4. Chapter 4
When Jake opened the door, the first words out of his mouth were, “Oh no.”
Ezra stood in the doorway. He’d slicked back his hair into a style that Jake thought might be an attempt at a classy mullet. He was wearing another T-shirt, but it wasn’t one of his homemade ones. It was one that had a tuxedo printed on it, complete with a red carnation in the “pocket.”
The only question Jake had was, “Why?”
“Huh?” Ezra frowned.
“Get in here.” Jake gestured, and Ezra went inside. Jake closed the door. “So… what were you going for exactly?” He motioned to Ezra’s outfit.
Ezra frowned again. “What do you mean?”
“What’s with the shirt?”
Ezra looked down at it. “Well, I just thought—”
“And the hair?”
Ezra touched his head. “It’s a party, and I thought I should look a little dressed up.”
“You call that dressed up?”
“You don’t have to be mean.” He crossed his arms. “It’s not like I get invited to a lot of parties.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. I just don’t understand why you couldn’t go how you usually look. Especially with one of the T-shirts you made. It makes you interesting, you know?”
“Yeah, so interesting that everybody thinks I’m a dork.”
Jake sighed. He didn’t think Ezra was a dork, but what he thought didn’t matter.
“Come with me.” He gestured for Ezra to follow him up to his bedroom.
Once he was in there, Jake dug through his closet.
He was a little embarrassed because it was messy.
Plus, he had to block Ezra from seeing the goofy stuffed dinosaur that his mom pressured him to take to college.
It was Jake’s favorite toy when he was a little kid, but he didn’t want Ezra to see it or know that he’d named it Mr. Alfredo.
He pulled a shirt off a hanger. “Here, put this on.”
Ezra took it and looked at it as if a dark blue polo was way worse than what he was wearing.
“I think that should fit you,” Jake said, making sure he didn’t shut the closet door on Mr. Alfredo’s tail.
Ezra huffed. “Fine.”
He peeled off the tuxedo shirt right there in front of Jake, and Jake wasn’t sure why, but he felt his cheeks grow warm.
He was surprised that underneath the shirt, Ezra was in decent shape.
His skin was smooth. He had some defined muscles here and there.
But then Jake felt funny looking at Ezra without a shirt, and also noticing things about his skin and muscles, so he averted his gaze as Ezra tugged the polo on over his head.
Once Ezra had it on, Jake glanced over. It was a little big on him, but not bad. He looked pretty good, actually.
“Okay, now one more thing.” He went over to Ezra and ruffled his hair.
“Hey,” Ezra exclaimed, pushing his hands away. “It took me thirty minutes to get it like this.”
“And only thirty seconds for me to undo it.” Jake fixed Ezra’s hair back to its normal frizzy, halfway-over-his-face self. “There. That’s better.”
The look on Ezra’s face disagreed.
“Trust me. You look great. Now come on, let’s go.”
On the walk over, Jake advised Ezra on how to approach people and talk to them.
Ezra listened, but his face got more and more anxious as the thumping bass from the Phi Gamma Delta house got louder.
And then his face went pale as they came up to the front and saw a bunch of guys squirting each other with a garden hose and laughing.
It looked like they’d somehow hooked the garden hose up to a keg and were spraying beer all over each other.
Jake could tell they were absolutely wasted, which meant most people inside would have a good buzz going at the very least.
As Jake made his way up the steps to go inside, he realized Ezra wasn’t behind him. He turned around.
Ezra was standing at the bottom of the steps, looking more than just a little anxious, chewing on that bottom lip.
Jake went back down the stairs and stood in front of him. “What’s wrong?”
Ezra looked at his feet. Jake noticed for the first time he had on another pair of Converse sneakers, but they were bright red. “What if people start making fun of me?”
“They won’t.”
Ezra stared at him. “How can you be so sure?”
“Because if someone even so much as looks at you the wrong way, they’ll have to deal with me.”
Ezra blinked his eyes behind his Sally Jessy glasses in such a way that it made Jake feel as if warmth was being poured into his chest from a faucet. “Y-you really mean that?”
“Of course I do. We’re friends, aren’t we?”
The corners of Ezra’s lips turned up in a little smile. “Yeah. We are.” He began walking up the steps. “Here goes nothing, I guess.”
When they got inside, Jake mixed into the crowd with Ezra behind him.
Students were all over the place, in every corner and in every room, drinking from red and blue plastic cups.
Someone had drawn a smiley face on another keg with some ketchup.
