Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Joy.
Reno’s heart was choking him.
He ignored Jasmine as she greeted him. There were thousands of people in London named Joy.
There had to be a large percentage of them that happened to be lesbians who hung out at the gay clubs.
There had to be a Joy other than Joy who was in Luka’s phone, telling him to get better soon.
There had to be. There had to be. There had to be.
“Seb.” Reno closed the door behind him, and a small, broken part of him that refused to heal was grateful that it was Sebastian, of all people, who was in the studio. “Help me.”
“Oh, shit.” Sebastian put his bass down and rushed to Reno. His hands hovered over Reno’s arms before Reno squeezed Sebastian around the middle and hid his face in his chest. “I’m here," Sebastian said, wrapping his arms around Reno.
Behind them, Reno heard the door open and close, then felt Sebastian shake his head. Reno didn’t bother to see who it was; he loved and trusted anyone who would come through that door without knocking first.
“I can’t do this again.” He murmured, feeling himself shaking, and Sebastian put his chin on his head. Reno never forgot being in the courtroom, passing by the small but hungry crowd, and witnessing a stranger lean over and whisper to their friend—
'Can you believe he did that? …Disgusting.’
‘How disappointing.’
It had felt like there were hundreds of angry eyes on him before he even had a chance to defend himself, and he never forgot the voices that stuck to him like hungry leeches, lingering for years, believing he was everything Joy said he was.
He’d still wake from dreams occasionally, ones where she was following him again, where she was still spilling her lies and his fears to a vapid audience online.
In these nightmares, the masses hunted him for their own sick entertainment.
“I can’t let her do this.” Reno gasped.
“What’s going on?” Jaewon put his hand in Reno’s hair and gently turned his head to face him. If there was anyone in his life who didn’t let him hide, it was Jaewon. His dark eyes searched Reno’s face for answers, and it was clear he didn’t like what he found. “Do we need to call security?”
“No.”
“I haven’t seen you afraid in a very long time,” Jaewon said, his hand cradling Reno’s skull. “And, never without good reason.”
Sebastian squeezed him tighter. “If she broke the restraining order, I’ll personally make sure she stays in jail this time.”
Reno shook his head. “Technically, no.” He swallowed, trying to figure it out well enough to explain. “I don’t even know it’s her.”
“Is someone following you?”
“No.” Reno realized he had to admit to something uncomfortable and really wished Jaewon would let him go so he could go back to burying his face against Sebastian. “I looked through Luka’s phone.”
“Reno.”
“Not like that.” Reno squeezed his eyes shut. “I swear, I didn’t snoop. You know I’m not like that.”
“Explain," Jaewon ordered, and Reno latched onto it.
“He is very sick and will miss his flight today. He ask me to text his roommate explaining this and I saw Joy.”
“Like a photo of her?” Sebastian asked.
“No, a text chain. I didn’t open it.” Reno peeked an eye open and found Jaewon’s expression sympathetic. “I think I acted normal to Luka. I didn’t bring it up. I don’t want to scare him since it probably isn’t her.”
Sebastian carefully unwrapped himself from Reno and then led him to sit on the couch. Jaewon sat on the ground in front of him, and as Sebastian rested next to him, close enough for their thighs to touch, Reno was so grateful for the contact that it hurt.
“If it is her, you have a right to be afraid,” Sebastian said, and Reno’s heart went back to trying to choke him.
The door opened and Reno watched Arnaud walk in, drop his backpack on the ground, then widen his eyes at the picture the rest of his band was making.
“What is it?”
“I think Reno forgot to tell Luka his ex's name.”
Arnaud looked confused, and Reno realized with a sinking dread that Sebastian might be correct. He’d made such a habit over the years of never saying her name, or letting it be spoken in his presence, that it was likely Luka had no idea.
“Oh no.” Reno felt like someone had thrown cold water down his spine. “Oh no. I—”
“You aren’t required to tell your new partner your ex's name,” Arnaud said and sat on the ground next to Jaewon. “What’s the big deal?”
“There’s someone named Joy in Luka’s phone,” Jaewon explained, and Reno watched the confusion on Arnaud’s face turn to horror.
“That’s not good.”
“No, it’s not,” Sebastian agreed.
Jaewon raised his hand. “We don’t know it’s her. There are a lot of people named Joy in England.”
“What do we know about these friends Luka made?”
