Chapter 19 #2
Bree’s bridesmaids file in, and I guess they look fine.
They’re dressed in blue, just like Cole, and I wait for them to pass, because I’m looking for him.
And there he is, his shoulders thrown back, with that bounce in his step that makes you feel like he owns the place, smiling as if he already knows that everyone is going to fall in love with him.
Which is true, because they are. He’s walking toward me and his eyes meet mine, and I know today isn’t about the two of us, but to me it feels like it is.
We’ve fought so hard to get here, and now he’s standing in front of me like a dream.
A dream that doesn’t go away, no matter how many times I blink.
I can tell you that Bree is wearing white, yards and yards of white on her small frame, a fucking mountain of white.
I can tell you that words are said, and there are songs and tears.
I can tell you that at some point I fumble in my pocket for the rings and hand them over while Cole grins down into his bouquet.
But mostly I can tell you that Cole is here, and every time my eyes meet his, I feel like I’m floating.
And when the time comes to head back down the aisle, I offer him my arm, and when he takes it — in front of my whole family and all of Bree’s friends — I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder.
***
“Fuck, my face hurts from smiling.”
I’m leaning against a stone pillar in the formal garden, rubbing my cheeks with both hands. Thankfully, the photographer is busy with Bree’s extended family at the moment, so Cole and I are taking a break.
“Anything I can do to help?” Cole laughs as he leans against me, hands snaking around my waist.
I rest both hands on his chest, tilting my chin up to look into his face. “Hardly, considering I can’t stop smiling when I look at you —”
“Hope it’s worth it —”
I’m never going to get tired of kissing him like this, out in the open where everyone can see us.
And when I’m passing the minutes with him, I don’t mind the chilly air or my aching feet or my growling belly or any of the other things that would usually drain my energy and make me crabby.
When I’m with Cole, all of that melts away.
Later, as we’re walking out of the garden, the last formal portrait finally taken, Cole slips his hand into mine. It just feels so natural to be here with him, like a comfortable pair of slippers — so that’s probably why I blurt out the next thought on my mind.
“Do you ever think about — I dunno, doing something like this?”
“You mean, like a wedding?” Cole’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead, and I can feel my cheeks getting hot.
“Yeah, I guess.” I wave my hand vaguely. “I mean, all the fuss. All — this.”
Cole shrugs. “I mean — my parents would be a problem. I feel like no matter what I did, they would hate it somehow. But I guess I haven’t thought about it. Well, until recently, that is. I didn’t really have a reason to.”
“I guess I hadn’t really thought about it, either.”
We reach the door to the reception hall, and we stop just outside, waiting for the bandleader to announce us. Cole leans against the wall, and I fiddle with the button on my jacket.
“An event this big — I mean, this would definitely be too much,” I go on. “But something quiet — maybe just a few people — I dunno, it might be nice.”
Cole stares at me for a long time, but then his face breaks into a soft smile. “Yeah — it really would.”
***
“You know, she made him take dance lessons.”
Cole is sitting beside me, his arm slung around the back of my chair as we watch Bree and Seth having their first dance.
Bree has changed into a different gown, and it sort of looks like an explosion down at the feather factory.
I guess it works for dancing or something because it twirls when she moves. I bet Cole could explain it better.
“Yeah, Seth was complaining about it,” I reply, leaning against him. “But maybe he can take her out and make her happy before she spills all your secrets next time.”
Cole looks at me and lifts an eyebrow, and then we both burst into giggles. It feels good to know that thinking about that night doesn’t hurt us anymore. Even though it wasn’t that long ago, it’s hard to believe that we ever could have misunderstood each other so completely.
The music draws to a close, and Seth dips Bree into a kiss while the crowd whistles and hollers. As the band strikes up a new tune, the bandleader steps up to the microphone.
“Let’s hear it one more time for Sabrina and Seth! And now, I’d like to invite everyone out onto the dance floor to join our newlyweds and get this party started.”
Cole holds out a hand to me, and I splutter. “Oh, fuck, I mean — I have no idea how to —”
He stands and slips off his jacket in one fluid motion.
