Chapter 11 #2
“What?” Reno looked at the stylist through the mirror. She was holding up several makeup palettes. “Oh, um.”
She gave him a sympathetic look. “What is this now, month five?”
“Six, actually.” Reno was starting to lose track of just how long he’d been on the road.
He wanted to go back to his bed; one night was not nearly enough.
He knew as soon as he warmed up for the show, he would feel differently, though.
His guitar in his hands felt better than his bed did. “Let’s do purple.”
“Oh, that’s fun.” She smiled at him before digging through her bag.
Once the setting spray was in place and his hair was styled with a few braids and clips, he thanked her and left to find the rest of his band, who had finished before he did.
He saw they had already started on photos for the night and when he joined them, Sebastian hugged him, tucking his chin over Reno’s head.
He said, low enough for the others not to hear, “I know I give you a lot of shit, but I actually am happy for you. Bring him to London, stay in town, be at home with him. You need rest.”
Reno pushed away softly. “You need rest, too.”
“Don’t make this about me. Come on, I’ll take your polaroids.”
The rest of the tour flew by. Between shows, meet-and-greets, recording and editing his vlog, photo shoots, a small pit stop in Nice to see Arnaud’s parents and sleep in his big house, and of course, writing music, Reno was running on too little sleep and a lot of caffeine.
The song Reno had introduced when they were in London had taken shape and was clocking in well over the five-minute mark.
They were starting the lyrics, for which Sebastian had already provided invaluable help, since Reno could trust him not to tease Reno too mercilessly for writing something so personal.
Every week that passed, Reno found himself winding up tighter and tighter, until the energy he gave out on stage was almost manic.
The band was thriving from it, hyped up with him, but Reno would tear off the stage at the end of the night still feeling like he could dance for hours.
He’d dragged Jaewon out a few times to go clubbing, which helped somewhat, but it didn’t get rid of the itch under his skin.
It was because Luka was barely texting him.
He tried hard—really hard—not to be crazy about it, and he’d somehow managed to keep his mounting desperation out of his texts.
But the time difference was staggering. By the time Luka was awake, half the time, Reno was engaged in some event for the tour or for a brand, or the other half he’d be trying to catch up on sleep before, once again, reporting for call time.
And after, once Luka was off work and free to talk, Reno would be just getting off stage.
All the questions, the conversations, the big life things he wanted to figure out with Luka, were on pause until the tour ended. And, when they finally boarded the flight from Istanbul to London, Reno wanted to cry. He’d been so patient. He’d been so good. He was almost home.
At the airport, he said goodbye to everyone in Hearts n Hell, trying not to mind Christoph’s exaggerated devastation at their impending separation.
But, he was completely distracted from anything Christoph had to say when he watched Sebastian sneak a kiss to Angel’s cheek when he thought no one was looking, telling them he would see them in a week.
Angel had turned so pink, Reno knew he hadn’t imagined it.
He was going to tease Sebastian so much once he’d gotten a full night of sleep.
He texted Luka as soon as they landed in London, knowing he would still be at work for a few more hours.
Luka
Just got to London. I'll be asleep by the time you get off but I' setting an alarm for 10pm your time. Please, please, let me hear your voice. I'll finally be alone.
It wasn’t like Reno and Luka hadn’t talked over the last month.
They had called each other when they could, but Reno had to carefully ration what little privacy he could steal on tour.
First, he practiced his violin, then he called his mother.
He’d call Luka afterwards and only catch him about half of the time.
Luka kept a busy social life, it seemed.
Reno admired it, enjoying that Luka was loved by the people around him, and that he had a world outside of his job and their conversations.
They’d started to really get to know each other.
One of the beautiful things about long distance, Reno supposed, was that it forced them to connect through talking and texting.
So, even though they hadn’t spent much time talking and texting, Reno felt like they had already done a speed run of the ‘getting-to-know-each-other’ phase.
He’d been filled in on so many of Luka’s desires, his interests and hobbies, his friends, and his life in general.
Yet, over the last week of the tour, the texts had grown further and further apart, and more often than not, Luka was busy whenever Reno was able to call.
It was fine. It really was. Reno understood being busy; he understood it so well that he could say he understood it better than anyone else. But it didn’t help the sinking feeling in his gut when he scrolled up into his and Luka’s chat and saw the texts growing shorter, more sparse.