Reno swallowed, trying to remember through the simmering panic in his chest. “Rosé is one of them. Luka talked to me about her—she seemed nice. I don’t know the other girls’ names.”
Arnaud had his phone out. “What does she look like?”
“Tall, very pretty.” Reno put his head in his hands. “I don’t know anything else.”
“What about where they went?” Arnaud asked, his fingers flying over his phone.
“Oasis, Hannover, Eagle.”
“Suspicious he’s been getting into those places unless he’s saddled up with elites," Sebastian said. “I don’t like the feeling of that.”
“I’m on it," Arnaud said. “Give me Luka’s number.”
“Please don’t do anything crazy," Reno pleaded, watching Arnaud's determined face as he held his phone out. “I’m begging.”
“I will be perfectly sane about this. I swear.”
Reno didn’t believe him but took the phone anyway to give over Luka’s number. Luka would have to forgive him later for giving it to Arnaud without permission.
Arnaud took his phone back and finished Luka’s contact entry before saying, “I just think I should go with Luka to see who he’s hanging out with. Hey, wait—this means he’s stayed, doesn't it?”
Reno half smiled.“Sort of. He’s very sick and will miss the flight. He said he would figure out what to do later.”
“He is staying!” Arnaud celebrated, louder than Reno liked at the moment. “Even more reason to take the darling out clubbing. You’re sitting out of this one, mon ange1.”
“I think if I saw her again, I would burst into tears.”
Arnaud stopped celebrating. “I won’t let her come near you. Jamais plus2.”
“Okay.” Reno rubbed at his face, silently proud of himself for not being a mess of tears right then too.
“It won’t be like before.” Arnaud grabbed Reno’s ankle, sliding his fingers under pant fabric, and his hand was warm and grounding against Reno’s skin.
“You have protections in place, you have us—even more than you did before—I don’t think the label will let your reputation take a hit like that again.
You already proved to them that you were worth the risk; they took a chance on you and were rewarded for it.
You have powerful friends and a powerful company behind you.
Also, I think if my mom heard a peep from Joy’s direction again, she’d be on a flight here so fast it would be silly. ”
“She can be scary.”
“Where do you think I get it from—my dad?” Arnaud smiled; his father was one of the most cheerful, laid-back people they knew. “You’re not nineteen anymore.”
“Luka called me old this morning.”
“Pft." Jaewon put his hand over his mouth, holding back a laugh. “What, did your back give out or something?”
“Knees, actually.” Reno groaned. “I fell asleep half on the couch and half on the floor and it took a long time to get my legs working.”
“Gatito3, falling asleep in such strange ways.” Sebastian wrapped an arm around Reno’s shoulders and pulled him in close. Reno let him, resting his head against his shoulder. “Let Arnaud work his magic.”
“I’m still worried. I might have protections in place from you, from work, from the law, but that doesn’t fully extend to Luka.
” Reno tucked his feet up under him, curling into a ball.
“It’s already bad enough my fans have gotten some pics of us that Sage had to take care of.
Now, there was our run-in at the restaurant. ”
Reno thought about the way Luka looked in the alley, how afraid and angry he’d been, even if he’d tried to hide it. Reno tugged on the ends of his hair, hating how his chest hurt more by the second.
He continued, his voice barely above a whisper, “Luka’s getting freaked out; he’s trying to act normal, but I can feel it is different now. We are still okay, but I don’t know how much longer he will be okay.”
Arnaud’s fingers squeezed around Reno’s ankle tightly before letting go. He promised, “I’ll give him Amelia’s number when I see him. Make him text her. She can help him more than any of us can. In the meantime, just focus on helping him recover and try to channel some of this into a song.”
“You’ll have to give me a bit to get up to that,” Reno confessed, feeling miserable and still fighting nausea. “I don’t do angry as good as you all.”
“We can just jam for a bit. Get you in the mood. I got ideas.”
Reno eyed his guitar on the stand across the room and reached his hand out for it. Sebastian was quick to detach himself from Reno to fetch it, and while the weight of it in his hands and on his lap didn’t fix what was happening to Reno, a small part of him clicked back together.
He clipped the tuner to his guitar and finally uncurled himself to follow his friends into the practice room.
His body ached from sleeping on the floor and from holding so much tension throughout the morning.
But when Jaewon immediately slammed into a grueling, fast-paced rhythm, Reno closed his eyes, listened to Arnaud scream like his heart would rip from his chest, and shredded his own soul alongside him like he was always meant to do.