Underneath it, his silky shirt is completely backless, fastened behind his neck with a jeweled clasp and fluttering over his slim chest. He begins to walk towards the dance floor, and I’m cemented to my chair, watching the elegant flow of his body, the pale slash of him in the sea of formalwear.
But then he looks back over his shoulder, a crooked smile lifting the corner of his mouth, and I know I’m going to follow.
When I’m beside him on the parquet floor, he takes my hand and spins me so that I’m facing him.
“I really — I have no clue what I’m doing —” I stammer over the music from the band.
Cole grins and puts my hand on his bare shoulder, snaking his own around my back. “That’s why you’re going to follow while I lead.”
I have two left feet, but it’s surprising how easy it is, letting him show me what to do.
He’s moving me gently around the floor, letting me rely on him and — fuck, I’ve known Cole since I was a boy and this is the first time I’m dancing with him.
I’m picturing him across the room, meeting my gaze while I stared over Hannah’s shoulder at prom, and there’s something welling up inside me as I think about how far we’ve come.
And he must be feeling it too, because he pulls me closer, no longer paying attention to the beat.
We’re swaying in the middle of the floor, and my arms are around his neck, and he’s holding me tight, his eyes heavy-lidded as he looks down at me.
And somewhere, teenage Ezra is hugging himself, because we’re in the middle of a crowded room, and I can see Dad at his table with my aunts and uncles, my whole family making their way to the dance floor, and all of them are smiling.
And Cole is a dream, the dream I’ve always wanted.
And so I pull him down and kiss him, and I don’t care if the room is crowded or if we’re making a scene or if anyone is going to talk about us.
The only thing that matters is him.
And as the last notes play, he wraps me in a tight hug, putting his lips to my ear.
“I am never letting you go,” he whispers. “Now that I’ve found you — not now, not ever.”
I can definitely say the same.
***
“And so, to Bree I just want to say — Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for being the little sister I never knew how much I needed. Thank you for being the force of nature that you are, and challenging me every single day. And Seth — just do what she says, man. That’s the best advice I can give you. ”
Cole lifts his glass as the crowd chuckles. “To Bree and Seth!”
“To Bree and Seth!” the guests echo, and they all drink from their glasses. Cole looks over at me and winks, and then offers me the microphone.
Toes wiggling in my dress shoes, anchoring me to the floor.
The scent of my own aftershave, of steak dinner, of a room full of people.
The bubble of champagne over my tastebuds, tamping down the sharp tang of anxiety.
Cole’s eyes, forever encouraging. Bree and Seth in front of me, sitting side by side, holding hands and smiling.
I should have taken my glasses off so that everyone else would be a blur. Too late now, probably.
The microphone is smooth and heavy in my hand, and I lift it to my mouth.
“Um, so I’m not much of a public speaker.
That’s probably the first thing the students in my history classes will tell you.
And I’m not exactly the warmest guy either, which they will also tell you.
At length. Seth, honestly — when you asked me to be your best man, my first thought was that you must know at least ten people who would do a better job than I could.
You know, seeing the best in myself has never exactly been my strong suit. ”
Someone in the back of the room coughs, and I figure I had better get to the point.
“But you know, this is a wedding toast, and you guys aren’t my therapists.
So here’s what I’m really trying to say — Seth, the past few months, getting to spend this time with you — it’s pretty much been the best time in my life.
You and Bree have been a whirlwind, but I can see how well you fit together, how you’re perfect for each other, how much room your love has to grow. And thanks to you —”
I glance over at Cole, and he smiles.
“Thanks to you, and Bree, and this whole crazy situation we’ve ended up in, I’ve found something — someone — that I thought I had lost forever.
I’ve learned how to let hope and love into my life, how to be myself — how to let you know me, know who I really am.
I just — I can’t thank you enough. So —” I raise my glass. “Here’s to you guys.”
Everyone is draining from their glasses, and they’re clapping and cheering, and the band is beginning to play once more.
But Cole is throwing an arm around my shoulders, and Seth is hugging my other side, and Bree is pulling me down to kiss my cheek, and I remember what Seth said back on the Cape, and I know he was right —
This is my family. And it always will be.