Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
C hristmas Eve, Blake stared out the window of the Bellagio’s presidential suite at the glittering lights of the Las Vegas Strip without really seeing them. He should have looked at the caller ID before he answered the phone. He’d thought it would be Piper, but it wasn’t.
It was his dad with the annual awkward holiday call.
They’d made it through the prerequisites. Hi. How are you. Fine. You?
Now, it was time to move along to the rest of his dad’s family. If he stayed on task, he could get off the phone in under three minutes.
“How’s Michelle?” He could fake polite with the best of them. His stepmother wasn’t a horrible person. He didn’t hate her; he just didn’t know her at all.
“She’s good. Hey, Mickey, say hi to Blake.”
His dad had a habit of giving all the women in his life male nicknames. He’d never understood why.
There were scuffling noises in the background, and then his stepmother said brightly, “Hi, Blake! Merry Christmas! ”
“Merry Christmas,” Blake said on automatic. “How’s Jenny?”
“She has the flu,” Michelle said. “It’s put a damper on things around here tonight, but we’re having a big New Year’s bash. You should come! We’d love to see you.”
That would be the last place he’d ever spend New Year’s Eve. “Sorry, I can’t. I’m in the middle of a project.”
“Oh. That’s too bad,” Michelle said. She sounded resigned. “Here’s your dad.”
“How’s the movie going?” Dad asked. “What was it, Conned ? Love that name.”
“We start shooting in January.”
“Oh. That’s good.” His dad sounded as stiff as Blake felt.
Awkward silence filled the static between them. Two minutes, thirty seconds. That was how long it took for them to run out of things to talk about.
Blake searched for something to say that wouldn’t sound rude. “Saw your name on the billboard at Ceasars.”
“Oh yeah?” Was the pleased note in his dad’s voice because Blake had noticed, or because he was happy he had a good gig? It was impossible to tell. “I haven’t seen it yet. We kick off a series in February. We’ll all be moving there for the summer.”
“Oh really? Nice.” That meant Dad, Michelle, and Jennifer would be in Vegas at the same time Blake was trying to oversee the biggest project of his career.
Great.
“How’s Frankie?” Dad asked.
Blake glanced at the closed bedroom door. They’d just gotten back from dinner and his mother was “getting comfy” as she called it. “She’s good.”
“Did her project wrap? Heard it was dicey there for a while.”
“Yep. It’s in post.” He’d been on the phone long enough. “Well, Merry Christmas to everybody. Hope Jenny feels better soon. ”
“Blake, before you go, I wanted to tell you I saw a video of you on stage with Piper Bellamy.”
His stomach clenched. The last thing he needed right now was a critique of his performance from Eddie Ryan, the legendary crooner. There was a reason he never sang in public, and this was one of them. “I should go.”
“Hang on. I wanted to say…I’m proud of you.”
Blake’s breath caught. It wasn’t what he’d expected to hear at all. He couldn’t remember ever hearing those words from his dad before.
“I know you don’t put much stock in my opinion, but I wanted you to know you sounded really good. Better than good. You were great. Really, really great. And…well, I just wanted to tell you that.”
Blake’s throat constricted, making it hard to push words out. “Thanks, Dad. That…means a lot.”
“Ah, it’s the simple truth, son.” Dad’s voice was thick and heavy. “The two of you together were yin and yang. The way she looked at you…I got shivers. Reminds me of when I met your mom.”
Just like that, the warm, fuzzy feeling vanished. “Don’t go there.”
“I just…”
“I have to go.” Blake hung up.
Dad always had to screw things up. Like their phone calls weren’t awkward enough, he had to bring up Mom like she was still a part of his life. They hadn’t been a couple since Blake was eight. Dad ran out on them to make a new family with Michelle, leaving Blake caught in the middle between singing and acting, performing and pretending. Between Dad and Mom.
He glared at his reflection superimposed over all the flashing neon below. He was an adult now. He didn’t need his father’s approval, and yet, for a second there, a knot he hadn’t known existed untied itself with those four simple words.
I’m proud of you.
It was a magic elixir.
Then, of course, Dad ruined it, just like he did everything.
Blake clenched his fists. He needed to focus on something else.
Work. Work was always an excellent distraction.
Filming was scheduled to start January 10, and two of the vital locations still hadn’t been nailed down, set design was already behind schedule, and they still hadn’t cast the female lead.
