different than anyone else to Eric, not when it mattered. had left, signing up for a career that would open doors that wouldn’t have opened before. He’d wanted something better for them. All he’d held in his head was the life he wanted with Eric, with his best friend. But instead, Eric had twisted it, using it as a weapon to dig into ’s side and twist.
“Then I was the enemy, the one leaving you. The one time I needed you to listen to me, for me, and you didn’t. You were selfish then, and you’re selfish now. I did it for us and me, but you, you did it for you. All you saw was your hurt feelings, your broken heart. You threw everything back in my face and refused to hear a goddamn word I said! I was willing to fight, to hold you close until I was out on the other side of it all. We could have been something . But you, you told me to go, never to look back, to leave you behind because you were done. So fuck your attitude, fuck your bitterness, and fuck every nasty thing you’ve thrown my way, Eric, because you’re just as responsible for what happened to us as I am. I’m done taking the blame for it.”
His throat hurt, and he realized he’d been shouting. Eric had stopped fighting him, his body going limp as ’s words pounded down on him.
“I wrote to you,” hissed, feeling his body tremble. “I wrote to you for weeks while I was in boot camp. And I tried to call you. I tried so goddamn hard to get you to understand. But you never wrote back, you never took my calls. I left for us, but you left for yourself. I tried Eric, I tried so goddamn hard.”
“Why?” Eric asked softly.
stared at him, unable to comprehend. “Why? Because I loved you, Eric. With every part of me. I loved you so goddamn much. All I could think about was how to make things better for us, to do better for us, for you. I loved you.”
Eric’s jaw tightened, but his eyes swam with unshed tears. His face was flushed, and his tongue nervously darted over his lips.
“Loved,” Eric said, voice tight.
stared down at him, head spinning, trying to figure out how they’d got to where they were. They had been so good with one another as a team. Sure, they’d bickered and argued but had never blown apart. They had never been bitter. All it had taken to change that was one decision, one choice made for both himself and for them. It had been the first time he’d ever done anything like that, and it had destroyed them.
As he stared down at Eric’s stricken and torn expression, realized it hadn’t changed his feelings. Loved? Love, would always love. Even with all the anger and vitriol Eric had thrown at him, twisting the guilt inside like a knife, he still loved him.
Leaning forward to kiss Eric for the first time in eight years was the easiest thing.
Eric stiffened against his arm, but felt his breath catch, hitching somewhere in his chest. Lips parted slowly, almost reluctantly, as tasted the liquor on Eric’s tongue. A zing of pleasure shot through him as Eric’s body went taut, whether to press tighter against him or to gear up for a fight, didn’t know.
It was warm, it was somehow both soft and hard, and felt himself tumbling into the moment. From the first time he’d laid eyes on Eric in the police station, he’d wanted him. Maybe it was just the hope of having something, anything, warm and close, but to have his mouth against Eric’s again was everything he’d hoped for and more.
Eric shifted beneath him, and had a moment’s notice before the man’s palms shoved against his chest. stumbled, his back hitting the opposite wall. The sound of the nearby street echoed down the alleyway, but no one seemed to be paying them any attention.
Eric panted. “What the fuck was that?”
snorted, letting his head fall back. “That was me not being as done as you said we were.”
“Who the hell are you to decide that?” Eric demanded, stepping away from the other wall.
“Who the hell were you to decide we were done in the first place?” shot back, feeling his anger flare once more.
“You…” Eric began.
held his face, taking in the expression of mixing anger and confusion. “Left. I left. And you let me go, pushed me to go and never look back. Well, tough shit, Eric, I was always looking back, and no matter how much of an absolute prick you are to me, I’m always going to be looking back. It’s you, Eric, and it always has been. Probably always will be.”
Eric’s hands clenched at his jeans, knuckles turning white. “After all this time, years later, you’re saying this shit?”
“Better late than never, right?” said, thinking of the dozens of letters he’d sent in the early years.
“Go to hell, .”
And then Eric was on him.
almost flailed when Eric’s body slammed into his, knocking him into the wall once more. Eric’s fingers wrapped around the back of his head, yanking him down into another kiss. There was no hesitation or doubt in Eric’s touch as he kissed soundly, forcing his lips apart and claiming ’s tongue.
