Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
HALSEY
“Dude, she saw the air mattress.”
“What?” Posey says as he picks up a water bottle while we lean against the boards after skating around to warm up our legs.
“She asked me why I was sleeping on an air mattress. She went into my room and saw it, then put the pieces together and figured out that I gave her my bed. She proceeded to strip her bed bare and attempt to drag the mattress to my room.”
“Did she?”
“She couldn’t even lift it off the frame.”
“Did you help her?”
“No. I told her she was the guest, and I’m the owner of the apartment. Therefore, I decide who gets the bed. End of discussion.”
Posey cringes in horror. “Dude, you said that?”
“I know.” I grip my stick tighter. “Fuck, I felt my balls shrivel up as I walked away. The look on her face wasn’t good. I proceeded to clam up after that and haven’t talked to her since.”
Posey shakes his head while the rest of the guys finish up and start filtering past us on their way back to the locker room. “That’s a fucking setback. How could you tell her end of discussion?”
“I was embarrassed that she saw the half-dilapidated air mattress, and I didn’t know what to say. She caught me off guard when she attempted to drag the regular mattress out of her room. It was a clusterfuck, and I wanted her to stop, so I said end of discussion.”
“Who did you say that to?” Silas asks as he slides in next to us.
“Holmes said that to Blakely,” Posey answers.
“Nooooooo,” Silas says in a low voice. “Holmes, man, I know you’re new to this, but you don’t say that shit to women.”
“I fucking know,” I shout, which grabs the attention of our coach. “Shit, let’s move this off the ice.”
Together, we filter past the bench and down the hall toward the locker room.
“Wait up,” Eli says, catching up to us. “Christ, I’m sore.”
“From what?” Silas asks as we spot Penny at the end of the hallway with her tripod set up and a question for us to answer for social media.
“Uh . . . I’ll tell you later,” he says with a smirk. He leans into Penny and gives her a kiss. “Hey, babe.”
“Hey,” she says while pressing her hand to his chest. “Did you stop in to see Holden?”
“Yeah, he looked happy.”
“He seems to be doing okay. I’m glad about it. Now, please answer my question so I can continue to soar as the best social media manager to ever exist.”
I glance at the question and read it out loud. “What’s your favorite Taylor Swift song?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” Posey says.
“Wait!” Penny holds up her hand and presses the record button. “Okay, go.”
“Favorite Taylor Swift song has to be Shake it Off ,” Posey answers.
“ Are You Ready For It ,” Silas says.
“Uh . . . that Romeo and Juliet one,” Eli answers.
“ Love Story ,” Posey says.
“Right, yeah, that one.”
They turn to me and I say, “ The 1 .”
Penny stops recording and clasps her hands together. “Perfect, boys, thank you.” Then she turns to me and points her finger. “Now, I have to talk to you.”
“Talk to me?” I point at my chest.
“Yeah, you.” She glances over her back and steps forward. “Word on the street is, you like my friend.”
My eyes flash to Eli who looks guilty as shit. He bites his lower lip and says, “Listen, things got a little crazy last night, and I might have said some things out loud to prevent myself from . . . finishing too early. I was just saying stuff off the top of my head.”
“Jesus Christ,” I mutter.
“Well, is it going to be the finger or the belly button?” Silas asks.
“The finger,” Posey says, looking irate. “We aren’t even going to test his ability to hold a hockey stick. For fuck’s sake, man, it wasn’t that hard to keep a secret.”
“To be fair, I screamed like a girl when I said it out loud.”
“How is that being fair?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Please don’t chop off my finger.”
“What the hell is going on?” Penny asks.
“Nothing you need to know.” Posey grabs Eli by the shoulder and pushes him toward the locker room.
“Wait,” Penny calls out. “I promise I won’t tell her . . . I actually . . . I need your help.”
Posey pauses. “What kind of help?”
Penny glances over her shoulder again, probably checking to make sure Blakely isn’t around.
“Blakely was offered a new job, and it’s unmatched, like she would be stupid not to take it, but I don’t want to lose her, and that might be selfish, but I just had a baby, and I’m still highly emotional and very erratic, so I need you to make my best friend fall in love with you so she stays here and never leaves me. ”
“Oooo, plot twist,” Posey says as he lets go of Eli. He gives him a once-over and says, “Your fingers are safe for now, but you’re currently on probation. Understood?”
Eli nods vehemently. “Understood.”
“Now.” Posey turns toward Penny. “Tell us more about this falling in love thing.”
