Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
HALSEY
I can barely fucking breathe.
The city of Vancouver races by me as I stare out the window, telling myself to calm the fuck down, but I can’t seem to flip the switch.
Seeing Perry pressing Blakely up against the wall fucking did me in.
My entire being went black, and before I knew what I was doing, I pressed him up against a wall, ready to plow my fist into his stupid fucking face.
And there is no reasoning behind it other than I was jealous.
I couldn’t stand the idea of him being near her. Of him being able to reconcile any sort of feelings with her.
Because he left.
He was the idiot who decided to take a new job that took him away from her.
He was the one who fucked up and left the door open for me to slip in.
A door I’ve struggled getting through.
I’ve faltered. I’ve made mistakes. And I’ve put myself so far into the friend zone that I can do very little to get myself out of it.
Tonight was supposed to be that night.
And there he was, attempting to tell her how much he missed her.
Fuck off, Perry. You had your chance; tonight was mine.
But . . . I think I screwed it up even more. Blakely has been staring out the window beside me, probably regretting she had to leave her friend’s wedding since I couldn’t keep my emotions in check.
She should be snuggling into me. Holding my hand. Letting me touch her and kiss her. Listening to how I truly feel about her.
Instead, I’m an angry fucking asshole thrumming with the need to do something reckless, something to distract me from the regret beating through me.
When we pull up to the apartment, I thank the driver and open the door. Blakely does the same, not letting me do it for her.
I can’t be sure what she’s feeling right now, what she’s thinking.
Whatever it is, it can’t be anything positive about me.
In silence, I open the apartment building door for her and then follow close behind, resting my hand on her lower back as I guide her toward the elevator.
Fuck, I hate myself.
I hate myself for not being able to control my anger.
For not being able to ignore Perry and enjoy Blakely.
My time was cut short because I cut it short. I could be dancing with her right now—her body pressed against mine and her hands roaming my chest, something she did a few times tonight.
Instead, we’re as cold as stone toward each other as we ride the elevator up to the apartment.
And I don’t know how to bridge the gap between us.
I don’t know how to apologize. I don’t know how to express my feelings to her—that I’ve liked her for so goddamn long that I lost my shit when I saw her with Perry and couldn’t stomach the idea of her giving him a second glance.
The elevator comes to a stop, and with my hand on her back, I move her down the hall to our apartment.
Yes . . . our apartment.
That’s how I’ve come to think of it now. Just me and her . . . and Sherman, sharing this living space. Sharing dinners together.
Jokes.
Stories.
And now it feels like it was all for nothing. I had one chance for her to see me differently— to want me— and I blew it.
I shut the door once Blakely is inside and set my wallet and keys on the side table. Blakely remains next to the door, her hands clutching her purse in front of her.
I slowly raise my eyes to hers and when hers meet mine, indescribable need for this woman hits me so fucking hard that the air is sucked right out of my lungs, leaving me breathless . . . needy . . . erratic.
Just from one look, from those eyes, the eyes that captivated me from day fucking one.
And they haven’t stopped. They’ve held my attention. They’ve gripped me by the heart and have held me close. They’ve made me realize that there truly isn’t anyone else on this earth that I want in my arms.
It’s Blakely.
It’s always been Blakely.
It will always be Blakely.
And as I stare back at her, I wonder, why isn’t she moving? Why isn’t she attempting to get ready for bed? Why is she just standing there, looking slightly nervous but also hopeful at the same time?
Her gaze dips to my mouth and then quickly back to my eyes.
Did I imagine that?
Surely not.
She looked at my mouth.
The universal signal that she’s interested.
I return the gaze, checking out her mouth as her little pink tongue peeks out and wets her delicious lips.
My heart beats erratically as hope springs in my chest.
Please . . . please let her want this as much as I want it.
I take a step forward, and I watch her chest rise and fall more rapidly.
Nerves rip through me, making my stomach tumble and slip with each breath.
I close the space between us, and when she doesn’t move or say anything, I realize this is it. This is the fucking moment I’ve been waiting for. If I want to make something happen, this is the time.
I take a deep breath and scan her beautiful face. Those lips wet and ready, those eyes looking hungry and willing.