“Fuck,” Eric growled against his lips.
agreed with a low grunt, wrapping his arms around Eric’s waist. He could feel Eric’s anger in the way he nipped at his bottom lip and the way he shoved himself against ’s body. It fed into ’s own desperate, furious need, tightening his grip around his hips and in the way he spun them around to press Eric’s back tightly against the wall.
shoved a hand between them, not caring when he heard the button of Eric’s pants pop off. Past the band of Eric’s underwear, he found the man’s cock, wrapping his hand around it tightly. Eric hissed against his lips when swiped his thumb over the head. The man cursed when ’s fingers began stroking him, remembering the rhythm and grip that would make Eric thrash and moan.
Eric’s mouth was eager and demanding against his as stroked him. Eric’s fingers scrambled against ’s pants but went ignored. wanted to hear Eric, to feel the man let loose and groan ’s name. He wanted this to be for Eric. He wanted to dominate the moment, make it his as much as it would be Eric’s. It didn’t matter who the hell had been with Eric in the past eight years. This was his .
“Come for me,” growled, giving Eric’s head another swipe of his thumb.
“Fuck you,” Eric snarled, thrusting his hips into ’s hand.
“Only if you’re good,” whispered in his ear.
A smile curled the corner of his lips as Eric’s retort was lost behind a shuddering gasp. Eric had always been a sucker for the deep rumble of ’s voice, ironically at his most susceptible when he was wound up and feisty. It was good to know some things didn’t change.
He spun Eric around, shoving his chest against the wall. Eric grunted, squirming, unsure if he wanted to fight the movement or press tighter. He stopped when shoved his groin against him, grinding his denim-covered cock against his ass.
“,” Eric hissed in warning.
chuckled, bringing his free hand up to hold Eric by the base of his throat. He nibbled on Eric’s neck, tasting his sweat and feeling him stiffen.
“I know, next time,” promised in that same low rumble.
Grinding his groin against him again, he pushed tighter against the wall as he spoke. Eric’s hips pushed back against him, stuttering as his legs shook. A low, desperate cry poured from Eric’s lips as his cock jerked, spilling onto ’s fingers and against the alley wall. His body shuddered, fingers curling against the brick.
allowed himself a moment of regret that he didn’t have supplies. It would have been so much more fun if he’d kept at least a tube of lube on him and probably a condom. He could just about remember what it felt like to fuck Eric into a solid surface when the man was like this. Pissed off and riled up didn’t turn Eric off. It just made him one hell of a good lay.
“Fucker,” Eric panted, sagging against the wall.
knew that was his cue to let go. He did so only after he was sure Eric wouldn’t sag to the floor. Clean-looking or not, he didn’t like the idea of Eric being left on an alley floor.
“You good?” asked softly, stepping back.
“Why? Gonna just leave?” Eric shot back.
That had been his plan if only because he suspected now that Eric had his release, he was going to retreat into bitterness and rage.
“Why? Do you want me to stay?” asked.
“What, you can decide to pin me against a wall, yell at me, and kiss me, but you can’t decide if you want to stay afterward?” Eric snorted. “Typical.”
“I said I wasn’t putting up with you blaming me anymore. So if that’s what you want me to stay for, you can kiss my ass, Eric,” told him without heat. “I mean it.”
Eric stood up straight, tucking himself back into his pants. His dark eyes swept over ’s face, and instead of anger, there was only thought.
He snorted. “You do, don’t you?”
“Be pissed all you want, blame me if you want, but keep it to yourself,” said.
“What? No telling me to think about what you said?” Eric asked with a soft sneer.
shrugged. “I meant everything I said. From calling you selfish to saying you’re still it for me. If you want to think about it, then think about it. But I’m not going to force you to do shit.”
Eric opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, then snapped it shut with the faint click of his teeth. watched the war clash behind Eric’s eyes before he averted his gaze to look down at his shoes.
“Fine, I’ll play nice,” Eric muttered.
“Thank you,” said, meaning it.
“But it doesn’t make us…” Eric said, looking up to gesture vaguely.
snorted, turning toward the mouth of the alley and walking. “Yeah.”
“I mean it, ! Don’t get any ideas,” Eric told him, hot on his heels.
“I heard you. I think the whole block can hear you.”
“Fuck you, .”
“I thought we covered that?”
“Oh! You...I hate...motherfu?—”
laughed, letting Eric sputter as they stepped out onto the sidewalk. Maybe Eric didn’t feel better, but sure did. Eric was still pissed, but didn’t hear the old bitterness anymore, or at least not as much.
It wasn’t much, but it was something.