Chapter 6 #3
Reno cracked an eye open and looked at Jaewon’s sharp profile, his straight nose and pointed chin. It looked like he had begun to put his hair into a series of small braids before getting tired or giving up.
“About what it means to you,” he clarified and Reno still took a moment to catch up. He frowned at Jaewon, shuffled himself a little to prop his back against the couch’s armrest, and gathered his thoughts.
“Why not ask Arnaud?” Reno said, hoping maybe Jaewon had asked Arnaud and he didn’t need to explain everything in detail.
“It feels too personal.” Jaewon shook his head, one of his straight brows arched up as he turned to stare Reno down. “This isn’t like you and Seb, is it?”
“No,” Reno replied, flatly. “Seb and I lasted for two weeks. This isn’t like that.”
“How do you know?”
Reno pinched his lips together and tried to find a way to word how he was feeling. “You’ll just make fun of me.”
“Eo6.” Jaewon didn’t deny it. “If I didn’t make fun of you my life would be much more dull.
” He put an arm on the back of the couch and Reno noticed he needed to repaint his nails.
Maybe he’d offer to do it for him if this conversation went well.
Jaewon continued, “What is it about this guy? Who even is he?”
“He’s Luka.”
“That doesn’t tell me who he is. Who is he to you?”
Reno looked away and to the opposite wall. “I’m still figuring that out. You know how I, um, joke sometime?”
“Please be more specific.”
“About me being in a relationship, when I get asked by friends or interview. I always brush the question off, saying there’s only one person I’d think about dating at this point and it’s impossible.”
“Yes. You’ve never explained what that meant or anything, not even to us.” Jaewon started braiding the other side of his hair.
“Because it was always nonsense, sort of.” Reno reached off the side of the couch, pulled his duffel bag closer, retrieved a pack of hair ties, and tossed them onto Jaewon’s lap.
“I met Luka after a show our first U.S. tour and he was, I dunno, attractive. Alluring. Hell if I get why he stuck out like that, so all these years I made it a private not-serious fantasy to just pretend I was waiting to run into him again to start an epic romance. Really, I was just avoiding answering questions about my love life. But it was fun to think about him.”
“Then you saw him again.” Jaewon tied a braid into place and gave Reno a look he was all too familiar with. It said Jaewon thought he was insane.
“Un7.” Reno shrugged. “Look, I didn’t expect to see him again.
It was just one of those silly make-believes in my head I like doing.
Nothing about Luka was real, other than I really did meet him long time ago.
There was never an expectation to see him again but it kept my interest looking out into the crowd to maybe catch his eye.
Every time someone asked me who I was looking for I’d say someone and think of him.
Every time someone asked me if I was dating, I’d say ‘no, I’m waiting for someone’ and I’d think of him.
So when he did actually pop up, I couldn’t help but act like an idiot. ”
Jaewon took his time before responding.
“You should seek help. Maladaptive daydreams aren’t a healthy basis for your life.”
“You’re so mean.” Reno shoved his leg into Jaewon’s stomach and Jaewon started laughing.
“I don’t actually think you need help. I do however worry you’re putting this guy on a pedestal. I mean, you don’t know him. He could be just trying to use you. He could end up like her. What if—”
“You’re precious,” Reno interrupted, “worrying over me like that. Don’t you think it’s my right to find out, though?”
Jaewon made a thoughtful noise then started another braid.
“So what if he turns out like Joy? Isn’t it fun finding out if someone is going to be good or not? Plus, he’s nice. He doesn’t treat me like I’m inhuman.”
“The bar is so low.”
Reno huffed. “You’re telling me. It’s almost all we can hope for when this is our lives.” He waved around the bus to their instruments and outfits laid out for the night. “It might not work out, but what if it does? I… I feel a lot, you know this. Heart on sleeve. What if he takes care of that?”
“Don’t give him your heart so fast,” Jaewon warned, his dark eyes serious as he looked Reno over before pulling a tie out of the baggie and finishing off the braid. “I don’t think I can watch you get hurt like that again.”
“Seb didn’t hurt me.”
“Not what I’m talking about. You were a mess after Joy.
The proof is you not dating for over ten years after her, excluding your stupid fling with Seb.
” Jaewon wagged a finger at him before parting the next section of his hair.
