Chapter 7 #2
Drinks had led into dinner, with Cole taking every opportunity to text me filthy things under the table, his knee wedged hard against mine.
But afterward, when Bree had suggested finding a club to go dancing, Cole had faked some kind of art gallery emergency, and I had cited subway problems as a reason to make it an early night.
And when we had finally peeled off, we’d nearly run up Eighth Avenue together, Cole slipping his hand into mine the second we were sure that we wouldn’t be seen.
And now he’s grinding me into the wall, dragging the collar of my T-shirt aside to put his lips on my shoulder, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to black out, with how fast the blood is rushing to my cock.
“Wait, can we — couch?” I manage to suggest, and Cole grunts in agreement.
Then we’re both stumbling into the living room, Cole pushing me in front of him as I hold on to his hips for dear life.
When I feel the couch hitting the back of my knees, I sit down hard, and Cole follows, straddling my lap and taking off my glasses, putting them on the side table before licking deep into my mouth.
“God, you’re like a drug —” he gasps, and I know what he means, because I’ve been high all day.
He’s rolling his hips in my lap, and my fingers are finding the buttons on his shirt, opening them one by one to reveal his smooth chest. When I drop my lips to his throat, kissing along his shoulder and down until I’m tonguing over his nipple, he groans, palming the back of my head to hold me in place as he arches against my mouth.
“What can I do for you?” I whisper as I surge upward once more, cradling his face with both hands.
“I want to ride you, but I don’t think I’m prepped for that —” he groans, mouthing along my jawline. “But fuck, I don’t want to stop —”
“Then don’t —” I breathe, and press my open palm against the front of his jeans, giving his hard length something to grind against as he writhes in my lap.
“Fuck, we can make this better —”
Cole stands up abruptly, wriggling out of his jeans and underwear until he’s standing naked before me, the last rays of sunlight from the window setting fire to his golden skin.
Then he reaches for my belt buckle, stripping me unceremoniously below the waist and tossing my trousers to the side.
Before he climbs back into my lap, he reaches into the side table for the small bottle of lube that he keeps there, pressing it into my palm.
“Oh, fuck —” The first touch of my slick hand to my neglected cock nearly does me in, but I manage to hold back, to breathe through the surge of pleasure as Cole settles over me, bringing his own cock in line with mine.
He’s so close, little punched-out exhales bursting into my face as he rests his forehead against mine.
One of his hands is wrapped around mine, dragging over the two of us, a maddening friction that is threatening to set me ablaze.
The other is braced against the back of the couch, giving him stability as he writhes against me.
“Hey, Ezra?” His voice sounds surprisingly vulnerable, and I lean back a little so that I can focus on his face.
“What’s up?”
“You know I respect your boundaries, but —” He plucks at my shirt. “Fuck, I’m so attracted to you, and this — can I please see you?”
His face is so soft, his smile stirring something low in my belly, and somehow I can’t think of a reason to deny him. So I reach for the hem of my shirt, dragging it up and over my head and tossing it onto the cushion between us.
“You’re fucking gorgeous —”
His eyes are glowing as he takes me in, one long-fingered hand skating down the middle of my chest. And I’m not sure what he sees, because I’m round where he’s angular, soft where he’s toned, hairy where he’s smooth.
My chest is broad and furry and my hips are wide.
But when he sighs, wrapping both arms around my shoulders and hugging me close, his skin feels so good against mine that I almost want to cry.
So I find his mouth and I kiss him hard and we’re both moving again, rushing to take each other apart.
He’s pressing both of our cocks against the softness of my belly, rutting against me as his hand jerks along the length of us, and I’m finding his cleft with my free hand, teasing his hole with my finger.
My thighs are shaking, my muscles clenching, and I know I’m not going to hold it together much longer, but with the way that Cole is trembling against me, I know that he’s right there with me, that he’s going to —
“Oh god, Ezra —”
He shudders, spilling over his fist, and I follow, both of us making a mess all over my chest. As we come down from our high, sinking into each other, he bonks his head against mine, a grin spreading across his handsome face.
“You’re fucking hot and I don’t ever want you to doubt it,” he murmurs. “Thank you for letting me see.”
“It’s going to take me a little while to get used to the idea,” I whisper back. “But I don’t mind if you keep trying to convince me.”
A little while later, we’re lying naked on the couch, a fleece blanket thrown over the two of us. I’m on my back, leaning against the arm of the couch, and Cole is spread over me, his fingers idly combing through the hair on my chest as his breath rises and falls.
“You know, your brother is really nice,” he muses.
I can’t help the snort that comes out of my mouth. “Do you really want to talk about my brother right now?”
Cole chuckles. “I dunno. I was just thinking about it, I guess. He just seems like — hmm, like he really wants to be there for you. And like he would support you, if you ever wanted to tell him — I mean, he’s your brother. You know him better.”
“I guess.” I think I know what he’s getting at, but I’m not ready to go there, so I change the subject. “Sabrina seems like a really good friend. I just feel like you’re — um, comfortable being you. Or something like that. And that’s really cool.”
“Thanks, I think so too.”
There’s a lot more that we could say, but I don’t think either of us is ready.