Luka
I will answer when you call. Welcome home.
Thank you thank you thank you. Never thought I would be so happy to hear English.
I can imagine
Lunch break is over, ttyl
okay <3
Reno clicked his phone off and watched as bags circled on the carousel, waiting for his to come out.
They finally slid onto the conveyor belt and Reno rushed to grab them, checking the tags to make sure they were actually his.
He said a short goodbye to everyone else and once he was outside, he found Sage’s blue car.
She got out to help him put the bags in, then gave him a long hug.
“You’ve lost weight,” she said as a way of greeting.
“You didn’t.” He squeezed her tighter, hoping she never did. She was so soft, welcoming. She was like home, too.
“Release me, demon.” She peeled Reno away from her. “Get in, let’s get you some fast food and tuck you into bed.”
“You are an angel.” Reno wanted to hug her again but resisted, getting into the passenger seat instead. “I want a milkshake.”
“Whatever you want,” Sage said, pulling away from the airport. She took him to get food, and didn’t comment when Reno ate his weight in burgers and chips, with a large chocolate milkshake to top it off. He was dozing off by the time they pulled up to his place and Sage had to nudge him.
Reno gathered his trash, his bags, and everything else, and took his house key from Sage.
She helped him bring things up before hugging him goodbye, promising to come over in the morning before work.
Reno thanked her several times, closed the door after her and immediately pulled off all of his clothes, dumping them into the basket in the bathroom.
He took the world’s longest shower, curled up in bed, set his alarm for four am, then fell asleep faster than he thought possible.
“Hello?”
“Oh, thank fuck.” Reno sighed into the phone, his voice hoarse from sleep. “I’m glad I caught you.”
“You did say you’d call,” Luka huffed over the line. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Reno pushed himself up to sit, scrubbing his face with his hand to try to wake up the rest of the way.
Luka was silent for a moment so Reno got out of bed in search of water. He was filling his glass from the purifier pitcher when Luka said, “I’ve been distant.”
“That’s true,” Reno agreed, leaning against the kitchen counter. “Wanna tell me why?”
“If you don’t mind jumping right into this crap. I didn’t even ask how it feels to be home, or how tour was, or if you’re healthy.”
“We can do that later.” Reno slowly spun the cup on the counter, watching the condensation pool at its base. The humidity promised rain and he wondered what the weather was like where Luka was. “My life is good. Home is good. I’d rather know what’s bothering you.”
He heard blankets rustle over the line and imagined Luka turning in bed. He wished he knew what Luka’s room looked like, what color his sheets were. Luka took his time answering, and the wait made Reno’s heart creep into his throat.
Luka sighed, barely audible over the phone, then said, “I miss you a shocking amount.”
“And I, you.” The admission was simple for him.
“You…" Luka paused for a moment. “Don’t know what you did to me, do you?”
Reno’s heart plummeted. “If I hurt you in any way, I promise it wasn’t intentional.”
“I don’t think that it was,” Luka said before Reno could apologize properly. “It’s more so, how do I say it?” Luka cleared his throat and Reno could imagine the face he was making. His eyes downcast, his brows furrowed. “Giving me what you did then immediately leaving after kind of fucked me up.”
“Oh.” Reno tapped a fingernail against his glass, feeling off-kilter. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“I know,” Luka interrupted. “I know you didn’t mean for it to like, negatively affect me. You’ve made it very clear to me that you don’t have bad intentions. I’d like to think I’m decently good at judging people, but I’ve been wrong so many times… so I get in my head about things.”
Reno felt himself nod then remembered to speak out loud. “I see. What could I do differently?”
Luka took his time thinking and Reno started to hate the phone, the distance, the fact that he couldn’t reach out to Luka to comfort him.
“I don’t think you can,” Luka replied. “You’re not actually doing anything wrong. It’s just how things are. I don’t know if I can survive this if I can only see you for a single day here and there then lose you again for weeks at a time. I’m not someone built for long distance.”
Reno chewed his lower lip, thinking hard about his next words. “Hypothetically speaking, what if we were around each other more?”
Luka scoffed. “That’s not reality.”
“Play along, please?”