“Your hookups don’t count, either. You’re still damaged from that bitch. This man might make it worse.”
“I am not,” Reno protested and swung his legs off of Jaewon’s lap. “I just haven’t been interested in anyone like that again until now.”
“You’re not normal, ttolai8.”
“That's true.” Reno smiled. “I’ve always been in love with music; it’s hard for a person to come before that.”
Jaewon’s expression grew tired. “You could split your attention like a sane person. The rest of us date like real-life adults instead of just fucking their friends and making up fantasies about men they’ve met once.”
“Oh yeah, how’s Max doing?” Reno smirked as he watched Jaewon bristle and bite his lip ring. “She know about your double life yet?”
“No.” Jaewon scowled and tied off the next braid. “And it will stay that way. Maxine doesn’t need to deal with the fans and my crazy fucking life.”
“But, she likes you, likes you,” Reno teased. “Come on, you can’t seriously expect a smart girl like that to think you’re in college overseas or whatever you said. Your schedule doesn’t line up with the school year. What medical student has piercings and tattoos like you?”
“Plenty, it’s not the nineties anymore,” Jaewon snapped back. “You’re going to blow it for me, aren’t you?”
“Hm…" Reno let his smile fall and gave Jaewon a serious look. “No. You’ll do that yourself if you keep lying to her.”
Jaewon let his head tilt back against the bus wall with a sigh. “I know. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but I don’t want to subject anyone to having to deal with all this, too.”
Reno sat with that, thinking about Luka. He thought about the posts online, calling him awful things, and how he’d already been filmed once without his consent. He knew the more Luka was spotted in the same areas as Reno, the more it would escalate.
“I’m probably going to tell her when we get back.” Jaewon had a distant look in his dark-brown eyes. “Maybe on our break before the next tour leg. I can tell her, then leave for a few weeks.”
“Coward.” Reno nudged him, shoulder to shoulder. “Don’t drop a bomb then run.”
Jaewon didn’t respond, still looking lost in thought, and Reno decided not to tease him anymore.
The bus pulled off the highway and downtown Columbus loomed over and around them.
The concert venue wasn’t far off the highway, so Reno busied himself touching up the makeup on his neck and changing into his outfit for the show.
He’d finish his hair and makeup in the venue’s greenroom before warming up and taking photos for the night.
Jonathan parked the bus out back and was first out the doors, groaning while stretching. Once everyone else was off, he tossed the keys to Kandi and said he was going to crash at the motel. He waved goodbye before walking off.
The air smelled wet, like it had recently rained, and Reno was grateful he’d remembered to throw his coat on before leaving the bus.
He was cold most of the time, and even in late April, the Ohio air was uncomfortable for him.
He had to rub his hands together to warm up his fingers, as he couldn’t afford to have stiff joints.
They went inside before the few people already waiting in line could bother them too much, Cane holding the backstage door open for them and their bags and instruments.
The roadies pulled up in their van right before Reno stepped inside and Cane closed the door.
The venue wasn’t anything unusual, but Reno liked American venues.
They always had more space backstage than their European counterparts.
“Hey!” The members of Hearts n Hell were already in the greenroom, sprawled out with some sheets of paper scattered between them, scribbled tabs filling the pages. Christoph practically leapt up off the couch to pull Reno into a hug before Reno had the chance to put his bag and guitar down.
“How was the drive?”
Reno detached himself from Christoph and patted his shoulder.
“Uneventful. Surprised you beat us.” Reno brushed by him and dropped his bag onto the counter in front of the mirror, then set his guitar to the side.
Arnaud joined him, pulling a stool over to sit on before opening his own bag and getting his cosmetics out.
Reno wished their stylists got to join them on the overseas tours.
Maja, the drummer for Hearts n Hell, already had her hands in Jaewon’s hair, admiring his braids. The band’s bassist, Angel, stayed sprawled out on the ground where Reno had found them while they penciled in a few more tab lines on the page before plucking the notes out on the bass.
“Where’s Ina?” Jaewon asked Maja.
“She’s out back smoking by the bus,” she said. “Will you braid my hair too?”
Jaewon relented and had her sit on the ground so he could sit behind her on one of the few stools in the greenroom. She immediately dove into her theories from the latest episode of whatever drama show Jaewon had roped her and Arnaud into.