Piper had been gone less than a week, but it felt like longer. She was spending Christmas in upstate New York at Belhurst Castle with her sisters. It sounded cozy, like a TV Christmas special, but for some reason, the thought of her cuddling on a sofa in front of a warm fire without him his heart ache.
He’d never done the whole big family Christmas thing. Since his mother wasn’t interested in connecting with her ex-husband’s new family, the two of them usually traveled somewhere together for the holidays.
This year, they were in Vegas because he had last-minute details to deal with and his mother was between shoots.
The Bellagio had done an outstanding job decorating the suite. There was a huge tree by the fireplace, poinsettias everywhere, and twinkle lights on the balcony. It was over-the-top luxurious, but somehow still managed to feel a little cold. Las Vegas was fun at first, but the constant light and noise got old after a while.
They should have gone to upstate New York. He pictured snow falling on an old inn, and Piper smiling at him from the doorway. He rubbed his forehead. He’d only known her a few months. How could he miss her so much?
This distraction wasn’t working at all .
“A dollar for your thoughts?” his mother asked behind him.
He hadn’t heard her come out of her room. “It’s a penny, isn’t it?”
“Inflation, dear.”
His mother carried a glass of wine and her laptop to the loveseat where the concierge had set up a plate of assorted finger foods and a bottle of champagne. She’d changed into bright-red loungewear with a tiny Christmas tree on the pocket, and she’d tied her long, dark-blonde hair into a messy bun on top of her head. Her reading glasses were perched just over her forehead, and there was a smudge of something dark on her lip.
She was a little shorter than he was, but she always seemed taller. Frances Fisher could command a room of military men while nurturing a forest of wounded animals. She was tough when she had to be, kind when possible, and fair always. Actors fought to get roles in her movies.
Every Christmas memory he had was wrapped up in red pajamas and sitting on the sofa in front of the fire in his hotel room. Christmas was wherever Mom was.
Usually.
Tonight, it felt like Christmas was a million miles away in upstate New York.
Mom took a sip of wine and licked her lips. The dark smudge shifted a little.
He smiled at her. “You have chocolate all over your face.”
“I was saving it for later.” She rubbed at the spot until it vanished. “What’s on your mind? You seem distracted.”
“Nothing. Work.”
“I thought I heard you talking to someone.”
“It wasn’t important.”
She gave him a knowing look. “Ah. The call. How is Eddie the Teddy? ”
He hated that nickname. It implied all kinds of things that simply weren’t true. “Jenny has the flu.”
“Oh, poor thing.” She pushed the tray out of the way and set up her computer. “I need to send her a basket. What else did he say?”
“He saw the concert.” He returned his attention to the view out the window. “He said he’s proud of me.”
It didn’t feel right to say it out loud. He had a feeling that if he said it too many times something would shatter.
“Oh.” His mother sounded as surprised as he felt. “It’s good that’s finally out in the open. He’s always been so proud of you. We both have.”
“No he hasn’t. He’s never said it before.” He didn’t like how resentful he sounded. He hadn’t realized how old or how deep this wound had buried itself until tonight.
“Sweetie, you’ve never let him say it before.”
He turned to look at her. “He’s my father. He should have tried harder.”
She pushed her glasses down to her nose and busied herself with something on her laptop. “You weren’t ready to hear it before. Now you are. I wonder why that is.”
Her tone implied she had a theory.
He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like it. “I don’t know, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”
Mom peered at him over the top of her reading glasses. “You’ve done nothing but talk about Piper Bellamy since I got here. She’s had a pretty big impact on you. More than Marshall, which is saying something. She must be pretty special.”
Warning bells sounded in his brain. He was about to be interrogated by a woman who was an expert at getting people to do what they were told.
“She’s been a huge help with the project.” He crossed to the table and poured himself a glass of wine. “She has an amazing number of contacts. You should talk to her when you start up again. She could hook you up with a fantastic costume designer.”
“Uh-huh.” Mom took off her glasses and gestured with them. “Tell me about her.”
Her voice was coy, like she already knew the answer.
“She’s nice.”
Mom lifted an eyebrow and stared him down with her best Spock impersonation.
His stiffness crumbled in spite of himself, and he chuckled. “I hate it when you make that face.”