Maybe if we were really trying to make a go of it again, to be what we were — but Cole’s made it clear what he wants from me, and I’m fine with that.
So we let it go, letting the room darken as we lie there, listening to the city going by outside the window.
***
January 2013
“Five — four — three — two — one — HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
I looked across the room, meeting Cole’s eyes just in time to watch Courtney throwing her arms around his neck, dragging him down to plant a kiss on his lips.
And then Hannah was next to me, leaning in to peck my cheek as “New York, New York” began to blare out of the television.
All around us, our classmates were cheering and kissing, taking swigs from the two bottles of cheap champagne that Drew had managed to smuggle out of his mom’s house.
I’d never been invited to a New Year’s party before, at least not one with people my own age.
Back when Mom was still alive, there were a few years when some of her work friends would throw a house party, and Seth and I would be dragged along.
But playing video games with a few random kids in the basement while our parents partied upstairs was one thing, and being right in the middle of the noise in Melissa’s living room was quite another.
I wouldn’t have been there if Cole hadn’t convinced me to come, and I wasn’t at all sure I belonged.
I made my way out to the kitchen, in search of a red Solo cup that wasn’t already half-full of rum and Coke. I was just pouring myself a glass of orange soda when Cole peeked his head through the doorframe.
“Did you need a break?” he asked, his eyes dancing mischievously.
“Yeah, you know — it was a little loud in there.”
“I bet it’s even quieter out in the backyard.” He flicked his eyes toward the door, and I could feel a grin splitting my face.
“Sounds like an excellent idea.”
We were barely out of the house before he was grabbing my hand, dragging me into a dark corner of the yard.
When we got there, he spun me around, arms around my shoulders as he leaned down, kissing me soundly under the night sky, the icy wind cutting right through my sweater no match for the warmth we made whenever we were together.
Smiling, he caressed my face, thumb smoothing over my cheek. “Happy New Year, baby.”
“I missed you —” I whispered back, and kissed him again.
I didn’t know why I was trembling so hard.
He’d only been gone a week — from the day before Christmas up until a few hours before the party, back up to Connecticut to spend the holiday with his parents.
But ever since the night up by the lighthouse, we’d spent every minute we could together, rushing home from school every afternoon to make use of the hour before it got too dark and cold for Dad to keep working.
I felt like I’d memorized every inch of his collarbone, every twitch of his lips, every little gasp he let out when he kissed me.
And I jerked myself raw every night thinking of his hands creeping up under my shirt, the spread of his long fingers on my bare skin, the fresh herbal scent of his hair.
As far as I was concerned, life was Cole and food was Cole and air was Cole and a week without him had been like living on the moon without a space suit.
When we finally broke apart, he sighed. “Now, that was the New Year’s kiss I actually wanted.”
“Yeah, what was up with Courtney?” I asked. “That was nuts.”
Cole squeezed his eyes shut. “I probably shouldn’t have told her that I ‘broke up’ with my ‘girlfriend’ back home.”
I winced. “Hmm, probably not. Why did you tell her that?”
“Because it didn’t feel right anymore,” he murmured. “Not when I have a boyfriend right here.”
“Boyfriend?” We hadn’t talked about it, but the word felt warm in the cool air.
“Yeah, I mean — I thought — unless you —”
“I like it,” I said quickly, and he pulled me into a rib-cracking hug. I don’t know how long we stood there, simply holding on to each other, but finally he put his lips to my ear.
“We should go back inside before anyone comes looking for us,” he whispered, and I groaned.
“Fuck, I guess we should.”
When we returned to the house, the other kids were sitting in a circle in the living room, some on couches and chairs, and others on the floor. I found a spot on the rug, and Cole sprawled beside me, propping himself up on his elbows and stretching his long legs out into the center of the room.
“We were just going around the room and telling everyone our New Year’s resolutions!” Courtney trilled.
“Yeah, what’s yours, Ezra?” Melissa chimed in.
“Um —” Twenty pairs of eyes were on me, and my face was burning. “I don’t — actually believe in New Year’s resolutions.”
Beside me, Cole snorted, but everyone else in the room groaned. I soldiered on.
“I mean — if I want to change something about myself, I’m just going to do it. I’m not going to come up with a thing to say just because it’s January, because it’s not going to stick unless it really matters.”
“Fine, whatever.” Courtney rolled her eyes. “Cole, what about you?”
“I think my resolution is to be Ezra, actually. You know, tell it like it is no matter what.” There were titters around the circle, but when I looked over at Cole, he gave me the barest hint of a wink.
“But also — I want to figure out how to live my life out loud. Be the person I actually want to be all the time. Make sure that the people I love know that I love them. You know, stuff like that. I think we all hide too much about ourselves.”
“Aww, that’s beautiful,” Courtney gushed. “Tyler, what about you?”
Tyler cleared his throat. “Well, I was gonna say that I’m gonna try not to jerk off more than once per day, but now I feel like a dick.”
The circle erupted into laughter and jeers, but Cole turned his head to look at me, his gaze steady. We couldn’t touch, not with so many people watching us, but I could feel his hand squeezing mine just the same.