Chapter 10 Heron
W ell, fuck. It happened again. My anger got the best of me, and I pushed away the woman I loved. Twice. First, Cerys. Now, Rebel. Was I doomed to repeat the same fucking mistakes? To lose someone I loved again and again until I didn’t care about risking my heart for anyone else?
Fuck that.
Not far off, hopping on the cloth covering nearby tents and buildings, crows cawed and began to gather. An occasional kraa accompanied the flapping of wings. A few seemed agitated, dropping to the ground as their sharp eyes scanned the crowd. Several more of the black birds squawked a reprimand. They felt my turmoil and frustration, and their emotions combined with mine.
I needed to clear my head. A few minutes in the air should do it. First, I had to find Hawk. Pushing through the crowd, I sensed my club brother was close. I was right.
He held a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other, alternating between the two as he laughed at something Talon said.
I didn’t see Callie, Bree, Gail, or Bella. The ol’ ladies must have gone off to do their own thing. That worked in my favor.
I ticked my chin at Hawk. “You got a minute?”
He smirked. “Yeah, what’s eatin’ you up? Lookin’ rough, brother.”
I wasn’t surprised that I looked as bad as I felt. The argument with Rebel pissed me off, but I also felt like an asshole for losing my temper with her. She didn’t deserve that. Seeing Cerys again brought up a bunch of old shit I thought I dealt with, but I wasn’t sure I had. Guilt for ending things the way I did with her increased my irritation. She deserved closure.
But I couldn’t make Cerys talk to me.
That left me in a grumpy mood since I had taken that out on Rebel. In truth, her secrets were causing a wedge between us. I sensed the things she’d gone through had left her scarred and a little broken, and I just wanted to help her through it. I needed her to feel that she could confide in me. I wanted her to trust me. Whatever happened, it wouldn’t change how I felt about her. I wouldn’t judge her for the choices she made in life. Hell, I’d made plenty of stupid ones myself.
“Heron?”
“I fucked up,” I admitted, hating to admit it and exposing my weakness.
Hawk tossed his cigarette to the ground and stomped out the cinders with his boot. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“To set your crow free.”
That sentence confused me. “What?”
“Stop scowling. We can’t fix what you messed up until you’re in sync with your crow.”
“He’s right,” Talon added.
“Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“Nope. I’ve got snacks. All ready for a show now.”
Flipping him off, I followed Hawk, ignoring Talon as he followed us, munching on peanuts from a bag he carried as he tossed some into his mouth. I hoped he spilled the beer he held in the other hand. His amusement rankled. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with his shit right now. And Cuckoo better not show up, or I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from kicking his annoying ass.
Hawk led us away from the crowd, entering an alley that appeared abandoned. There were no security cameras or anyone loitering close to us. As soon as we stopped, the murder of crows that circled the nearby buildings landed. The black-fleeced birds seemed to settle on rooftops, metal stairs, windowsills, and road signs with anticipation. They formed a tight barrier to ward off unnecessary attention. An excited chitter rippled through the group.
One lone crow landed at my feet. A single kraa rumbled up his chest and launched in my direction. He hopped a few steps closer, blinking at me with intelligent, onyx-colored eyes. Let’s go!
I tried this before, although not in front of Talon. On multiple occasions, it ended in disaster. But maybe they were right. Perhaps it was finally time to get in sync with my crow. He sure seemed to think so.
Hawk urged me to fly on multiple occasions, but I never seemed to master completing it. Something always seemed to hold me back. I hadn’t been able to find the right balance.
“He’s waiting for you,” Hawk informed me.
“I know.”
“Then why are you hesitating?”
“I don’t fucking know,” I snapped, cracking my neck.
“You’re thinking too hard.”
Talon snorted, and I shot him a glare.
“Ignore Talon. This isn’t about him. It’s you and your crow. Nothing else matters right now.”
He was wrong. Rebel mattered. So did Cerys. My dead family. Even my biological parents. Hell, the club. My bike. The list was fucking endless.
