Ethan
ETHAN
Over the next few days, became increasingly aware of how difficult he had made his life by getting involved with Matt. He was no different when they were around one another in the station, as warm and friendly as ever. What had changed, however, was how felt about being around him.
Though did his best not to stare at Matt or give in to the impulse to touch him, he was always aware of the man’s presence when they were in the same room. Considering there was usually someone else with them, had to restrain himself from doing anything more than talking to Matt and staying at a safe distance.
“Heading out?” Keith asked from the couch of their apartment as headed toward the door.
“Uh, yeah,” said, making sure he had everything. “Sorry, forgot to ask if I could take the truck.”
Keith waved him off. “I don’t have to be in for another couple of hours, and I’ve been asking Davis to take me. Figured you should have some wheels to get around when you need to.”
“Careful, you might spoil me,” told his brother.
Keith snorted. “Hot date?”
“What makes you think that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. That you showered, got in some decent clothes, put on cologne, and have been pacing for the past hour.”
“I have not been pacing.”
“Uh-huh. Same girl as before?”
hesitated, choosing a truth that wasn’t quite the whole truth. “It’s a second date, yeah.”
“Boy, oh boy. Only been back a few weeks and already finding yourself someone? You work fast, .”
“Hey, when you know, you know, right?”
Keith looked up, looking him over. “I’m not complaining. You’ve been...different ever since that first date, a little happier.”
“Have I?” asked, bewildered.
Keith rolled his eyes. “Yeah, dumbass, you have. It’s good to see. Maybe it means I don’t have to worry as much.”
“Why worry?” cocked his head.
“Because you were worried about coming back into normal life.”
“I had a normal life.”
“Okay, a new kind of normal then. The normal the rest of us not strapped by the government live.”
“Helps when you have people to keep you steady as you find your new legs,” told him.
Keith huffed. “Yeah, yeah, I’m glad I could help. Love you too, all that mushy shit. Now get out of here and go give some lucky girl heart eyes and maybe get laid.”
“You do know how to be classy,” told him as he opened the front door, leaving his brother and his sense of disquiet at the double life he was slipping into behind.
* * *
Matt opened the front door just as pulled up, standing on the porch waiting for him. His green eyes caught the light momentarily before Matt put his hand over his forehead and watched him walk up the sidewalk.
“Early again,” Matt said, grinning when was a few feet away.
“Punctuality is important,” informed him.
“Mm, is that a Marine thing or just a personality trait?”
“Ya know, after so many years, it’s hard to say.”
“Is this where you have an existential crisis on my front porch?”
stepped closer, fingers itching to reach out and touch Matt. “I think you’re supposed to wait until you’re a little older for that.”
Matt watched him, the corner of his mouth twitching. “That so? Well, just give me a warning before you do. That way I can be ready with platitudes and assurances that life is, in fact, not one big disaster.”
“Maybe it is, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself, right?” asked, taking another step.
“You certainly look like the cat who ate the canary right now,” Matt mused.
took that as permission to step into Matt’s space, bending down to kiss him gently. He’d found that ever since he’d first kissed Matt, it was becoming increasingly difficult not to kiss him when he saw him. At the station, that meant being subtle and careful, but if he was going to be allowed to do it on Matt’s front porch, he would take the opportunity.
“Hi,” Matt said softly when they separated.
“Hi,” said, running a hand down his side. “Going to invite me in?”
Matt chuckled, taking 's elbow and leading him into the house. “Yeah, you can meet my dad. If I can pull him away from his book, that is.”
“Big reader?”
“Big reader. Big talker. It’s just which one he’ll indulge when he meets you.”
Pulled through the front door, took a moment to kick off his shoes and look around. The entrance hall had pictures hanging beside a coat rack where a few well-worn jackets hung. He followed Matt as they entered the kitchen. The counters were worn but clean, a few pieces of unopened mail sitting in one corner beside a scuffed and bubbling electric kettle.
Matt sighed at the sight of it. “Thank God these things have automatic cutoffs. Otherwise, he’d end up burning the place down.”
“Memory problems?” asked before considering if the question might be rude.
Matt snorted. “You ever heard of the absent-minded professor?”
“Smart man, but doesn’t do too well with everyday stuff?”
“That’s been my father for as long as I can remember. The brain injury just hasn’t helped. Hey Dad?”
“Back here,” came a voice from further in the house.
“In his spot,” Matt explained. “Give me one second to see if he’s up for talking.”
“Of course,” said, waiting in the doorway to the dining room.
Matt disappeared through the next door, talking softly. The dining room was much like the kitchen, a little worn but clean and cared for. The tablecloth was clean and looked new, though a stack of books in one corner looked well-read. More pictures hung on the wall next to the door Matt had disappeared through and advanced on them.
He smiled at the first picture as a grinning Matt stared back at him, two front teeth missing. His hair stuck up all over the place, and it looked like he’d been eating chocolate right before the picture was taken. The same devilish look was in his eyes that had seen before, and it was nice to see some things didn’t change with time.
The next picture gave him pause, and he laid a gentle finger on the frame as he leaned forward. A woman stood holding Matt’s hand as they walked along the beach, feet bare as they strode through the surf. Her black hair flew free in what looked like a strong breeze and she was grinning widely, her eyes sparkling with mischief. Beside her, Matt was probably no more than five or six, covered in wet sand up to his waist and laughing even harder.
“My mom,” Matt said, appearing next to .
leaned back, tapping the frame. “I can tell. You, uh, look like her.”
“That’s what my dad says,” Matt said, eyes lingering on the photo.
“And you should listen to me more often,” another voice said behind Matt.