Her eyes crinkled with amusement. “I’m glad I can still make you laugh. You know, I saw the concert. The video’s gone viral. Over two million views now. I wonder if that’s because you looked at her like she was your favorite flavor of ice cream? Talk about selling a song. Tamar must be thrilled.”
“I haven’t talked to Tamar since then.” He knew how happy Paul was; he hadn’t stopped tweeting about it.
“Is she as sweet as she seems in her coffee chats?”
“You watch Piper’s Wednesday Morning Coffee Chats ?” He was shocked his mother even knew they existed. “When do you have time for that?”
“I make time for the important things, dearheart. I wanted to find out more about the girl who captured your attention so completely you kept dodging my calls.”
A guilty prickle crawled up the back of his neck. “It was only one time.”
“Three. But that’s okay. I see the attraction. She’s very pretty.”
“She is.” He kept his face as neutral as he could.
“And she seems smart.”
“Yep.” He should end this right now.
“And you like her.” She said it so matter-of-factly he couldn’t deny it .
He more than liked her. He couldn’t get enough of her. “Yes. Like I said. She’s nice.”
“So what’s the problem?”
He took a sip of wine. “There’s no problem.”
Mom huffed in exasperation. “There are frown lines in between your eyes and when I walked in you were staring wistfully out the window. It’s Christmas Eve. It’s the perfect night to spill your guts to your mother.”
She shut her computer and waited expectantly.
He wanted to be with Piper right now so much his feet itched to walk out the door and go to her.
“I miss her, and I shouldn’t.” The words came out with surprising intensity, like the pressure had been building up for weeks. “It’s a distraction.”
“What’s wrong with a little distraction?” He could hear the fondness in his mother’s voice.
“I don’t have time for it.” He took another long drink of wine and rubbed the back of his neck. “I start shooting in less than three weeks. I’m already over budget, and it feels like we’re behind schedule when we haven’t even started.”
She laughed. “Welcome to the dark side of directing, son. We have cookies and T-shirts.”
He paced over to the bar and put the wine glass down. “Set design for the buddy scene isn’t going to be done until after we’re scheduled to shoot it. We have twenty more people on the crew than I planned on. Post is telling me if I don’t finish by March, they won’t have time to get it wrapped before the drop date, and I still don’t have a lead girl.”
There was more, but he clamped his mouth shut. It wasn’t helping to spit out his to-do list. He’d just said the most important thing on it, anyway. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew what the real problem was .
He just didn’t want to admit it out loud to his mother.
Mom watched him with calm eyes. “Son, this is what it feels like to be in charge. You’ll get used to it, I promise. But don’t let a temporary problem get in the way of what’s really important.”
He gave her a quizzical look.
“Relationships. Family. Friends. Lovers .” She gave him a frank stare. “Why haven’t you cast the female lead?”
He could see where she was going like an oncoming train, and he was determined to derail her. “Scheduling conflicts. Pregnancy. No time to learn lines. Tons of bad matches. Nobody’s been right for the part, that’s all. It’s fine. I’ll get it done.”
“Nobody? Really?” She drew out the word. “Not even a certain adorable brunette with a dimple that could slay dragons?”
There it was. The suggestion he’d known was coming because Marshall had said the same thing. “We can’t cast Piper.”
“Why the hell not? She has that country-girl-next-door vibe that can’t be manufactured or faked. It’s a natural, ingrained, wholesome quality that’s hard to find in LA so why the hell wouldn’t you grab onto it?”
“I’ll tell you what I told Marshall. We’ve spent a lot of time together lately, and I’m too close to her. It wouldn’t be right.”
“What do you mean?” She scrunched up her face like she was trying to solve a particularly difficult math equation. “It wouldn’t be right because what, you think you can’t be friends with your actors?”
“Sure. I try to be friendly with everyone on set. This is more than that.”
“Ah. You like her.” She gave him a questioning look. “Sweetheart, do you love this girl?”
“No. I don’t know. Maybe.” He ran his fingers through his hair, all the frustration bubbling up and over. “I keep picturing her in my life, and I like the way it looks. The way it feels. ”
Mom tilted her head, and a soft smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “Have you told her that?”
“Of course not.”
“Why not?”
“We were working together. Then she left town for the holidays. She’s at some inn in upstate New York with her sisters.”