“You gotta let it go, Heron.” Talon stuffed his nuts into a pocket inside his cut and approached me. One hand lifted to my shoulder. “Brother, you focus on one thing at a time. Clear your mind. Think of the crow. Seek your bond and let the rest fade away.” He dropped his hand and stepped back.
I closed my eyes, focusing on my crow. His loud squawk. The ruffle of silk feathers. A thread of connection that pulled taut, stretching between us. The sensation of lifting off the ground and weightless abandon. Wind in my face. Freedom. Exhilaration. Brotherhood.
My eyes opened, and I no longer stood on the asphalt. My arms stretched wide, gliding on a current as I felt the whispers of the crows surround me. Wait. That wasn’t right. No arms. Just beautiful, onyx, soft feathers.
Holy. Shit. I did it.
I was flying .
Below me, I heard Hawk and Talon holler, whooping as they pumped the air with their fists. If I had a face that would allow a grin, I would have felt it widen. Surprise gave way to fascination as I felt at peace, a single part of a greater whole. The murder flew above the bike rally, twisting and moving over the people below. Some glanced up at us, shielding their eyes from the glare of the late afternoon sun.
I never experienced anything like this. The integration of my conscious mind with those of the crows. Their excitement and awe transferred to me, and my beak opened, letting a caw slip free. Wow, I’m one of them.
It ended far too quickly. The transformation happened before I could think of leaving the crow’s form and returning to my human body. I didn’t have to worry about how I would accomplish that task. Maybe it was magic or luck or something hidden deep in my DNA. Hell, it could be a little of all three combined.
I stood with Hawk and Talon, feeling for the first time that I belonged with the crows and the men who called me brother.
Until now, I felt a slight disconnect. Something had clicked while I was in the air, and whatever hindered a complete bond with the crows, my club brothers, and my ability to shift into the crow’s form disappeared.
“You feel it,” Hawk observed.
“I do.”
Talon nodded. “About damn time. You’re one of us now.”
“He always was,” Hawk pointed out, thumping my shoulder. “Just had to get his head outta his ass.”
I smirked. “Funny.”
“Crow will be happy. He’s been anxious about it.”
“I know. I guess it couldn’t be rushed.”
That was the truth. As soon as I stopped trying to make it happen, it occurred naturally. The bond with the crow strengthened further. I felt the murder circling our location, but the single bird that always dropped to greet me had revealed himself to be mine. His mind and my thoughts were linked. What he felt, I felt, and vice versa. Unlike the collective consciousness of the murder, he stood apart. Our link became unbreakable.
This knowledge settled something restless inside me. I didn’t have all the answers. The questions about my birth parents and lineage would linger until I found the truth about them. But I didn’t feel like I floundered, hopelessly trying to find my way in a sea of confusion. I felt grounded, no longer in turmoil, and the weight I had carried slipped away.
I wanted to share this revelation with Rebel.
Fuck. I needed to return to her and make this right. I was an asshole for pushing her before she was ready. Hell, I knew how that didn’t work. I experienced it. Why the fuck did I always have to be so damn stubborn?
“I need to talk to Rebel,” I announced, rushing away from Hawk and Talon. They snickered as I ran, dodging between people as I left the alley and rejoined the crowd.
The rally was busier now with the approaching night. The heat drove thirsty patrons to long lines at the beer stands and food stalls. I groaned in frustration when I got stuck behind a group with cuts I didn’t recognize.
The symbol caught my attention: a tombstone, shovel, and skull—the Grave Robbers MC.
Well, shit. This was the club that planned a meet with Crow. I pulled out my cell and checked the time. Shit! How the hell had I been gone for nearly two hours? How long did I fly with the crows?
Oh, no. Rebel! I left her alone for far too long. She was probably pissed.
I finally managed to squeeze through the crowd and rushed inside our tent. No Rebel. Only tables and chairs greeted me. The empty space felt cold. She hadn’t been here since I left. A feeling of dread spread into my stomach.