It sat by a cluster of bean bag chairs, which were currently occupied by a few people passing around a bong.
Jake was going to turn to say something to Ezra when a couple of guys he knew came over to say hey and give high-fives. Jake made sure to pull Ezra over and introduce him as one of his friends from the choir.
Greetings were exchanged, and when the other guys walked off, Jake looked at Ezra. “See? I told you. Nobody’s gonna make fun of you.”
Ezra was getting ready to respond when Jake felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to a pair of pink, glossy lips coming toward his face and then planting a wet, beer-laced kiss on his mouth. When the girl pulled away, she purred. “Hey, sexy. Long time no see.”
For a second, Jake was confused, then he remembered he’d hooked up with this girl last semester a couple of times. He was having trouble remembering her name.
“Uh, hi.” He wiped the gloss off his lips. “Listen, um—”
“Jessica!” Another girl came over and grabbed her arm. That’s right. Jessica. Jake remembered now. “Come on. We’re gonna do flip cup.”
Jessica took hold of Jake’s hand, pulling him close to her. “Wanna play with us?”
Jake figured by the gleam in her eye there was a double meaning in there somewhere. “Uh, no.” He took back his hand. “Maybe later.”
She planted another sticky kiss on him, and disappeared into the crowd. Jake turned back to Ezra, wiping off his mouth again.
But Ezra was gone.
Jake’s heart started to pound. He didn’t know where Ezra could have gone.
Would he have just left all together? Jake craned his neck looking over heads as he pushed past people, bodies unsteadily moving to the beat of the music.
He’d promised Ezra he’d look out for him.
He couldn’t do that if he didn’t know where Ezra was.
Jake ran into a few other people he knew as he went from room to room. The more he looked, the more he started to worry. As he walked down a hallway, he spotted a familiar pair of glasses and a mop of black hair, peeking around a closet door.
Jake sighed in a huge relief. He watched Ezra’s head retreat inside as a couple of people walked by and the door closed.
Jake went over and knocked on it. “Can I come in?”
The door opened a crack. Jake went inside and closed it.
It was dark and smelled a little bit like rubber. He could just make out Ezra’s silhouette illuminated by the sliver of light coming through the door.
“What are you doing in here?” Jake asked.
“I dunno.” Ezra sighed.
Jake reached over his head to feel around for a light chain or something. When he found one, he pulled it and the bright, white light made Ezra squint and made Jake see that they were in a coat closet.
“I’m sorry I got distracted,” Jake said. “Did somebody say something to you?”
Ezra shook his head. He leaned against the door frame, looking at his shoes again.
“Then what happened?”
“Nothing.” The toe of his shoe nudged at a rubber boot on the floor. “Just got to thinking.”
“About?”
Ezra’s foot messed with the boot a bit more, and Jake thought if there was an LHU Men’s Choir award for The Saddest Tenor, Ezra would win that.
Jake really didn’t want Ezra to be sad. Then Jake thought Ezra could win The Prettiest Eyes award too.
Well. Not prettiest for a guy. Something else.
Gorgeous, maybe. And he could also get The Best Smile award for this dimpled smile that Jake wished he do more.
So, it would be Jake winning The Best Looking award, Sean winning The Weirdest Ears award, and Ezra winning The Most Gorgeous Eyes award.
That sounded about right. But it wasn’t like Jake had really thought about it all that much or anything.
Except right now, while he was thinking about it, Ezra looked up at him and Jake felt his face flame up hot, as if Ezra heard his thoughts and knew what Jake thought about his eyes.
Wait. Did he really think Ezra’s eyes were gorgeous ?
Jake couldn’t focus on that right now, because right now Ezra’s gorgeous eyes were looking at him through those red-framed glasses with confusion.
“What is it?” Ezra asked.
“Uh, you said you got to thinking. What were you thinking about?”
Ezra shrugged a shoulder and sighed. “Just that this isn’t really fair to you. You shouldn’t have to, like, babysit me at a party where you could be having fun.”
Jake’s brows pinched together. “I don’t see it that way. I told you that I’d help you. And I just want to make sure you’re okay while you practice talking to people.”
Ezra’s shoulders slumped. “I can’t practice talking to people like this.”
“Like what?”
Ezra motioned a hand down his body. “Like this.”
“You look fine.”
“No, I don’t. I look like a loser.” Jake was going to object, but Ezra kept talking. “And I don’t think this is my thing anyway. Frat parties or whatever. I don’t think I’d go to one of these even if I looked like you.”