I’m going to take what I want and face the consequences after because if I don’t, I’ll regret it forever.
Before I can stop myself, I close the last of the space, grip her face with both hands, and crash my mouth down on hers.
I don’t have to wait for her to reciprocate. It’s immediate. She drops her clutch to the ground and throws her arms around me, kissing me back with such force.
She’s . . . she’s fucking kissing me back.
Fuck.
I push her against the door and plant my body along hers, not letting her escape now that I have her. From the way she clings to me and submits to my mouth, I’m guessing she doesn’t want to go anywhere.
I slide my mouth over hers, opening our lips together, and then slip my tongue against hers. She reciprocates the movement, and I fucking melt.
My nerves.
My reservations.
My regrets.
They all fucking melt out of me. Pure, alpha confidence replaces everything as I move her hands above her head, pinning them against the door as I drive my tongue deeper into her mouth.
She tastes so damn amazing.
Better than all the times I’ve imagined owning this mouth.
And when she gasps from what I demand from her with my tongue, sheer need pulses up my spine.
“You taste so fucking good,” I say as I pull away, kissing across her jaw and down her neck.
Her chest continues to rise and fall as I hold her in place, but she practices deeper breaths now as I move my mouth to her collarbone and across her shoulder.
“Your skin is so soft, like fucking velvet, Blakely.” I move back up to her neck and ear, where I whisper, “Tell me you want this. That you want me.”
She takes a deep breath and wraps her fingers around my hand, clasping them together against the door. “I want you, Halsey.”
“Good,” I whisper right before turning her around.
She turns her head so her cheek rests against the wood.
“If this is too much, tell me to stop.” I kiss down her neck, across her shoulder while my hand rests on her hip.
My pelvis presses against her backside, showing her exactly what she does to me. How fucking hard she makes me.
A gasp falls past her lips, and I catch the sound on my mouth before kissing her again, claiming that mouth of hers and making it mine.
“I’m taking what I want,” I say into her ear. “I won’t stop until you tell me.” I release her hands and clasp the zipper of her dress. “I won’t fucking stop until you say, understood?”
She nods.
“No, I want to hear your verbal agreement. Do you understand that I’m taking what I want, Blakely? I’m taking your mouth, your body, and I’m marking it as mine until you tell me to stop.”
“Yes, I understand,” she says, sending euphoria through me.
She just gave me the green light. Thank. Fuck.
I pull down her zipper until it’s completely undone. That’s when I notice she’s not wearing a bra, something I didn’t pick up on when I zipped her into her dress earlier this evening.
I slide my hands down her arms, dragging the fabric of her dress with me until it falls to the floor, pooling at her feet.
Her ass is encased by white lace underwear, giving me a sneak peek of her perky ass.
Her back is smooth, free of any mark besides one tattoo under her shoulder blade.
A few starbursts that I’m sure have specific meaning.
I don’t touch her right away. Instead, I shrug out of my jacket, unbutton my shirt, and remove my shoes and socks. The entire time I take her in, I soak up this moment that I’ve dreamed of for so fucking long.
When I’m ready, I step up behind her, my front to her back, and slowly slide my hands up until my fingers are just below her breasts. I let my thumbs caress the soft, plush underside of her boobs, which causes her to lean her head back against my shoulder.
“What do you like, Blakely?”
“Everything,” she says.
“I know that,” I answer. “But specifically, what do you want from me? From tonight?”
“Pleasure,” she answers as I move my thumbs upward, just below her nipples. She moans and grabs the back of my neck. “I want to feel all of you, every last inch. I want to scream. I want to feel so out of control that I black out from the pleasure.”
A smirk tugs on my lips. “That I can do,” I say as I lean forward to get my first view of her breasts right before I pinch her nipples.
Fuck, her tits are big. I knew they were, but they’re real and soft, and her nipples are so goddamn hard. They feel like little pebbles, begging to be played with.
“God, yes,” she says as she moves her ass against my crotch. “Oh my God, Halsey,” she says as her hand moves between us, and she discovers my length and size. That small caress nearly makes me come in my goddamn pants. “You’re huge.”