“Rebel,” I whispered. “Where are you?”
I snatched my phone from my pocket, swiped across the screen, and dialed her number. It rang five times, then clicked. That was weird. Did she see it was me and end the call?
She couldn’t ignore me forever. I dialed again. Her number went straight to voice mail.
Fuck.
I would try to text her then, hoping she’d read it and reply.
Rebel, I’m sorry. Please answer my call. I’m worried.
I waited five minutes. No reply.
Don’t shut me out. I just want to talk. You don’t have to do anything but listen.
After another five minutes, I decided to call her again. Maybe she teetered on the edge of forgiveness. That could happen. Right?
Nope. The call didn’t ring—instant voice mail.
Fuck!
Please, Spark. Let me make this right.
I had never begged a soul for anything until now, but I wasn’t too proud to plead for Rebel’s forgiveness. She needed me. I should have listened to her, been patient, and let her come to me when she was ready. Instead, I became angry and let that old demon of mine take control. I wasn’t that guy anymore. Rage didn’t rule me like it once did.
Three texts, and still no response. I had to find her. I was sure that I could fix this once I saw her. My thoughts turned to desperation when another hour passed, and I still heard nothing. Giving up any pride or the need to appear macho, I dialed Bella. She answered after four rings, but I spoke first as soon as I heard her pick up the call.
“Hey, Bella. Have you heard from Rebel?”
“Hey. No. I thought she was with you.”
Shit. “Uh, no. We had a bit of an argument and decided to cool off apart for a bit. But I can’t find her now.”
“Oh.” She paused. “Let me ask the girls.”
“Thanks.”
A tiny click followed, and I knew she muted me. It took way longer than necessary for her to come back.
“Heron?”
“Yeah?” Christ. Just tell me.
“No one has heard from her since we all met your ex.”
I cringed. “Well, fuck.”
“I’m sure she just needs a few minutes. I’m going to keep trying her cell until I get through. Okay?”
“I really need to know she’s alright.”
“As soon as I know something, you will,” Bella promised.
“I’ll hold you to it.”
She ended the call, and I held my phone, tempted to smash it on the nearest table. It wouldn’t do any good at all if Rebel or Bella called, so I turned up the volume and stuffed it into the pocket of my cut, where I’d hear it if anyone tried to get ahold of me.
Sulking, I began to pace the tent, torn between trying to find Rebel and staying put so I was here if she showed up. I almost let the crow take over so I could fly above the crowd and find her. I should have done that earlier when I had the chance.
“Heron.”
I turned to Crow as he entered the tent, followed by Hawk, Raven, and Talon. “Pres.”
“Heard you had quite a flight earlier.”
“Yeah.” I should have been thrilled to feel Crow’s pride in me. It dimmed somewhat by my reaction.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Rebel. No one has heard from her since,” I paused, not wanting to bring up Cerys.
He sent me a knowing look. “Since we all met Brax and Cerys.”
“She’s pissed at me.”
He snorted. “She’ll get over it. Grovel. Apologize. Do better.”
It wasn’t that easy. I started to say so when he held up a hand.
“Don’t have time for this, Heron. Hammerhead is on his way.”
The meet. I forgot all about it. “I saw some Grave Robbers cuts a couple of hours ago.”
“They arrived shortly after we did.”
Ah. To set up a perimeter and ensure they weren’t taken by surprise. The same reason we showed up early. Smart. Of course, we knew the area because the City of Sin and Henderson were chummy. Nothing went down without Crow’s approval in either city. It was our territory.
“Pres,” I began, but I never had a chance to finish speaking.
The Grave Robbers showed up to the meet and entered the tent. Their president, Hammerhead, walked in front of his members, sauntering toward us. I saw the patches on his cut as he drew closer. His gaze focused on Crow before shifting to me. I snarled as I saw his fingers gripping the arm of a young woman with blonde braids, digging into her flesh hard enough to leave bruises.
My Rebel.