An older man stepped through the door, squinting in the light of the dining room. He had the same dark hair as Matt, albeit with streaks of pure silver. His eyes were dark brown and narrower than his son’s. However, when he laid his eyes on , the smile that shone forth had the same warmth and open joy Matt gave when he was comfortable.
“You must be . Calvin Howell, pleasure to meet you,” he proclaimed, holding his hand out.
It was a soft but surprisingly strong grip when took it. “The pleasure is mine, sir.”
“Sir? Huh, now there’s something you don’t get to hear much anymore,” Calvin said, squinting up at him.
“Dad, people say it all the time,” Matt told him, smiling gently. “Harold calls you it every time you buy flowers from him.”
“That’s because he’s a fine young man,” Calvin stated. “His parents raised him well.”
glanced at Matt. “I’d like to think you did pretty well yourself, sir.”
Calvin’s eyes widened with delight. “Oh, ho! Complimenting both of us in one fell swoop. Well done, very well done indeed. Matthew, you may have to keep this one.”
Matt groaned. “Dad, please. Let’s not?—”
But Calvin didn’t seem to hear him. “A boy with a good heart and your mother’s looks should be appreciated. Damn shame no one’s actually got around to making an honest man out of you yet.”
“You and Mom ‘lived in sin’ for two years before you married her. I don’t think you get to lecture me or about making an honest man out of anyone,” Matt said with a wry twist to his mouth.
Calvin hesitated. “Was it two?”
A shadow flickered over Matt’s mouth before he smiled. “What matters is you were both crazy about one another. And then you got to have me.”
Calvin’s confusion disappeared in an instant, replaced by sudden warmth. “Ah, those were the good years. I miss her something fierce some days.”
“Me too, Dad,” Matt said softly.
Calvin abruptly turned to . “What about you?”
“Me, sir?” asked slowly.
“From what I’ve been hearing from Matt and what I’m seeing, you seem to have come out of your childhood with a good head on your shoulders.”
“Ah,” said, understanding. “Uh, that’s mostly because of my brother and the Marines, sir. My parents...my mom passed when I was about fourteen, and my dad...well, he’s not in the picture.”
Matt cleared his throat. “So, Dad, how about I let you get back to your book for a bit? I’ll bring your tea.”
“I think I’m dismissed,” Calvin told in a conspiratorial whisper.
“You are,” Matt told him with a smirk.
“Very well. I can tell when I’m unwanted. I suppose I’m not cool enough to hang around with when you’re having a boy over,” Calvin said.
“I’m not thirteen and afraid to be seen with my dad anymore,” Matt told him. “But I would like to spend a few minutes with my date before dinner.”
Calvin chuckled as he backed out of the room. “You two have fun. But don’t have too much fun until after I’ve gone to bed.”
“Bye, Dad,” Matt called after him with a scowl.
“I think he likes me,” said, chuckling once Calvin was gone.
Matt snorted. “You think?”
“And it’s obvious he adores you,” continued.
Matt smiled. “Yeah. And uh, sorry...about his questions.”
shrugged. “It’s no big deal. When you’re getting to know someone, you normally ask about their life, including parents.”
Matt sighed as he walked back into the kitchen, grabbing oven mitts. “I kind of assumed there was a story with your parents since you’ve never mentioned them, and Davis made it seem like it was only you and Keith for a while there.”
“Through most of my childhood, it was just Keith. My parents…” trailed off, shaking his head. “Probably not good date conversation.”
Matt frowned. “It is if you’re ready to talk about it.”
shrugged. “My parents weren’t good people. My mom was an addict and a mean addict. My dad? He just...well, he took off when I was about nine. Left Keith and me with a mom who forgot we existed half the time, and the rest, well, like I said, she was a mean addict. Keith took the worst of it, made sure I didn’t get too much, and when our dad left, Keith was the one who made sure we were fed, that I got to school, and all that stuff. And after our mom overdosed, he was the one who made sure we didn’t get housed separately, always kept an eye on me.”
Matt frowned, opening the oven door and releasing the rich smell of broth and vegetables. “What’d he do after he aged out?”
“I never asked how he managed it. He found himself a job then got another one. Got an apartment and somehow took guardianship of me. I don’t know. At the time, I was a moody teenager who’d grown up in a shitty house and been thrown into the system with my brother. I didn’t give a shit what was going on with me. I just knew I hated it,” said.
Matt slid the tray back into the oven. “I can’t say I blame you. I think anyone would have been out of sorts and angry. That’s...not something a child should have to go through.”
“And that’s why I enlisted. At the time, I thought it was...something to do besides end up in jail one day, you know? And I’d get paid to hit people, which also sounded pretty good. Turned out, the Marines was the best thing I could have ever done. I got to work out some of my anger, I got some discipline, and I learned how much where I came from didn’t matter because there were people out there who depended on me to be better than that.”
Matt leaned against the oven, smiling at . “Not everyone could have done that, you know.”
“I think you could have got through things a little more smoothly than I did,” chuckled. “Only reason I didn’t have a felony before eighteen was that the cops took pity on me.”
“All that anger, all that frustration. And you managed to turn it into something else. I’ve known people who went into the service and came out meaner and harder than before. But you didn’t,” Matt said, expression soft.
“I think the Corps had more to do with that than anything,” said nervously.
Matt stepped closer, standing on the balls of his feet and kissing ’s cheek. “Maybe. Or maybe you’re not giving yourself enough credit.”
“Careful,” warned, chest clenching. “Keep talking like that, and you might have to keep me.”
“We’ll just have to wait and see, huh?” Matt said with a grin. “Now go get washed up. Dinner’s about done.”
chuckled. “Yes, sir.”