Jake felt the tingle of flattery over his skin. He mirrored Ezra’s lean on the door frame and thought for a few moments. “Honestly, I’m not sure if this is my scene anymore either.”
Ezra tilted his head, studying him.
“I mean, I partied a lot my freshman year. Last year too. Hell, even earlier this semester.” He shook his head. “That’s probably why I’m failing Stats. Too much partying.” He paused. “But there’s also my job at the country club, lacrosse, and the choir, of course. I guess I’m just doing too much.”
“What’s your job at the country club?” Ezra asked.
Jake snorted. “Driving around fat, old assholes in golf carts, picking up golf balls. Lame stuff like that.”
Ezra laughed a little. “Doesn’t sound so bad.”
“Nah, I guess not.” Then, without thinking, he said, “My dad doesn’t like that I’m in a men’s choir.”
Ezra looked at him curiously. “Really?”
“Yeah.” He put his hands in his pockets. “I kind of made a deal with him. I’d play a sport while I was in college along with the choir. That’s what he really wanted me to do. Be like a football star or something. Not a Choir Boy.”
Ezra was quiet for a moment or two, before he said, “My dad likes coming to all the choir concerts, but I’d feel pretty bad if he wasn’t supportive.” He paused. “I’m sorry you have to deal with that.”
“It’s okay,” Jake replied, even though it wasn’t.
He noticed Ezra brush some of his hair away from his face so that Jake could see his whole face, and it made an odd feeling flash in his stomach so quick that he couldn’t be sure if it happened at all.
They were close enough in this closet to where Jake could reach out and take Ezra’s hand.
Jake’s hand twitched in his pocket at the thought.
He could imagine doing it. Just reaching out to hold Ezra’s hand… and then what?
Why would he even do that at all?
Ezra was looking at him. It seemed like Ezra wanted to say something.
Just then there was a pound, pound on the door, making them both jump.
“Open up, dude,” someone drunkenly muttered on the other side. “I gotta take a piss.”
Jake exchanged a couple of looks with Ezra before he yelled back, “Sorry, man. You’re outta luck. This is the elevator.” He winked at Ezra, and Ezra laughed softly.
“Oh, snap,” the guy called back. “My bad!” His unsteady footsteps clomped away and faded into the rest of the noise.
Jake laughed along with Ezra, then he looked around the floor with concern. “Have people been peeing in here all night?”
“Sure hope not.”
Then Jake looked at Ezra again. “Hey, um. I know you keep saying that being yourself is the problem or whatever, but you do have a lot to be confident about.” He paused. “You’re a cool guy, and if someone doesn’t like you for how you are, then they’re not worth your time.”
And, yes, Jake was absolutely thinking about Sean Campbell and his stupid sexy face.
Ezra’s shoulders slumped again, and he rolled his eyes.
“Easy for you to say. You’ve got something nice to look at in the mirror every day.
” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “It’s different when you look like me.
People aren’t as nice to you. Or they just straight up ignore you.
” He pushed his Sally Jessy glasses up his nose.
“I don’t want to be invisible anymore. Especially to Sean. ”
Jake wanted to tell Ezra that he wasn’t invisible to him, but that obviously wouldn’t matter.
And then Jake had the sudden—and totally bizarre—urge to hug Ezra.
It might have been because Ezra just basically called Jake handsome.
Or that he didn’t want Ezra to feel bad about himself.
Either way, he worried that hugging Ezra in a closet at a frat party might weird them both out, so he let that urge slip away.
“All the advice you’ve been giving me is good,” Ezra said. “And I appreciate all of it. But I want to look different. I want to know what it’s like to be noticed. And to have a chance with someone like Sean.”
Jake’s stomach soured. He’d promised Ezra he’d make him into someone Sean couldn’t resist. And, unfortunately, Sean would probably resist this Ezra, but Jake thought he himself wouldn’t.
Jake thought this Ezra was just fine, but it really didn’t matter what he thought.
That was the thing. Ezra wanted Sean, so it only mattered what Sean thought. Not Jake.
And yet Jake was the one in this closet with Ezra, thinking things he’d never thought about another guy before.
The sourness in Jake’s stomach felt strange and familiar at the same time. Familiar because he knew it was jealously. Strange because he shouldn’t be feeling jealous over anything.
Or anyone.
Jake sighed. “Okay. I think I know somebody who can help. In the meantime, you want to get out of here. Go hang out somewhere else?”
Ezra grinned. “That would be awesome.”