“Well, I think if it were the right guy, Blakely would stay here, you know? And she did say how attractive Halsey is. She said you had an amazing body—”
“Told you the no shirt would work,” Posey says, swatting my shoulder.
“Wait, you did that on purpose?” Penny asks.
Posey leans in and says, “We have an entire plan that revolves around a shirtless Holmes attempting to get Blakely to fall for him, you know, since he loves her so much.”
“I don’t fucking love her. I just have a crush is all.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Silas says. “He loves her.”
“You have a plan? Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks Eli.
Looking like a deer caught in headlights, he looks among all of us and says, “I didn’t want to be in the middle. I didn’t want to be subject to getting my finger chopped off. There was a lot of pressure, and I really don’t want to be a part of this.” With that, he leaves, not even looking back.
I don’t blame him. I want to take off too.
“In his defense, the minute we told him what we were planning and that he couldn’t tell you, he stepped out. He said he couldn’t do that.”
“Aw, look at him loving and respecting me.”
“He does, a lot,” Silas says.
“He’s a good man.” She turns her attention back on me. “Okay, enough about Eli. Let’s figure out how you’re going to make my friend fall for you. Going shirtless is not going to work. And no offense, I’m sure you have an amazing body, but she’s unfazed by that. You guys need to step up your game.”
“Going shirtless was just one thing on a list of ways we were going to entice her,” Posey says.
Penny folds her arms over her chest. “Uh-huh and what are the other ways you planned on enticing her?”
The boys fall silent, glancing back and forth between each other.
“Uh . . . showing her his penis?” Silas asks.
“No,” I say so fucking fast. “We are not showing her my penis or even talking about my penis.”
“Why? Do you have a nice penis?” Penny asks.
“An amazing penis,” Posey answers while holding his hands up and forming an obnoxiously large circle.
“Stop that.” I swat his hands down.
“What? I’m just being honest.”
“We are not using my penis as an enticement. Hell, we’re not enticing her at all, okay? This has gotten out of control. We are dropping it—”
“To hell you are,” Penny says, coming right up to me with that pointy finger of hers. “You listen to me, Holmes, and you listen good. I did not exit a child out of my body to just sit here and raise it without a best friend by my side. Do you understand what a postpartum woman goes through?”
“Ehhh . . .”
“Underneath this pretty pink blouse I’m wearing are raw nipples.
Yeah . . . raw. They are chapped and have been sucked on and tugged on and brutalized to the point that I’m not sure I even have feeling in them anymore.
And my stomach.” She clasps her hand to her stomach.
“It is jiggly but not, but also . . . jiggly. Explain to me how that works? It’s as if when I got pregnant, an extra layer of skin was added but never fully attached to the underneath layer so it just moves around freely.
And my feet . . . they fit in nothing,” she whispers in a scary tone, and I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise.
“Nothing. All I can say is thank God for my generation creating the casual but professional look by incorporating sneakers with trousers because I wouldn’t have anything to wear on my feet if it weren’t for the fashion trends right now.
And don’t get me started on the underwear I have to wear now.
” She grips my jersey, coming in closer.
“They are . . . enormous. I could wrap your head and Posey’s head together in one pair.
So you can understand I need my best friend.
Therefore, find your balls, man, because you are going to make my friend fall for you so fucking hard that she won’t know what to do with herself. Got it?”
I swallow hard, staring down at the maniacal eyes of Eli’s girl, and I feel myself slowly nod.
She pats my cheek. “That’s a good boy.” She straightens out her blouse. “Now, what is the plan?”
Startled, Posey clears his throat. “Uh, what were you thinking?”
“Glad you asked.”
Penny: Are you home yet?
Halsey: This doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to trick her.
Penny: Dear God, Holmes, didn’t I tell you to grab your balls?
Posey: I witnessed the balls comment. My balls actually shriveled up from it.
Silas: I’m still trying to dig mine out of my asshole after she mentioned raw nipples.
OC: Uh . . . am I supposed to be on this text thread?
Pacey: What’s happening?
Posey: Penny is part of the Frozen Fellas now.
Silas: Trust me, don’t fight it. She has raw nipples.
OC: Is she taking Eli’s place?
Silas: Consider Eli dead. I don’t think he can stomach the pressure. He’s softened since he’s become a dad.
Penny: There is nothing soft about him!
Posey: Christ, Silas, don’t anger it.
Penny: It?
Posey: HER! I meant her! Don’t anger her. That was my phone. Not me. I’d never call you it. Please God, don’t make my nipples raw like yours.
OC: You know, I think this Frozen Fellas thing has become a bit too much for me. I was all for it until raw nipples were brought into the conversation.