“Sounds lovely.” Her smile deepened. “I can’t even count the number of times people fall in love while working on a project. It makes perfect sense that you fell for her. She seems absolutely delightful.”
“Yeah, well, these kinds of relationships never work out long-term. Look at me and Rachel. Or you and Dad. It’s the worst place to start up something.”
“There’s no perfect place or time, son,” she said in her patented don’t-be-silly tone. “Love hits when it wants, where it wants.”
“Come on, Mom. I can’t cast her now, it’d be like asking her to be my leading lady and my girlfriend at the same time, and if it doesn’t work out…” He paced to the other side of the room, spun around, and paced back. “It’s not how I want to do things. I’m not that guy. This is my first time as a director, and the tabloids will go nuts if I’m sleeping with one of my actors.”
His mother snorted. “You can’t buy that kind of publicity. If the tabloids said the famous Blake Ryan was sleeping with the Piper Bellamy people would line up for days to see this movie.”
“I just don’t want to screw things up. I don’t want to be Dad.” There it was, the heart of his problem. He’d never had to face this before because he’d never felt like this before. “I don’t want to pressure her into something that she regrets. I don’t want us both to figure out a few years later that we hate each other.”
“I don’t hate your father.” Her voice was like the crack of a whip. It stopped him in his tracks. “I never did. I might have been mad for a while, but we both knew it wasn’t going to work long-term, for either of us. Our careers were on different paths. Neither of us was ever home. It wasn’t fair to you, or to us, and we both knew it. He had the courage to make the first move, that’s all. If he hadn’t, I would have.”
It wasn’t the way he remembered it. He remembered nights spent watching his mother cry, and days watching his father romp with glee from stage to stage, ecstatic to have a new woman by his side.
“You seemed so miserable after he left.”
“Oh, I was.” Mom blew out a breath. “I had two projects back-to-back that ate my lunch, and a young child who needed me. I wanted to be there for you come hell or high water and making that work was stressful. Kind of like what you’re feeling now, I would imagine, minus the child. I assume.”
He snorted and nodded. “No kids yet. Stop asking.”
“A mother can dream.” She sighed like a cartoon character.
“You let the tabloids paint you as the jilted woman for decades.”
“Who cares? I knew the truth. So did you. That’s all that mattered. Sweetheart, sit down before you wear a hole in the carpet.”
He flopped down onto the nearest chair and rubbed his face with both hands. The divorce had seemed so big at the time. He hadn’t understood all of the undercurrents. He’d just known Mom was upset, and Dad was happy, and they weren’t a family anymore.
And he’d known, deep down in the dark places of his heart, that it was all Dad’s fault.
Except Mom had just told him it wasn’t.
Mom picked up her glass of wine and held it between both hands. “Your father and I loved each other. We were like two trains on the same track, racing toward each other full speed ahead. The collision was…well, it took my breath away. His too, I think.”
It didn’t sound all that different from how he felt. He wanted Piper with him so much right now, he couldn’t think of anything else.
“We had a whirlwind courtship. We made a baby.” Mom smiled fondly at him. “And we had years of heady indulgence that still makes me dizzy when I think about it. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
He processed that for a minute while Mom sipped her wine and smiled at something he couldn’t see. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Sweetheart…” Her voice was gentle. “It caused you so much pain every time I talked about your dad that I just stopped bringing it up. I thought maybe when you were older…” She sighed. “It was a mistake. It’s left you with the impression that those movies you’ve starred in are what life is actually supposed to be. It’s not. Life is chaos. If you’re lucky, it never ever goes in a straight line.”
He looked at the tree. The glittering white lights winked at him as if to say told ya so. “I hated him for what he did to you.”
“I know. You always were my knight in shining armor. My protector. But know this…no matter how bad it might have seemed, I wouldn’t trade the time I had with Eddie for the world. He gave me you, and more creative material than any one woman could use in a lifetime.”
She opened her laptop and frowned at it.
Maybe he was confusing personal with professional. Maybe he was making things harder than they had to be.
Or maybe he was looking for an excuse to see her again, even if it was only on video. “You’re saying I should ask Piper if she’ll play the lead. ”
“Yes.” Mom leaned closer to the screen.
“She’s thinking of going back with her sisters on tour. She probably wouldn’t have time. It could be messy.”
“You’ll never know unless you ask.” She typed something. “Embrace the mess, kiddo. That’s where the good stuff is.”